Chapter 29
Along, low whistle makes me turn around. I toss an old cabinet that got torn out of the kitchen yesterday onto the junk pile, then walk toward the front path that was redone two days ago.
“This is the place, huh?”
“This is the place,” I reply.
“It’s nice, man. Really nice.”
“It still needs a lot of work.”
“I mean, duh.” Cormac toes the pile of mulch waiting to be spread in the flower beds.
The debris that littered the lawn is almost gone, the weeds removed and the grass neatly mowed. It’s starting to match the exterior of the house, which was freshly painted.
“You wanna tour?” I ask.
“Sure, yeah. That’d be cool.”
I nod and drop the hammer I was using to pry loose nails out.
“No internship today?” I ask as we approach the front door.
I always leave the trailer before Cormac, so it’s harder to keep up with his schedule.
“Nah. They gave us a couple of extra days off because of the Fourth this weekend.” He glances at me. “You still going to Martha’s Vineyard?”
“Yeah.” I’m not sure if I should, but I am. I promised Reese—and Tuck. “You got any plans for it?”
“Actually, yeah. I have a date.”
I stop walking, blinking at my brother. “A date?”
Cormac’s smile is wry as he tucks his hands into his pockets. “That hard to believe, huh?”
“No. No, not at all. It’s just …”
Just that he’s still a thirteen-year-old kid in my head. Semi-regular visits for seven years weren’t enough for me to fully catch up. To hear about girls and crushes and dances and realize my little brother wasn’t so little anymore.
“That’s awesome, dude,” I finish.
Cormac rocks back on his heels. “I, uh, I’m not sure what to do for it. Where to take her.”
There’s an unspoken question at the end, and I realize he’s asking for my input. For my advice.
I rub the back of my neck, Elle’s angry words running through my head again.
“Man, I’m the last person you should be asking for relationship advice.” Cormac knows enough of the past to get what I mean. “But, uh, food is usually a good idea. She from Boston?”
Cormac shakes his head. “Columbus, Ohio. She’s just here for the summer. For an internship. I met her at a happy hour.”
“Does she like sports?”
“I think so? She played soccer in college.”
“Take her to a Sox game,” I suggest. “Show her around Fenway, then take her out to dinner.”
“Yeah?”
I shrug. “That’s what I would do.”
“Elle would have liked that?”
There’s a tentativeness to Cormac’s voice as he says her name, like he’s reluctant to bring her up. But she’s the only girl he’s seen me with. My one relationship metric.
“Dunno,” I answer.
“Well, where did you take her?” Cormac asks. “Brynn comes from money,” he adds.
“We didn’t really … we hung out at home. Or the garage. Sometimes parties.”
Cormac’s forehead creases. “You never took her out on a date?”
Silently, I add that to the long list of things I should’ve done differently.
“It was high school,” I say defensively.
“Sure.” Cormac snorts, then keeps walking. “This porch new?”
“Partially. We had to extend it, so there was direct access to the screened section on the side.”
“Screened porch is cool. Short season to use it though.”
I smile. Sometimes, I can’t believe Cormac and I have the same mom and shared mostly the same upbringing. We’re different in many ways. But right now, I see it.
That’s the same thing I said when Elle showed me her drawing.
“We appreciate things more when we know they’re temporary,” I say, opening the door that leads from the screened porch into the living room.
The fireplace on one wall is the only thing to look at in this space. The walls have been ripped down to their studs, the floor covered with plastic to protect the hardwood that was already sanded and stained.
“Yeah, it still needs work,” Cormac comments, glancing around.
I chuckle. “Yeah.”
“Will it be done in time for Mom to see it?”
I swallow, hard, amusement immediately evaporating. “Has … has Mom said anything to you about her health?”
My instinct is to protect Cormac. But I can’t shield him from this.
He shakes his head slowly. “No. Since she told me she was sick, she’s avoided talking about it every chance.”
I sigh.
“She won’t discuss it with you?”
I shake my head. “Not without …”
“Without …”
I rub at the back of my neck. “Without making her feelings on other topics known.”
Cormac nods once. “Elle.”
“Right. When I try to have a discussion with her, she turns it around on me.”
“Simple. Fix your shit, then bug Mom about hers.” He keeps walking deeper into the house. “This the dining room?”
I follow him. “Yeah. Chandelier got replaced last week.”
The walls in here have been painted, and the floor is partially exposed. There’s a path of cardboard that connects the living room and the kitchen to protect the finished floors. Afternoon sun filters in through the bay windows that overlook the backyard.
“Nice,” Cormac comments.
He walks toward the stairs, and I trail behind like I’m the one taking this tour.
“It’s not simple shit to fix,” I say when we reach the landing.
Cormac barks out a laugh. “Obviously. Elle won’t even come over when you’re home.”
I grimace, not appreciating the reminder.
It makes me wonder about the timing of this visit. If he showed up here while Elle was at the trailer, visiting with my mom, on purpose.
Cormac turns when he reaches the top of the stairs. I pause a few steps lower. For the first time in my life, my little brother is looking down at me. He might be grown up, but I still have a couple of inches on him.
“You love her, Ry. That’s fairly obvious to anyone who knows you. And she sure hasn’t forgotten about you. You lost seven years. You really want to waste more time?”
I’m frozen. I was expecting a cliché about anything worthwhile being difficult. Not for him to lay it out so … bluntly.
“She’s better off without me.”
I’ve said that in my head so many times; it’s a relief to speak it aloud.
Cormac shakes his head. “Bullshit. But if she decides that, at least you’ll have the closure.”
He continues down the hallway, and I follow.
“How many bedrooms does this place have?”
“Five,” I answer.
