Chapter 32
Abby blinked hard, shaking her head and frowning. “Dead? I didn’t want him killed. I never wanted…” Then she squeezed her eyes shut and exhaled as if releasing a long-held breath from her very core. “He’s really gone? He can’t bother me anymore?”
“I know this stirs up a whole bunch of mixed feelings,” Jules said, pulling Abby’s head down to her shoulder and resting her own cheek on Abby’s head. “I’ve been going through the same weird roller coaster since Cal told me.”
Abby suddenly bolted upright, her face pale. “Wait a minute.” Her attention shot to Cal. “She said you’re the sheriff here? In Stark County?”
Cal gave a slow nod. “I am.”
Abby scowled at Jules. “Was Chase the project you were working on with him?”
Jules opened and closed her mouth as if unsure what to say. Her silence was answer enough for Abby.
“So Chase was here? In Red Grove? And you knew it? For how long? Why didn’t you tell me?” Abby’s breathing grew fast and shallow, and Jules took both of her hands and gave them a little shake.
“Abby, honey, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. But the important thing is he can’t hurt you anymore. Haven’t I always promised to take care of you, to protect you?”
“But he was here! He could have—”
“No,” Jules interrupted, clearly trying to calm her sister with her tone and soothing touches to her cheek.
“Not while you were safe here at the clinic. I’ve kept tabs on him and worked with Cal to see him taken off the streets.
I would never have let him hurt you. I promised you that long ago, and I meant it. ”
Clearly Jules still wasn’t going to mention Chase had made it as far as the clinic. Probably for the best.
Abby’s breathing remained ragged, her gaze darting from him to Jules to the window, as if searching for something.
What’s more, Cal read on Jules’s face an understanding that, despite the news of Hamilton’s death, her sister still had anxiety issues that needed to be addressed before she would leave the hospital.
He sensed her disappointment that eliminating Hamilton’s threat hadn’t been a miracle cure.
For all Jules’s gentle care and comfort to Abby, Jules would need her own TLC today when they left the mental health clinic.
They stayed for another hour, and Jules finally calmed Abby enough to change the subject to her adoption of Joy and the kitten’s transformation from a flea-bitten terror to a soft, purring snuggle buddy.
“You should see the way that little cat rules my Lab, Pilot,” Cal added with a chuckle. “He’s like her grampa or something, and he’s wrapped around that kitten’s finger…or claw. Whatever.”
“I can’t wait for you to meet her,” Jules said. “And Pilot.”
Abby furrowed her brow. “Meet her? But…”
“When you come home,” Jules said. “Now that Chase isn’t a threat, you can start working toward the day you’ll come live with me in Winnipeg. Maybe start school again. Get a job. Get your life back.”
Tears formed in Abby’s eyes. “I can do that?”
Jules nodded and smiled through her own tears. “You can, Abby. You can.” Her tone was rich with affirmation and encouragement.
Abby laughed and choked on a sob. “I can!”
As they left the mental health hospital, Cal caught Jules by the arm and tugged her to him. “C’mere.”
She tensed at first, but when he folded her in his arms and pressed her close, she melted against him.
“I like your sister,” he whispered, nuzzling her hair. “I see a core of strength in her, a lot like yours. Despite everything, I believe she’s going to be all right. She just needs a little time.”
He felt her sag. “Time.” Jules turned her head to bury her face in his chest. “I was so stupid. Why did I think that simply catching Chase and locking him up would be some magic elixir to cure all her anxiety? And now…knowing Chase died is disturbing in itself.” She groaned.
“Her breakdown didn’t happen overnight. It was a thousand little things that wore her down, so of course she’ll need more time to regain a firm footing. ”
He squeezed her tighter and kissed the top of her head. “You love your sister. It’s natural you were hoping for the best outcome today. You’ve been trying to heal her in the only way you knew how. The way that seemed most logical.”
“But I should have known her anxiety wasn’t all about being stalked. I mean our parents hardly gave her a solid foundation in life. Their drinking and frequent disappearing acts were hardly ideal for Abby’s sense of security.”
And then it clicked. Had he really thought Jules could put a lifetime of broken trust and instability behind her and give him her heart so easily? She might be able to smile now, with her external stressor gone, but what about the years of damage inflicted by others?
He stroked a hand down her back and asked gently, “And what about you? It couldn’t have been a walk in the park for you, either.”
She stilled for a moment, then pulled out of his embrace and started toward the parking lot. “Doesn’t matter.”
He fell in step behind her. “What? Of course it matters!” When she kept walking, he snagged her arm again. He had to make Jules see that he wasn’t like all the people in her past who’d hurt her, let her down, betrayed her trust. Their future together depended on it.
“Jules, it matters, and you matter.” He took a breath then added, “To me. You matter to me.”
She blinked then glanced away, biting her bottom lip.
“Your parents weren’t there for you, either, were they?”
