Chapter 27
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
“Love is a great beautifier.” ~Louisa May Alcott , Little Women
T heir hands clasped, Nat and Noah walked across the lobby of the Hotel Skyler Syracuse. The heels of her gold sandals clacked against the marble floor as they made their way toward the elevators. The small boutique hotel was tucked in the University Hill neighborhood, a short walk from the University of Syracuse campus where the conference was being held.
A light floral scent greeted them when they entered their room. Slipping off her sandals, her toes sank into the sumptuous carpet. Sunshine streamed in through a large window that took up much of the room’s outfacing wall. The open curtains offered a breathtaking view of the bustling neighborhood.
“This is adorable!” she gushed, depositing her suitcase in front of the dark wood dresser.
Noah’s arms looped around her middle, and he pulled her into his chest. “Do you want to leave our things and go to dinner or unpack first?”
She twirled to face him. “Do they have room service?” she purred in a buttery voice.
Amusement lit his features. “As much as I’d love to stay locked in the room with you, I really would like to take you out. I’ve only gotten to go on one actual date with my girlfriend. I’d like to wine and dine you a bit. You know, the whole romance thing?”
I’m Noah Wilson’s girlfriend. Goddess, he is my boyfriend. Happiness fluttered in her chest.
As much as she’d enjoy putting the Do Not Disturb sign on the door for the next forty-eight hours, the idea of walking, fingers intertwined, in the world with him was far too intoxicating. True, the secret nature of their relationship was her idea. It was still the best way to proceed, but the enticement of a weekend of just being a couple living in the light was too precious to give up. To just be his girlfriend and let him be her boyfriend without having to think of the impact on their families would offer them time to settle into this relationship.
Despite the years of daydreaming about this, it was all still so new and a little scary. She’d spent eighteen years fantasizing about what it would be like to call him her boyfriend. In the last two weeks, the reality had already surpassed any of her girlish musings.
She raised to her tiptoes, nuzzling his nose with hers. “Let’s go to dinner but bring dessert back here.”
“Maybe you should speak to the Rural Business Conference, you’re a cutthroat negotiator.” The low timbre of his voice zinged directly to her core.
How fast can we eat?
They sat on the fairy-light-draped outdoor patio of a small café, her right hand clasped in his left one, both their arms resting on the bistro table. Conversation flowed effortlessly between them. Nat talked about her friend from college, Preeti, whom she’d be meeting for breakfast in the morning. She was happy to meet up with her friend who’d unwittingly served as part of Nat’s cover story for the trip. Noah showed her some of his favorite TikTok puppy videos, and she taunted him about getting a dog. He listened intently when she sputtered down a rabbit hole about the need for more mental health services in the county.
The soft glow of candlelight illuminated his dimpled smile. The dusting of dark stubble kissed his strong jawline. His blue eyes shimmered with each word she spoke.
“I know your parents aren’t open to partnering with Sloan-Whitney, but how do you feel?” His thumb caressed her palm.
“I wish there was a way to do both. Having the tele mental health services would be a huge resource for our patients, but I don’t want to lose our autonomy. I like the idea of one day my kids taking over the clinic. Well, if my parents ever retire.”
“Have you told them you’re ready to take over?”
She let out a heavy sigh. “I don’t know if I am.”
“What makes you think you’re not ready to run the clinic yourself?”
Her forehead puckered. “We’ve talked about this. The staff second-guess me all the time, and many of the patients prefer seeing my dad.”
“I know, but that’s other people, not you. Do you think you’re ready? Do you think you have the skills needed to do the job?”
Nat closed her eyes and chewed on the question. Did she have the skills needed? She was half her mom, the business side of the clinic, and her dad, the clinical side. She grew up in the clinic, learning the everyday ins and outs. She worked in the reception area throughout high school. Not to mention, she was top of her class in medical school and dominated her residency program.
“Yes,” she replied with steely certainty.
“That’s my girl.” Prideful amusement filled his features.
“I like being your girl.” She leaned across the table and pressed her smile against his.
Noah believed in her because she believed in herself. It was less about him voicing confidence that she could do it than reminding her to ask herself. The answer was clear. She had what it took to be the Dr. Owens. In the last few months, she’d just forgotten. She’d lost sight of who she was, but he reminded her.
A throat cleared, breaking their kiss. “Sorry. Your food,” the apologetic server said, presenting their meals.
“Sorry,” she giggled.
“Oh, I get it. He’s too cute not to kiss.” The server winked.
“You should try getting through a meal without kissing her.” Noah’s grin was devilish yet endearing.
The server placed a hand on his heart. “Stop! He’s like a leading man from a rom-com.”
“Tell me about it!” Those butterflies in her belly had drunk one too many Red Bulls, resulting in their overactive antics. At what point would her body no longer react to him like this? She hoped the answer was never.
“Can I get you anything else?” After they both shook their heads, the server walked away
Picking up a knife, Noah cut his veggie burger in half. “So, you mentioned kids. You want them?”
“Yes, I do. Not right now, but in a few years.” She cut a piece of her orange-glazed salmon. “You?”
“I do,” he said.
