8. Cara
Chapter eight
Cara
A tornado of emotions was still spinning inside me when I returned home to the Sunset Apartments that afternoon.
Riley was sitting at the dining table, hunched over his homework, oblivious to everything going on around him—and inside me.
When he heard me walk in, he looked up from his books and frowned. “Hi, Mom. Oh, are you okay?”
I shrugged off my winter coat and tried to put on a smile. “Yes, of course, honey.”
I hated lying to him. Riley and I were close, and usually, we told each other what was going on in our lives, but how could I possibly tell him any of what was going on? Your father is back, but he’s trying to destroy Cedar Creek Ranch, and I still have feelings for him, but he can never be part of our life because your grandfather is a rich asshole with a god -complex. I didn’t even know what to make of all that myself, so I held back. Riley was too young to deal with any of that.
“How was school?” I asked instead.
“We had a surprise Spanish test today, but I think I did alright.”
“Of course you did,” I said, patting his shoulder. “What do you want to eat?”
“Can we have french fries and chicken nuggets?”
“Again?”
“Please.”
I sighed, but I didn’t have it in me that night to fight my son on healthy eating habits, so I relented. “I’ll get the air fryer out.”
Riley ate his first plate of fries empty within minutes and went back into the kitchen nook for a second serving. He’d been eating more like a grizzly bear than a boy recently, and I suspected a growth spurt was probably coming. I wondered if he would end up as tall as his father. He was similar to Ellis in so many ways already.
“Parker was sick today,” Riley said when he returned with his plate full of cheese-covered fries. “Can I go check on him tomorrow after school?”
“Of course. Just be back before dinner.”
Parker was Riley’s best friend, and those two sometimes forgot the world around them when they were caught up in whatever twelve-year-old boys did when they were alone—probably playing Mystimons until their brains turned to mush.
Riley helped me wash the dishes after dinner, then we watched some TV, a trivia game show. We always tried to guess along with the candidates, but with everything going on, I wasn’t at the top of my game, and Riley scolded me for getting easy questions wrong.
“I’m sorry, honey. I’m just really tired. Can we call it an early night?”
He moaned and groaned until I allowed him to take his phone to bed so that he could text with Parker before bed. Not my proudest parenting moment, but I really needed some time alone to sort through my thoughts.
After Riley retreated to his room, I prepared the pullout couch for the night.
Our apartment had only one bedroom, and that was Riley’s room because a boy his age needed a private space, but that left me with no other option but to sleep in the already pretty small living room.
It wasn’t ideal, but that apartment was all we could comfortably afford on my unsteady income as a photographer. I’d managed to make it cozy for us, and Riley had assured me time and time again that he didn’t mind, but I’d often wondered, especially when money had been even tighter than usual, how our life would look if I hadn’t followed Carlisle Benton’s orders and had put Ellis’s name on Riley’s birth certificate. I had no idea how much money Ellis had, exactly, but I was sure child support payments would be enough for a very comfortable lifestyle.
But then I always remembered the threats Carlisle had made, and no amount of money in the world was worth losing Riley over it.
I had chosen Riley over the money, and it had worked out well enough for us.
At least until Ellis returned to turn my life upside-down again.
Images of our encounter in my studio kept flashing before my eyes. Being close to him again was like a switch had been flipped. I felt like that na?ve twenty-one-year-old girl again, who’d fallen head over heels for the handsome, rich, sensitive prince. And in that rush of feelings, I’d almost allowed him to kiss me.
The memories made me restless. I carefully cracked open the door to Riley’s bedroom and found him fast asleep, his phone turned off on his bedside table, just as we’d agreed.
A trip down memory lane was a bad idea, but I couldn’t stop myself. I opened the built-in closet next to the entry door and started digging. I knew it was in there somewhere. After pushing away the ironing board and the vacuum cleaner and moving some boxes that held shoes and a plastic bag full of summer clothes, I finally found it tucked away in a dark corner of the closet: a small, unassuming brown carton.
I hadn’t opened it in many years.
My hands were shaking slightly when I put it down on the couch table. With a racing pulse, I removed the lid and took out a stack of pictures and letters.
The letters were from Ellis, but I’d taken most of the pictures.
The first one on top of the stack showed a much younger Ellis. His face looked softer, and his hair was longer. He was lying in bed, smiling up at me.
