13. Cara
Chapter thirteen
Cara
Despite our leisurely pace, we quickly left the ranch behind. I steered us toward a trail that followed the Cedar Creek, and for a while, neither of us said anything.
The air was cool but not biting cold, and it smelled fresh and clean. A bit of snow powered the grass beneath our horses’ hooves, and the lush forest of firs and pines and the snow-capped mountains in the distance made for a picturesque background.
If Ellis wasn’t completely blind or numb to the beauties of the world, he would understand why this land was worth saving. Building a chip factory here would be an absolute crime.
After the long silence, with only the gurgling of the small creek and an occasional cry of an eagle as background noise, Ellis’s voice sounded unusually loud when he spoke.
“Are you up for talking, or do you want to enjoy the silence?”
“What do you want to talk about?”
“Anything and everything. I want to know everything about your life since we last saw each other.”
I shrugged. “There’s not much of interest I can tell you. I moved to Brightwater after leaving Stenton. I work as a freelance photographer. I have a twelve-year-old son. I attend a reading circle for women once a month, and I eat breakfast with Terry and Annette every Sunday. That’s my life. I’m sure yours is much more interesting.”
“You’re close to the Spencers, aren’t you?”
“Terry is an old friend of my father’s. They took me in when I first arrived in Brightwater. They helped me a lot, especially with Riley. He basically sees them as his grandparents.”
Ellis nodded. “Riley’s dad wasn’t around back then?”
My hands clenched around the reins. The conversation was heading toward dangerous territory. Ellis’s question appeared to be innocent, but I needed to choose my words carefully, to not make him suspicious.
“No, he wasn’t around. It was a short relationship that ended before Riley was born.” There you go. Not even a lie.
“I hope he’s at least paying child support?”
“Um… no. No, I’m doing this all on my own. In a way, it’s easier that way. It’s only me and Riley. No one else is meddling with our lives.”
“But it must be hard at times.”
“The first few years were difficult, that’s true. Trying to parent a toddler all on my own while also establishing my own business was a lot. I at least had some experience with kids, but raising your own is a whole lot more difficult than just nannying other people’s children. Luckily, Riley was an easy child, and he’s very mature and self-reliant now.”
“He sounds like a great kid.”
I couldn’t help but beam with pride. “Oh, he is! He’s smart and kind. He has lots of friends at school because he’s such an easygoing fella. He loves horses. And video games, but which kid doesn’t? And he’s a great artist.”
“He must have inherited that from you,” Ellis said with a smile.
“Probably. I tried to instill a love for art in him early on, but he took the ball and ran with it.”
“I didn’t just mean the artistic talent.”
I shook my head. “No, no. He’s much more outgoing than I am.”
“I always liked your quiet nature,” Ellis said.
“You did? Most people find me a bit boring, I think.”
“You’re far from boring.” Ellis took a deep breath. “You were my shelter from the storm.”
And he had been mine, but I couldn’t admit that. No matter how much my heart yearned to rediscover what we once had, I couldn’t allow myself that. Ellis could not become part of my—of our—life. I knew that, yet here I was with him, taking a romantic trail ride through the most scenic environment.
I turned in the saddle to look at him for a moment, my eyes drawn to his face, sensitive yet manly. He appeared strangely at home on the back of his horse. Seeing him like that made it hard to picture him in a tailored suit in some sterile office, and as he met my eyes and smiled at me, I allowed myself to dream of a different life. One where Ellis gave up his wealth, denounced his father, and lived a simpler life, here in Brightwater, with me and Riley.
It was such a silly idea, but out here, between the mountains and trees, dreaming felt good. Being with Ellis felt good. I knew this wouldn’t last, couldn’t last. But I didn’t have the strength to ignore my feelings entirely. I allowed my thoughts to wander even farther away from me. How much harm could a little holiday fling do? Maybe it would do us both some good. We could close the chapter, realize our lives had grown apart too far, and finally move on from each other.
Before I could follow this rabbit into its very dangerous rabbit hole, crunchy footsteps on the frozen ground alerted us both.
Moments later, a man emerged from the trees, and I breathed a sigh of relief. It was just my burly red-headed neighbor, Callum.
