Chapter 13
thirteen
Tessa
“Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes,” Meredith says as she opens her front door.
“I have missed you, bestie.”
She opens her arms, and I wrap mine around her. We do that rocking hug that girls do, holding on tight, our weight shifting side to side.
After a minute of this, she steps back with a huge smile. “You look amazing.”
“As do you.”
“Come in, come in.”
I haven’t been here since they moved in three years ago. “Wow,” I say when I enter the living room. I came shortly after they bought it and it was painted very dark, making the rooms feel small, but now it looks as though it doubled in size.
The walls are white and beautiful wood beams stretch across the vaulted ceiling. It’s stunning.
“We’ve worked hard and done a lot of DIY-ing, but I’m happy with everything so far.”
“It’s beautiful, Mer. Truly.”
“Thank-you. I found that I stress paint.”
I’ve never heard of that before, but it’s better than me with stress eating. At least it’s more productive. “That must be fun for Jake.”
She laughs and then sighs as she flops onto the couch. “He gets over it. Although, two weeks ago I woke him up as I was painting the guest bedroom. Please, sit.”
I sink into the plush sofa beside her. “I can imagine he loved that.”
“He did not, but he puts up with me. Now, tell me all about you and New York and your mother…?”
Oh, my mother. “She’s the same. New York is amazing, it’s unlike anywhere I’ve ever been. I really love it, and I have the most amazing and unhinged roommate there ever was, but she keeps it interesting.”
“Do you remember the girl we lived with sophomore year? Arianna.”
I groan inwardly. “Yes, I remember the girl who tried to beat you with her curling iron.”
That was the worst year we had. After that experience, we decided no new roommates and it was just the two of us. It worked much better for everyone.
“All because I ate her sandwich,” Meredith muses. “If only I could go back in time and have those issues be what I worried about now.”
There’s something in her words that pulls at me. I may not see her often, but Meredith is my best friend and that’s the second comment that has me wondering why she’s so stressed. “Are you okay?”
Meredith’s eyes meet mine. “Me? Yeah!” She shifts forward. “I’m fine. I was just being dramatic.”
“As much as that’s a very Meredith thing to do, I call bullshit.”
She reaches out, taking my hand. “I promise, I’m fine. It’s been a lot of…change in the last year. Jake and I have been trying for a baby, and it’s been hard because it’s not working. You know me, I am…a ‘work hard and get it done’ girl. I don’t like failing at anything.”
I shake my head. “You’re not failing.”
“I know. Jake tells me the same thing, but I had a plan, and I like things to go the way I want. It’s…
just everything. Jake’s parents are getting divorced, which has been stressful for him because his mother wants him there all the time to help—he’s there now.
Then you know my drama last year in taking that DNA test to see if I had the brCA gene only to find out so much more, like my dad wasn’t my dad.
So, I stress paint and remind myself it’ll be fine.
Now, I need to focus on someone else’s drama—spill it. ”
I jerk back a little. “I don’t have drama.”
She laughs, head falling back, and it’s very clear she doesn’t buy it. I guess that whole intuition thing I have about her, it goes both ways.
Well, shit.
I can’t talk about this. It’s…wrong, and I kissed him again yesterday. Like a freaking idiot who just can’t seem to stop doing it.
His lips are just so damn kissable.
Thankfully we were outside, on the field, in the dark, so it couldn’t go anywhere.
But it’s more than that. It’s how sweet he is, how he looks at me, how he makes me smile. It’s the way that he does little things, like always making sure I have food. I like him.
He makes me feel good about who I am, what I can do, and he believes in me. To him, I’m smart, capable, worthy in ways that I never felt before.
All of it keeps me going in these damn circles.
What if…what if I could tell someone? Or maybe tell her but also not tell her…?
I clear my throat. “I don’t have drama, per se, but I have a hypothetical thing that I think you’d actually be really good at helping with.”
Meredith straightens. “Oh? Who is the hypothetical about?”
“A girl at work,” I lie.
She grins. “Okay, tell me about this girl and her issue.”
This is going to be the advice I need. She’s going to tell me exactly how to handle it, and Meredith is brilliant, so we will for sure feel the same.
Bad idea. Stop it.
“There are strict company policies that she had to sign. She mentioned a morality clause that specifies no sleeping with clients or co-workers.”
She nods. “I have the same at my job.”
“Right, pretty standard stuff, but she fucked up. She slept with one of her clients, without knowing he was a client at first.”
“How did she fuck the guy and not know?”
