Chapter 19
nineteen
Tessa
“I’m so glad you could come meet me,” Meredith says as we’re walking through the outlet stores about two hours away from Ember Falls.
Killian is working with Everett, and I needed a break from planning the rodeo.
“Me too. You need a dress for what now?”
She sighs heavily. “Jake has some corporate party to go to. Usually I just wear my tried and true black dress, but he said I needed something a little fancier.”
“Too bad we aren’t in New York. We could find a million options.”
Meredith smiles. “Do you love it there?”
“I do, but…you know, it’s totally different from where I grew up.”
“Yeah, I can imagine. Speaking of, how are things with your family?”
My mother has been very quiet since our last call. A part of me wonders if she’s respecting my boundaries, but that would be both hilarious and a first. She believes that because she’s my mother, it entitles her to whatever she needs. I owe her—you know, for breathing.
“Right now things are good. She asked for more money and I promised I’d send it when I get back to New York. I’m sure she’s behaving so she gets it.”
She shakes her head. “You know that’s absolutely ridiculous, right?”
“I do.”
However, I can’t just leave her to fend for herself either. It’s a never-ending loop of guilt and a lifetime of manipulation that doesn’t have an end.
Meredith loops her arm in mine. “I just hope one day you’ll be able to stand up for yourself when it comes to her.”
“Me too,” I say with a nervous laugh. “I think I’m getting better, though.”
In the past, I would stay on the phone with her as she berated me. I allowed the abuse to continue without speaking up. Now, I choose to converse with her less and less. I focus on myself a lot more, giving her what I can because I do hate the hell she’s in after her accident.
“Yeah?”
I nod. “It’s not like it was in college. I don’t stress to the point of making myself sick. I’ve also come to understand why she is the way she is.”
Meredith glances over at me, surprise on her face. “What do you mean?”
“She had terrible parents. My grandmother was obsessed with herself, and she neglected my mother. She was a wonderful grandmother, but I think a lot of that was to atone for the hell she put Mom through. Her father worked fourteen-hour days, and that left very little time for anything with his kids. Then, she met my father, and we all know how that went. She was eighteen, and I honestly believe she did her best.”
“That’s very mature of you.”
I laugh. “Therapy. A lot of therapy. What about you and your dad?”
Meredith falls silent for a moment and then sighs. “It’s better. I wish my mother was alive because there are a million questions I would ask, but I can’t now. I’m accepting my situation, and I love my dad, but I worry about him a lot. Which makes Jake worry about me. It’s a fun circle.”
“Why do you worry about your dad?”
She exhales deeply. “He’s angry too. He was lied to. He thought I was his daughter, biologically. Now he looks at me differently, although he says he doesn’t. I think he’s just feeling betrayed and is worried I’ll want to know my real father more.”
“Do you?”
“I don’t know,” she admits. “But, I don’t really want to think about it either.”
I can get on board with that. “Well, today we can pretend we are both happy and well-adjusted.”
The two of us giggle and she pats my arm. “I like that plan. Speaking of happiness and making good choices, how are things with the client?”
I was really hoping I could avoid this conversation, but I should’ve known better. “Honestly?”
“Do we lie to each other?” Meredith asks.
“No, we don’t.” However, I’m getting really good at lying to myself since I keep saying how this is casual and I’m not falling in love with him. I keep my gaze down, not wanting to look at her when I confess this part. “I’m worried,” I admit.
“About what? Did he hurt you?”
The concern in her voice has me speaking quickly. “No, no, the opposite.”
“Okay…”
“I like him, Mer. I really do. I told you that we went on a date but it was so sweet. He slipped a note under my door with instructions, and…the whole night was perfect.” Even him crying at the end of the movie. “Everything he did, it was to make me feel special.”
“You are special, Tessa.”
For the first twenty years of my life, I never felt that way.
I was sad, alone, always working and pushing myself to be whatever others needed.
My mother needed a friend who she could complain to, so I was that.
My brother needed a mother to take care of him, so I was that.
My friends needed someone who they could treat like shit and take it, and I was really good at being that.
Then I met Meredith.
She didn’t treat me like shit. She didn’t require or demand anything of me. I was who I was with her, and she accepted it.
I didn’t know that a friendship could be that.
She’s also the first person who ever made sure I knew how special I was.
I let out a long sigh, still struggling to believe the words most of the time. “You know that I struggle with my self-worth.”
“Yes, but it seems like this guy sees what I see. So, what’s his name, I’d like to do the proper bestie stalking and make sure there’s no skeletons in his closet we need to know about.”
I snort a laugh. “Absolutely not. You know he’s a client and there’s no way I’m giving you any information about him.”
My job is to fix his image, not give any hint of scandal to it.
“Who the hell am I going to tell?”
“Doesn’t matter, just know that part of my job is to investigate them so I’ve done my due diligence on his background.”
“Okay, but this is my favorite thing to do,” Meredith complains.
I smile. “And that’s what worries me.”
