4. Bex
Chapter 4
Bex
“What’re you doing out here so early, sweetheart?” My mother’s voice was quiet as she stepped onto the front porch, where I sat wrapped in a blanket, my hands curled around a cup of coffee as the sun began to rise.
“Couldn’t sleep,” I murmured.
She hummed. “Pain that bad?”
My shoulder lifted in a non-committal shrug. The truth was that I’d been unable to shut off my brain. Coming face-to-face with my past had me questioning everything.
My mama dropped onto the rocking chair beside me, and one of the questions plaguing my mind rose to the surface.
“Why didn’t you ever move on after Daddy died?”
A soft sniffle from the woman who’d given me life had me wishing I could take those words back, but it was too late. And my heart needed to hear the answer.
“Well.” She cleared her throat. “I suppose it’s because your father was my one great love. ”
“You don’t think we can have more than one?” I desperately needed to believe we could because my great love was no longer an option.
“Maybe.” Mama’s head tilted side to side as she considered it. “For some people. But not for me.”
“Aren’t you lonely here all by yourself?” I pressed.
“Sure, sometimes. I keep busy with my activities at church and by being active in the community, which helps. I know some widows seek out companionship, but after experiencing an all-consuming love, it just felt like that would have been settling. It wouldn’t have truly made me happy, and it wouldn’t have been fair to a potential partner either.”
God, it was like she spoke directly to the doubts surrounding my own love life.
Maybe this place and seeing Tucker again was why my head was all messed up. That had to be it. Once Aaron got here, I’d remember why I was marrying him, and everything would be fine. Then, after Aspen and Mac tied the knot, we’d go home to Chicago, and I would never have to set foot in this town again.
Once Sunday service concluded, I hustled my butt to the church’s meeting room, where we’d set up Aspen’s bridal shower brunch. Since the broken wrist had knocked me out of bonfire prep, I felt the need to be extra helpful this morning, going out of my way to ensure everything was perfect for this morning’s wedding event.
With Mac being wealthy, the couple felt uncomfortable accepting gifts from the community, so this was more of a shower of well-wishes. Which worked out well since the wedding was set to be an intimate affair, and this allowed those not on the guest list the chance to celebrate.
A knock came at the back door, and I breathed a sigh of relief that the catering had made it in time.
Throwing it wide, I returned to my prep work without glancing back. “You can set up on those long tables over by the windows.”
“How’s the wrist this morning?”
I froze, and my eyes slammed shut. Not food delivery.
Why did this keep happening to me? Why did he keep showing up? Wasn’t ten years of active avoidance enough to take the hint that I didn’t want to see him?
Ignoring his question, I bustled about the room, straightening centerpieces and ensuring each place setting included a shower favor.
“This party’s for ladies only.” I didn’t bother to look up as I issued the clear dismissal.
“Well aware,” Tucker drawled. “I came to check on you.”
“I’m fine. You can go now.” My words were clipped, and I didn’t care that I was being rude. Not after all he’d done.
“Is this how it’s going to be all week?”
The absolute nerve of this man.
Whipping around, I yelled, “What do you want from me? To pretend like we’re bosom buddies? Well, guess what? We’re not. What you did was unforgivable, Tucker Grant! Why can’t you leave me the hell alone?”
“Bex Crawford! Mind your manners!” Shame burned through me at my mother’s sharp tone.
“Sorry, Mama.” I turned around slowly, eyes cast down.
“I know I raised you better than that.” She had indeed .
“She’s not to blame, Rose. I’m the one who should be apologizing.” Tucker spoke from behind me, and even though I’d just been reprimanded like a naughty child, the urge to flip him off was strong.
Mama clicked her tongue. “I don’t care that you two have a sour history. You need to figure out a way to be civil in public, for your friends’ sake.”
“What’s going on?” Aspen’s voice had my head snapping up to find her eyes volleying between me and Tucker.
It hit me all at once that my issues were ruining everything. This was the start of a beautiful future for my best friend, and without trying to, I kept drawing everyone’s attention back to me.
I should have never come back here.
So, I did what I did best. I ran.
Moving so fast that the world became a blur, I pushed the lever on a side door and burst into the courtyard, where a few children were climbing trees after service. Rounding the corner of the building, I breathed a sigh of relief when there wasn’t another soul in sight.
