Chapter 7
Mallory’s change in attitude was put to the test right away, when she returned home to a mostly empty house. Sasha and Dot were the only two people there, and Sasha didn’t immediately dart back into the bedroom upon seeing Mallory—as she was known to do.
Instead, Sasha stayed in her place on the couch, sleeping baby resting happily on her chest. Mallory smiled at them both and gingerly put her purse down on the floor.
She thought about giving Sasha some privacy, demonstrating her newfound dedication to leaving the young woman be, but then Sasha smiled back and said, “Hey, how’s it going? ”
“Uh–it’s going good,” Mallory whispered.
“Oh, you don’t have to whisper,” Sasha told her. “Dot sleeps through just about everything. I think it’s because she spent her first few months with me on the street and then six more months in a shelter. Both places are very loud.”
“Right.” Mallory wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry, so she took a seat in her father’s recliner and continued to smile tensely. “That—that makes sense.” She folded her hands tightly in her lap. “How did you decide on the name Dorothy by the way? It’s adorable, but not so common these days.”
“It was my grandmother’s name,” Sasha said. “My mom’s mom. She helped raise me before passing away when I was fifteen.”
“I’m sorry you lost her when you were still so young. That must’ve been pretty hard.”
Sasha shrugged. “Yeah, well… It happens. Grandparents pass away. Parents pass away. That’s just the circle of life.”
“Parents?” Mallory asked, knowing she was already breaking the rule she’d set for herself. “Does that mean your parents—”
“Would you like to hold her?” Sasha said as the baby began to squirm, almost as if little Dot had known to come to her mother’s rescue right then. “She won’t cry, I can promise you that. She doesn’t have a problem with new people holding her. She’s like the most tolerant baby on the planet.”
“Oh, er—” But Sasha had already gotten up and was handing her sleepy child off.
Mallory stuck her hands out just in time to help guide Dot against her chest. The baby cooed and yawned, then blinked up at Mallory with a contentedness Mallory hadn’t been expecting.
“Wow. You weren’t kidding. She doesn’t seem phased at all to see me holding her, even though I think this is the first time she’s ever really gotten a good look at me. ”
Sasha laughed and fell back into the couch with a satisfied sight.
“Yeah, she’s a very easy baby. But she’s also a little heater.
I start to get really hot after a while when she’s laying on me like that.
” She waved her hand in front of her flushed face.
“When we had to share a bed in the shelter though, it was the best. She kept us warm no matter how cold it got outside.”
Mallory chuckled and the baby smiled in response, which melted her heart a bit. She brushed some of Dot’s soft, dark hair out of her face. “She really is a beautiful baby. I know people say that about every baby, but I actually mean it with her.”
Sasha nodded. “It’s ridiculous, isn’t it? Even when she was just a day old, she looked cute. She didn’t ever have that stage where she was all pink and weird looking like most babies have when they are brand new.”
“They really do!” Mallory snorted. “You can never tell Ariel I said this, but when her first baby was born, I was in the hospital with her, and I had to pretend like I’d never seen anything more adorable, even though Hannah looked like a shriveled up old man.”
Sasha threw her head back and howled with laughter, causing Mallory to start laughing too.
“She grew into her looks though!” Mallory felt the need to add. “It just took a month or so. Oh god, I feel terrible for having said that out loud.”
“I promise, my lips are sealed.” Sasha made a motion to zip her mouth closed.
“Thank you.”
“What about your brother? Does he have any kids?”
Mallory shook her head. “No, not yet. I’m not sure if he and his wife want to have kids or not.
They are both lawyers and they have such busy lives.
It would probably be really difficult for them to balance everything if they were also raising a family.
Then again, if anyone could manage it, it would be the two of them.
They’ve always been so on top of things. ”
“Right, I remember your mom saying something similar now that you mention it,” Sasha admitted. “She said Taylor went through a bit of a rebellious phase when he was younger, but ever since college, he’s been ‘the responsible one’.”
“Is that what she said?” Mallory raised a brow. “Hm. I guess I don’t disagree. Taylor fell in with the wrong crowd in high school, and there was a year that he fought with my dad nearly every night. He was smoking pot and drinking, and my parents were afraid he was going to throw his life away.”
