Chapter 7
That kiss. Really, she’d put it from her mind as much as she could, and Gracie had kept her busy as she always did while Ava fed her dinner, played with her, got her bathed and then into bed.
But now that she was curled up on the end of the couch a book in her hands, she realized she wasn’t thinking about the epic romantasy she was reading, but instead about Chay.
God, that man was messing with her mind.
She had a plan for her life. It was straightforward and easy to follow.
All she had to do was stick to it. After Greg had died, her life had shifted.
The one she’d envisioned for herself was gone and she’d had to adjust. After Daniel Wayne had been arrested, she’d realized that she’d been stifling her own desires, living in a sort of stasis filled with fear.
Fear of Daniel but also fear of trying things.
Fear of actually putting her heart at risk again. She’d started volunteering.
Her aunt Kate had been the one to suggest fostering. And after her aunt’s death, when the numbness of grief had subsided, she’d applied. It hadn’t been a hard decision. Aunt Kate had said during one of their many talks that the only regrets she had were the love she’d kept.
It hadn’t made much sense at the time; Ava had almost thought it was the medicine talking, but now she understood it.
Every day Ava made the choice on who to engage with and who to actually show she cared for.
A part of her had thought that being kind to strangers had been what had drawn Daniel to her, so she’d stifled that part of herself until she’d slowly been strangling.
The little boys she’d first fostered had been a baby step back into the world she’d once taken for granted. And she’d been rewarded in ways she’d never expected from that. Gracie was easy to love. So sweet and innocent.
But Chay was more complicated. Liking him had her nerves buzzing and her head filled with…images of what she’d like to do the next time they were alone. But he wasn’t a baby who hadn’t had time to build up a tough outer shell.
He was a complicated man who had his own baggage. Her pointing it out probably hadn’t been the smartest choice, but she was back to the fact that she really liked him. So she’d had no options.
Letting herself like him wasn’t something she could control. She liked the way he smiled, the way he just got things done and his determination not to let the crimes committed against Fern go unpunished.
Her heart melted every time he held Gracie. No matter what Chay thought, he had the makings of a man who could be a really good dad. But his mind and his past told him otherwise.
A part of her wanted to come at Chay like a therapist. Break down what he had told her and shown her and figure out how to help him to change his behavior. But the feminine part of her wanted Chay just for herself. Wanted to uncover the man he was as they got to know each other.
He’d asked her on a date.
She’d hedged. Hadn’t answered because his grandmother had arrived.
Grabbing her phone, she opened the message app and stared down at his name. Was she going to do this?
Or was she going to continue staying safe in her cozy little home, not taking any risks with her emotions and protecting her battered heart?
The answer wasn’t simple.
As she’d told her clients more than once, it wasn’t easy to risk getting hurt again. The mind made her cautious to protect her from experiencing that kind of loss again. Except…Chay made her want to take a chance.
Before she could second-guess it, she tapped his name and started typing.
Ava: Hey. It’s me. Ava. I think you were asking me out on a date earlier. Where did we leave that?
She hit send and then put the phone facedown next to her on the couch. She wanted to check it to see if he was responding. Though it was after eleven, so he might be sleeping. She went to the kitchen to keep from obsessively watching her screen to make a cup of tea.
The kettle was on the burner when her phone pinged. She raced back over to the couch and picked it up.
“Be cool,” she warned herself but she totally wasn’t as she saw Chay had responded.
Chay: I’m not sure. You were hesitating.
Ugh. He was so right to call her on her own shit. I’m not now.
Chay: So I’m guessing it’s a package deal with you and Gracie, right?
It is. She couldn’t leave Gracie with anyone. Maybe she could get permission but as Marg had stated the courts were being careful while Annie Ross’s murder was being investigated.
Chay: Dinner at your place? I’ll cook. You two provide the entertainment.
Dinner at her place. She glanced around, realizing she needed to get a new tablecloth and maybe some nicer dinnerware. She tended to use the same plate for everything. She never hosted anyone at her place.
Ava: Friday works. Any food allergies?
Two nights away. Bubbles of excitement filled her stomach.
Chay: None.
Ava: Games, movies or karaoke?