Collapsing against the wood siding, I slid to the ground, not caring that I was wearing a dress and the ground was still damp from the morning dew. Hugging my knees to my chest, I dropped my head as the first sob burst free from my chest.
Ten years gone, and it was as if no time at all had passed. My heart still hurt as badly as the day I left. Hearing his voice, seeing his face, had all the pain rushing back to the surface.
And the worst part of all? No matter how hard I tried to convince myself that I hated him, there was still a part of me that knew he was the only man I would ever truly love.
He was married to another woman. He’d chosen her over me.
Those were the facts. They couldn’t be changed .
There were days when I wished I might wake up to find this all to have been a bad dream. To be eighteen again and in love with a boy who vowed that I was his whole world, with our entire lives ahead of us.
But that was a wish that would never come true.
The problem with moving on was that it was impossible when my heart had been left behind in Oklahoma.
Maybe that’s why I’d come home. To retrieve it.
I sensed Aspen’s presence before she spoke. “Are you okay?”
I didn’t bother to look up, my voice hoarse in my reply. “Not even a little bit.”
A heavy sigh sounded. “I told Mac this was a terrible idea.”
Slowly, I lifted my head. “You still haven’t answered my question as to why he’s the best man. Where are all the people from Mac’s side?”
Her blue eyes grew sad. “Truthfully? They’re too absorbed in either business or their own lives to bother attending.”
My lips parted in shock. “What? No one from his side is coming?”
Aspen shook her head. “The whole reason he chose to start over again, to pursue a new career path at thirty, was because he didn’t want to turn out like them. He saw what joining the family business did to those around him, and he wanted no part in it. Rust Canyon offered him a way out, and he took it.”
“I still don’t understand how Tucker comes into play.” His name burned like acid on my tongue.
“You’ve met my fiancé, right?” I nodded, so she continued. “He’s best friends with damn near everyone the minute they meet. I never told you this—because I wasn’t allowed—but I lost my shit on Tucker a few years back when he asked about you. Made a huge public scene that Mac had to drag me away from, literally kicking and screaming. There might have also been spitting. Can’t be too sure; the rage blackout was in full swing by that point. Anyway, the next day, they bumped into each other at the coffee shop, and Tucker’s sad story struck a chord with Mac.”
“ His sad story?” I scoffed. “I’m sorry, but that’s where you lost me. What kinda bullshit has he been spewing around town that makes him the victim?”
Lips folding inward, she took the time to settle on her next words. “He knows he messed up.”
My maniacal laughter pierced the quiet morning air. “He didn’t just mess up , Aspen. He married another woman while he was still dating me! And now, I’m looking over my shoulder because the idea of laying eyes on the woman he deemed a better fit as his life partner will kill me. I won’t survive it.”
She grasped my hand. “You don’t have to worry about that.”
I shoved off the ground, got to my feet, and began pacing. “How can I not? He’s in your wedding. She’s bound to pop up at some point.”
Aspen watched my restless motion from her seat in the red dirt, likely ruining the beautiful white dress she wore for her shower. She knew if given enough time, I’d wear myself out, so she let me do just that.
Huffing and puffing, I burned off all the angry energy until the tension was released, and I had to place my head between my knees to try to clear my vision of the black spots dancing across everything I saw.
A reassuring hand rubbed soothing circles between my shoulder blades. “He’s been divorced for five years. Moved back here from Baltimore after everything was finalized.”
My heart flipped, and I stopped breathing.
Then reality came crashing down. She might not have turned out to be his forever, but at some point, he’d believed she could be. Tucker had married her so quickly that there hadn’t been time to break up with me first.
“Doesn’t change anything.”
She looped her arms around my waist from behind and pressed her cheek to my back. “Didn’t think it would.”
“Sorry I made this all about me. I’m the world’s worst maid of honor.”
Squeezing me tighter, Aspen countered, “Well, we did kinda ambush you. And that was selfish on my part. I knew how hard it would be for you to see him again, but I wanted you here so badly that I kept quiet. I can see now that I made a mistake not warning you. The cost you’re paying is too great. If you want to leave, I’ll understand. I don’t want you to hurt any more.”
I tapped her forearm, signaling to be released from her hold. When she complied, I turned to face her. “That pain is never going to go away. Whether or not I’m here, whether or not I see Tucker, it’s something I will carry for the rest of my life. So don’t go tryin’ to get rid of me because I’m staying here until we get you hitched.”
