Chapter 16
Chay followed her and Gracie out to the Navajo Nation and his house. She took her time driving; trying not to let the events of the last few days weigh on her was somehow easier because of him.
She hadn’t lived with a guy, even temporarily, ever. She and Greg had had roommates when they’d been engaged and had spent the night at each other’s apartments, but it had never just been the two of them. The way it was going to be with her and Chay.
Gracie had nodded off about halfway there, so she was alone with her thoughts. Last night she’d gone down the Daniel Wayne spiral immediately when she’d seen her home had been broken into. Understandable, given that he’d stalked her a lifetime ago.
It felt like she’d been a different woman when that happened.
She’d also always thought nothing bad could happen to her in Dark Canyon.
Her family was there. It was the one place where she knew most of the townspeople by name or sight.
They didn’t get a lot of tourists in the winter…
which meant that someone would have noticed an outsider if they’d lingered in town with like either Fern or Annie.
Hitting the button for Chay’s phone, she waited for him to answer.
“What’s up?”
“I was just thinking that whoever brought Fern and Annie to town had to be familiar, you know? We don’t get a lot of strangers this time of year,” Ava said.
“Good thinking. I was already on that line of thinking. They didn’t just stumble on that abandoned shack. Someone knew it was there,” Chay said. “Narrowing down who it was hasn’t been that easy, though.”
“The cabin was so remote and on state land, right, not private?” she asked.
“As far as we can tell. But there are old hunting cabins and other ramshackle buildings that haven’t been kept track of.”
“I wonder when Fern was brought to the area. Was it in the dead of night?” Ava asked.
“Did you ask her?”
“She had a hood on and was drugged,” Ava reminded him.
“But new details are emerging as she talks to you. The tattoo is interesting. Not sure if it’s related, but we are going to look into it.”
“No problem. As much as Fern doesn’t want to relive everything, she wants those men who took her caught. I’m furious that it happened to her as well. That’s not right.”
“Nothing about what happened to her is,” Chay said.
“Is that why you got into law enforcement?”
“No. Bad Boys.”
“The movie franchise?” she asked.
“Yeah. I liked the idea of taking down criminals and being the good guy.”
She could see that. They hung up, and a few minutes later she pulled into Chay’s driveway. She was still smiling, thinking about him watching the Martin Lawrence and Will Smith movies.
Chay carried Ava’s and Gracie’s bags while she got the baby into the house. It didn’t take them too long to get Gracie settled on her blanket playing while Chay went to the kitchen to make dinner.
“I’ll help. I don’t want to be a burden,” Ava said.
“You’re not a burden. I’m glad you’re here. I made Crock-Pot chicken tortilla soup. So there’s not much to do. We can eat on the couch so Gracie can keep playing.”
“Perfect.”
They made their bowls and soon were sitting close to each other watching Gracie play.
It was really hard for her not to weave that fantasy she’d had for the last few days around them.
Gracie mumbling, crawling, rolling over and playing with her feet while they sat next to each other talking about their days and eating dinner.
Her own parents loved each other deeply but were like oil and water. Dinner in their home growing up had been noisy and boisterous. Until this moment Anna hadn’t realized how much she needed this peaceful kind of dinner.
“Aponi stopped by to see me today.”
“Uh-oh,” Chay said.
Ava smiled, as she guessed he’d wanted her to, based on his tone. “She’s going to be donating a rug to the silent auction my mom is organizing. I think Sassy wants her to be part of an exhibit there.”
“Good. I think her work deserves more attention.”
“She’s still thinking about it,” Ava said. Wondering if she should bring up the personal stuff, too. But then she tried to figure out what she wanted from him if she did. Did she want Chay to say that he thought she was fine? Or that she needed to do some work? Definitely not the latter.
“That sounds like her. She is very private about the artist side of her personality. She likes that everyone loves her rugs and their quality but doesn’t feel like it’s about her…it’s about the weaving and the practice, which has been around since the dawn of our people.”
“That’s fascinating,” she said. “I’d love to know more about it.”
“I’m sure she’ll tell you if you ask her. I know some of it, but sometimes I zone out when she’s talking about it.”
