Chapter 30
thirty
Tessa
I’m standing outside the police station, which is where Killian’s lawyer told me to come immediately when he called me two hours ago.
I was just getting out of the shower, mentally preparing myself for another day of seeing Killian in handcuffs and not being able to touch him, and now I’m here.
Unsure of what the hell is happening, but hopeful it’s good news.
Meredith and Jake were at Prose & Perk to get breakfast when I called to update them, and tell them that I’d call once I knew more.
My phone dings with a text.
Meredith
Anything yet?
No, I’m waiting for the lawyer to come out.
Meredith
Keep me posted. I’m at the house now, waiting for you to tell us if we should head to the courthouse.
I’ll let you know as soon as I know anything.
I pace back and forth, biting my thumb. I turn to look at the door and when I do, my stomach drops.
Killian.
He’s outside, without cuffs, and he’s walking toward me.
He’s…out?
Before I can even think, I take off, my feet moving so fast as I rush forward and crash into him.
His arms instantly wrap around me, holding me so tight it’s hard to breathe, but I’ll take it. This is the best reason in the world to struggle for air.
I’m in his arms.
I pull back, looking at him through blurry tears. “You’re out?” I question, needing to hear the words.
“I’m out.”
“For good?”
He chuckles softly, his hand moving to cup my face. “Yes, angel. All the charges have been dropped.”
“How? Why? What happened? Thank God, but how?” I ask, my mind reeling. “David was brutally honest with us yesterday after court that things weren’t looking good. He was pretty sure the judge was going to hold you without bail based on the severity of the charges.”
He brushes his thumb against my cheek. “It didn’t look good. I was prepared for today to be the last time I saw your face.”
“What?”
Killian’s green eyes are haunted and there’s a pain beneath them that makes my stomach ache. I don’t want him to be sad, not now.
“I didn’t think I would ever get to do this again. To touch you, hold you. I wasn’t even sure you’d be here ever again—not that I would’ve blamed you if you were already back in New York.”
I blink a few times. “Of course I’d be here, you idiot—and not just because you pay me to protect your company. I’d be here because…I care.”
I love him, and while our entire relationship is up in the air and this may end up being goodbye, I’d still be here right now.
“Tessa, I watched them storm the house and take you into custody. You should be livid that I put you in danger. You should hate me for what you went through. I…fuck, you were caught in the middle of this mess.”
I shake my head. “You didn’t do this. You didn’t purposely make this happen.
Yes, I was scared, and it’s definitely not something I’d ever like to experience again, but the agents only held me while they searched the house.
I was let go immediately after they were done, and then I went to work on getting you out.
I knew you didn’t have anything to do with this. ”
“I knew I didn’t, but I didn’t know how to prove it. Tessa, I…fuck, I’m so sorry.”
I place my fingers over his lips. “You have nothing to be sorry for.” I move my hands to his chest, resting them over his pounding heart. “How are you in front of me right now?”
He lets out a heavy breath, and his beautiful green eyes fill with a mix of anger and frustration.
“I’m not even sure how to process everything right now.
” Killian takes my hands in his, brushing the top with his thumbs.
“Can we just…go home? I want to get out of here, shower, and then I promise we can talk about everything.”
As much as my desire to know everything is burning, I can only imagine what he’s been through and how much he doesn’t want to stand around here anymore.
I lift up on my toes and press a soft kiss to his lips. “Of course, we can.”
As he rests his forehead against mine, my eyes close, and I just take this moment in.
My Killian is here. The charges were dropped and we’re together. The sheer relief of it all is so intense, it’s hard to keep it together, but he doesn’t need a frantic woman on his hands right now.
I squeeze his hands and pull back.
“Ready?” he asks.
“Let’s get you home, right where you belong.”
We made the forty-minute drive home in silence, his hand in mine, and we didn’t let go of each other the whole time.
It felt like no words would be adequate. We’d just glance over, smile, and then go back to looking at the road ahead. There is so much we still have to talk about, but right now, I don’t want anything to ruin this.
We pull up to the house and he sits, car running, staring at the front door.
I sent a text to Meredith and the group chat I’m now in with his friends, letting them know that Killian was released and all charges have been dropped. I told them I’d let them know when, and if, he was up for visitors.