There were more like that. Some of them showed just him, and some showed both of us together. A few, taken by Ellis, showed me.
Candid pictures of a happy young couple, giddy and deeply in love.
Some were mundane: us in a park, us on a boat, us at a fairground. Some were more intimate in nature.
The sight of Ellis’s unclothed body made my face heat up, even after all those years. God, he really had been handsome.
He still was although he looked different now. Everything about him was sharper and harder, and I wasn’t sure I liked the change.
I preferred the young man in these pictures, the one I’d loved when I still had high hopes for love.
With a strange mix of sorrow for the Ellis I’d lost and longing for the Ellis who had visited me in my photo studio, I put the pictures aside and picked up one of the letters he’d written me after returning to England.
My love,
I’ve settled back into my life in Cambridge, but it does not feel the same. I’m surrounded by people, so I’m never alone, but I feel lonely without you.
There are very few people who really understand me. My mother was one of them, and then there is you. And that’s about it. I’ve never found anyone I could talk to like I talk to you, and I miss it very much. Phone calls and letters help, of course, but I can’t wait to see you again. I made a calendar to count down the days…
I had to stop reading. It was just too painful. We really had thought we could make it work. Cinderella and her Prince Charming, lovers from two very different worlds, united by fate.
I’d been so high on love that I only noticed my period hadn’t come six weeks after Ellis returned to Cambridge.
When I held the positive pregnancy test in my hand, my first emotion had been joy. I was in love, and I was going to have a baby with the man I loved so much. In my youthful naivety, it seemed like a fairytale come true.
I hadn’t planned to tell Carlisle Benton before I told Ellis, but I had to ask him for a day off so that I could go to a doctor and confirm everything was right with the pregnancy.
Carlisle immediately became suspicious, and he had a way of prying things out of people. After an intense interrogation, I fessed up.
And his reaction was worse than anything I’d imagined.
Of course, I had assumed he wouldn’t be thrilled. I knew I wasn’t the type of woman men like Ellis usually dated, and we both were very young to become parents, but I hadn’t expected the white-hot anger I received.
With thin lips and clenched fists, he gave me a choice.
“I won’t allow the heir to my empire to be raised by some hippie artist,” he said. “Either you hand the child over so it can be properly raised and educated, or you will disappear from our lives.”
“Properly educated?” I had asked with a shaky voice.
“Private tutors, a boarding school somewhere in Europe, a prestigious university.”
“I don’t want my child to live at a boarding school on another continent!”
“You have no say in the matter. Ellis would have the sole custody of the child.”
“What? No! You can’t do that!”
“Girl, you know who I am. I can do everything I want. If you fight me on this, I will dig up so much dirt about you that you won’t even get accompanied visitations. Didn’t you spend some time in a psychiatric unit?”
“For two days! After my father had died, I—”
“And your mother is a diagnosed schizophrenic who lives in a care facility?”
“H-how do you know that?”
“Don’t test me, girl. Sign over your rights, or…”
“Or?” I asked meekly, frozen in fear at the thought of losing this baby.
“Or you tell no one about this pregnancy and disappear. Do with the child what you want, but no one can know who its father is. I don’t want some bastard tarnishing my family’s reputation.”
“I can’t even tell Ellis?”
“He must never find out.”
“Then what should I tell him?”
“You tell him nothing. You just leave. You leave right now, and the two of us will pretend none of this ever happened. Not you and Ellis, not this pregnancy. Understood?”
That was the choice he gave me, and as much as it broke my heart to leave Ellis, protecting my child from the monster of a man that was Carlisle Benton had been more important.
I packed my bags that night. I stopped answering Ellis’s calls and messages, and a few months later, I gave birth to Riley. Annette and Terry were the only people in the hospital waiting room that day, and when the time came to fill out Riley’s birth certificate, I told the nurse to write down “father: unknown.”
I might have been na?ve, but I was not stupid. I knew how dangerous men like Carlisle Benton could be, and I didn’t intend to mess around and find out with him—not then, not now.
No matter what I’d felt or what I still felt for Ellis, nothing could happen between us. I had to keep him at a distance even if that was getting harder with each minute he spent in Brightwater.