“Chay! Shame on you.”
“Tell me you always listen to everything your parents say.”
“Okay, point taken. I do zone out sometimes…I’ll ask her,” Ava said.
They ate more of their soup, and when they were finished Ava was back to feeling awkward again. They’d slept together, but he hadn’t asked her to stay with him because they were dating. He’d invited her because he wanted her to be safe, and possibly he’d felt guilty.
“So…what should we do now?” he asked.
“I think we have to watch Bad Boys so I can try to understand how they motivated you to become a cop.”
“I never should have mentioned that.”
“No, you shouldn’t have, but you did. Also, do you have popcorn? I can’t watch a movie without it.”
“I have a box of the microwave stuff in the cupboard.”
He went to fix the popcorn while she bathed Gracie and got her into her pj’s. She gave her a bottle, holding her in her arms as the baby fell asleep. Chay joined her, holding the popcorn on his lap, his other arm around her.
Trying to be normal when he felt anything but was a struggle.
Of course, having Ava and Gracie in his home was at once the best thing in the world and not.
He felt like he was on some sort of repeat loop where his mind warred with his emotions.
He wanted them both in his life, had spoken that to the universe, but he also was afraid that whatever was flawed or broken in him would show up.
Ava would see it and leave and take Gracie with her. To be honest, in his mind the two of them were a package deal, which he knew had no basis in rational thought, but who ever said feelings were based in reason?
“What are you thinking about?” she asked him.
“Nothing.”
“Oh, you’ve definitely got something on your mind. Your face is so serious right now.”
“I was thinking that rational thinking and relationships don’t really go hand in hand,” he admitted.
Gracie was solidly out like a light. Chay reached for her after putting the popcorn on the floor next to the couch. Ava handed her over. “Let me put her to bed first.”
This conversation was the one they should have had yesterday instead of him dodging her.
He wanted to talk this out. Most of his fears were alleviated when he took the time to get them out of his head.
There was no way to every fix that abandoned part of him that felt if he’d been better at something, his mom would have stayed.
Because it wasn’t rational.
But Ava was different. The situation with Gracie was more charged and complex than he wished it was. He had to sort this out so he could figure out if they were going to become more than what they were right now.
A couple who both cared for a baby who was only in their care temporarily. Or…were there seeds of something more?
He put Gracie in her bed, dropped a kiss on her forehead and then tucked her in. The snow clouds he’d seen earlier had delivered, and steady flakes were falling around his cozy home.
When he got back to the living room, Ava had moved to stand by the glass door, looking out at the snow.
“It’s so pretty,” she said.
The non sequitur was her way of letting him off the hook if he didn’t want to talk. He was beginning to read her and understand her. It was hard to separate Ava from the therapist she was. Her techniques that probably helped her patients also were employed in her daily life.
He got that. He could use a therapist. Maybe he should start his sessions up with Ms. Doogan again. But he hated to admit that he hadn’t been fully healed. Would have to acknowledge that the last few years he’d been drifting in a haze. Not really living but more existing.
“It is,” he said, coming up behind her and putting his arms around her.
She put her hands on his forearm, holding him lightly.
“You don’t have to talk to me,” she said softly.
“I want to,” he admitted. There was a faint reflection of the two of them in the glass door. “I just… Let me spit it all out. I’m not looking for you to fix me.”
“Good, because you are not broken.”
“We are all broken,” he said. “Even you.”
He felt her finger stroking his arm. “You’re so right. It’s just easy to believe that I’ve patched over those pieces that don’t quite line up.”
“Same, which I was doing a damned good job of until you, Ms. Colton.”
“Moi?”
“Yup.” Oh, this was harder than he’d thought it would be.
“A part of me just wants to let go of the caution and see where this leads, but the bigger part of me isn’t sure.
I think my parents might have been like that.
And when my dad died, my mom was rudderless.
It’s like without her partner, she was lost.”
She tried to turn in his arms, but he held her still. Not yet. He didn’t want to see her face when he finished what he had yet to say.
“I promised myself I wouldn’t hurt anyone the way she was hurt or the way she injured me. It was an easy promise to keep, because most people are put off by my gruff manner.”