Coming Home to the Sunflower Cliffs

Chapter 6

Daisy flinched. ‘She had your baby?’

He cleared his throat. ‘No, she miscarried at five months,’ he murmured.

Daisy’s heart pounded at the shock of this news. She couldn’t think what to say.

‘After not hearing from you for over a year,’ he said, ‘Bella and I met up with each other when we were each out with friends in town. One thing led to another…’ He looked down at his feet and exhaled sharply. ‘I’m not proud of what I did. I still loved you, so it was unfair to Bella, which was why I felt doubly certain that I had to marry her when she told me she was pregnant.’ He sighed heavily. ‘I’m sorry, Daisy. It was a mistake and we both know that now.’

Daisy didn’t know what to say. ‘How heartbreaking for you both,’ she whispered, tearing her eyes away from the sadness in his. She turned and began walking. ‘I’m sorry for you and Bella, really I am,’ she said. ‘But I’m going to have to think about this.’ She was heartbroken to think of him preparing to be a father to another woman’s baby. How different to her own father who’d made promises to her mother he hadn’t kept. At least Gabe had stood by Bella and not let her down. It occurred to her that maybe she wouldn’t be so distrustful of others if her father had been around more. She had no right to feel badly towards Gabe when she had no claim on him, but she’d dreamt so many times of their future together and it always involved a brood of tousle-haired boys and girls playing on a sandy beach somewhere.

‘I really am sorry,’ he said, walking next to her.

She could tell he meant what he said. ‘It must have been a difficult time for you both.’ She struggled to resist from adding anything further, but her resentment of what he’d done overtook her best intentions. ‘You must have married pretty soon after sleeping together though.’

‘Three months,’ he said quietly. ‘We weren’t together long because as soon as she lost the baby, she told me she was returning to France and wanted to put the whole mess behind her.’

‘So, it was her choice to leave you?’

‘It was mutual,’ he said quietly. ‘I couldn’t help missing you and she wasn’t ready to settle down.’

‘Will your divorce be final soon?’ she asked, desperate to find something positive to cling to.

‘Not for a while, like I said.’ He moved to avoid collision with a small child on his bike.

‘Why not?’

‘Because in Jersey you have to be married for three years before you can start divorce proceedings.’

‘So, you can’t begin divorce proceedings for another two and a half years?’ He nodded. ‘How can I think about getting back together with you while you’re still married? I grew up with occasional visits from my father because he married someone else soon after my mother became pregnant with me. I’ve told you this already,’ she said, not enjoying being so open about her issues with her past. ‘I’m sorry, but I can’t contemplate seeing a married man now; it’s too close to home.’

‘I’m sorry about what happened between your parents, Daisy, and I can’t imagine how you feel, but this is different. My marriage to Bella is over in all but name. It’s a legality, nothing more,’ he said. ‘Seeing you again has brought back all the feelings I had for you when we were away. I want to try and make things work between us.’

‘How?’ she asked, sensing a laugh rising up through her body, or maybe she was about to cry.

‘I don’t know,’ he said, taking her hands in his. ‘But I’ll work something out. I promise.’

She swallowed and looked down from his face. She wanted him so much, but this was so complicated. Daisy pushed her resentment away, instantly feeling guilty for being so selfish. Maybe she was just jealous. After all it wasn’t really Gabe’s fault that things between them had turned out to be more complicated than she’d expected. She hadn’t exactly been open with him about Aaron and her issues, and her resentment of her father wasn’t his fault.

‘I think we should go back to the hotel now,’ she said, unable to bear feeling so envious of some other woman. She wasn’t a jealous person usually and this alien emotion nauseated her.

‘But I haven’t shown you the lighthouse yet,’ he said.

‘I think we’ve done all we needed to do this afternoon, don’t you?’ She looked up at him and waited for him to answer.

He nodded. ‘Fine… You’re right. It’s time to go back.’

