5. Ryker
RYKER
I can tell by the stunned expression on her face that she's not ready to hear how I've stalked her from afar for the past twenty years. Or how when she was pregnant some fifteen years ago that I was happy for her, but I wished it was my kid she was carrying. She broke my heart, and I should have moved on, but I couldn’t. I still can’t.
She stands up, grabbing her lunch sack off the bench. “I have to get back to work.”
“Izzy.” It comes out sharper than I mean it to, and I soften my voice. “Izzy, please, sit down. Eat. I wasn’t trying to wreck your lunch.”
She sits down, but she holds her body tensely. She’s not comfortable sitting here next to me, and I hate that.
She’s looking forward, her sack clenched in her hands. I lean back on the bench. “Want to tell me why you were crying?”
She blows out a breath, glances at me, and then looks away again. “My favorite patient died this morning.”
I almost reach for her but think better of it. “Oh, Izzy, I'm so sorry.”
She waves her hand and takes a deep breath. “How long will you be in town?”
“Forever.”
Her mouth drops, and then she closes it again. I know I’ve surprised her, but I want her to know my intentions. She gets up and starts walking away. I jog a few steps and walk beside her. “Can I see you again?”
I've made her mad. She stops suddenly. “What is this, Ryker? What do you want?”
“I want you.”
For just the slightest second, she looks curious, and then responsible Izzy comes out. “That's crazy.”
I don’t want to argue with her, but I also don’t want her walking away without knowing how I feel. “What's crazy? That I want you?”
“Yes.” She moves to the side as someone walking their dog strolls by. “Hi, Mrs. Kimble.”
The woman waves at Izzy but is looking at me the whole time. As soon as she walks by us, Izzy turns to me with fire in her eyes. “I can't do this with you. Whatever we had between us was twenty years ago.”
She starts to walk away. She gets only a few steps before I drop the bombshell. “I love you, Izzy.”
She stops in her tracks and whirls on me. “You don't love me. You left me and never looked back.”
Hold up. Is she really blaming me right now? I stride to her. “You cheated on me, Izzy. You told me that you didn't want to be with me, and not even weeks later I heard you were going out with Allen.”
She looks aghast and then pokes her finger in my chest. “I was only friends with him. If you believe I cheated on you, then you never knew me at all. I never cheated on you.”
As calmly as I can, I mutter, “You married him, Izz. You had a kid with him.”
She takes a step back and nods. “Yeah, I did. Almost five years after you left town. You had moved on. Hell, you were in the Whiskey Run paper almost every day, with a different girl on your arm. You forgot about me. So I had to do what I had to do to forget about you.”
“Did it work?”
She shakes her head. “What do you mean did it work?”
“Did you forget about me?”
She opens her mouth but then slams it shut.
I take a step toward her. “Because I haven't forgotten about you. I have thought about you every day for the last twenty years. I've stalked you online. I've watched you, wishing and hoping I could be a part of your life. I know you didn't want me then, but?—”
She interrupts me. “You think I didn't want you?”
I should have forced her to have this conversation with me years ago. I was young and hurt, and I let my emotions take control. “Izzy, we had plans. We were going to get married. We were going to travel and see the world. And the day after I was drafted, you ended things.”
She opens her mouth. She wants to say something, but then she clenches her lips together, shakes her head, and waves her hand at me up and down. “I'm not sure what this is. A mid-life crisis?”
I laugh. “I'm forty years old.”
She rolls her eyes. “And I'm thirty-eight and too old for fairy tales. You can't give up your life for me, Ryker. I didn't let you then, and I won't now.”
Before I can ask her what that means, she goes on. “People are saying you're crazy for walking away from the game right now. Some even say you are having a mental break.” She looks up at me worriedly. “Are you okay? Do you need help?”
I tilt my head to the side. She acts like she doesn’t want anything to do with me, but she’s worried about me.
Just a little bit of hope flares in my chest. “I don't care what people think about me,” I huff in a breath. “Do you believe any of it? Do you think I’m about to go into rehab or that I’m going crazy? ”
She instantly shakes her head. “No, I know you have some reason you’re doing this, but?—”
I nod. “I do have a reason. I’m doing it because I love you.”
She blurts out a laugh, but I continue. “I know what I'm doing. I know what I want. And nothing is going to stop me from having you, Izz.”
The wind starts to pick up, and she pulls at her coat.
I put a hand on her shoulder, and we both freeze.
There are layers between us, but just touching her like this makes me want her more.
For the longest time, I’ve dreamed of being this close to her.
I want to pull her into my arms and hold her, but the ways she’s looking right now, she will bolt.
I turn her in the direction of her office. “Come on, I’ll walk you back.”
We walk in silence for a few minutes, and she stops outside her office. “This is me.”
I nod, leaving out the part that I know exactly where she works. Hell, I know where she lives, where she shops, who her friends are. I know it all. I’m obsessed. She hooks a thumb over her shoulder. “I really should go.”
“When can I see you again?”
She shakes her head. “I can’t do this right now, Ryker.”
Without another word, she turns to walk away. I stand here on the sidewalk, hands in my coat pockets as I watch her. She opens the door to go inside, but at the last second, she turns around and looks at me. Even from here, I can see the curiosity on her face. I lift a hand and wave at her.
She doesn’t wave back, but she does smile at me, and that’s enough to give me just a little bit of hope that everything is going to work out.