“Oh, it’s just you. I thought you were a bear. What are you doing out here?”
Callum approached with the hint of a smile. “Hiking. Sometimes I just need a bit of fresh air. Who’s that?” He nodded toward Ellis and eyed him suspiciously. “I’ve never seen him here before.”
“Just an old friend I’m showing around.”
Callum nodded. “Watch the weather. Look at those clouds. I think snow might set in soon.”
“My weather app says sunshine all day.”
“My eyes say snow is coming soon. Just be careful, okay?”
Nobody really knew where Callum had come from or what his story was, but he was well versed in wilderness survival. Wherever he’d learned it, heeding his advice was usually smart.
“Yes, we will be careful,” I relented.
“I’m heading home,” Callum said. “And you two should do the same.”
“I want to show Ellis the waterfall first.”
Callum furrowed his brows then he shrugged. “Your choice. See you around.”
With those curt words of goodbye, he continued his hike, and Ellis and I continued our ride.
“A waterfall?” Ellis asked.
“You have to see it. It’s truly beautiful. It’s Riley’s favorite picnic spot.”
“Too bad it’s too cold for a picnic today.”
“Still worth the trip. Trust me.”
We followed the trail for a little longer, then we crossed the creek at a shallow spot.
Our horses splashed through the river, and I squealed when a few drops of ice-cold water landed on my face. Ellis laughed, but only until he himself got splashed.
Shortly after Marigold reached the other side of the creek, she was starting to behave skittish, which was very unusual for her.
“What’s the matter, girl?”
“Maybe she’s just cold from the water,” Ellis suggested.
I shook my head. “No, that’s not it,” I said, looking around to find the source of her fear. I soon found it. “Look Ellis, over there. Do you see those tracks?” I pointed at the paw prints an animal had left behind on the thin layer of snow.
“What is it?”
“Looks like cougar tracks.”
“Excuse me? Are you serious?”
I shrugged. “We’re in the middle of nature. Animals live here.”
He raised his eyebrows. “I did not expect deadly animals. You could’ve told me ahead of time that our romantic trail ride was all-inclusive with deadly peril.”
“It’s fine. We should just stay away from it.”
“I wholeheartedly agree with this plan. So, no waterfall?”
“We’ll just take a different route. It will take a little longer, but we’ll get there.”
Ellis looked worried but followed my lead without complaining when I turned Marigold.
We took a trail I’d rarely used before. The terrain was uneven, and the path was narrow, so we had to go more slowly.
Reaching the waterfall that way would take some time, but I was determined to get there.
After following the trail for a while, I noticed Ellis shifting uncomfortably in his saddle. Of course. We’d been out for at least two hours, and Ellis wasn’t used to riding for long periods of time. His muscles were probably getting stiff.
I reined in Marigold and turned toward Ellis. “Do you need a break?”
“Will you think me a wuss if I say yes?”
I laughed. “No, not at all. Let’s stop over there.”
We navigated our horses to a small clearing in the woods, took off their bridles, and tied them to trees. Ellis needed my assistance with putting on Jupiter’s halter, but he was gentle and calm around his horse, which warmed my heart.
After Marigold and Jupiter were taken care of, we sat down on a fallen tree. Ellis stretched out his long legs and let out a sigh of relief.
“As nice as it is out here, I’m afraid I’m going to feel this ride for the rest of the week,” he said.
“A small price to pay for the beauty you get to enjoy.”
He looked at me with a smile, and his eyes wandered over me. “You’re right. The sight is unmatched.”
The way he said it made me certain he wasn’t talking about nature. My face flushed, and I couldn’t help but smile back.
“What about you?” I asked Ellis, just to keep my mouth from saying something stupid.
“What about me?”
“How has your life been since I last saw you?”
“I spent most of it in England. Worked there as a lawyer for international business law.”
“Is it nice there?”
“Different. I liked it better because people there are less… flashy. But the upper crust might be even more stuck up than my father and his peers. It was interesting work, though.”
“Why did you return to the US?”
“My father wanted me to.”