“Instead, he started a law firm?”
Mallory laughed. “Ironic, huh? He ended up graduating high school with a great GPA, went to one of the best schools in the country for English literature, and then pivoted to studying law. Not that I would admit it to his face, because he can already be a little smug, but he’s probably the smartest person I know. ”
“I’ll bet.”
“Which I guess makes him the responsible one and the smart one. Then you’ve got Ariel, who I think my parents would describe as the sweet one. Or the caretaker one. When we were growing up, she used to take care of me like I was her baby and not her sister.”
“Cute.” Sasha put a hand to her chest. “I don’t plan on having more kids, but if I did have another baby, I’d want to have another girl so Dot could have a sister. I always wanted a sister myself growing up.”
“It was nice having my siblings around,” Mallory said.
“But it wasn’t always a walk in the park.
Ariel and I fought a lot when we got older.
And I know for a fact I drove my parents crazy.
They probably should’ve stopped at two. It would’ve saved them a lot of trouble, because I’m sure they refer to me as the immature one.
Or the reckless one. Or did my mom try to dress it up with nicer language? ”
“I don’t remember her giving you any specific labels,” Sasha said, looking away awkwardly. “It was just Taylor who got one I think.”
“Mm. I’m not sure if I should be more or less insulted then.”
“Don’t be insulted at all!” Sasha gasped. “I didn’t mean to—”
Mallory put up her free hand, the other one busy keeping Dot secure. “I was joking. I know my mother would never say anything bad about any of her children, no matter how much it would be warranted. I just feel bad sometimes because I know I’ve put my parents through a lot of ups and downs.”
“Most kids do.”
“Maybe. But not like I have.”
Sasha didn’t say anything for a moment. She seemed to be letting this sink in.
Mallory shifted Dot around a little bit so she could rest her head facing the other way, and soon the baby was falling asleep again.
“If Taylor and Erica are still on the fence about having kids, then I’m sure meeting Dot will really push them over the edge. She’s such a sweet little thing.”
“Thanks.” Sasha beamed. “I wish I could take credit for her calmness, but she was just born that way. I don’t think I had anything to do with it. Sometimes—you just get a good one, I suppose.”
“Don’t sell yourself short. Yes, she’s calm, but I’m sure a big part of that is because she feels safe, and that’s all you, right? Even in situations where it would be really normal for a baby to freak out, she doesn’t, and I think that’s probably because she trusts you to protect her.”
Sasha’s eyes widened and before she looked away, Mallory could’ve sworn she saw them begin to water. “I’ve—” Sasha had to clear her throat. “I’ve never thought about it that way before. Do you really think that’s true?”
“Sure I do.” Mallory smiled. “But I’m not an expert and I don’t have kids of my own, so you should probably take what I say with a grain of salt.”
“Still—it’s good to hear that I’ve been doing something right. Sometimes, when I think about the life that I brought Dot into, I wonder if keeping her was a mistake. Like maybe I should’ve given her up for adoption so she’d have had more opportunities.”
Mallory was quiet a moment. She knew whatever she said next, it had to be well thought out.
Though Sasha wasn’t exactly opening up to her about the things Mallory still wanted to know about, she was still being vulnerable, and Mallory knew this wasn’t any easy thing for Sasha to say out loud.
“I don’t know if in these situations there’s a wrong choice or a right choice,” she said after a while.
“You could’ve given her up for adoption and the family who took her in could’ve been really awful.
Or maybe they started out being stable, but then someone loses their job and Dot ends up living in a shelter regardless…
” She drew in a sharp inhale, not sure if she was explaining herself well.
“I guess what I mean is that you love Dot and you’ve always put her first,” Mallory tried again.
“And that seems to be the most important part of being a parent. Another family might’ve taken really good care of her as well, but there are just no guarantees in this life, so you have to make choices and stick to your guns and be the best you can be. ”
She looked up at Sasha, who was now fully crying.
Oh no. I said the wrong thing, didn’t I?
Sasha sniffled and Mallory got ready to launch into an apology, but it wasn’t actually necessary.
“I really appreciate you saying that. It can be easy to fall into the trap of thinking that I’m doing everything wrong.
