Chapter 31
thirty-one
Killian
Iwalk out to the barn, looking for the girls, and I see Tessa wiping at her eyes. Meredith is doing the same when they spot me.
“Hey,” Tessa says, sniffling a little. “We were just coming to find you.”
“You were?”
Meredith comes to me first. “Yeah, I wanted to tell you what I just told her.”
“What did you tell her?” I ask, curious about what the hell has them in tears.
“I was saying how happy it makes me to know Tessa’s found someone who sees how special she is. She deserves to have a man who truly cherishes her and will do whatever he can to make her happy.”
I’m hopeful this means that Meredith is giving us her blessing.
Because I’m that man.
I know how amazing she is.
“I think she deserves more than that,” I say.
Meredith grins. “I agree. Jake and I are going to head out.” She turns to me. “Maybe we can do dinner one day next week? You know, just to get to know each other as friends, if that’s okay with you?”
I smile and nod. “I’d like that.”
When I first met Meredith, I told her I didn’t want to take her father’s place.
I never could be that man after her mother took that choice from me by hiding her pregnancy.
But Meredith was lucky enough to have a man who stood in, gave her the things I didn’t have the chance to.
My role in her life could never be any kind of parental one, but I told her we could hopefully be friends.
She wasn’t sure at the time. I told her that the offer stood, and anytime she wanted, she just had to ask.
Seems we might finally have a chance at it.
“Good,” Meredith says before whispering something in Tessa’s ear, kissing her cheeks, and then walking off.
Tessa watches as she goes, and the two of us stand here, finally alone for the first time since I got back to the house.
I go to open my mouth to see what Meredith said, but Tessa speaks first. “Did you mean what you said in the car?”
“I meant every word I said.”
“You love me?”
“With everything that I am.”
And I wasn’t kidding when I said her happiness means more to me than my own. I don’t ever want her to be sad or hurt, and I definitely don’t want to see her lose Meredith.
“Do you know that I’ve never been in love?
Not once,” she says, taking a step toward me.
“I’ve dreamed of it, what it would feel like, how I would be consumed by it.
In my head, it was this lightning bolt that would come from the sky and knock me out.
I would wake up one day as this normal girl, and then suddenly, I’d be a woman in love.
It wasn’t exactly like that, though I do think you’re a bit like a storm.
” Tessa grins. “I’m not sure when I fell in love with you.
I’d guess it was sometime between that horseback ride out to the meadow with your incredibly sexy cowboy hat and our first date, but I know that there’s not another man in this world I want to be with. ”
I move toward her this time. “Tessa…”
“Meredith saw me when you were gone these last few days. She witnessed, firsthand, just how devastated I was. We spoke just now, and she doesn’t think I should give up on us.”
My heart is pounding against my chest. “I was going to talk to her.”
“You were?”
I nod. “I was going to tell her how much I love you. I hoped she’d understand this wasn’t just some throwaway thing.”
She laughs softly. “Which is technically what our plan was. No feelings, just a casual relationship. We really have a thing about breaking the rules.”
“I think the rules don’t apply to us.” I reach out, take her hand, and put it on my chest, right over my beating heart. “There’s no way I could keep you out of here.” I tap my fingers against hers in time with my heartbeat. “You found a way into my heart, Tessa, and now it’s yours.”
“This isn’t going to be easy,” she says, her big blue eyes staring into mine.
“No, it won’t.”
“I don’t want to give up my job.”
“I wouldn’t ask you to,” I answer honestly.
Tessa shakes her head. “This is nuts. You know that right? It’s too soon, too impulsive.”
I raise my hand, cupping her cheek. “Do you love me?”
“Yes.”
“Then how about we worry about the rest of the shit later and you let me kiss you?”
She grins. “I think I could live with that.”
“Good.”
Then I lean down, press my lips to hers, and finally kiss the woman I love.
“Are you sure there are no fish in this water?” Tessa asks as she pulls her shirt off, draping it on a rock.
I pull my pants off. “No, but I’ve never seen one.”
She shudders. “The things I do for you.”
I laugh. “Come on, you’re the one who created a new company and called it Buck Wild. Let’s see you put your money where your mouth is and get a little wild.”
Although I’d like to do something else with her mouth.
We rode out to our spot, where I can have Tessa all to myself. Not that there’s anyone at the house, but out here, it’s as though no one else exists but us.
I need that tonight.
It seems she does too.
After Meredith left, the two of us spent some time cleaning up, trying to put the house back in order, and then I just couldn’t stand it anymore. Looking at the destruction of my home was too fucking much, so I asked her to come for a ride and leave the past behind—even if just for a little while.
I walk into the cool water, while Tessa removes clothing, standing completely nude and then heads toward me.
With just the moonlight illuminating her body, she takes my breath away.
I hold my hand out, and she comes to me. When she’s in, I pull her close and she wraps her arms around my neck.
“Hi,” she breathes.
“Hi.”
Tessa’s fingers tangle in my hair. “I missed you so much. I know it was only a few days, but I was so worried.”
