Chapter 17
17
MARNIN
W hen you had to tell your best friend that you had not only been fucking his little brother but said brother was moving in with you, that was a conversation best had in person. Though if your friend was a sheriff and thus armed, maybe a phone call would’ve been safer. Well, too late now.
I’d taken the day off—much to my secretary’s shock—and had headed to Forestville as soon as the worst of the morning traffic was over. It was around ten-thirty when I pulled into the parking lot next to the sheriff’s station. I hadn’t called Auden to say I was coming, knowing he’d ask way too many questions, so when I walked in, he did a double-take.
“Marnin, this is unexpected.” He gave me one of his bear hugs, the ones that always made me want to cling to him a little longer. I’d never admit it, but he gave the best hugs out of anyone I knew. Well, other than Ennio, who was also a good hugger. Maybe it was a family trait. “Everything okay?”
“With me? Yeah, I’m fine.”
His eyes narrowed. “Then who’s not fine?”
I should have known my verbal gymnastics to avoid lying to him would be useless. The fucker always paid attention to the littlest details. “Can I get a cup of coffee before you start the Spanish Inquisition?”
Auden sighed. “I’m not gonna like this, am I?”
I simply crossed my arms, and he sighed again, then headed over to the coffee maker. Once the coffee was done, he informed Waylon, one of his deputies, that he’d be unavailable for a while unless it was an emergency.
“Gotcha, boss,” Waylon said, looking as chipper as a puppy.
“What’s with him?” I asked as we entered Auden’s office. “He looks way too happy for this early in the week.”
“He’s found love.”
My eyes widened. “He has a boyfriend?”
“Boyfriend? How the fuck did you know he was into men? He didn’t come out to us until after I did.”
I snorted. “If you didn’t pick up on the fact that boy isn’t straight, you should turn in your bisexual membership card.”
Auden huffed, a little indignant. “He said no one knew, so that’s not on me.”
“If I’d known he was ready to come out of the closet, I would’ve happily given him a crash course in gay sex before he turned all domestic.”
“Well, it’s too late now. He’s found a good one, and they’re serious about each other. It’s adorable.”
I rolled my eyes. “Barf. Change of subject, please?”
“Oh, would you prefer to talk about what brought you here?”
Oops. That had been a tactical mistake on my end. “I mean, we can certainly discuss Waylon’s love life a little longer if you prefer.”
“Cut the BS, Marnin. What’s going on?”
I took a deep breath. “Did you hear The Lodge was sold?”
“It’s official? I knew there was a gay couple seriously interested in buying.”
“They signed the contract and are gonna renovate, so it will close down for at least two months.”
Auden winced. “That’s bad news for Ennio. I assume he’ll be out of a job for that time.”
“He’s out of a job completely. They’re considering taking it in a different direction—whatever the fuck that means. All of the current staff has been let go.”
“Fuck.” Auden’s face grew tight. “That’s the worst timing possible for him.”
“I know.”
“You know? He told you?”
“About the money he lost to this scammer? Yeah, he did.”
Then his eyes narrowed. “Wait, how do you know all this?”
“Because he told me.”
“Why the fuck would he tell you? I didn’t even know you two were…” I saw the moment he put one and one together. “Please tell me I’m wrong and you’re not sleeping with my little brother.”
I met his eyes and stayed quiet, mentally bracing myself. Ennio would fucking kill me for telling Auden the truth, but what choice did I have? I couldn’t lie to my best friend.
“ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MIND?!?”
I stood my ground, even though Auden had never in his entire life yelled at me like that. So much for hoping he’d take it well.
“I can’t believe you’d do that! He’s my little brother, for fuck’s sake. You’ve known him literally since the day he was born. What, there was no one left in Seattle willing to fuck you?”
His words stung, but I kept my composure. “He’s thirty-six, Auden. Not exactly an innocent virgin.”
“Are you saying my brother is promiscuous?”
A muscle in my jaw ticked. “I despise that word because it’s judgmental as fuck. There’s nothing wrong with liking sex, and besides, he’s a grown-ass man. Ennio can sleep with whoever the fuck he wants, and it still wouldn’t be any of your goddamn business. And that includes me.”
“But why him? I’m serious, Marnin. Why did it have to be him? You’re gonna break his heart.”
“He knows what he signed up for, okay? I’ve never pretended to be anything or anyone else to him.”
“But you know he’s a forever guy. He wants the white picket fence and the happily ever after. And you’re…”
“I’m what? Promiscuous? A man whore? I know, Auden. You don’t need to tell me what I am. I’m well aware I’m not good enough for Ennio.”
“That’s not…” Some of his anger deflated. “That’s not what I meant.”
“Isn’t it? Because that’s sure as fuck how it sounded to me.”
“You don’t want a relationship. You’ve said that too many times to count.”
I had, and he was right, yet it hurt to be dismissed as a potential partner for Ennio. “And a man is not allowed to change his mind? I mean, you said you were straight for forty-nine years and then fell in love with Keaton. Did you hear me bitch and complain about that?”
“No, but you said it yourself. I fell in love. You can’t tell me you’re in love with my brother.”
“You’re saying that as if the idea is preposterous, but do you have any idea how amazing that man is? He’s so sweet and caring, and he’s funny and sassy and calls me out on my shit, and he’s there for me, whether I want him to be or not. I was going through… I had some scary shit to deal with, and it was Ennio who stood by me.”
His expression changed. “Scary shit? What are you talking about?”
I hadn’t planned on telling him, but the words came out anyway. “Cancer. I thought I had cancer, and Ennio came with me to the doctor.”
“Cancer?” Auden’s anger evaporated. “Are you okay? What was the diagnosis?”
I scoffed. “Being middle-aged, that was the diagnosis. Plus some psycho-babble bullshit about it all being in my head and putting too much pressure on myself to perform.”