If he would just leave, things would be easier for all of us. But he had that factory project, and if that went through, months might pass before Ellis left again.
My only hope to get him out of Brightwater was if Terry and Annette refused to sell their land to him. Then he would have to leave and look for a suitable building site elsewhere, and I could go back to my quiet, safe, heartbreak-free life with my son.
I had no bookings the following day, so I spent most of it at home, on the couch with my laptop on my legs, editing and preparing pictures I’d already taken.
I told myself I was doing it to avoid the snowfall that had started shortly after Riley left for school, but the truth was that I was afraid of running into Ellis again. And even worse, a part of me wanted to see him again, and I needed to keep that silly little voice in check. Being around Ellis was dangerous. My brain just wasn’t working right when he was close, and I was tempted to say all kinds of stupid things and make all kinds of bad decisions.
By three o’clock, the snow had stopped, all my pictures were edited and uploaded, and Riley had called me to confirm he was at Parker’s house to keep his sick friend company.
I was out of excuses to hole up in the apartment, so I decided to tackle the issue head-on. After a quick call to Terry to make sure he wasn’t expecting Ellis, I jumped into my car, again ignoring the troubling noise the engine made after a few miles, and drove over to Cedar Creek Ranch.
Annette opened the door for me, a steaming cup of hot chocolate in hand.
“Cara, love, so good to see you. You just missed Terry and Wyatt. They’re at the veterinarian with Maverick. He hurt his leg again. But I’ve made some hot chocolate just the way you like it.”
I followed Annette inside and sat down with her at the kitchen table.
The hot chocolate tasted wonderful and warmed me up from the inside out.
“How are you holding up?” I asked. “And how is Terry doing?”
Annette stared into her cup. “He’s not talking much to me these days. Or to anyone else. It’s hard on him. It’s hard for all of us, but it’s especially hard on him.”
“I know it’s not my place to decide, but I really don’t think you should sell. Cedar Creek is part of Brightwater. I can’t imagine the town without you here.”
“We won’t be gone completely. I reckon we will buy a small house in the town, after… after everything is done.”
Hearing Annette talk like that, like destroying Cedar Creek Ranch was a when, not an if, hurt. And the thought of what that meant for Ellis and me made my heart race. I’d already struggled with resisting my feelings in the few days since his arrival. Staying away from him for months would be torture. “Oh, Annette, you can’t allow this to happen. There has to be another way.”
Annette shook her head. “Love, we don’t want this. We have delayed it for as long as we could, but I don’t see any other options. Terry is looking over the numbers every evening, shutting himself away in his office until midnight, but he always comes to bed with the same results.”
“Can’t you at least find another buyer? Maybe someone who will continue with the ranch? The thought of a huge, boxy factory ruining this beautiful landscape is killing me. I bet they’re going to put out a whole lot of toxic waste.”
“The environmental consultant said they won’t.”
“But it’s still going to be an ugly eyesore.”
“Cara, I wish there was another solution, but it’s not easy selling a property of this size. And with each passing month, the interest on our debt adds up. I’m afraid we don’t have time to wait for a better offer.”
“There really is no one else? It’s such a beautiful ranch. There must be someone else. Anyone!” I realized I sounded desperate, and I felt bad, because my worry was—at least in part—self-serving, but I really needed Ellis out of Brightwater as soon as possible.
Annette went quiet. She looked at me with a deep frown cutting into her forehead, her finger thoughtfully tapping against her cup.
“Cara, I have to ask you something,” she finally said.
“What is it?”
“Is this man from Horizon, this Ellis Benton… Riley’s father?”
I froze, too shocked, too scared to answer. “W-what? No! I… no!”
Annette didn’t argue, she just looked at me.
I tried to swallow, but my throat was clenched shut. I could tell Annette was seeing right through me. No matter what I said, she wouldn’t believe me. And it was Annette, who had been like a mother to me for over a decade. I trusted no one in the world more than Annette. Deep down, below my panic, I knew I could be honest with her. I needed to be honest with her.
Holding on to my mug, I hung my head low. “How did you find out?”
She reached over the table to pat my hand. “You made a good effort to hide it, but I know you so well. To me, it was obvious right away. Your reaction to him was way too strong for someone you claimed you met in passing two days ago. I could sense you had history.”
“He caught me off guard. I had never expected to see him again.”
