Chapter 5 #2
“It’s not his fault,” Cal assured Lia. “I was just…” What was the right word? Can a word ever be enough to properly encompass a feeling? Three and a half (Japanese was proving difficult) languages in his head, and not a single one had it. “Duwag.”
There was a softness to the word that felt correct. More appropriate than the powerless feeling of being “scared” or “terrified,” being duwag just meant it was right in front of him, but he couldn’t quite grasp the answer.
“Bakit naman?” Lia asked, a frown creasing her brows.
“The label has made it clear that they will not be renewing the band unless the album does well by their standards,” he explained, trying not to picture the label CEO clapping him on the shoulder when they won Rookie of the Year, proud and happy. That felt like a lifetime ago.
“They also said they weren’t willing to pay for marketing,” Lia added. “I overheard your conversation in the car, sorry.”
“You were sitting there, it was my fault I didn’t consider you,” he said, which was the truth.
He’d been so concerned about getting Teddy up to speed, he’d just yapped without thinking, which was the worst trait an idol could have.
“We signed our last renewal before we entered the military. We were desperate for something to hold on to while we were inside. We were in a rush, so I didn’t read the fine print. ”
He ran a hand through his hair, realizing this was the first time he was saying it to someone out loud, and his heart was pounding like he’d been running at a full sprint.
It was the same feeling he got every time Teddy played a demo, every time he was asked what he thought about the album, what his vision was.
“They put in something called a ‘non-compete’ clause,” Cal continued. “If the agency decides not to renew their contract with us, we will not be allowed to use the CoBOLT name or take with us any of the rights to the music that we wrote.”
“Putang ina?” Lia’s exclamation was a burst of outraged disbelief, which caught Cal by surprise. It was a way more violent reaction than he’d expected. “Sorry, that was—but I mean, what the fuck?”
“Don’t be sorry. I didn’t read the fine print, I didn’t look out for the band—”
“How did Bomseok leave?”
“Bomseok signed away all his creative rights to me,” Cal said, busying himself with collapsing the box the yogurt came in. “And signed a non-compete.”
“But, but CoBOLT is fifteen years old…right?” Lia’s reaction was signaling something to Cal, and he focused on that instead of his anxiety, and it helped?
He wondered what it was. Was it concern?
It seemed to run deeper and felt familiar somehow.
“And you guys made that agency. Would they have been able to move to their fancy offices here without you? BINJ is just going to let you guys gather dust on some back shelf?”
“Yup.” When did Lia learn their agency’s name?
“It’s messed with my head, to say the least. This is just toplining.
I have a whole career just on toplining music.
And suddenly it's the hardest thing in the world, and I can't…” He didn't know what to say after that.
He felt breathless, like he'd said too much, run too fast and too far.
“Have you talked to Teddy about it?” Lia asked, and it was her turn to pass him back his bagel and coffee. She looked deathly serious, the face of someone absolutely locked in. Again, why was that familiar? “He has to know that’s been on your mind.”
“Listening to an artist’s contract issues isn’t exactly part of a producer’s job. Bomseok used to—” He did not want to talk about Bomseok. “Never mind.”
“I don’t know much about my brother’s job,” Lia admitted, frowning at her strawberry milk like she was using her brain to get it to levitate.
Cal had no doubt she could. Her ferocity was something new, but it was much more comfortable on her skin than the Lia he’d met the morning before.
“But it seems to have a lot to do with listening.”
“Oh. Ha-ha.”
“What? It wasn’t a joke.” Okay, maybe her ferocity was a little scary.
“I would think that someone who’s been here for as long as you have—um, I assume— knows a thing or two about getting help from other people.
You’re a team. You wouldn’t be the leader without them.
So, talk to them about it. Confide in them, collaborate with them.
If this is your last chance to do something, wouldn’t you want to give it your best shot? ”
“You’re saying you want me to fight for it,” he said, ripping the wax paper of his bread into several little pieces.
“I’m asking if you want to,” she corrected him, taking the paper from his hands. “I think you flew my brother here because you wanted to go on this journey with him. With someone who doesn’t strictly know who the band is, but what it can be.”
How was it that someone he’d only known for two days saw him so clearly, while she was so lost? He was so used to giving parts of himself away—his words, his music, his face, the things he found funny—but she didn’t seem to want any of that. So what did he really have?
“You make it sound so easy.”
“You made yesterday easier for me,” she pointed out. “You have great instincts, Cal. I wish you trusted them more. I wish you trusted yourself more.”
“I could say the same to you,” he said. He smiled at her because he was grateful, and how was it that she made him feel better? “Thank you, Lia. I’m still going to bribe your brother, but, thank you.”
“Oh, you should.” Lia nodded in agreement. “But can I also take a strawberry yogurt?”
posted by @CoBOLT (verified)
posted five years ago
Rehearsal Hits: Pretty Boy - M2M