Pink crept onto her freckled cheeks, and she whispered, “Bex, I’m really getting married.”
For a fraction of a second, the ever-present ache in my chest eased. She was literally a blushing bride, and I was so damn happy for her. She’d waited a long time, had almost given up hope of finding love. Now that she had it, I could tell there were times when she couldn’t believe it was real. But it was. Mac was her perfect match, her person.
Having lost that person for myself, I knew how lucky she was.
A smile found its way onto my lips for the first time all day. “Yeah, you really are.”
Her blue eyes grew glassy, and she cleared her throat. “Listen. About tomorrow . . .”
The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end. “What about tomorrow? ”
“Everyone is set to be paired with their partner in the wedding for the scavenger hunt. If you need me to, I can switch things around so that you’re with Tripp and don’t have to spend any alone time with Tucker. Tripp’s supposed to be with Penny, with hopes that this week might be the push they need, but you come first. Always.”
I blew out a heavy breath. “It’s fine.”
Aspen shot me a doubtful expression. “I can count the number of times I’ve heard your mama raise her voice on one hand, so whatever went down before I walked in couldn’t have been good. Are you sure?”
“It’s not like he’s going away. I’m going to have to deal with him all week, so it’s better if I wrap my head around it now. Besides, I don’t want to be the one responsible for keeping Tripp and Penny apart. But if a trip up the aisle together isn’t enough to spark that relationship, they might be beyond our help.”
“Ugh.” Her head dropped back on a groan. “Why is it so freaking hard for those two?” She held out one hand. “He loves her.” Then came the other hand. “She loves him.” Both palms clapped together. “It should be the simplest thing in the world. I will never understand why they haven’t ridden off into the sunset and aren’t surrounded by a bunch of adorable babies by now.”
Having been ripped apart from my soulmate and forced to continue on without him, I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy, let alone Tripp and Penny.
All we could do was hold onto the faith that, someday, they’d figure it out. They were too perfect together not to.
I tilted my head toward the church. “We should probably get the guest of honor back inside. This whole thing kinda falls apart without the bride.”
She looped her arm around mine, and we marched together to the side door I’d escaped through, but not before awareness prickled, and I locked eyes with Tucker from where he stood, leaning against a tree in the courtyard.
His blue eyes might be filled with questions, but I was the one who deserved answers.
“Bex, make sure you stop by all the tables and greet the guests.”
Already in enough trouble, I stifled the groan begging to be released. “Mama, this is Aspen’s shower. These are her guests.”
The stern look she gave me made it clear that it had been a mistake to argue instead of carrying out a task when asked.
Tugging me to a corner of the room, she lowered her voice to a near hiss. “I’ll not have you forgettin’ that this town raised you.” That, they had, pitching in to help Mama out after my daddy passed. “They may have come to celebrate Aspen, but I’ll not have you leaving them with the impression that your time in the city means you’re too good for your roots, your community. So I expect you to make the rounds, catching up with all the people you left behind when you ran away.”
Her voice broke on that final sentence, and guilt hit me like a sledgehammer to the chest. Blinded by pain, I hadn’t stopped to think how my actions might hurt others. One day, my mama’s only child had plans to settle in Rust Canyon and raise a family; the next, she was gone, vowing never to return.
I wondered if on the many nights I’d stayed awake, crying over a broken heart, my mother had done the same. I could blame Tucker all I wanted for driving me away, but I made a conscious choice to stay away, lacking the courage to set foot in town, even to visit my mama.
Her tears were on me, no one else.
Swallowing around the lump formed in my throat, I croaked out, “I’ll greet the guests.”
Brown eyes softening, she cupped my cheek. “There’s my girl.”
Never let it be said that I wasn’t proud to be Rose Crawford’s daughter. She was a pillar of this community and had devoted her entire life to serving it in any capacity needed. She’d started a Christmas charity drive for families who were struggling around the holidays so their children would have toys to open and they would have some financial support during a difficult time. She drove hot meals to the senior citizens who were homebound. She made a quilt for every baby born to a Rust Canyon family, and I knew for a fact that every mother in town treasured her handmade creations. She helped Aspen’s mom, Daisy, organize school pageants, where she always volunteered to play the piano to accompany the children’s singing.