They walked back in silence. She stole a glance up at him and saw such sadness in his face that for a second she felt cruel. She’d been the one who promised to contact him and hadn’t. It’s my own fault, she realised. If I had answered his emails like I wanted to then none of this would have happened. She’d had her reasons though, despite how much she wanted to turn back the clock, and nothing could change what she’d had to cope with then. She pushed the image of Aaron to the back of her mind. She couldn’t cope with thinking about him right now. ‘Life’s a real pain sometimes,’ she said, not meaning to voice her thoughts.

‘You’re not kidding.’

They arrived back at the hotel valley and Daisy stopped and turned to him. ‘Let’s go our separate ways from here,’ she said, unable to bear being with him and her thoughts a moment longer. ‘I’m going to go to my room for a bit and I think you need to go and see if Fi needs anything.’ She checked her watch. ‘I’ve got to be back on reception in just over an hour and need to shower and chill for a bit first.’

‘Why don’t you have a swim?’ he suggested. ‘The pool is lovely and cool enough to be refreshing.’

‘I thought the staff weren’t supposed to swim in the pool.’

He shrugged. ‘They can as long as they’re discreet and it’s not in the middle of the day. It’s usually quiet round about now, so why not make the most of it?’

‘Thanks,’ she said, grateful to him for the suggestion. ‘I will.’ Without waiting for him to say anything else, she walked up the stairs closest to the staff quarters to go and change into her swimming costume. Stepping inside, she pushed her window as wide as it would go to let in some much-needed fresh air – not that the humid evening was allowing much relief inside the room. She pulled off her skirt and top and changed out of her underwear and into the red halter-neck bikini she’d bought when she’d been given the job in Jersey. There wasn’t any point coming to work on a holiday island and not make the most of the glorious weather, she’d thought.

A lifetime living on the outskirts of Devon hadn’t really prepared her for island life, though one thing she hadn’t had any trouble getting used to was the glorious weather. We might only be a couple of hundred miles south of the coast of England, she thought, but this place seems almost tropical at times. She loved this island and whether Gabriel was staying or not, she hoped to be able to stay here for the foreseeable future.

She put on a loose-fitting cotton dress and flip-flops and walked outside to the pool area. She looked around, relieved to see that only the pool attendant was out there, tidying up the seat covers and straightening tables. The guests must be out seeing the island, she decided. Slipping the dress over her head, she placed it down with her towel on one of the chairs in a far corner to the entrance of the area. She walked over to the edge of the pool, dipped the toes of her right foot into the water and then without giving herself time to think, dived in.

Her warm skin stung briefly when it touched the cool water. The otherworldly feeling of gliding through the water, unable to hear or feel anything or anyone around her, was bliss. She opened her eyes and swam to the shallow end, coming up for air with a smile on her face. Wiping the water from her face, she smoothed her wet hair back from her forehead, looking towards the arched front double doors of the hotel just as Gabriel emerged accompanying a couple of guests to their taxi. He stopped and gave her a smouldering look. She felt a pang so strong that all her good intentions of not falling for him were lost in an instant.

Unable to tear her gaze away from his, the message of his regret came across perfectly and for a second she wondered if maybe she’d been too quick to dismiss the prospect of the two of them ever being able to move on from this. The man standing next to Gabriel realised he wasn’t paying attention to what they were saying and Daisy saw him look over in her direction, giving her an approving look. She bent her knees so her shoulders were in the water when the woman also looked in her direction, no doubt to see what they were staring at. She smiled at Daisy and said something to Gabriel, who reddened slightly, shook his head, and opened the taxi door for them.

Daisy swam to the other side of the pool. Not wishing to be the centre of so much attention, she hurriedly got out, and grabbed her towel and wrapped it around her chest. She picked up her bag, slipped on her flip-flops and went around the side of the hotel to return to her room. She heard the taxi purring down the curved driveway and slowed her step. How could she really expect this situation to continue? she wondered miserably. Gabriel had his issues, as well as a divorce to deal with, and was certainly going to be around for the next month while Francesca and Rick were working, and as difficult as it was going to be, she couldn’t let Lydia down by leaving.

