Chapter 5
5
MARNIN
T he car’s engine hummed a low, steady note as I steered us away from the pulsing lights of the club. Beside me, Ennio sat with his arms crossed, a storm brewing in his eyes. His jaw was clenched tight, the muscles working overtime to contain the anger simmering below the surface. There was sadness, too, a dejection that tugged at the corners of his lips, pulling them down into an unfamiliar frown.
I hated seeing him like this. The anger I could take, but that sadness made me want to tear my hair out. I had to say something, even if I didn’t know what and ran the risk of only making things worse. “Are you okay?”
He shot me a glare that could freeze over the Skykomish river, but he didn’t say a word. It only worried me more since he’d never been one to hide his emotions.
I sighed and refocused on the road ahead, the weight of his silence pressing down on me. Ennio sat rigidly beside me, his profile outlined by the intermittent glow of passing streetlights, a statue of indignation and hurt. Could I ask something else to get him to talk?
I wanted to tell him about Declan’s reputation, about the danger that lurked behind his charming smile. But the words were stones in my mouth, hard and unyielding. I didn’t want to be the one to shatter his illusions, to be the reason his optimism faltered. How could I tell him without damaging some of Ennio’s beautiful innocence?
I played out the possible conversations in my head, each a different path through a forest thick with uncertainty, but none seemed to get me to where I wanted to be.
I shot a quick look sideways as we stopped for a traffic light, but he looked as angry and unyielding as before. The engine’s purr was a steady backdrop to the maelstrom of tension inside the car. Ennio shifted in his seat next to me, a coiled spring of energy ready to burst.
“Okay, you know what? I can’t take this silence anymore,” Ennio exploded, his voice ricocheting off the windows. “You act all high and mighty like you’re the king of good decisions. What gives you the right to screw up my night?”
“Ennio, it’s not like that?—”
“Of course it’s like that! You come in Mr. Protector, Mr. I Know What’s Best for Ennio!” His hands flailed through the air as if swatting away my unspoken arguments.
“Look, I didn’t mean to?—”
“Didn’t mean to what? Ruin what could’ve been a great time? Make me feel like some helpless kid?” His eyes blazed, reflecting his anger but, above all, the underlying hurt.
The light turned green, so I had to drive, but I eased into the first parking spot I saw. I wasn’t going to have this conversation while driving. Even I wasn’t that good at multitasking.
As soon as I put the car in park, Ennio turned fully toward me, his blue eyes piercing. “Why did you interfere back there? I’m an adult, for fuck’s sake. A grown-ass man who can handle himself, not some child who needs to be protected.”
My hands gripped the steering wheel tighter, knuckles turning white with the effort of keeping my composure. The truth was a bitter pill I wasn’t sure I should force him to swallow, but what choice did I have? “There’s something you don’t know.”
“About what? Because from where I’m standing, it looked like you didn’t trust me to make my own decisions.”
“Dammit, it’s not about trust,” I snapped, frustration searing through my restraint.
“Then what is it about, Marnin?” His gaze bored into me, demanding an answer.
I took a deep breath, feeling the weight of what I was about to disclose. This was it—the point of no return. “Declan…he’s got a reputation. And it’s not for being Mr. Congeniality.”
“Reputation?” His voice hitched, and I could see him trying to piece together my cryptic warning.
“I’ve seen him around, heard things. He’s rough—too rough. And not in a consensual, fun way.” My eyes held his, willing him to understand the gravity of the situation. “And there’s talk of drugs, Ennio. The kind that his partners don’t always take voluntarily and puts them at his mercy.”
“Drugs?” The word seemed to echo around us, and the fiery defiance in Ennio’s eyes dimmed, replaced by something akin to fear. Or was it the dawning of realization? “Jesus, Marnin…”
“No one’s ever pressed charges, but who would believe them? How do you prove sex isn’t consensual when you’ve gone home with someone? But there’s plenty of talk, and I couldn’t stand by and watch you get hurt.”
He turned away, staring out the passenger window into the darkness beyond. I couldn’t read his expression, but the rise and fall of his chest quickened, betraying the turmoil my words had unleashed inside him. I reached out tentatively, resting my hand on his shoulder in a rare gesture of comfort. It felt alien and awkward but necessary. “Are you okay?”
Fuck, I was so bad at this—exactly why I hadn’t wanted to tell him.
“Okay? That depends on how you look at it. If what you’re saying is right, and I do believe you, I could’ve been a lot less okay right now. If I’d gone home with him…” Ennio shivered despite the heat blasting from the vents. “So I guess I’m as okay as I can be under the circumstances.”
His eyes grew misty. Fuck, please don’t let him cry. I hated tears, and I was so bad at comforting someone. Maybe if I asked a question, he’d refocus, and we could avoid the emotional breakdown? “Now that you know, were there any signs?”
He blinked, and then the tears came for real. Fuuuuck. He wasn’t even sobbing—which I hated but maybe could’ve dealt with—but silently crying, big tears dripping down his cheeks. He looked so utterly sad and lost that I didn’t know what to do. “Ennio…”
“There were signs,” he murmured so softly I almost missed it. “Multiple red flags, but I ignored them.”
“Like what?”
“When he kissed me, he… The kiss was hard, aggressive. I chalked it up to passion, but I didn’t like it.” Ennio touched his bottom lip. “He bit my lip. Hard enough to draw blood. But then he kissed me again, and I forgot about it. But he was…” He wiped away some tears.
“I’m sorry.” Pitiful words, but what else could I say?
“He never asked. He just took. And I went along with it because I wanted it. Not him, specifically, and not that kind of sex, but I wanted to feel seen and appreciated…sexy.” Ennio rubbed his arms as if trying to erase the memory of Declan’s touch.