“They met at a bar, not knowing who the other was,” I explain.
“Then she didn’t do anything wrong,” Meredith says, surprising me a little.
Yes, at the time they—I mean, I—didn’t do anything wrong, but now it’s wrong. Now I’m knowingly kissing my damn client and living in his house while I dream of him entering my room and taking me.
“She slept with the client,” I say again. “You know, bad idea and all. Against company policy.”
Meredith taps her finger on her lips. “The client or her client?”
“Does it matter?”
“I think so,” Meredith says. “If she met a guy in a bar and didn’t know he was a client, then that’s that, right?
There’s no way the company can hold her responsible for sleeping with a guy she met at a bar.
Now, I would argue, if he’s not her client, specifically, she’s not breaking the company guidelines anyway.
However, let’s say he is. Why would anyone ever have to know? ”
I really thought that I was going to get good advice here—seems that’s not the case.
“Meredith, she shouldn’t keep sleeping with him.”
“Why not?”
“Because she…”
Meredith laughs through her nose and comes to sit beside me. “Your friend, she’s probably not the type of girl to sleep around, right?”
“No.”
In my college time, I was only with two men. I didn’t date. I didn’t sleep around. I didn’t do anything that was considered risky or fun.
That’s just never been me.
Even in New York while I don’t have the heavy burdens of school or working to pay for school, I still don’t go out.
Aarabelle, Brianna, Thea, everyone I know in New York all go to the bars, dinners. They’re on the dating apps and at least doing something.
Not me. I have no desire to put myself out there only to be left or told how worthless I am. I’ve had enough of that my entire fucking life.
“Okay, does your friend like him?”
“She doesn’t know what she feels.”
“No?” Meredith asks with a knowing smile.
“Well, maybe she likes him more than she should. As you know, she doesn’t just hook up with guys randomly, she has to at least feel something. However, it’s stupid to do something she knows will only end in heartbreak.”
“Does this client live close to her?”
I shake my head. “She probably won’t see him often, if ever again. Since he’s not really even her client.”
“I see. So, then, I think you should tell her that she’s a grown ass woman and no one has to know about it. Tell her to have some fun, not get too attached, but enjoy feeling something good for a change. Not to mention, she already did it, so you can’t undo that. Might as well keep doing it.”
“Keep doing what?” a deep voice calls out as the front door closes.
“Tessa is banging her client, and I’m telling her that it’s not only a good thing, but a necessity for her to continue to do so.”
I groan. “Hi, Jake.”
He walks over and kisses my cheek. “Hello, trouble.” Then he kisses his wife and sits on the opposite couch. “So, Tessa, seems you’re enjoying your time in Virginia, huh?”
We all laugh and I toss a pillow at him. “I hate you guys.”
“You don’t.”
No, I don’t. Not even a little.
I feel different.
I can’t explain it. I can’t even really understand it, but something after tonight feels different.
It was the simple act of seeing my friends, telling someone about what happened with Killian, and them not making me feel worse.
If anything, Meredith was pretty adamant that I wasn’t doing anything wrong.
She asked if I can be objective and do my job, regardless of whatever is going on with us personally.
The answer is yes.
I can.
Whatever happens between us doesn’t change how or what I will do to save the ranch.
Also, she pretty much agreed we’re going full steam ahead toward it anyway.
So, why stop it?
I don’t think we will stop it, and we can have it on our terms this way.
Plus, it’s going to end soon.
All of these things are what I’ve told myself over and over as I made my way back to the farm.
Now I just need to get out of the car…
I pull the visor down and stare at myself in the mirror.
You are beautiful.
You are smart.
You are loved.
You are going to do amazing things.
Or at least have amazing sex, which is equally as important. I mean, mediocre sex is awful. Truly.
You deserve to have some fun, although fun can often lead to trouble, but we’re not going to talk about that.
Now, get out of the car and go talk to him.
That is so much easier said than done.
I have no idea how he’s going to feel, but there’s only one way to find out.
I exit the car, making my way inside and…it’s dark and he’s not here.
Well, that’s…anticlimactic.
I send a text to Meredith.
So, I planned to come home and, you know, do it. Or him. Or whatever we’re saying, but he’s not here and now I feel stupid.
Meredith
Get naked and go wait in his bed.
Okay, now that is really dumb and no thanks.
Meredith
Jake agrees.
Well, I’m definitely not going to take his advice since he also said we should get naked and swim in the campus fountain which…we learned was also dumb.