Chapter 33
CHAPTER 33
A NNIE
Waiting for Janie and my food pickup order to be ready, I’m seated on a bench by the cashier at our favorite Mexican restaurant across from the hospital. It’s an unusually calm day in the ER, so Janie and I are going to share a taco platter for lunch. According to Janie, calories don’t count on a Friday.
I stare down at my phone, willing it to alert me to a text message from Jack. Make up your mind, Annie? Do you want him to reach out or not? Shut up, inner voice. Whose side are you on?
It’s been two weeks since I met with him at the diner. Two weeks since I last saw his face, heard his voice, or even received a text message from him.
God, I miss those damned text messages. Why did I ask him to stop sending them again? Oh, right, because I thought I needed him to do that to let me heal. Instead, my heart hurts more.
Fifteen minutes later, my bestie and I are sitting in my office munching away on our tacos. Janie is uncharacteristically quiet and keeps sneaking peeks at me when she thinks I’m not looking.
“What? Come out with it already,” I say, setting my taco down.
“I didn’t say anything,” she responds, defensively.
“You didn’t have to. Your lack of saying anything is your tell, Janie. Plus, you keep giving me weird looks.”
She hesitates, then says, “Promise you won’t get mad at me first.”
“Seriously, when have I ever gotten mad at you for speaking your mind? Which you almost always do, by the way.”
“Okay, I just… Are you sure about things, Annie?”
“What things are?—”
“Are you sure about you and Jack?” she blurts out. “Because—and I say this with love—you look miserable. I know it’s because you miss him. Are you sure you don’t want to work through this?” she asks, with a sad look on her face.
I’m not sure how to answer her because I know I’m miserable, but I’m also really damned scared.
“I’m not actually sure that I don’t want to try, but I’m even less sure that I can try.” I smile sadly. “I’m afraid we’d never get back to… us. I’m not sure I can try and risk failing.”
“Sweetie, if there’s one thing I know about you, it’s that you don’t fail at anything. And what if… What if you try and you two don’t end up the same, but you end up better? I think you need to really ask yourself which is stronger, the fear you have, or the love.”
Who knew my best friend was such a fount of wisdom?
We finish lunch, and I spend the rest of the afternoon trying to focus on my work, but I’m distracted by my conversation with Janie.
What if she’s right? What if I’m letting my fear of being hurt again prevent me from experiencing love ?
I decide I can’t be effective with this lack of focus and cut out to head home. I get in the house around forty-thirty p.m. and Beanie’s tail is wagging a mile a minute, excited that I’m home a little early. I quickly change into workout clothes and throw on my running shoes before Bean and I head outside to pound some of this stress out on the pavement.
We’re almost back to the house when I notice a significant plume of smoke in the sky that appears to be coming from the downtown area. I send up a silent prayer for whoever is involved.
JACK
Pulling out the pancake mix, butter, and milk at the station, I start to prep tonight’s dinner for the crew. They’ve asked for pancakes, and I can at least do that.
My mind wanders to Annie while I’m measuring the dry ingredients. Just before I pour the milk, our alarm indicating a firecall blares.
I grab the milk and butter and put them back in the fridge then head to the garage. The rest of the crew is already there, putting on their turnout gear. I tell the dispatcher my name and badge number on the radio and I step into my turnout bottoms and boots as I listen to the details of the fire scene.
We’re being dispatched to respond to a three-alarm fire at a small apartment complex downtown. It’s technically in Station One’s territory, but both of their trucks are already out on a house fire, so we and Station Two are being called in to manage it. Fitz jumps in the driver’s seat of the engine, and I take the passenger seat.
I know we’re closer than Station Two, so I’ll most likely be the highest-ranking officer and will be in charge of the scene until they arrive. I turn around to give direction to Finn, Reynolds, Jones, and Garcia in the seats behind us.
“When we get there, Reynolds, you get the hose out and ready. Jones, I want you on the ladder. Garcia, see if you can find out from any bystanders how many people are unaccounted for until another engine company arrives. Then you and I will join in search and rescue. Finn, you and Fitz will go in on search and rescue as well. Finn, you stay glued to Fitz. If he takes a step, you take a step. If he stops, you stop. You do not get separated from him under any circumstances. Everyone got it?”
“Got it, Captain,” they answer in unison.
We roll up to the fire, and we’re the first on the scene. Shit, this looks bad.
I direct Fitz where I want him to pull the truck up and tell Jones where I want the ladder placed. We all jump out and start working like a well-oiled machine.
Two of our paramedics who followed in one of our ambulances make their way over to the crowd of people who are gathered. Several people are coughing, several holding parts of their bodies in a way that makes me worry they have at least some level of burns.