It wasn’t only that she had nowhere else to go, but also that she didn’t back out of her contract – she’d agreed to work the entire season at the Encore. She would just have to keep her head down and work hard, saving as much as possible so that she could maybe share a flat with someone who had residential qualifications here on the island. Gabriel wouldn’t be here too long, she decided; he had too many interests elsewhere with his marine exploration.

After a few days of trying to do just that, Daisy was working on a group booking at reception when Lydia walked up to the desk. ‘Hello,’ she said, her short white hair as immaculate as ever.

‘Hi,’ Daisy replied. ‘Isn’t this weather glorious?’

Lydia nodded. ‘It is, thankfully. The guests are always so much happier when they can plan their days to the beach or simply relax by the pool.’ She nodded a greeting to a passing gentleman who raised his Panama hat slightly in acknowledgement. When he’d stepped outside, Lydia added, ‘I haven’t seen you in my garden recently. Is everything all right?’

Embarrassed to have appeared rude and to have caused Lydia concern, Daisy blushed. ‘Fine, really. I’ve just been, um, busy with this and that.’

Lydia looked either side of her to check no one was around, and bending in slightly said, ‘So your absence has nothing to do with my grandson’s little bombshell the other day?’

Daisy frowned. ‘I’m sorry?’ She hadn’t expected him to share their argument with his grandmother and was mortified to think they’d been discussing her behind her back.

Lydia shook her head. ‘I think that came out a little oddly. I have a confession to make to you.’

Not another confession, Daisy groaned inwardly. ‘What is it?’ she asked politely, not really wishing to know.

‘I overheard your conversation with Gabriel in my garden.’

Daisy racked her brains to think what they’d actually said. She didn’t want to offer any information if it was incorrect, so shrugged. ‘Sorry, I can’t recall what we were talking about.’

‘His marriage to Bella,’ Lydia said gently. ‘I’m sorry, I hadn’t meant to eavesdrop, but I was working on a small shrubbery and you two stopped in front of a couple of the bushes and there didn’t seem to be the right time to make my presence known to you. Are you all right?’

Daisy was unable to hide the look of hurt on her face. ‘It was a shock,’ she said quietly.

Lydia nodded. ‘I’m sure it must have come as a terrible blow.’ She put one hand on her chest.

It occurred to Daisy that Gabriel’s secret had brought back unexpected memories for Lydia too. Daisy could see she was troubled by them and hurriedly forced a smile. ‘I’m fine now though, honestly,’ she fibbed.

Lydia studied her face and Daisy couldn’t help looking away, aware that she could see right through her attempts at bravado. ‘I think we should sit down and have a chat, woman-to-woman. Pop round after your shift, if you want.’

‘I’d like that,’ Daisy admitted. It would be good to speak with someone she trusted, even if that person adored Gabriel above anyone else.

After her shift was over, Daisy caught a bus to Lydia’s house and the two of them went for a walk down to the end of her garden and onto the beach below.

‘I’m glad you invited me to do this,’ Daisy said, stepping out of her flip-flops and holding them in one hand. ‘I think one of my all-time favourite things has to be walking barefoot on a sandy beach.’

‘I agree,’ Lydia said, pushing the front of her straw hat down a little further onto her forehead. ‘Please don’t think too badly of Gabriel,’ she said. ‘He means well even if he’s made some choices I find difficult to accept.’

‘Don’t you like Bella?’ Daisy asked, hoping she wasn’t over-stepping the mark where her employer was concerned.

Lydia stopped walking and looked at Daisy, the intensity of her icy blue gaze reaching deep into her soul. ‘I do like her.’ She rested a hand on Daisy’s shoulder. ‘She’s a lovely girl, although I’m sure that’s not what you’d prefer me to tell you.’