“And then there’s, of course, the fact that Riley looks just like him.”
I nodded. “He does, yes.”
“What happened between you two? Did he abandon you with the baby?” I could hear the anger in her voice and immediately felt the need to defend Ellis.
“No, it wasn’t like that at all. Ellis doesn’t even know Riley exists. I never told him.”
“You never told him?” Annette asked with furrowed brows. “Keeping a secret like this doesn’t seem like you at all.”
“It’s a long story.”
“We have at least two hours until Terry and Wyatt return,” Annette said with a warm smile. “And I have the feeling talking about this might make you feel better.”
So I did. I told Annette everything, from the moment I first laid eyes on Ellis, the fresh-faced second-year Cambridge student coming home to his family over the summer break, to my unexpected pregnancy. I told her about the ultimatum Carlisle Benton gave me, which upset Annette so much that she nearly spilled her hot chocolate. I told her about the heartbreak of breaking up with Ellis without a word, despite being deeply in love, and the fear of losing Riley that had stayed in the back of my mind all those years.
“And now he’s here in Brightwater, and I really need him to not be here because I can’t risk him seeing me with Riley and putting two and two together.” I finished.
“You really think this Carlisle Benton would go through with his threat?” Annette asked. “Do you really think he could take Riley from you?”
“I don’t know. Maybe it’s an empty threat, but men as rich as Carlisle tend to get what they want. I can’t risk it.”
“Sounds like your Ellis is rich too. Don’t you think he would be able to protect you?”
I leaned back in my chair. That thought had, of course, crossed my mind, especially early on, when my heartache was still fresh. “The question isn’t really if he could. The question is if he would,” I said. “Carlisle is his father, after all.”
“Yes, but you and Riley are his family too.”
I shook my head. “I cared for Ellis deeply once, but I’m not sure he would make the right decision. What if I tell him the truth and he runs straight to his father to report?”
Annette looked at me with a mix of concern and pity. “You will never know if you don’t try it, sweetheart. I understand why you’re wary, but he might surprise you. Sometimes, love needs a leap of faith.”
She meant well—I knew that—but the thought made my heart race in fear. A leap of faith? I couldn’t risk it, not when my son was involved.
“I don’t trust Ellis enough. Yes, I was very in love with him once, but how well do I really know him? No, I need to play it safe. The risks for Riley are too great.”
“But the benefits for Riley are also great. He could have his father in his life. Don’t you thi—Hey! Who is that?”
Annette suddenly seemed alarmed, eyes fixed on the window. I followed her gaze and immediately understood why.
Through the large bay window, we could see two men walking around the stables. They definitely weren’t Terry and Wyatt. I’d never seen them before, and judging by the look on Annette’s face, they were strangers to her too.
“Who are these people?” I asked.
“I have no idea,” Annette said, “but I won’t allow trespassing on my property.”
With that, she jumped up from her chair and stormed out. I followed close behind.
We hurried past the paddocks and caught up with the two men. Now that we were close, I could see they were carrying quite a lot of equipment: weird metal rods and something that looked like a small camera on a tripod.
“Who are you, and what are you doing on my property?” Annette shouted.
One of the men raised his hands in defense. “Slow down, lady. We’re just land surveyors. Horizon sent us.”
Annette’s belligerence crumbled immediately. “Oh. Already?”
The man shrugged. “We’re just following orders.”
“I understand,” Annette said with a defeated look on her face.
I stepped in front of her. “I don’t. Whose orders?”
“Mr. Benton’s orders.”
The audacity! Terry hadn’t even sold the land yet, and Ellis was already behaving like he owned the place. “Mr. Benton does not own this property, so his orders are meaningless. You are currently trespassing on private property, so I suggest you pack up that stuff and leave right now.”
The two men exchanged a look.
The one with the tripod shrugged. “Not worth the hassle. Let’s go home and check in with the boss.”
With clenched fists, I watched them walk away.
“Thank you,” Annette whispered. “I didn’t have the guts to tell them off. This is all so overwhelming.”
“I can’t believe Ellis sent surveyors already. It’s like he thinks he’s already won.”
Maybe I’d been wrong about him. Maybe Ellis, this thirteen-years-older Ellis at least, was a lot more like his father than I’d thought.