7. Helen
Chapter 7
Helen
“Let me get this right… you look hot, you promise you’re not wearing old lady underwear, we love your outfit… so these are all big ticks on your life makeover to-do list, but you’ve not managed to make yourself come and now you’ve decided you’re broken,” Vee summarised.
“Pretty much. I mean, I’ve tried and I just can’t do it.”
“Tell us what happened. Every detail.”
I took another sip of my wine. “I tried the rabbit. It hurt like hell and I couldn’t get it inside me.”
“You used lube, right?” Lizzy asked.
“What? No. Why would I use that?” I looked at them in horror, wondering what the hell I was getting myself into with all this.
Vee placed her hand over mine. “It helps get things inside you easier. We should have ordered you some.”
I let my head fall to the table. “I should just give up. Everything is freaking me out.”
Becks was sitting next to me in the booth of the wine bar and she ran her hand up and down my back. “What do you mean?”
“I can’t stand the idea of sex if I'm just stressing about coming, I can’t come because I can’t seem to relax enough to enjoy it, I don’t want to date until I understand my own body and am clear about the things I like and I’m too scared to explore what I might enjoy.” I looked between my friends. “I’m having all these weird feelings, inappropriate thoughts. It’s like I don’t know myself.”
“You’re having a sexual awakening, sweetie,” Vee informed me. “Your body is chasing the pleasure it’s been missing out on all these years. Don’t fight it. Enjoy it.”
“What if it’s wrong?” I muttered as the image of Jackson flickered in my mind. Him, dressed in only those shorts the other day, showing off the giant flower-covered cross tattoo on his ribs and the butterflies that stretched down his arm. His mussed hair when he’d just woken up, the low timbre of his voice as he told me how much he liked me coming to him for help last night. I’d never experienced anything like it; just being around him made my panties wet and my body crave something I didn’t understand.
“You don’t have a bad bone in your body, Helen, so it won’t be wrong,” Becks reassured me and I wondered what my friends would think if they knew I was having these thoughts about someone who was completely off limits, not to mention, way out of my league.
“I need a drink,” I said before draining my glass so I could put a stop to this conversation. “You want another?” They all nodded, and I made my way to the bar. And, just like the universe was reminding me just how wrong my thoughts about Jackson were, a message appeared on my screen.
Jasper: Just checking you’re ok. Love you x
It was then I decided that whatever weird fantasies were spinning through my head, I had to put a stop to them because fooling around with my son’s best friend was not on the cards.
“Can I get another round, please?” I asked the barman as I let out a huge sigh. My marriage to Gary had been dull, and at times, unhappy, but at least I knew what I was getting each day. Life was predictable, and right now it felt anything but, and I hated it. It filled me with a sense of anxiety that I’d never experienced before.
“Hi,” a deep voice murmured beside me. “Fancy seeing you here.”
I looked up, unable to hide the smile that spread across my face when I saw who it was. My earlier decision to ignore my wayward thoughts now forgotten.
Jackson stood next to me, wearing an equally wide grin that temporarily distracted me from the dark jeans that clung to his toned thighs and the black button-down shirt with the rolled up sleeves that drew my attention to his hands.
God damn, those things…
“You following me, Jax?” I joked, trying to ignore how good he looked standing in front of me.
“It depends. Are you here on another date?” I swear, he almost purred as he whispered his words.
The barman put a bottle of wine and a vodka tonic on the bar, making me jump as I realised how closely Jackson and I were standing together. “You want it on the tab, Helen?”
“Please. And add Jax’s on there, too.”
Jackson shook his head, pointing to a group of thirsty firemen and women standing in the corner. “I think, given that you’re letting me live with you, this round’s on me.”
I dipped my head in thanks and lifted the drinks.
“If you’re not on a hot date, do you want to come and join us? They all love you… they’d love to spend more time with you. Honestly, they’ve not stopped talking about you all day.”
I blushed because I loved being around them all too. They’d made me feel so welcome, despite being cold, wet, and wearing some oversized sweats.
“I shouldn’t.”
Jax tilted his head. “Do you want to give me your ridiculous reason why not?”
I rolled my lips between my teeth as I tried to find the words. “I’m out with my friends. I don’t want to embarrass you or this to be weird.”
“Helen, you’re my landlady. You wear ugly purple PJs and you talk in your sleep. What would be weird about you joining us for a drink?”
I recoiled. “W-what? No, I don’t. When? Have you heard me? Did I wake you up? I had no idea I—”
He laughed. “I’m joking. I just wanted to prove to you how silly you’re being. I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t want to be around you.” He leaned in close again, making my breath hitch as his lips dusted my ear. “I want to be around you, Helen. You’re pretty spectacular.”
My cheeks heated, and my heart raced. I placed my hand on the bar to steady myself as the world seemed to move in slow motion as he stepped back, his eyes locking on mine. Swallowing felt impossible as my pulse hammered in my ears, drowning out the sound of the people around us in the busy bar.
“Come and join us.” His voice was deeper, with that commanding tone that seemed to make me want to submit.
“Okay.”
“Good girl. See, that wasn’t hard, was it?” I bit down on my lip, a shiver rippling down my spine at him calling me a good girl. I should be horrified. I was old enough to be his— nope, not having that thought— old enough to know better, but I liked his praise more than I wanted to admit. “I’ll take your drinks over.”
I tried to calm my racing heart and heated skin as I walked back to my friends.
“Where the hell have you been and where are our drinks?” Vee joked, staring at my empty hands. Instead of answering, I pointed over in the corner. “The fire crew stole my vodka? Who do I need to fight?”
“They invited us to join them.”
Becks’ eyes widened. “Is that what happens when you live with the man in charge? We get invited to mingle with the hot firemen?”
“And women,” Vee added.
“Shut up. They are just being polite. I’m not sure they want the old ladies ruining their evening,” I replied.
“Fuck off with the old, Helen,” Vee fired back. “I’m fifty already and I’m not old. We are women in our prime and I swear, if you stop me being able to go home and tell my wife I got to spend the night with Jax and his crew before she met him, then I will have to unfriend you.”