Chapter 11 #2
I had learned my lesson the hard way, to not confuse lust and limerence with love ever again.
Whether the Gods conspired to bring us together, or if it was just mere chance, one thing was certain: I was his Moirai and he was my mate.
The depth of those words certainly implied love, though neither of us dared speak it by name.
It felt like home when I was in his arms. In a world where I would now forever be a stranger, severed from my family ties, taken from my home to be a servant of the realm, he was the only one that truly knew me.
We were supposed to have forever to get to know one another, to explore each other, to share what made up our very souls.
But life in the Imperi felt like a matchstick, ignited with friction and then burning furiously until one could no longer hold on.
Our lives, normally so long, felt unbelievably short in service to the king.
Despite my efforts to keep them at bay, a tangle of doubts and fears crept into my mind.
What if we were separated by death? Could either of us ever feel whole again? What if our souls were blackened by the choices forced upon us in Artume? Would the weight of those trespasses fracture the bond between us?
If, Gods willing, we survived the mission, what sort of life would remain for those commanded to serve the realm forevermore? Could we ever truly be at peace when every approaching hoofbeat or unkindness of ravens could harken the call to the king’s service once again?
Saryn and Theory were called back years later to serve as mentors, but we didn’t know what they had endured or the lives they’d led before.
They never shared a single intimate detail of their pasts with us.
Were they both living separate, alone and isolated from creating any identity for themselves?
Were they settling for brief dalliances with strangers to feel some semblance of normalcy?
Perhaps the king had sent them off on smaller, solitary missions.
A long life that constantly felt short, filled with the threat of endless unknowns.
How could love survive that? How could Varro and I endure?
Maybe we’d already committed ourselves, simply by entertaining our feelings, and there was no turning back.
My mind continued to race out of control, yet he just waited through all the silence and unspoken words.
The Gods had truly created a mate with immeasurable patience just for me.
That’s when I asked him the question I’d been wanting to all along.
“Do you promise you will always be my fated? No matter what happens in Artume or elsewhere, no matter what we’re forced to do to survive…will you be there at the end?”
When I finally said the words aloud, I realized I was also asking myself the same thing.
My parents and Versa were taken from me, and Trace had made his choice, but what I feared now was convincing myself we could survive anything only to have the other leave.
A flash of what Gia had done to her mate came to mind.
Loss and heartbreak, trials and tribulations.
These could be navigated, perhaps overcome.
But the severing of a bond? The anguish was unimaginable.
The loss of a bond through death had to be different. Still painful, yet there must be a peace in knowing your other half was at rest, no longer in pain or suffering. That the bond was still intact, just waiting until the Gods allowed two pieces of a whole to meet again in the afterlife.
But to suffer a life of unbearable grief was not something I could choose. I needed to know we were strong enough to prevail, or death take us both!
Varro’s deep, warm voice broke through the silence created by my thoughts.
“I will only be parted from you in death. I’ve known that for some time.
I would have never told you that I believed you to be my mate unless I had accepted the full meaning of our circumstances.
” He reached for my arm, gripping it gently to pull me closer before taking my hand in his.
“It’s why my one wish for you would be freedom from all of this.
Our journey to one another was an unconventional and unfortunate beginning, but I am not so na?ve as to believe our journey to stay together will be easy.
Fate simply won’t be enough for us, Cress.
We will have to fight the odds—perhaps forever—to choose this life.
That is why I will wait. You must choose it for yourself, Cress, because our great love is a duel with destiny… not a dance.”
I could feel tears pricking at my lashes, hearing the conviction in his words; it made me want to say those three simple words—and yet, I couldn’t.
I searched for the words, but still found only hesitation.
I was well aware I was being a coward. But the look in Gia’s eyes as she had stared out at the sunset, then turned to face me…
I’d never seen anything more broken in my entire life than what I saw there.
In an attempt to break free from the undertow of my fear, I extinguished the only flames lighting the room and threw myself into Varro’s arms, our lips crashing together as we were enveloped in darkness.
I wrapped my legs around his torso, like I so often did, and he submerged us farther under the water.
Our hands moved fervently and recklessly across one another’s bodies, desperate to seize the moment.
Before our skin became tainted by the touch of others, or marred with scars from missions ahead.
Not just in Artume, but on all paths the king would have us follow.
Our bodies were uncorrupted, our intentions true, but soon we would be thrust upon a narrow road with consequences at every turn.
Our adversaries would darken the way and prey upon our insecurities and doubts.
But we would not let them. The fires in our hearts would at once be both a beacon to one another and a devastating inferno, reducing any who came between us to ash.
In between rough kisses and the writhing of our wet bodies, I mouthed the words of my promise to him.
“Tonight, make me forget tomorrow. And one day, when I come to you seeking to seal our bond, know that it will be without reservation. I would give my heart fully and with conviction, with you its constant guardian.”
In the dark, with our cheeks pressed against each other, I felt a smile curl across Varro’s chiseled jaw.
As he sank our bodies even deeper into the water, he unfurled his wings—and suddenly, we were surrounded by glowing hues of aqua and green.
His stunning display lighting up our intertwined bodies.
“Let me see every angle of your climax, Moirai, so these memories can serve me until the day you give yourself to me in every way. I will wait.”
At that, I was completely undone. He spent the next hour singing his Siren Song in and out of the depths of each and every sensation he wrought from my body.
Our bond vibrated so strongly, I could imagine ripples pulsating across the top of the water from the intensity.
The fact that I didn’t give myself to him right then and there was a miracle of Godslike proportions.
Varro meticulously covered my body in kisses, as if trying to claim the entirety of my skin for his own.
And I was his. Entirely. I just had to overcome my fear of sealing the bond that was holding me back from showing him my true devotion.
But I knew where he stood, there wasn’t a doubt within me that Varro was mine as well.