Cormac whistles, long and low. “Wow.”
He looks through all five, which are in various stages of completion. Some have been painted; some haven’t. Some still need repairs; some don’t.
“This place is awesome,” he tells me. “Can’t believe you’ve done all this.”
“Hasn’t just been me,” I reply. “There’s usually a big crew of guys here. Tuck pulled them off for another project today.”
“With how much time you’ve spent here, no way you’ve contributed nothing.” Cormac runs a finger along the trim surrounding one of the doorways. We’ve preserved as much of the original house as possible. Everything that wasn’t rotted or warped. “Be nice to live in a place like this one day. I’ve always wondered what it would be like.”
I nod, not sure what else to say.
I’m so focused on making it through the present that I haven’t given any thought to the future. I have no idea what I’ll do or where I’ll go after my mom passes away. There’s a wistful note to Cormac’s voice that makes me think he’s given it more thought.
Downstairs, I hear the front door open and close.
“Ryder?” a familiar voice calls. “You here?”
“That’s Tuck,” I tell Cormac, heading for the stairs.
Tuck grins when we reach downstairs and he sees my brother. “Hey! James Jr. How’s it going, Cormac?”
“Pretty good,” Cormac replies, bumping Tuck’s fist. “House looks good.”
“Can’t take much credit. I’m usually busy with other jobs. Whereas Ryder is always here.” Tucker glances at me and grins. “Man, you have the day off. What the hell are you doing here?”
“He got kicked out of the trailer,” Cormac says unhelpfully. “Elle’s visiting.”
I glare at my brother. Tucker’s been careful not to mention Elle around me since he, Keira, and Keira’s friends overheard our shouting match in the kitchen. He probably regrets insisting I come to the beach house this weekend. No one’s confirmed Elle will be there, but if she is …
She’ll have the letter by then, the one my mom might be handing her right this second.
It was supposed to make everything better. Resolved. But it could also make everything worse.
“What are you doing here?” I ask Tuck, cutting through the uncomfortable pause that’s lingering.
“Tile delivery,” he tells me. “For the master bath. It was today or two weeks from now.” Tuck glances at his watch. “Guy’s supposed to be here at four.”
“Want me to wait for it?” I offer.
“Nah, you don’t need to do that.”
“Tuck, seriously. Get out of here. I know you have tons of other shit to do.”
“You certain?” he asks.
“Positive.”
“All right. Thanks, man. I’ll see you tomorrow? We should leave by ten to catch the eleven-thirty ferry.”
I nod. “I’ll be ready.”
Keira left for Martha’s Vineyard yesterday. Tuck and I are going tomorrow. Then, everyone else is supposed to arrive Saturday.
“Great.” Tuck looks at Cormac. “Should’ve offered this sooner, but you’re welcome to come, too, James Jr., if you don’t mind hanging out with us old folk.”
I roll my eyes.
Cormac doesn’t quite manage to hide his grin as he tucks his hands into his pockets. “Can’t. I’ve got plans. But thanks.”
“He’s got a date,” I say, smiling.
“Oh, yeah? Nice going, Romeo.”
“Where did you take Keira on your first date?” I ask.
I missed most of their early story, busy wrapped up in my own shit or absent entirely.
Tuck smirks. “The pond. I cooked a bunch of stuff and brought it in a picnic basket. Then, we went and got ice cream.”
“She liked that?” Cormac asks dubiously.
“I’m marrying her, aren’t I? Total success story.”
I roll my eyes again.
Tuck’s phone rings. He pulls it out and glances at the screen. “I should take this. See you guys later. Thanks again, Ry.”
“No problem,” I respond.
“I should get going too,” Cormac says. “Told Mav I’d come over for a bit.”
“Sounds good,” I reply. “Glad you stopped by.”
“Yeah. Me too.” He glances around. “Really, bro, I’m impressed.”
I don’t deflect this time. I just swallow and say, “Thanks.”
It’s been a while since I did anything anyone was proud of. Since I felt like I deserved any pride.
“You should get Mom over here to see it.”
I nod. “Yeah, I will. I was just waiting … I will.”
I don’t know what I’m waiting for. She’s mentioned—usually at dinner, right when I get home—that she wants to come to the worksite. And I put her off every time, wanting it to be more when she sees it. Wanting there to be something ahead to look forward to. But if I wait too long, I’ll run out of time.
“Have fun waiting for tiles.” Cormac heads for the door.
“Cor … wait.” I walk toward him, pulling my wallet out of my pocket, then hold out a thick wad of twenties.
I’ve just been cashing my paychecks so far, putting off setting up bank accounts. Hank paid us under the table, and that was the only real job I had before now. And my expenses are practically nonexistent, living with my mom.
“No, Ry,” he says, looking at the cash. “I’m not taking your money.”
“Yeah, you are,” I reply, holding it closer. “I missed a lot of birthdays. Take it. Spend it this weekend, on whatever you want.”
“You don’t need to—that’s not why I was asking.”
“I know.”
I keep holding the money out, and he finally takes it.
I’m not expecting the hug. It catches me off guard. My family has never been the overly affectionate kind. We show our love in subtler ways.
“Thanks, man,” Cormac tells me, tapping my back twice with his fist.
“Don’t mention it.”
I mean that literally. This is already more thanks than I needed.
“I’ll see you at home?”
“Yeah. I’ll be back around dinner.”
“’Kay. Cool.” He continues walking.
“Cormac,” I call after him.
He pauses and spins back around to face me.
“She won’t care,” I tell him. “If she’s the right girl, she won’t care where you take her or how much money you spend on her. Okay?”
Cormac nods. “Thanks, Ry.”