Her honesty stung, but Daisy was grateful to Lydia for being so open. At least this way she could be sure she was telling her the truth.

‘A few years ago,’ Lydia continued, ‘I would have been delighted to welcome her to the family.’

‘Oh? What’s changed?’ Daisy asked, confused.

‘I think I should be honest with you about my feelings for Bella. Her family were good friends with Francesca and Rick, so when Gabriel and she were teenagers it was probably not too unexpected that they began dating each other. No one foresaw them continuing that relationship though, and I think you should know that Francesca is more than a little disappointed that Bella and Gabriel are getting a divorce. She’d been looking forward to, well…’

‘Becoming a grandmother?’ Daisy offered, when Lydia struggled to find the right words.

Lydia threw back her head in laughter. ‘Oh my word, no, never that.’ She shook her head. ‘Francesca isn’t nearly ready to be a grandmother, but she did like the idea of her best friend’s daughter marrying her son.’

Lydia began walking again and Daisy kept in step with her. ‘So what you’re trying to tell me is that my boss isn’t going to be too pleased to discover that Gabriel and I have a history, however small.’

‘Exactly.’

It gets better and better, Daisy thought, bending down to pick up a piece of green glass made opaque by years of being tossed about by the sea. She quickened her step to catch up. Wanting to change the subject she said, ‘Gabriel is as dark as you’re fair.’

Lydia smiled. ‘You think it’s strange because Francesca and Rick are pretty fair too. His grandfather was dark, though.’

Daisy nodded.

They walked in silence for a moment and Daisy began to think that Lydia had forgotten she was next to her. Not wishing to disturb the woman’s thoughts, she concentrated on listening to the waves as they broke against the shoreline near to them.

‘His grandfather was very handsome,’ she said wistfully. ‘His name was Lorenzo and he was Italian. He was the reason I gave up acting and disappeared from the public eye.’

Daisy was intrigued to hear Lydia’s story. ‘That’s so romantic,’ she said, longing to have that sort of thing in her life. ‘You must have loved him very much.’

Lydia nodded. ‘It was a magical time. We met when I was filming on location in Naples. He was one of the supporting actors and we only had a couple of short scenes together. I was out walking in the city one day. I’d gone off wandering and got lost, and he happened to discover me trying not to panic as the sun set. He offered me a lift on the back of his Lambretta.’ She laughed. ‘I was shy back then and tried to argue with him but he told me the streets were dangerous and that he would walk next to me if he had to, but he wasn’t leaving me alone. So, in the end, I gave in and went back to the hotel with him.’

Daisy sighed. She could picture a younger version of Gabriel insisting that Lydia Grey accept his offer of a ride home. ‘How lovely. What happened next?’

Lydia smiled. ‘I used to see him around the set most days, and then he disappeared for a few weeks. I was devastated and it was then that I realised I’d fallen in love with him. When he returned, I was ecstatic and so when he secretly asked me out to visit a new galleria that had opened up I agreed and went with him. We saw each other every day after that until shooting ended.’

‘Is that when you came back to Jersey?’

Lydia nodded. ‘My mother insisted I return. I’d tried to confide in her about Lorenzo, but she didn’t want to know. She was determined that I would marry an Englishman with money, who could give me the life she’d never had. She was very ambitious for me.’

‘But you obviously saw him again because you had Francesca together.’

Lydia took her hat from her head, smoothed down her hair, and replaced it to shield her pale face from the sun. ‘He came here, to Jersey, to try and see me, but my mother lied and told him I was away filming. But I was lucky – I’d broken my stiletto heel when I was in town so I came home early and saw him walking down our front path.’

‘How lucky,’ Daisy murmured, entranced by the romance of Lydia’s story.

‘I didn’t realise what my mother had done until I got back home again later that evening, but by then Lorenzo had given me the name of the small hotel where he was staying as well as his address in Italy. We secretly spent every day together for the rest of his brief trip and it was then that I became pregnant with Francesca.’