Seeing how Noah was with Liam and the interactions he had with other kids through the years, it was easy to see he’d be an amazing father. It was odd to think that he wasn’t already a dad.
It was odder to think that he’d been single this whole time. Other than the flirtation with Willa, there was no sign of him having dated anyone in the last eleven years.
“In the garage, you said nobody had seen all of you since your injury.” Her eyes locked on his. “Does that mean that, before me, you hadn’t had sex since you were injured?”
“Correct.”
She tried not to physically react to his admission. “What about dating? Has there been anyone?”
“Outside of the kiss with Willa, I’ve not dated nor had sex since before I was injured.”
“I don’t know how to ask this without sounding rude… but why? You have so much to offer.”
He let out a heavy breath. “I didn’t always. After my injury, I wasn’t…” His eyes flicked to the street and then back to her. “…me. Not really. At first, I had no interest in dating because I needed to get my head straight. After I was medically discharged from the Marines, I focused on getting healthy. I did my PT and went to see a counselor at the VA. I wasn’t in the right headspace to date anyone.”
“Do you still see your VA Counselor?” she asked.
“Every two weeks.” He leaned back in his chair. “PTSD will always be something I have to deal with. I think that was a big reason why I didn’t date. PTSD is part of my life, and that means it will be part of my partner’s life. For a long time, I was scared of laying that on someone else.”
“Did that concern also hold you back when you almost kissed me after Evan died?” Nat bit her lip, thinking of the regret that swam in his eyes that day.
He’d said it was because her brother had just died and he felt like he was taking advantage, but she wondered if it was more. If all that he’d been battling since his injury held him back. It had only been ten months after his accident when he almost kissed her.
“It wouldn’t have been fair to put that on you then. You already had so much to deal with.”
Her heartbeat galloped as she replayed all the moments with Noah over the last ten years. “But you wanted to…even if you didn’t do it, you wanted to kiss me, and not just that night.”
“Yes.”
Nat closed her eyes. The image of the yellowjacket tattoo on his right pec flooded her vision. Home was so important to him. Why had he stayed away for so long after he’d gotten out of the Marines?
“Why didn’t you come back after you were discharged? You’d just got out when Evan died. The plan was for you to come home. Why did you stay in San Diego for five years?”
“I needed to get to a good place mentally before coming back.”
What he didn’t say aloud, despite the words dancing between them, was, “to you.” There was no reason she should think that, but she did.
“Did you stay away because of me?” she breathed, her steady gaze locked with his despite the anxious twist in her belly.
“Yes.”
Her heart raced. “Did you come back because of me?”
“Yes.”
“Noah, why?”
“When I was injured and came back to Walter Reed for my recovery, you called every Friday night. You were the only person to talk to me like I was…well, like I was still me. Everyone else was so tentative around me. You talked to me about everyday things, like about a crafting project you were doing or The Gilmore Girls . You even called me names and picked on me. I don’t think you know how much you helped me. When you called me after Evan died, I got on the next plane. I know you thought it was because of Clayton, but it was also for you. I wanted to be there for you in the same way you’d been there for me.”
Nat reached across the table, linking their hands. “You were. You were the first person I called after the police told us what happened. You were the only person I could let myself fall apart with because I knew you had me.”
“And you had me,” he murmured. “You brought me back from the darkness I was in after the injury. Those calls from you were like a lighthouse leading me home. When I came home for Evan’s funeral, I was expecting to find that twelve-year-old girl I had last seen, not the eighteen-year-old woman I found. It threw me. It wouldn’t have been right then. I wasn’t who I needed to be, not then. I left to become him and came back when I felt like I was him.” He swallowed hard. “Although, I don’t think I’m him. Not completely. I still have my demons…they’ll never be gone. There’s no magic pill to take them away.”
“You’re still my Noah. You’re still perfect.” She smiled as she repeated his words from the night she told him about her guilt over Evan’s death. “Our broken pieces are parts of who we are. You never stopped being Noah. When we’d talk while you were recovering, there was a shade of something different in your voice. The charming carefreeness that had been there was dulled, but you were still Noah. You’ve always been that man you say you want to be. Even if you don’t see it, I did…I do. If you weren’t, you wouldn’t have stomached thirty-minute conversations about why Rory should have never dated Dean and listened to my pro/con list about which colleges to apply to.”
He chuckled.
“So, when you came back…why didn’t you make your move?”
“Your life was in Boston. We’d talk and see each other when you were visiting. I used that as an excuse, though. Then, I told myself that you could do better. I found so many excuses to hide the fact that I was scared. Scared that you didn’t feel the same way. Scared that it was all one-sided. Scared of hurting you. I’m still scared. When you came back… all those excuses fuzzed in the reality of you being there. When we got into that argument the night of the engagement party, the only thing that scared me was the possibility of losing you. Nat, I care about you so much. I can’t imagine a life where you’re not in it. When you started seeing Duncan again, I told myself to not get in the way of your happiness, to be content with you in my life as a friend.”
“You didn’t do that very well now, did you,” she teased.
“No.” He smirked. “I know it’s still early with us, but I don’t think I could ever be content with just being your friend.”
“Me either.”