“I managed. I figured out pretty quick I was the only real parent, the only stability Abby was going to have, and I was willing to do what it took to take care of her.”
“And who gave you stability? Who did you rely on when your parents didn’t?”
She said nothing for several seconds, then cleared her throat. “I relied on myself.”
He nodded. So much of her distrust and sour view of people sharpening into focus.
“While raising Abby and earning an advanced degree in chemistry?” he asked, more as a statement of awe than a query.
She slanted him a look. “Didn’t finish my degree, remember? I moved here. Besides, by the time I reached college, Abby was older and didn’t need as much of my time. Then she went to college—”
Her brow knitted as her sentence fell away.
“And ended up with a stalker,” he said, finishing for her.
“Yeah.” She shrugged away from his grip and marched to his Wrangler.
When he caught up to her, before unlocking the passenger door, he cupped her cheek. “I know you wish that the news of Hamilton’s death had been the medicine Abby needed to move on, but you’ve done your best for her since—”
Her anger flashed hot and quick, startling Cal with its vehemence.
“No! I failed her!” She jerked away from his touch, and her voice trembled as she ranted, “She depended on me! I was supposed to keep her safe, and I didn’t.
She went to college and was preyed upon by a vile man.
And even once we knew who he was and what he was doing, I still couldn’t protect her. And it broke her!”
Cal shook his head, drilling her with a stern gaze. “No, Jules. Do not take this on yourself.”
“But I failed to protect her, and she wound up in there.” She jabbed a finger toward the hospital entrance. “And even then she wasn’t completely safe. Chase still found her here. Maybe if I’d been with her when she went to college—”
He scoffed. “Really? Do you really think you could have predicted that she’d be targeted by a stalker? And would she, at eighteen, have thanked you for helicopter parenting her and not allowing her to spread her wings and find her independence?”
“But I—”
He took her shoulders in his hands and gave her a gentle shake.
“Stop! You have punished yourself long enough. You can’t swaddle the people you love in bubble wrap and think the world will never hurt them.
Pain and the occasional trouble are going to find all of us eventually.
What matters is having the support of the people you love to help you through it, not save you from it. ”
Jules drew a shuddering breath, her eyes filling with tears. Was he reaching her?
“Chase Hamilton’s actions are not your fault. The failure of the legal system to stop Hamilton is not your fault. Your sister’s breakdown is not. Your. Fault.” More tears shimmered in her eyes when she looked up at him, her breathing fast and shallow. “Not. Your. Fault.”
When her chin quivered, he wrapped her in his arms and pulled her close. With a hand at her nape, he nudged her head to his shoulder. Moisture from her tears soaked his shirt, and her body shook as she released what he could well imagine was years of pent-up emotion.
His heart ached knowing she’d buried her own sense of abandonment and hurt toward her parents for so long.
She’d shoved down her fear for her sister and locked up her heart in order to move through the challenges life had dealt her.
For too long, she’d believed she had to be strong, hold herself in check for both her sister and herself.
Pressing a kiss to the top of her head, he whispered, “You’re not alone in this anymore, Jules. I am here for you. I swear it.”
Jules didn’t say much in the Jeep as Cal drove back to his house. After her embarrassing meltdown in his arms, she didn’t know how to proceed. He’d said all the nice things and made all the pretty promises one would expect. But…
But what? Why was it so hard to believe him, to allow him past her defenses? She didn’t like the idea of being vulnerable to him. Exposed. Her soul naked and fragile.
Although…hadn’t she already let him crack open those doors when she made love to him?
Maybe she should regret having slept with him.
But she couldn’t. Losing herself in his kiss, his touch, his tender ministrations as they’d come together had made her happier than she could ever remember.
More than sex, being with Cal had made her feel seen, appreciated, cherished.
Other than Abby, who’d loved her the way a little sister would, she hadn’t felt cared for or wanted since…well, if she had to think that hard to remember, it had been too long.
But every time she thought of letting down her guard completely, something cold and poisonous filled her, whispered to her of all the pain of her past.
No, she was much better off trusting what was fact based and logical.
Not people. Science. And the logical thing to do, the best way to move on with her life was to finish her PhD research, publish her work and find a position in a lab somewhere that she could make a difference in the world of chemistry…
.which meant the only logical thing to do was return to Winnipeg, where her professors would welcome her back.
Thus…leave Red Grove. Leave the tedious gift shop.
Leave Cal.
Once her thought process had gone full circle with the same result a second time, she shut down the circling maelstrom and tamped down the raw emotion that had cracked embarrassingly open in the hospital parking lot.
She just prayed Abby hadn’t seen from her window the way she’d disintegrated into tears. Abby didn’t need that to grapple with.
Protect Abby, her brain said.
Your parents weren’t there for you either, were they? Cal’s voice answered in her head.
And in her heart, a more insidious voice hissed, Protect yourself.