39. Jax
Chapter 39
Jax
I lurked in the corner of the coffee shop, knowing that Helen was on her way as planned because Sean had texted me.
I watched as she walked toward the counter, chatting with the staff as she placed the ridiculous order. I’d already bribed the barista not to put her name on the cup and to just put it down on the side.
When she was done making it, she gave me a nod and moved slowly, giving me time to get there at the same time as Helen reached for her drink, our hands connecting just like I’d planned.
“Sorry, I was sure that was mine,” Helen said as she turned to look at me. It took a second for her to realise it was me, her eyes widening before she looked back down at where our hands met.
“Jax,” she whispered.
“Hey, beautiful.”
Her expression darkened, and she pulled back, breaking our connection. “Don’t. Please.”
I shook my head, trying to remind myself to play it cool when I wanted to do anything but. “Sorry.”
“What’s going on, Jax?”
My fingers itched to stroke along her jaw or run my thumb over her lip that she was nibbling nervously. Instead, I got on with the reason I’d bribed Sean to send her here in the first place. “I think this is what they call a ‘meet-cute’.”
Her gaze stayed locked on mine, but she didn’t look at all impressed. “A what?”
“The point in the story where the two characters meet and feel the connection between them. We both ordered the same coffee and our hands touched the cup at the same time. We’re going to remember that forever…”
“I-what? I mean, we’ve already met… plenty of times.”
“That’s true, but like you said, I never gave you all of me. I was always hiding, holding back, afraid of you learning the truth. I never really believed I was enough for you.”
Before she could say anything, I traced my fingers over her hand, which was still resting on the counter. “You feel that? The electricity, the connection between us.”
She swallowed hard, which gave me all the answers I needed.
“I feel that. God, Helen, I’ve felt that since that night you found me sitting on that bench. I didn’t think those moments existed outside of fairy tales, but now I know they’re real and I had that with you, I won’t settle for anything less.”
A blush spread up Helen’s neck and she glanced around at the suspiciously empty coffee shop, obviously checking no one was listening to our conversation.
“I want the world to hear how much I want you, but Sean made sure we’d have the place to ourselves.”
“I’ll kill him,” she hissed before curling the corners of her lips into a soft smile. She pointed to an empty table, and we moved to sit.
“While I appreciate the beautiful words… we’re done, Jax. We never really got started. It was fun… it really was, but we’d never really have worked. Not in the real world.”
Ouch.
“Helen, I messed up and while I’m not using my past as an excuse, surely it’s a good enough reason for you to give me another chance.”
She opened her mouth to speak, but I wasn’t going to let her say no. I couldn't. Instead, I placed two fingers against her lips, which stopped her in her tracks. Her eyes fluttered closed for a split second, giving me a glimmer of hope that I clung to like a drowning man adrift in the ocean.
“Give me one night. One chance to show you I’m serious. Let me give you every part of me… even the missing parts and the bits that don’t work like they should. I mean, can you really say no to a man with one testicle who can’t ejaculate?”
She popped her brows, her lips falling into an O shape.
“What?” I replied, batting my eyelashes. “The counselling is helping me be able to talk about it… and apparently, make jokes to shamelessly win back the woman I’m in love with.”
Helen shook her head, chuckling softly.
“Seriously. One night,” I lowered my fingers from her lips so she could reply.
“You know, when my marriage ended, I was sad because it was all I’d ever known, but that was all it was. The loss of something familiar. But when you left…” She puffed out her cheeks, before letting out a long sigh, as if she was trying not to get emotional. “It hurt. It physically hurt to lose you, Jax.”
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I know I fucked up.”
“No, I’m sorry. I know I said we were over before we began, but honestly, I’ve never felt anything like the feelings I had for you. And if I’m doubly honest, I’m terrified you’re going to hurt me again. So, it’s better if I keep my distance, then I won’t have to risk feeling like that again.”
I hated how sad she looked.
“Tell me the other things you felt for me.”
Her gaze dropped to the table between us. “I can’t tell you stuff like that… I’m not some lovesick teenager.”
I gave in to my compulsion to touch her and cupped her cheek as I lifted her face to mine. “Close your eyes, beautiful, and tell me how I made you feel.”
Helen let her lids close.
“Tell me,” I repeated.
She leaned into my touch. “Happy, beautiful, fun to be around, younger, sexy, you made my body light up, excited, nervous.”
Her eyes popped open.
“Alive.”
Fuck.
“And is it worth giving that up because you’re scared? Is it worth living a life without those things in case it goes wrong? Is that how you imagine living your life? Avoiding the good things in case you lose them?”
She shook her head.
“I promise, beautiful. I’m all in. You can have every part of me. I will never keep secrets from you again. I will talk to you and be honest about my fears and my dreams. Give me one night to show you that we’re meant to be together. At the end of that night, if you still don’t want to be with me, then I will respect your wishes. Do we have a deal?”
She paused for a second, making me believe she was about to turn me down, but then she gave me an answer that brought a smile to my lips. “Fine. One night.”