I make sure everyone is clear on their assignments and call dispatch to let them know we’re going to need at least one more engine company, preferably two, and at least three more ambulances.
Everything is happening fast. It’s organized chaos. It’s a three-story older adult apartment building, and it sounds like the fire started in a second-floor unit on the left side of the building.
Reynolds has the hose on the window where most of the fire appears to be coming from. Fitz and Finn are inside and have almost cleared the first floor by the time the engine from Station Two arrives .
I head over to the Battalion Chief who has arrived with the engine company from Station Two, so I can brief her on what we’ve done so far and hand over command. She ranks higher than me.
She directs two of her firefighters to search and clear the second floor. I let her know Garcia and I are available to start on the third floor when she’s ready.
I look up to see Garcia running over to us. “Captain, Chief,” he pants out, “with the couple Finn and Fitz just brought out, everyone is accounted for except a lady named CeCe, who lives in the left end unit on the third floor. She was definitely here today, and her car is still in the lot according to her downstairs neighbor. She was babysitting her four-year-old grandson today. His name is James, and he has asthma.”
At the direction of the Battalion Chief, Garcia and I head in and make our way up to check and clear the left side of the third floor. Chief’s voice comes across the radio to tell us that the fire is looking worse, so she’s sending Fitz and Finn in to clear the right side and make sure everyone is out safely before this escalates further.
The smoke is thick as we move through the first two apartments on each side of the hall to be sure they’re clear. Thank God, they are. We clear the last apartment on the left posterior of the building, finding no one in there, before heading to the final apartment on the left.
When we open the door, the heat is intense, and the amount of smoke is overwhelming. Flames from the second floor have made it up through the ceiling into this unit.
“Fire department. Call out!” I yell. “Fire department. Call out!”
No one calls to us, but soft crying is coming from the back near the hall to the bedroom. We follow the sounds and find an unconscious older woman on the floor and a crying little boy hiding under the bed.
“Grandma! Grammy!” he cries.
I get on the radio and call for Finn and Fitz to come help evacuate the woman. I tell Garcia to drag the woman to the door to meet Finn and Fitz while I try to get the boy out from under the bed.
“Hey, James,” I say calmly. “We’re gonna help your Grammy, okay? But how about you come out here and I’ll take you down to see her?”
James just looks at me and cries harder, continuing to call for his grandmother between coughs. I’m not sure he can understand me with all the noise and my oxygen mask on. Just then, Garcia calls over the radio that Finn and Fitz are with him, and they are preparing to carry the grandmother down the stairs. I tell him I’ll be right behind them.
Deciding I need to make him less frightened, I pull my mask away from my face for a second before speaking again.
“James, buddy, I know you’re scared. But I’m gonna make sure you’re okay, all right? I’m a firefighter and I’m here to help you. Can you reach out your hand to me and I’ll help get you out of there and take you outside?”
He looks at me, then reaches his chubby little arm out and I grab it, pulling him to me. I put my oxygen mask back on and cradle him to me. He’s coughing so much now and wheezing.
I’m really worried about James’s breathing and I make the decision that he needs the oxygen more than I do right now. I pull the mask off my face and hold it over his.
“Just breathe in here, buddy. It’s gonna be all right,” I say, keeping my voice as gentle as possible. He calms some.
I take a while to get us out of the apartment and down the hall to the stairs, having to step over ceiling beams that are caving into the apartment, where the heaviest damage is .
I know from coming up the stairs that it’s a straight shot down these flights of steps to the outside. I’ll have to be careful because the smoke is so thick now that I can’t see more than a few feet in front of me.
It feels like it’s taking forever to get out of the building, but my watch says it’s only been four minutes since I took off my oxygen mask and put it on James.
By the time I’m midway down the second flight, though, I know I’m likely going to be in trouble because my coughing is getting pretty bad. I push through and, two minutes later, we burst out of the front doors.
Everything from there feels like it happens in slow motion.
I see Fitz and Finn running over to us, followed by two sets of medics with stretchers. I hand James over to the first set of medics, those from my station, and feel a sense of relief that he’s getting help.
I try to walk the rest of the way toward the other stretcher but I’m wheezing now, and the coughing is so bad that I can’t hold myself up. I’m lightheaded, probably from inhaling smoke, and my legs go weak just before they give way underneath me.
Fitz is there before I can hit the ground and he and Finn grab me under the arms and lift me onto the second stretcher.
I’m tired. So damned tired. I just need to close my eyes for a minute, but when I do, I see Annie’s beautiful face in my memory and then everything goes black.