‘It’s like something you’d see in a movie,’ Daisy said dreamily.

Lydia pulled a face. ‘No, it was terrible. My mother was horrified when I told her. I stupidly thought she’d insist Lorenzo and I marry, but instead she planned to take me to her sister’s in Scotland to have the baby and then for it to be adopted.’

Daisy gasped, shocked to hear how Lydia had been treated by her own mother. ‘How did you manage to keep your baby?’

Lydia picked up a seagull feather. She held one end and pulled the soft white strands slowly through her fingers. ‘I managed to send a letter to Lorenzo telling him where we were going. He arrived in Jersey the morning we were due to leave for Scotland and we ran away together.’

‘How?’

‘On a friend’s boat. He sailed us to St Malo and from there we travelled by train down to Lorenzo’s flat in a small village outside Rome.’ Lydia smiled at Daisy and she realised she must have a gormless expression on her face. ‘Let’s sit here,’ Lydia suggested, leading her to a bank where some grass clung on in the sand. ‘It’s so hot I could do with a rest.’

‘Of course.’ Daisy sat next to her and pushed her feet deep into the soft tiny grains of sand.

‘Where was I?’ Lydia frowned, then before Daisy could remind her, stared out to sea. Daisy could almost see the older woman’s past catching up with her. Her face took on a haunted look and she wondered if maybe asking her to divulge her history to her might not be the best thing she could have done.

‘If it’s painful for you to recall all this and you don’t want to tell me, I’ll understand,’ she said.

‘No, its fine. I need to remember. I forget sometimes and reminisce about Lorenzo, making him out to be the perfect gentleman, which he was not. He was my first and only love though.’

How sad, thought Daisy, for such a beautiful woman to have only loved one man and lost him. ‘When did you part?’ she asked, intrigued, but concerned at her direct question.

‘Francesca was two when I discovered he had a mistress.’ She looked at Daisy. ‘She was a beautiful Italian girl he’d fallen in love with. His first love.’

‘Like Bella is to Gabriel?’ Daisy asked almost to herself.

Lydia nodded. ‘Yes, like that.’

She felt a pang in her heart, but couldn’t blame Lydia for telling her the truth.

‘Sorry, but it is very similar,’ Lydia said, patting Daisy’s clasped hands. ‘Lorenzo loved his daughter, very much, but became more demanding of me. I think he loved me, but I began to believe that he loved the idea of me, more than me as a person. I’d been this untouchable actress, courted and photographed, someone to admire. When I was heavily pregnant and then afterwards he used to come home and I’d catch him watching me – no make-up, creased clothes, and definitely not being coveted by other men. I’d gone from being a goddess in his eyes to his laundry maid and he seemed unable to hide how very let down he felt by me.’

‘But that’s so unfair,’ Daisy said, hurt on Lydia’s behalf. ‘You were bringing up his baby.’

Lydia nodded. ‘I thought so too, but he hadn’t wanted a baby with me, he wanted someone to adore. I think his mistress was always glamorous. I’ve often thought she’d have suited him much better than me.’ She wiped her eyes with her fingertips. ‘It was all rather a mess in the end.’

Daisy could feel the pain that these memories still stung Lydia. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘No, it’s fine. It was so long ago and if I’d fallen in love with someone else after Lorenzo then maybe this wouldn’t still hurt me so much, but I didn’t and it does.’

‘Did he mind you leaving him?’ Daisy asked doubtfully. She’d found it hard enough to break away from her own past and emotional blackmail was always a difficult thing to fight, she’d discovered.

Lydia laughed, and a pained bitter sound came from her mouth. ‘It was horrendous. When he discovered I was planning to leave him, he locked me in the flat and wouldn’t let me out. Thankfully I’d made friends with a daughter of one of the neighbours. She’d been a fan of mine and so kindly posted a letter for me to my agent. He was furious with me for eloping with Lorenzo, but thankfully still had offers coming in for work for me. He had connections in Italy and sent two brothers round, who were heavies of some sort. They got me and Francesca away from Lorenzo.’