“You’re no fun. You know I’ll find out his name and everything else when I meet him.”
That is never going to happen. “Mer, that’s…not possible. What we have…it can’t last. I’m going to go back to New York.”
We stop outside of one of the storefronts, and she turns to face me.
“No matter where you go, if it works out or it fails miserably, life is about living. It’s not about guarding yourself and hoping for the best. When we started dating, Jake lived in Virginia and I was in Georgia.
I didn’t think it was going to work out.
I sure as hell didn’t want to move here after college, but for him, I made it work.
I’m not saying this guy is worth it, only you can decide that, but you deserve to be happy.
” She presses her hand to my cheek. “If he makes you happy, then fight to hold on to it for as long as you can.”
“I’m really impressed with how things are going, Tessa,” Brynlee says on our conference call. “Killian said you’ve been an incredible help and offered some real solutions. How did he feel about Buck Wild being started?”
I force a smile. “He was reluctant at first, but he eventually relented.”
And then we had sex…a lot of it.
Since our date, I’ve somehow lost the ability to compartmentalize the fact that I’m here for work. It’s as if my brain stopped remembering that little part of our arrangement, but right now, it’s very apparent that I’m here for Anchor Light, and I need to remember that.
I’m talking about the ranch, that we haven’t heard anything from Liam after we informed him about the rumors, and the plans regarding the rodeo.
I haven’t felt uncomfortable about what Killian and I were doing—until now.
When I’m looking at my bosses and Aarabelle, feeling as though they can see it in my eyes, I hate myself a little.
“Well, whatever you’re doing with him, keep it up. He’s happy, even though we don’t see how all the pieces fit together yet. I’m glad things are going so well there.”
God, I want to crawl under my desk right now. “Thank you, Brynlee.”
“What about the new rebranding launch with Penelope?” she asks, and thankfully we’re able to spend the next twenty minutes not even saying Killian’s name as I go into detail about Penelope’s new launch.
It really was a success.
We rebranded the website and created a new social media campaign that went better than I hoped. Penelope and the owner, Nicole, are happy and want to have me stay on as their publicist.
My first client that I signed due to my hard work.
At least I can feel good about the work I’m doing with her.
“How much longer do you think you’ll need to stay in Ember Falls?” Aarabelle asks.
“I’m not sure. Right now, both of the clients are here, so it’s been good to be physically close. I’m working with Kill—Mr. Thorn on the rodeo we’re hosting next week, so I’d like to at least see that through,” I explain.
Brynlee nods. “I agree. I want you to stay as long as you can. Killian Thorn’s other company is my number one account and while we’re doing this as an extension of that contract, I want him happy.
Okay, that’s all I have. I want to get off this call before my husband realizes I am not in bed and really working. Anything else you guys have for me?”
I laugh and so does Aarabelle. “Not on my end.”
“Me neither,” Aarabelle says.
“Call if you need anything and keep up the good work.”
We hang up, and I sit here for a second.
My heart and head are fighting about the entire situation.
Killian doesn’t ever treat me as though I work for him. He’s so damn sweet, and we laugh a lot. All of our time together we’re able to keep our emotions and work separate in a way that doesn’t make it feel wrong.
When we’re in his office, we’re very hands off. We go through whatever issues we have and then formulate a plan. In the kitchen and the bedroom—well, that’s a different story.
I sigh, running my hands through my hair, when there’s a knock on the door.
I turn to see him standing there, shirt off, sweat casting a gleam over his absolutely stunning body.
Remember that war I was having—I picked a side.
The one that has him removing those basketball shorts and seeing if I can make him sweat in other ways.
“Enjoying the view?” he teases.
“Very much.”
Killian chuckles. “I like my scenery as well.”
I’m wearing a button up shirt but no pants. I didn’t need to be fully dressed for the video call, and now I’m seeing other benefits.
I stand, looking down at my outfit and smirk. “You do, huh?”
“I do.”
“Even though I’m not wearing any pants?”
“That’s my favorite part.” His husky voice drops a little lower. “I like you pants-less.”
“I bet you do.”
He grins. “Are you done working?”
“Maybe.”
Killian steps deeper into my room. “Do you need a break?”
I pull my lower lip between my teeth, watching his green eyes fill with desire. “What kind of break did you have in mind?” I ask.
My heart is pounding as he stalks into the room, getting closer in very slow, measured steps. “What kind of break do you want, angel?”
Oh, I know exactly what I want—him.
He stops, raising one brow, and I remain quiet, loving the game we play.
“Maybe you don’t want this then,” Killian says, taking two steps back.
“No, I do want it.”
“How much? Because I’m not convinced.”
I feel a shiver run through me as his heated gaze roams over me. Killian moves back further, retreating when that’s the last thing I want.
He leans against the wall now, putting way too much distance between us.
“Very much.”
The air in the room crackles with desire. God, just him looking at me has me desperate for him.
“Stand,” he commands, and the timbre in his voice has my heart accelerating.
He’s going to make me work for this—in the best possible way.