I see these other mothers in town with their nice strollers and organic diapers, and it’s hard not to compare myself. ”
“If my dad were here, he would say that comparisons will ruin your life, and he’s generally right about that kind of thing.
And you know, just because things aren’t perfect in your life right now, that doesn’t mean you’re not moving in the right direction.
You’re in a stable living situation now, and I thought I overheard you talking to my mom about updating your resume? ”
Sasha’s smile faded a bit. “Yeah, or at least I’m trying to.
I don’t think it will matter what I do, it’s just not a very impressive resume.
I worked at a Wendy’s in high school, but that’s my only job experience and I was only there for a couple months during the summer.
Your mom’s friend said I could work at her bookstore during the holidays, but I feel a little weird taking a job I didn’t necessarily earn. Does that make sense?”
“Wait—” Mallory frowned. “Are you talking about Kate? The woman who owns the bookstore in town?”
“Yup.”
“Oh wow. Kate offered you a job? Just like that?”
“Well, not really. She told your mom that she needed an extra pair of hands,” she explained.
“And I guess your mom said that I was looking for work? I don’t know exactly how the conversation went.
” She rubbed her face and groaned. “But maybe I’m being ridiculous.
I should probably just take the job and be grateful that someone else wants to help me.
I just—I wish I had gotten the job on my own merits. ”
“I understand.” Mallory looked down at the top of Dot’s head, hoping Sasha wouldn’t notice the difficulty she was having talking about this. “I would likely feel a similar way, but I also don’t think you have anything to worry about. Kate wouldn’t offer up a job unless she really needed the help.”
“That’s good to know… I’ll think about it.”
Mallory nodded but left it at that. Her mind had already jumped on a new train, barreling towards a bunch of questions she didn’t want to have to ask herself.
Why was her mom so quick to find Sasha a job, when she was always hesitant to pull strings with her friends when it was Mallory looking for work?
And how was Sasha able to start putting her life together so quickly?
Suspicion, mixed with a healthy dose of jealousy, swam up in Mallory’s throat and forced the next sentence from her lips. “So, just out of curiosity, do you have any information about the women’s shelter you were staying in before you came to live here?”
Sasha frowned. “Umm, I can’t remember off the top of my head, sorry.”
“Can you at least tell me where the shelter is located?” Mallory pushed. “I bet I could find the information I’m looking for if you just gave me the name of the town or neighborhood it’s in.”
“A lot of the towns in this area have similar names,” she said. “But I think it was maybe in Glendale, or maybe it was Crescent something? Do either of those ring a bell?”
“There’s a Glendale in Southern California, is that where you were?”
“No, no. I was up North.” She smiled and got up off the couch. “I’m sorry, I just can’t remember right now but I’ll look it up and tell you the name of the place once I find it.” She approached the chair with hands out. “I need to change Dot, can I have her?”
Mallory gave Sasha her baby, knowing that the second she had Dot in her arms, she would dash out of the room and go back to avoiding having any one-on-one conversations with the youngest Ward child.
“Right, of course,” she said during the hand-off.
“But I have to say, I’m a little surprised that you don’t know the name or even the town.
Are you sure there’s not another reason you might want to keep this information from me? ”
Sasha stared down at Mallory for a few seconds before walking away with the baby. “You think I’ve got secrets, don’t you?”
Mallory, who wasn’t expecting the young woman to be so direct with her, laughed awkwardly. “Uh, now that you mention it, yeah I do.”
“That makes sense. I haven’t necessarily given you much of a reason to trust me.” She smiled coldly and switched Dot over to her other hip. “But maybe before you go around throwing rocks in this glass house, you take a closer look at the people you do trust.”
“What?” Mallory was too confused to be offended. She had no idea what to make of this. “What are you talking about?”
Sasha shrugged. “I just think you might be looking for dirt in the wrong places. Has it ever occurred to you that it might be your parents who are keeping secrets?”
Mallory was stunned speechless, not that Sasha waited around to hear her response anyway. After dropping that bomb, she kissed her baby on top of her head and walked out of the room with the ease of someone who hadn’t just turned Mallory’s entire world upside down.