I kiss her nose and then tell her the truth. “I was too, but then I saw you in the courtroom, and I don’t know, I felt so much regret that you had to be there at all. I had no idea what was going to happen, but I knew I needed to see you again.”
“That’s behind us now.”
“It is.”
I wade us a little deeper as her legs tighten around my hips. I move my hand slowly up her back, pulling her chest closer. Tessa tilts her head, her eyes full of desire as I speak what’s in my heart. “I want to make love to you. Right here, right now.”
Her lips part and her fingers come to my face, moving along my beard. “I want that too.”
“Kiss me.”
She does. Her lips find mine, and I slide my tongue into her mouth. I drink her in, taking all she gives and, God, she gives me everything.
I drink in her soft moan, our tongues colliding. Her hands move to my face, holding me to her as she kisses me deeper.
I didn’t know if I’d ever have this again.
I thought I lost her.
I thought I lost any chance of us.
Now I have her, and I’m never going to let her go.
“Killian, I need you,” she says before her mouth is back on mine.
The two of us are frantic, desperate for each other.
I wanted to go slow, to make love to her in the water. To cleanse the past and start this anew, but I need her as much as she needs me.
I adjust her hips, lining my cock up, and she gasps as I surge up into her.
Tessa’s head falls back, dipping her long brown hair into the water. I shift my hips, my right hand going to her throat, holding her there. Her eyes meet mine, and I pump into her again.
“Stay like that, Tessa, just like that,” I grunt.
Her hands wrap around my wrist, holding on as I fuck her. The water splashes, rippling around us as we create a new rhythm.
I rock my hips, and she uses the motion to push down, taking me deeper.
“I’m close,” she pants.
I am too. This is too much, she feels too good.
“Fuck, you’re perfect.”
“I love you,” she says. “I love you, please, I can’t hold on.”
“Let go,” I tell her.
Her fingers clench around my arm and she screams, her voice echoing against the rocks, I release her throat, pulling her to me. Her head is buried in my neck, and I keep pumping, so close to my own release.
I feel her lips against my ear. “I love you,” she whispers.
And I fall apart.
Or maybe I finally come together.
“You know the last time we did this our entire world fell apart?” Tessa says as she’s lying in my arms after I made love to her again.
This time, I did it right.
I brought her to the field after we dried off, laid out a bunch of blankets, set up the lantern, and we’ve been lying here since.
“All over a stupid question about our ages.”
She laughs softly and tucks her head into the crook of my neck.
As exhausted as I am, and I really am freaking spent, I don’t want to go to sleep. If this is a dream, I never want it to end, so I’m holding on to this version of reality, hoping it stays this time.
She pulls the blanket that’s wrapped around us a little tighter. “Who knew your age would be such a hot topic?”
“I believe it was your age that really threw us the curveball,” I mock, rubbing my fingers up and down her spine.
“How about we try to have a cute cuddle-after-sex talk, but without the drama after?”
I think we’ve had enough drama to last us a lifetime, so I’m fine with that. “All right, let’s see if we can make it through this one unscathed.”
She lifts up onto her elbows. “If you could live anywhere, where would you choose?”
That’s an easy one. Anywhere she is. However, I don’t want to spook her so I say the first place that comes to mind. “Right here.”
“Ember Falls?”
I nod once. “I really feel like this place is home.”
“What about Boston?”
Absolutely not. Not now. Not after all the shit I learned about the people I was around.
I spoke with Anthony after I got back home, and he’s already putting in the paperwork for me to get out of the real estate business.
Sell it to the highest bidder. Once all of that’s settled, I’ll be able to move here full-time or maybe it will remain part-time if I’m in New York City with Tessa.
“Boston is my past.”
“I’m sorry, baby,” she says, resting her hand on my arm. “I know you and Nathaniel were close.”
“I thought we were too, but…I’m trying really hard not to think about him at all tonight,” I tell her.
At first, I was in denial. I knew him, or at least I thought I did.
Nathaniel was like a brother to me, and to know that he was doing this shit behind my back seemed impossible.
Then I moved to anger. To find out that someone I trusted could screw me over so badly made me see red.
He fucked with my entire life all for his greed? Fuck him.
I’m pretty much still in the anger stage, and I’m completely content staying here for a while.
“All right. Where do you see your future?”
That’s the easiest question she could ask. “With you.”
“Killian,” her voice is full of disbelief.
“I’m serious. You’re who I want to build a future with. Would I love us to build a life together here? Yes. I also know that you have your job in New York, and I will never ask you to give that up, so if it means we split our time, we do that. There’s only one nonnegotiable, angel.”
“What’s that?”
“You. I’ll give up other things, but not you. Never you.”
She leans down and kisses me softly. “You’re my nonnegotiable too.”
“Good, at least we’re on the same page about this.”
“We’re really doing much better this time around with our cuddle talk.”
I chuckle. “I agree.”
I spend the next hour holding her under the stars, imagining what the rest of my life could look like with this woman who changed everything the moment she walked into it.