His face lit up with understanding, followed by a slight wince. “You had…” He pointed at my groin.
“…problems getting it up, yes. I thought I had prostate cancer.”
“But you don’t.”
“I have a body that’s getting old, is what I have. And apparently, a mind that’s decided it no longer wants to play or some shit. The urologist’s advice was to have sex with someone I trusted.”
Auden crossed his arms. “And you thought my brother fit that bill.”
“He does fit that bill. He was there for me when no one else was.”
“Hold on, I had no idea what was going on. You know I would’ve stood by your side if you’d asked me to.”
“You knew I was drunk off my ass at the Double F, but you sent Ennio…and then never asked me what was going on. I don’t get drunk, Auden. Ever. You know why.”
Auden’s shoulders dropped. “Yeah, I do… And you’re right. I should’ve followed up, and I didn’t. Things were busy with the kids, and?—”
“Things are always busy with the kids. And I get it, I really do, but how often have I asked for your help? And the one time I did, you didn’t think it was important?”
“But you didn’t ask for help. If you’d told me you’d?—”
“Me getting drunk is asking for help, asshole. I shouldn’t have to use words, not with you.”
Fuck, how had I not even realized this had been bothering me, that I’d been pissed at Auden? Well, my absolute refusal to examine my feelings and emotions might have something to do with it, but that was a mere guess.
“I’m sorry. You’re right. I should have known something serious was going on and checked in with you, and I didn’t. I’m sorry.”
That, too, was Auden. Always man enough to own his mistakes and apologize. “Yeah, whatever. It’s okay.”
“No, Marnin, it’s not okay. I should’ve been there for you, and I wasn’t.”
I shuffled my feet, looking at the floor. “No need to make it bigger than it is. You said sorry, so we’re good now.”
Before I knew it, he was hugging me again, this silly, affectionate man. His mom had been the same, always hugging and kissing us. Jesus, I missed her. It had been nearly forty years, but I still grieved her. I leaned into Auden’s embrace and unwanted tears burned in my eyes.
“You must’ve been scared,” Auden said softly, refusing to let me go. Almost as if he knew that once he did, I’d create distance between us again—physical and emotional.
“I was terrified…and Ennio was there for me. He didn’t ask for permission. He simply showed up.”
Finally, Auden let go. “He’s got a big heart…”
“I know.”
“…but so do you.”
“Me?” I snorted. “Don’t try to bullshit me.”
“You do, Marnin. You hide it behind sarcasm and a prickly exterior, but you have a wonderfully soft heart. Except you hate it when people point it out to you.”
“Because it’s not true. There’s nothing soft about me… Well, other than my cock, unfortunately.”
Auden rolled his eyes. “Always so uncomfortable with praise, with anyone seeing the good in you. Marnin, you gave me and Tricia the most precious gift anyone could ever receive. You gave us our daughters. How is that not generous?”
“All I did was jack off into a cup. Zero effort.”
“We both know that’s a load of crap. But even aside from that, there are a million other things. Your outrageously generous birthday gifts, for example. Your yearly donations to charity, which I know far surpass what’s standard to be deductible from your taxes. The fact that you’re the best friend a man could have, as evidenced by my brother confiding in you with something very few people know.”
“He’s going to tell your parents tonight.”
“Because he has to, would be my guess, not because he wants to. Once the news about The Lodge closing spreads, he’ll have no choice since they’re bound to discover he’s broke. But he chose to tell you. Aside from me, you’re the only other person who knows.”
I dragged a hand through my hair. “I’m a safe space for him for reasons I don’t quite understand myself.”
“You don’t judge. You said it yourself.”
I shrugged. “Maybe.”
“Nothing maybe about it. Ennio was embarrassed as fuck to tell me because he feared I’d judge him and think him stupid.”
He wasn’t wrong, so I stayed quiet.
Auden let out a frustrated sigh. “Doesn’t he realize I don’t think of him that way?”
Should I keep my mouth shut?
I probably should keep my mouth shut.
Fuck that. I couldn’t keep my mouth shut.
“Yet you keep calling him your little brother, and even though he’s thirty-six, you still feel you need to protect him from me, that you know better than him. You don’t trust him to make his own decisions.”
“I don’t…” Auden closed his mouth again as a deep-thinking frown appeared. Finally, he let out another sigh as his shoulders dropped. “Fuck, I hate it when you’re right.”
“’Cause it’s such a rare occurrence.”
“No, it’s not, and that’s probably why it pisses me off so much. You’re so analytical, always noticing patterns and evictions from said patterns. You miss little, but people—including me—always forget about it because you’re so asocial.”
“It’s gotta sting that you have to compliment me after I told you I was sleeping with your brother.”
Auden winced. “Maybe we shouldn’t mention it for a while, how’s that? Because you’re right. He is a grown-ass man, and so are you, and if you two can help each other through a hard time, then that’s awesome… Even if I’m a little hurt and pissed that it wasn’t me.” He held up his hands before I could respond. “I know, that’s on me. Doesn’t mean I can’t be miffed about it.”
I could understand that. “So we’re good?”
Auden opened his arms again and before I realized it, I’d stepped into his embrace. He held on tight to me. “We’ll always be good, Marnin. You’re my brother in every way but biologically…which is why it’s gonna take me a while to get my mind around you and Ennio.”
Fair enough. “As long as we’re good, you have all the time in the world.”
He stepped back. “’Cause you’re not going anywhere.”
“Of course not.”
“You plan on being with Ennio long-term, then.”
Oh fuck. I’d walked right into that one, hadn’t I? “You know I don’t do relationships.”
It was the weakest delivery of that line ever, and Auden slapped my shoulder. “Keep telling yourself that, my friend.”