Chapter 5
Chapter Five
RHAPSODY
When the delivery guy walked into my shop holding a beautiful bouquet of flowers, and asked for me, I grinned like a Cheshire cat. “For me?” I wondered who was sending me flowers.
“Yes ma’am,” he smiled and set the flowers on the counter, so I could sign for them.
The smile disappeared, and my stomach soured as I wondered if the flowers were from Jeremiah.
If they were, pretty or not, they were going in the trash.
It pissed me off that almost three weeks later, I was still waking up sad.
During the day, I was either busy working, working out, or spending time with myself.
I tried to be very intentional with my time.
It even irritated me when I thought about Blaze too much.
His dick was something serious, but my healing wasn’t supposed to include another man. Not so soon.
Even with everything I had to keep me distracted, I still found myself sulking over Jeremiah’s bitch ass, and I hated it. He was a trash ass person, so why couldn’t I just get over him already? It made me feel like something was wrong with me.
When the delivery guy walked away, I removed the card and opened it with bated breath.
Rhapsody, when I came in to get my nails done the other day, I was in such a bad place mentally. By the time I left your chair, I felt so much better. You didn’t do anything extra special. You were just warm and positive, and that was all I needed. Thank you so much. – Gail.
“Wow,” I blinked back tears. That was the last thing I expected. Gail was a regular client, and I loved her. With a big smile on my face, I observed the flowers. They had to cost a pretty penny. If only she knew how much that made my day.
The bell above the door chimed, and I looked up with the smile still plastered on my face. It quickly vanished when I noticed Jeremiah. I wanted to scream because every time I thought he had finally left me alone I got a rude awakening. His scowl deepened when he saw the flowers.
“I really can’t believe you, Rhapsody. You really got me out here looking like a fool. There’s no way you moved on that fast. You fucking niggas at your crib, getting flowers and shit, what’s good?”
I drew back with a frown. My next client was coming at any moment, and I didn’t do unprofessional.
“Jeremiah, I have really been nicer than you deserve. The fact that you’re still pretending that you didn’t say the things you said are really blowing me.
I have a key to your house! I walked in, and you were in the bathroom on the phone.
I heard everything you said. You’re not attracted to me, and I don’t even make you hard.
Whoever you were talking to you called her bae.
Now please get the fuck out of my shop.” I was so angry that I was on the verge of tears.
Maybe I should have just burst in the bathroom that night and beat his ass, so we could skip the denial and games.
My words had Jeremiah’s stupid ass looking like a deer caught in headlights. After hearing proof, all the aggression and hostility were gone, and he was looking dumb in the face. “Rhapsody, I ca-“
“I don’t give a fuck nigga,” I snapped. “I promise you I don’t. You shouldn’t be subjected to someone that you aren’t attracted to. I gained weight, right? You deserve to be with a woman that can give you an erection so by all means please go.”
Jeremiah pushed out a frustrated sigh and ran a hand down his face. “Just let m-“
“Get out!” I screamed so loud my throat burned. “That’s all I want is for you to leave.”
My chest heaved up and down. I refused to let Jeremiah see me cry, but I was close to breaking.
The games he was playing were annoying. I just wanted to be left alone.
Not gaslit and lied to. With a defeated look on his face, Jeremiah turned and left the shop.
I prayed that he felt more than defeated.
I prayed he felt like the jerk that he was.
If he didn’t want me that was fine. But I refused to be harassed and hounded when I let him leave without putting up a fight.
If he thought I would cry and beg, he was dumber than I thought.
Yes, I was a little insecure about my weight, but I wasn’t a dick dumb ass broad.
My client entered the shop, and I had to put on a smile. Money over bullshit.
Melody eyed me skeptically. “What?” I widened my eyes and threw my arms up.
“I just don’t believe you.”
“Okay well, I said yes, so I don’t know what else you want me to say.”
“I’m just shocked. I like single Rhapsody. You’re real adventurous and what not.”
“I gotta make a few things clear though,” Melody groaned from my words.
“I don’t know if Blaze knows this Maurice guy, but if he’s friends with Ryan there is a chance he does.
If Ryan nor Maurice knows about me and Blaze, I’m not going to tell him.