I pressed my lips together to suppress a snarky remark. From the sound of it, Ellis was still at his father’s beck and call. Wrapping my mind around that was hard. Ellis was kind and intelligent and he had a good heart. How could he not see who his father really was? I want to grab him by the shoulders, shake him, and yell at him that his father was the sole reason we didn’t get our happy ever after, but I didn’t know if he would even believe me if I told him the truth. Clearly, Ellis loved his father, and I knew my Ellis well enough to know that he loved with his whole heart, so I suppressed the urge to talk sense into him.
“Why did he want you to return?” I asked politely instead.
“Officially? So I could get to know the company better. He still sees me as the heir to his empire, so he wants me to get well established there before I take over.”
“And unofficially?”
“His wife left him. And with Brooks off at college and Harper out and about all day and most of the night, I think he just felt lonely and wanted some company.”
“She left him?”
“For another man,” Ellis said. “A younger man. You have no idea how hurt his ego is.”
I actually had a very good idea, and I couldn’t help but grin at the thought of Carlise Benton humiliated. I wasn’t surprised his wife couldn’t stand living with him anymore. From what I remembered from my time as the Bentons’ nanny, she was pretty okay—stuck-up, like the rest of them, but she always treated me friendly. I’d always wondered how she ended up with a man like Carlisle.
“He’s taking it very hard?” I asked, trying to hide how much I was gloating.
“He’s more angry than sad, I think. It’s not as bad as it was when my mother died.”
The last sentence immediately shifted the mood. I knew Ellis’s mother had died when he was thirteen years old, but he never told me any details.
As if he had read my mind, Ellis spoke up. “It was suicide. My mother’s death. She took her own life.”
My stomach clenched. I wasn’t sure who I should feel sorry for more: Ellis, who lost his mother at such a young age, or his mother. The pain that had caused her to end her life, despite knowing her son still needed her, must have been immense.
“I’m so sorry. I had no idea.”
“I know. I never told you. Back then, I wasn’t ready to talk about it yet. It was a lot to process. It still is. I think I will never truly get over it, but I can talk about it now. To some people, at least.”
“Was your mother depressed?”
“Yes, very. She just wasn’t cut out for this kind of life,” Ellis said quietly.
“That kind of life?”
“It’s all show, no substance. No one really cares about who you are, only what you are and what they can get from you. It’s very lonely, and always having to keep up appearances can be soul-crushing. She was too sensitive for that, and my father was the least equipped person to help her. He had no idea how to handle her moods, as he called them. I don’t think he fully realized the extent of her struggles until she took her life.”
“Do you think… he feels guilty?”
Ellis was quiet for a moment. “I think deep down he does, yes. But he would never admit that. Admitting guilt would mean admitting he made a mistake, and my father considers that a weakness.”
He paused for a long time, and I remained silent, sensing more was to come.
“I think that was the hardest part,” Ellis said. “I had so many questions about what had happened, but my father refused to acknowledge the struggles that led to my mother’s death. He treated it like some accident no one could have seen coming. I had no one to talk to.”
I reached across and took his hand in mine. It just felt like the right thing to comfort him in that moment. The warmth of his hand in mine radiated through my body.
“Have you ever talked to a therapist about all this?” I asked gently.
He exhaled heavily. “I probably should…”
“But?”
“I don’t want to even imagine what my father would have to say about it. He considers asking for help a weakness too.”
“But it’s not. Back when my father died… I was older than you, but my mother couldn’t be there for me and I felt so lost. Like the world was falling apart around me and I had no one to hold on to. The psychologist I met during my hospital stay really helped me. She didn’t make the pain go away, but she did teach me how to deal with it.”
Ellis looked at our hands, clasped together, for a moment before he spoke. “Maybe you can teach me that?”
With an ache tugging at my heart I looked at him. I noticed a snowflake in his auburn hair, then another.
With a frown, I looked up into the sky.
“Snow,” Ellis said. “Should we head back?”
“It’s just a few snowflakes. It’s not going to stop us.”
“That man back there warned us about the weather.”
“Callum is just a doom-and-gloom kind of guy. My weather app said it’s going to be a nice day. I’m sure the snow will stop soon.”
But it didn’t.