Daisy couldn’t help wishing she had backup like that. ‘That must have been traumatic.’

Lydia sighed. ‘It was terrifying at the time and he was furious and threatened me with all sorts, but I hid at a friend’s flat in London and eventually he agreed to let me stay in England with Francesca. He never agreed to divorce me and eventually I gave up fighting him for my freedom. I’d got away from him and that seemed enough. It didn’t stop me being hurt when I discovered through the neighbour’s daughter that he was still seen with his mistress and eventually moved her into our home.’

‘Did you ever see him again?’

She shook her head. ‘He wrote to Francesca when he was a bit older and calmer, sending the letters to my parents. They met up once or twice, which I was relieved about.’

‘How sad.’

‘So, not as romantic as you’d expected, was it?’

Daisy shook her head. ‘No, it wasn’t.’

‘But I comfort myself with the fact that Gabriel inherited his grandfather’s good looks.’ She looked at Daisy and pulled a face. ‘Gabriel might have been in love with Bella and married the girl, but she isn’t his mistress and he would never treat a woman like his grandfather did.’

‘Good, I’m glad,’ Daisy said. Then she had a disturbing thought. ‘If anything, I’m the mistress in this scenario.’

‘You’re not sleeping with him, are you?’

Daisy widened her eyes, embarrassed to have been asked such a question by Gabriel’s own grandmother. ‘No, I’m not.’

‘Sorry, it’s none of my business really.’ She took one of Daisy’s hands in hers and squeezed it gently. ‘Give him a chance to sort this mess out with Bella. It would be a terrible shame if the two of you couldn’t be together when you obviously have feelings for each other. Give him time.’

Daisy nodded. She didn’t like to say that they didn’t have much time. She wouldn’t stay at the hotel longer than the end of the season and Gabriel was leaving in less than a month to go and return to his project work in South Africa. He might come back, but for how long?

‘You look troubled,’ Lydia said. ‘What’s the matter?’

‘Nothing,’ Daisy fibbed. She wasn’t going to put his grandmother in the difficult position of playing referee to them both. The last thing she needed was to have to make a choice between Daisy and Gabriel, because Daisy knew full well that she would always choose her grandson, and that was exactly how it should be. ‘Isn’t this the most glorious view?’ she asked, to divert Lydia’s attention.

Lydia watched her briefly but when Daisy looked out across the sea, Lydia followed her gaze. ‘It really is wonderful. I love travelling and always enjoyed working abroad, but I’m never happier than when I’m sitting on one of the beaches on this island.’

‘I can see why,’ Daisy said.

They sat in companionable silence for a while, each lost in their own thoughts. Daisy couldn’t help wondering what it must have been like to be in a love affair that encompassed your entire world. Poor Lydia, to have suffered so cruelly at the hands of the one man you loved so much that you still felt the pain keenly sixty years later.

The tide slowly worked its way towards them until Daisy, lost in thought, gasped as the cold, salty froth of the sea licked against her toes.

‘Gosh, I was dozing off then,’ Lydia said, smiling at her. ‘This is almost too relaxing.’

‘I enjoyed this evening,’ Daisy said.

‘So did I,’ Lydia said. She didn’t speak for a few minutes before continuing. ‘I don’t want you and Gabriel to fall out over Bella. You seem to click together so beautifully.’

Daisy didn’t want to offend Lydia, but felt she had to be honest enough to let her know that sorting out their issues probably wouldn’t be as easy as she hoped. ‘I’ve had a lot of emotional stuff to deal with these past two years,’ she confided. ‘I’m not ready to open myself up for more heartache.’

Lydia nodded. ‘I understand. Although, surely being friends with each other won’t lead to difficulties? He’ll need your support, I’m sure.’

Daisy didn’t like to argue, so nodded, even though she didn’t agree with what Lydia was proposing.