Letter 4
Calamity Jane,
Okay, I’m not frightened, BUT I didn’t realize our conversations would start off this way.
The last person to send me a letter was a five-year-old kid who was obsessed with Larry the lizard—his pet.
Still, this is intriguing.
But isn’t planting used panties in coffee grounds a form of assault?
The technicalities have to be a health violation at the very least. I can’t believe I’m going to run a search on this. You’ve polluted my mind and my search engine algorithm in two letters. Impressive.
Note to self: NEVER drink any coffee you make.
You do know I’m in a warzone and not at the beach, right? There’s not much to do aside from defend stuff, definitely nothing I’d classify as ‘nice.’ In fact, it’s pretty much the opposite.
Though, your letter did make me think of home, which actually was nice. I don’t think of it too often, but I know that the snow’ll be falling soon. Been a while since I’ve experienced a full winter.
Whereabouts are you from in Canada? I come from the Great Prairies. Hence the call sign lol. Never really liked Westerns, but you don’t get much of a say in what the assholes ‘round here will call you.
Quick-fire Qs in an attempt to instigate a normal, non-toxic-biohazard conversation with you…
1. Favorite candy?
2. Favorite place?
3. Favorite person?
There. Relatively normal, I hope?
Butch Cassidy