But I don’t fuck friends, so I hope he knows that this double date is only happening so I can accompany you.
If he’s going to be expecting ass or tripping, I’m not going. ”
“Oh no it’s not like that. Maurice is visiting from out of town. I think he’s from Detroit. Ryan just wants us to hang out.”
“Okay cool.”
“Speaking of Blaze,” Melody wiggled her brows. “What’s up with you and him?”
“Nothing really. I talked to him yesterday, but the last time I saw him was when we had sex and that was almost a week ago.”
“So, do you not like him…” her voice trailed off.
“I do like him. I like him a lot, but neither one of us are looking for anything serious, and I’m not trying to deviate from that.
Hearing the things that Jeremiah said hurt me so bad but when I thought about it, some of the same things he said about me, I said about myself.
I used to beat myself up, talk negative, frown at my reflection.
I wanted him to accept what I didn’t even accept myself.
He could have gone about it a different way, but that’s neither here nor there. ”
I pulled my legs onto the couch and sat Indian style.
“I just want to have a better relationship with myself. Male centered women give me the ick. And if I do get in another relationship, it will have to be with a confident man. A man that will understand if I want to go on a solo date or a solo trip. It’s not about being sneaky or cheating.
I’ll just never again lose myself to the point where a man doing me wrong makes me feel like death. ”
“Okay sister dropping the gems!” Melody clapped, and I laughed.
“I’m just saying. Most healing comes after we’ve gone through something terrible.
Growing and healing is a lifelong process though.
I just want to be intentional. When another man comes along and I’m happy and, in a relationship, again, I don’t want to stop growing and pouring into myself.
But trust me when I say it’s hard not jumping on Blaze a few times a week. ”
“I can look at the way he walks and tell it’s good.”
“Good?!” I screeched. “Baby, that dick is superb. I’ve never had anything like it. Compared to him I have to give Jeremiah a strong five.”
“Damn!”
“And I was actually crying over him sleeping with another woman. Unless he learned some new tricks, I came out better with Blaze. Whoever she is, she did me a favor.”
“While you’re healing let’s hope that another woman doesn’t come along and snatch Blaze up.”
“If she does then it just wasn’t meant to be,” I shrugged one shoulder.
“Some women get their hearts broken and become hoes. You became wise,” Melody shrugged.
“There isn’t anything wrong with a little hoeing. I actually don’t want to have sex with anyone but Blaze. That’s the fastest way to get attached though, so I’m trying to keep myself from acting like a fiend for it.”
“Good luck with that. I feel you though. I finally gave Ryan some, and we’ve been at it every day for the past week.”
“I’m not listening to you,” I placed my hands over my ears and closed my eyes.
It felt good laughing and joking with my sister without feeling like I was dying inside.
Too many of my days and nights had been plagued by feeling sorry for myself because Jeremiah did me wrong.
But when I really thought about it, I had a mother that told me she loved me almost every day, and I was thirty years old.
My clients and siblings showed me love and poured into me on a regular basis.
Love was all around me. Who gave a fuck if it came from Jeremiah.
The love between a man and woman was different than love between friends and family, but not having love from a man didn’t make a woman less than.
And it didn’t mean that she wasn’t worthy or good enough.
The right man just hadn’t found her and being alone was better than settling.
Prayerfully, the worst of my breakup was over.
“Has the bitch boy still been bothering you?”
“Please don’t talk him up. Maybe him seeing the flowers is what did it. I can admit that it does look like I moved on very quickly. I can see how it might look like I already had someone in the cut, but I know the truth. He just thought I wouldn’t be able to find anyone else.”
“And when he saw that someone else is better than him in every way that really messed him up.”
“I just want him to move on with his life. I don’t bother him, and I wish he’d stop bothering me. It’s crazy how it took me overhearing one two-minute conversation and an entire two-year relationship came to an end.”
“That’s how it is sometimes.”
I finished talking to my sister, and when she left, I got ready for bed. I was trying my hardest to heal without becoming attached to another man but acting like I didn’t want to see or talk to Blaze as much as I really did was hard. But no matter how hard it was, I had to stick to my guns.