He used the double exclamation marks on her comment.
Chay: Not a singer.
Ava: Really? With that deep voice I bet you sound pretty good.
Chay: You like my voice?
Ava: Yeah. So game or movie?
Chay: You choose.
Hmm…she had few days to decide. The kettle whistled, and she walked back over to it with her phone.
Ava: Gotta go. Good night. See you Friday.
Chay: Night.
Her heart was racing as she poured the water over a bag of Sleepy Time tea. It was silly to be so smiley and happy after texting with a guy. But this was Chay and he was funny. She couldn’t wait to see him on Friday.
Pulling together an investigation was a lot of grunt work.
Sitting at his desk, reading reports and making calls.
Trying to piece together if there was a connection between Annie Ross and Fern Hensley wasn’t that easy.
There was a part of him that worried he and Jacob were making one just to explain what had happened.
He’d worked a lot of cases. And no matter how many he’d closed, he still always wanted to understand the why.
The missing women on his list had one thing in common. But other than all having been through the foster care system, that was it. Their paths hadn’t really crossed in or out of foster care.
Some were known to the police before they’d gone missing and had dabbled in drugs and sex work. Others were just regular women with stories similar to Fern’s—just doing their thing trying to get by.
His alarm went off, reminding him he had to get to the grocery store before they closed. The date with Ava wasn’t until tomorrow night, but he had in mind to make a stew that tasted better the second day. He needed to get it started tonight so that tomorrow night it would be perfect.
Which reminded him. He called his grandmother.
“How’s it going?” she asked when she answered.
“Busy. Long day trying to figure out these missing women,” he told her.
“You’ll figure it out. You always do. What’s up?”
“I have a date with Ava tomorrow night and I’m bringing my stew over. How do you feel about making some bread dough for me that I could bake at her place?”
“I can do that. I’ll even make a winter berry cake for you as well. She loved those muffins I made,” Grandmother said.
“Thanks,” he said. He hoped she knew how grateful he was to have her. “Did you have any doubts about keeping me? When Mom left?”
“None. Even though I didn’t know anything about raising a boy and your grandfather had died not long after your mom left,” she said. His grandfather was already dead when Chay was brought to live with his grandmother.
“So you were settled into living your single woman life, huh?” She’d still been young when he’d been dropped on her door. She’d raised her daughter, and having him might not have been what she’d wanted.
“Oh you. Not really. I have Fiona and my weaving. But I was content. I don’t have a problem with silence.”
Something he was aware of. He’d had a problem with it when he’d first moved in with her, but she’d taught him how to use the silence to find peace and balance in himself. Not that he’d been an easy or eager student. “I’m not sure I could do what you did.”
It was odd, because he’d told Ava he wasn’t considering adopting Gracie, but these questions had been in the back of his mind. The thought that maybe he could do it, but his fear that he wasn’t going to be good enough to raise a little girl.
“It’s not about ability. You have the skills. It’s about…the life you want for yourself. When I saw you with your mom, something shifted inside of me. I hadn’t been aware that I had a grandson until that moment. I knew I wanted to know you and have a relationship with you.”
His rubbed the back of his neck. They never really talked about this. “I hadn’t realized.”
“Why would you? You were a kid and you had a lot going on. For me, the moment I crouched down in front of you, I was hooked. I knew I would do whatever it took to keep you in my life.”
His heart flooded with love for this woman. She’d given him a life. As a child he’d been scared of being left by his mom, but his grandmother had raised him and given him strength.
“I love you.”
“I love you, too,” she said, letting the silence buzz on the open line. “You didn’t ask but I think you’d be a good father. And I’d love to have some great-grandchildren.”
He knew she did. Their family was small—just the two of them, with a few distant cousins who lived down in Arizona. But mostly it was just them. “I know you do. Might not happen.”
“No pressure. You have to make the life that is your own. Not one that’s for me,” she said. “Make sure that they are your choices and not a reaction to your mother’s.”
“Yes, ma’am,” he said.
They said their goodbyes and he looked at his desk. Did she think he was still reacting to the way his mom had left him? It was true that given his upbringing, his mom’s struggles and never knowing his father, it did make him think twice about having a family of his own.