Every word he spoke stabbed my heart. How did I take this pain from him? What could I say or do to make it better? “I’m sorry.”
It felt so woefully banal, but I couldn’t come up with anything else. But Ennio didn’t seem to even notice, or if he did, he didn’t acknowledge it.
“I keep throwing myself at these guys, hoping one of them will stick around,” he confessed, his laugh brittle. “I’m so desperate to be loved that I ignore all the red flags and allow my boundaries to be violated. It’s pathetic, isn’t it?”
“Ennio, no,” I said sharply, more forcefully than intended. “It’s human. You want to be seen, to be cherished. There’s nothing pathetic about that. I don’t know anything about love and even less about romance, but I do know that.”
“I don’t know…”
“Hey, look at me,” I urged, waiting until he met my gaze. “You’re one of the strongest people I know. Figuring this out doesn’t make you weak. It makes you brave.”
“Brave?” he echoed, incredulous.
“Yes, brave. You’re willing to keep searching for something real despite the risk of getting hurt or rejected. That takes courage I don’t have.”
He blinked. “You think I’m courageous?”
“So much. You’ve always been yourself, a brightly shining star in an environment that wants people to dim their lights. I admire you so much for that.”
He sniffed, then wiped away the last traces of his tears. “I had no idea you saw me like that.”
“Yeah, well, you know what it’s like with me and compliments. You have to drag them out of me. I don’t do soft and fluffy very well.”
He gave a weak smile that barely pulled up the corners of his mouth, but still. Relief filled me at the promising sign. “Really? I had no idea.”
We were back on track, away from all those emotional landmines. Phew.
Then Ennio put his hand on mine, his blue eyes soft. “Thank you for protecting me even when I didn’t know I needed it.”
I gripped the steering wheel tighter, my knuckles white against the leather. “It’s what anyone would’ve done. Besides, Auden would have my head if I let anything happen to his little brother. Even if you are a grown-ass man.”
He sighed as he removed his hand. “I guess I’m more gullible than I’d like to admit.”
Time to get driving again before we sailed straight into another meltdown. Although that wasn’t the right word. Anyone had the right to be upset after finding out they’d almost been sexually assaulted. Didn’t mean I wanted to deal with an emotional Ennio again. “Let’s go home,” I said.
There was a beat of silence before I restarted the engine. The headlights cut through the night as we resumed our journey home, lost in our own tangled thoughts. The silence continued as we drove the last few minutes until the glow of my building came into view, casting shadows across Ennio’s face and highlighting the redness of his eyes. I parked in the garage under the building and shut off the engine.
I didn’t know why I got out first and opened Ennio’s door. I also had no clue why he waited for me to do it. Whatever.
We made our way to my condo, and I let us in. As soon as I closed the door behind us, Ennio leaned into me, his slim frame fitting awkwardly against my side. It was as if he were trying to fold himself into my shadow, seeking solace from whatever demons were chasing him.
I hesitated, unaccustomed to this level of physical intimacy. But seeing Ennio like this, raw and exposed, something shifted inside me. I wrapped my arm around his shoulders, pulling him close. He nestled into my embrace, his body trembling slightly against mine.
“Ennio,” I said, unsure how to navigate this closeness, this tenderness that seemed so at odds with my usual demeanor. “I’ll help you figure this out, okay?”
Shit, what was I even saying?
But he nodded against my chest, his breath warm through the fabric of my shirt. I allowed myself to hold him, to offer the comfort he desperately sought. The weight of his trust settled in my chest, heavy and humbling.
“Let’s get some rest,” I said, my voice a whisper against the top of his head. “We can talk more tomorrow.”
“Okay,” he agreed, and I felt the subtle shift of his weight as he prepared to stand on his own again. But for now, he didn’t move, and neither did I. We remained in the hallway, holding each other.
We stayed locked in that embrace, time stretching out like the last note of a song. Ennio’s body was a tremulous chord against mine, and something in the resonance made my heart thrum in a way I hadn’t felt before. It was a dissonant harmony, this feeling of being someone’s protector and confidant, one I wasn’t sure I liked.
Finally, Ennio pulled back, and I let my arm fall away from him as if I’d been burned. Something about the moment felt dangerously close to blurring lines I’d drawn long ago.
“Goodnight, Marnin,” he said softly, his eyes lingering on mine a tad too long before he turned toward the guest bedroom.
“Night, Ennio.”
I watched him go, the sway of his hips unconsciously seductive, even in his vulnerable state. The door clicked shut behind him, and I was left alone with the echo of our encounter.
I sank onto the couch, running a hand through my hair. What the hell had happened? My mind replayed the scene, Ennio’s warmth against me, the scent of his cologne mixed with the faint smell of sweat and club smoke from our earlier outing. I wasn’t one for physical affection, not usually, but holding Ennio hadn’t felt wrong. It had felt necessary, like stepping in front of a train to save a stranger, only the stranger was Ennio, and the train was an abusive nightmare dressed up as a romance.
A shift was happening, something seismic and unnerving. Ennio wasn’t just Auden’s brother or the flamboyant twink who always had more smile to give than the situation warranted. He was becoming someone I couldn’t categorize, couldn’t dismiss, and that scared the shit out of me. Ennio’s presence starkly contrasted my ordered life, his vibrancy throwing my world into vivid color when I’d gotten used to shades of gray.
Emotional vulnerability wasn’t my forte. I dealt in sarcasm and snark, not heart-to-heart confessions or midnight embraces. Yet here I was. How the hell did I navigate this new terrain, this absolute minefield, without blowing everything to hell?
Sleep was a long time coming, and when it finally did, it was fitful, full of dreams where Ennio’s laughter was a melody I couldn’t shake and his touch was the only thing that felt like home.