Everett and Miles came and replaced the decimated door the day of the arrest. It’s not the same though. No longer is it the beautiful black door with windows up top. Instead, it’s white and has two large windows in the center, now serving as a reminder of that horrible day.
“You got new doors on the house?”
His voice cuts through the long silence. “I did.”
“That’s good.”
I look over after a prolonged silence. “Killian?”
He sighs heavily. “I spent four nights in that jail, wondering if I’d ever get out. Confused and trying to make sense of what was happening. I tried to put the puzzle together, but I couldn’t. Now that I have all the pieces, I almost wish I didn’t know the truth.”
I let him talk, my heart pounding as I hear the sadness in his voice. Whatever information he learned has clearly upset him. “Do you want to talk about it?”
He shakes his head. “Not yet.”
“Can I ask why?”
Killian’s eyes find mine. “Because once I say it, it’ll make it real. Not that it isn’t now, but…it’ll just be different.”
“I understand,” I say softly.
“Is Meredith here?”
I nod. “She’s waiting inside. The guys all want to come over, but I asked them to give you some time.”
He glances back out the window. “God, I’m sure we have a new PR nightmare on our hands.”
“Ironically, we don’t,” I say, hoping that maybe the small sliver of good news will brighten his mood.
“Because of the time the raid went down, no one caught wind of it. There was a small rumor floating about the appearance of all the SUVs, but Everett told them it was a dignitary passing through. So far, all of us have had our ears to the ground and haven’t heard anything. ”
He scoffs. “That won’t last long once the story of Travis’s arrest breaks. It’ll be all over the horse-breeding world, and I won’t be able to escape it.”
“Then we’ll manage it,” I promise.
I don’t know how, exactly, but we’ll find a way. We didn’t get through all of this to not come out on the other side of this story.
“We already have interest in another horse and a few more weekends booked for Buck Wild. The town has been buzzing with the rodeo, so we could host another one and keep the focus there. Let me do my job in protecting you from this.”
He turns to me. “And what about my job of protecting you? What about how I promised you things? I wanted to show you how a man treats a woman when he…” he trails off, and my heart skips a beat.
“When he what?”
“When he loves her,” Killian says solemnly as he reaches his hand out, pushing my hair behind my ear. “I know that this is the absolute worst way and time to tell you how I feel. I know that we have everything stacked against us. But I also didn’t want to spend another minute without telling you.”
Tears fill my eyes. “Killian…”
“No, baby, let me say this and then we can go inside and deal with the fallout. I may not deserve you. I may never be worthy of you, but I love you so fucking much. I’ve never felt this way about anyone.
I’ve never had someone take over every part of my heart, soul, and life.
You make me so damn happy, but loving you means I want your happiness more than my own.
It means that I’ll walk away, even if it’s the last thing I want.
You told me you weren’t comfortable without Meredith being okay with it, and I understand it.
I’ll give you what you need above my own desires.
So, I love you Tessa Rivers. I love you despite the universe telling us we shouldn’t.
I love the way you smile, your laugh, your eyes, and your beautiful heart.
If I can’t have forever, then I’m glad we had the time we did. ”
A tear slips down my cheek. My throat grows tighter and I have so many things I want to say. “I don’t want to lose you,” I say quickly. “The last few days were impossible, and I never want to go through this again. I’m not sure I can survive losing you.”
Killian brushes my tears away and smiles. “You will. You’re so much stronger than you know.” I shake my head, but before I can tell him he’s wrong and that I love him too, the front door opens and Meredith and Jake come out. “Come on, let’s go inside. We at least have tonight together.”
“Wait, so they arrested everyone at the same time?” Meredith asks.
Killian and I came inside and said hello to Meredith and Jake before he excused himself to shower and change. Now, we’re all sitting outside on the deck as he finally relays everything that happened.
“Yeah. The FBI took their suspects into custody. Me, even though I wasn’t involved. Travis, two other guys I don’t know about, and Nathaniel.”
My eyes go wide, and I gasp. “Wait! Nathaniel? As in your business partner in Boston?”
Killian runs his hands through this thick hair. His voice is pained as he answers. “Yes, apparently, they moved as quickly as they did because Nathaniel was getting on a plane to leave the country and if they lost him, they’d lose everything else in their investigation. He betrayed me.”