That was merely the tip of the iceberg. She touched every facet of what made this place a home that most people never wanted to leave. Rust Canyon might only boast six hundred residents—where everyone knew each other by name—but I had no doubt that if it were five or ten thousand instead, she would still make an impact on every single one.
Working my way around the room, I chatted with the ladies who had come to shower well-wishes upon Aspen as she embarked on this new phase of life. My memory clicked, and names flooded back instantly, saving my mama from further embarrassment at my hand.
When I reached the head table, Aspen’s meemaw, Betsy, held her arms out from her chair. “Come here, girl. Let me take good look at what the city’s done to you. ”
I ventured closer, letting her place hands that trembled due to age on my face. She turned my head from side to side, humming as she did so. “Too much makeup. Somethin’ wrong with the way God made you?”
“No, ma’am.” I dropped my gaze, heat burning a path up my neck.
Betsy clicked her tongue and released her hold, allowing me to step back. “Let’s see if coming home country does the same for you as it did for Aspen.”
For Aspen, that had meant coming home for good.
I opened my mouth to protest but slammed it shut quickly. I didn’t have the heart to tell this woman that under no circumstances would I ever settle down in Rust Canyon.
She pursed her lips, assessing me. “A little time away isn’t a bad thing, darlin’. Because when you come back, you remember where you belong.”
In another life, maybe. But not in this one.
Aspen’s mom, Daisy, offered me a knowing smile as she placed a hand on her mother-in-law’s shoulder. “Best we let Bex keep moving.”
Betsy grumbled something about being surrounded by young fools who wouldn’t know what was good for them if it smacked them upside the head, and I took that as my cue to move on.
Turning around, I focused on the next table but froze when I landed on a set of blue eyes, identical to the ones that had watched me re-enter the church after my mini breakdown.
Shit just got real.
Girl, you’re fooling yourself if you think it hasn’t already.
Taking a few shallow breaths—all my panicked lungs would allow—I dipped my chin when I greeted Tucker’s mother. “Mrs. Grant.”
She clasped my shaking hand. “Call me Maddie, you hear?”
Cue the trembling lower lip. I wasn’t going to make it through this interaction, no matter how brief, without getting emotional .
Once upon a time, I’d thought this woman would become my mother-in-law and grandmother to my future children. She’d never hesitated to welcome me into her home, to include me in her family. I had even served as a bridesmaid in her daughter’s wedding as a teenager, with Tucker as my partner. That’s how close I was with his mama. I mourned that loss every bit as much as I did my romantic relationship with her son.
“Maddie.” I couldn’t stop the first tear leaking out as I whispered her given name.
“Oh, honey.” She was on her feet in an instant, pulling me into her warm embrace, one I never thought I’d get to experience again in this lifetime.
The floodgates opened, and gasping sobs wracked my chest. I couldn’t stop them, and they grew louder by the minute.
“Bex?” Aspen’s concerned voice sounded far away, like she was at the far end of a tunnel.
My feet were moving, but I had no idea where. All I was aware of was Maddie’s arms holding me close, the vibration of her chest against my cheek as she spoke to someone over my head.
Eventually, we came to a stop. When I peeked up, I saw through blurry vision that we were inside the chapel, surrounded by wooden pews.
Maddie eased me down onto the one in the front row, and I wiped at my face furiously, my voice coming out thick as I apologized. “This is so silly. It’s just—”
“Harder than you thought it would be,” she finished my thought, sinking down onto the wooden bench beside me. “It is for me too.”
Stunned for a moment, I peeked over at her to find her own eyes had grown glassy.
She offered me a sad smile. “Not once did I ever stop thinking about you. ”
“That’s nice of you to say.” I was sure she was only being polite; that’s what people did down here.
Searching my eyes, Maddie must have seen the disbelief written in them because she reached out and brought one of my hands to rest over her heart. “In here? You’re family for life. Nothing will ever change that.”
A fresh wave of emotion crashed over me, and with my throat closed tight, I could only manage to offer her a tiny nod.
She looped an arm around me, and my weary frame leaned into her strong one, my head dropping onto her shoulder.
“Sometimes, all we need is a minute of quiet. You just sit here with me, honey, until you’re ready to go back to the party. I’m in no hurry.”
Since we were seated inside a church, now seemed like the best time to pray. I asked God to take away my pain and wash away the past.
I was beyond desperate for him to answer my call. I couldn’t live like this anymore.