3. Abi
3
ABI
Dallas’s cottage is gorgeous. Situated across the paddock from the main Wildflower Ridge farmhouse, the cottage is surrounded by trees, mostly hiding it from view of the main driveway.
The house is small, smaller than the one I’ve rented in town, but it’s well-maintained and charming. A couple of big wooden planters sit on the front porch and I wonder if Dallas has taken up gardening or if those are Katie’s influence.
I haven’t met Katie yet. I’ve seen her once in passing but she’s kept herself scarce while I caught up with Dallas, and while I interviewed for the job. I’m not sure if it’s because she doesn’t want to meet me, or if she’s simply giving me the space to settle in first. Either way I appreciate the chance to find my bearings without Dallas’s new girlfriend watching my every move. Based on her relationship with him, and Olivia being her best friend, I’d say Katie’s a lovely person, but her simply existing adds another layer of stress to this whole situation. Because I abandoned Dallas and Sadie, and now he’s found someone that can give them both the kind of love they deserve.
I’m under no illusions that I’m the best person for Sadie, but I’ll try my damn hardest to repair what I broke.
I park beside Katie’s car and Dallas appears around the side of the house. I take a few deep breaths and climb out of the car before another panic attack has a chance to take hold. I can’t believe Flynn walked in on my one back at the office, and although his arrival had snapped me out of it, I still wish he hadn’t seen it.
I wish no one had seen it.
Not worth stressing it about now. I’ll save that anxiety spiral for tonight, when I’m alone in the dark.
“Hey. You ready for this?” Dallas asks as I approach him.
I want to say no. I want to disappear again. I knew seeing Sadie again would be hard. I didn’t realise I’d want to throw up, run away, hide and cry, all at once.
I square my shoulders and stand tall. “Yep,” I say. “How is she?”
“She’s excited. She wants to show you the garden she’s planting.”
Oh. That’s sweet. I don’t know how to reply, so I keep my mouth shut as I follow Dallas around the house. There’s a small lawn and an even tinier porch with a cozy looking outdoor chair taking up the majority of the space. At the end of the lawn are two raised garden beds and leaning over one, carefully inspecting the soil, is a little girl with two lopsided braids in her blonde hair .
She’s wearing a flannel shirt with a tulle skirt and tiny pink gumboots. I love everything about her.
“Hey, Sadie girl. Someone’s here to see you,” Dallas says softly as we approach her.
My daughter spins around, her blue eyes—just like her dad’s—widen as she takes me in.
“Hi, Sadie,” I say, my voice coming out choked. “It’s really nice to see you.”
“Hi,” she whispers, then chews on her bottom lip. Her gaze drops from me and focusses on the ground. She kicks a boot in the grass.
Silence extends between the three of us, the tension growing so taut it feels like the world could shatter with one wrong move.
Dallas gestures towards Sadie, encouraging me.
I take a wobbly step forward. These shoes are not designed for grass, or emotional meetings with your estranged five-year-old. I clear my throat. “What are you planting?” I ask, voice wobbling as much as my ankles.
“Vegetables,” Sadie says. “Daddy says they’re important.” She pulls a face. “Do you like vegetables?”
“Some of them,” I say, taking another step. “I like carrots, but I don’t like cauliflower very much.”
“Do you still have to eat it?”
“Sometimes.”
She ponders that for a moment, then points to a couple of tiny seedlings. “Those two are cauliflower but I won’t make you eat them. Dad can have them.”
I smile. “Sounds like a good deal. What’s your favourite vegetable?”
I can’t believe I’m having a conversation about vegetables with my daughter.
I can’t believe I’m having a conversation with her at all.
“I like carrots. They’re Scout’s favourite too.”
“Scout must have good taste then.”
Sadie nods. “Do you want to meet her?”
“Uh.” I glance at Dallas, hoping he can read the confusion on my face. Who the heck is Scout and why would I want to meet her right now?
“Maybe you should tell Ab—uh, your m—. Maybe you should explain who Scout is.”
He trips over what to call me and I realise it’s one part of this we haven’t discussed. What is Sadie going to call me?
“Oh,” Sadie says. “Scout’s my horse.”
“ Your horse?” Dallas questions.
Sadie pouts. “Okay she’s Olivia’s horse. But Katie rides her and she’s teaching me to ride on her.”
“I’d love to meet her,” I say.
“I’ll get a carrot for her,” Sadie says, then races past us into the house, pausing just long enough to kick off her muddy boots at the back door.
“I guess we’re meeting her right now?” I ask, turning to Dallas who’s shaking his head with a fond smile on his lips.
“Looks that way.” His gaze lands on my shoes. “Come on, I’m sure Katie left some shoes here you can wear. They’ll be a little more suitable than those.”
“Are you judging my shoes? ”
“You know I’d never. If you want to walk down to the barn and meet a horse in them, be my guest.”
“Katie’s shoes would be great, thanks … if she won’t mind.”
“She won’t mind, Abi. She’s really happy you’re here.”
“She is?” I can’t hide how unlikely I find this.
“Yeah. She wants what’s best for Sadie.”
“She knows what happened? What I did?”
“She knows,” Dallas says. “Admittedly I didn’t actually mean to tell her, but I was bleeding quite a lot, and in a fair amount of pain and then she made me get on the damn horse.” He runs a finger down his forearm, where I’ve noticed a fresh scar runs up the inside. “She understands, Abi. Trust me.”
We reach the house and he locates a pair of sneakers and socks. By the time I’ve pulled them on, Sadie is bouncing next to me, a carrot in her hand.
“Can we go now?” she asks the moment I stand upright again.
I glance down at my dress and sneakers combo. I look ridiculous. But I’m sure the horse won’t care. “Yeah, sure.”
Sadie skips along the driveway, leaving Dallas and I to walk side by side. By the time we pass by the main farmhouse, Sadie has settled into walking between us. She spends the time chattering about her riding lessons, Scout and another horse called Aurora.
We head down the hill to the barn, where two horses are grazing in the paddock off to the side.
“Oh, there’s Flynn,” Sadie says, waving enthusiastically even though he’s not looking in our direction. He’s doing something with a tractor. He might be … washing it? I’ve never co nsidered washing tractors a thing, but I guess they need cleaning occasionally.
Sadie stops walking and I pause when I notice her presence missing beside me. I turn to find her staring up at me, confusion written in her expression.
“What’s up, Sadie?” I ask, squatting down so I’m at her height.
“I don’t know what to call you,” she whispers, her eyes going a little glassy.
“Well, my name is Abigail, or Abi, and I am your mum. So you can call me any of those. Whichever one you prefer.”
She mouths my name, then smiles and nods. “Okay.” She grabs my hand and tugs me forward. “Flynn!”
He looks up from the tractor. “Sadie!” he calls back.
She releases my hand and races down the hill, straight into his arms. He scoops her up and spins her around, their laughter echoing.
By the time we approach, Flynn is listening raptly as Sadie tells him about her day at school. When she catches sight of us, she wriggles and Flynn sets her feet back on the ground. She takes his hand and drags him toward us.
“Come meet my mum,” she says and my breath catches. They stop in front of us, Sadie clearly in charge of the introductions. “Flynn, this is my mum, Abigail.” She grins up at me. “Flynn is one of my bestest friends.”
He wraps a big hand around the end of one of her braids and gives it a gentle tug. “The feeling’s mutual, sprout.”
“I’m not a sprout,” she grumbles.
“A sprout is just a little plant. And you’re a little person. So sprout you are.” He grins at her then meets my eyes. There’s concern there. I don’t want to see it. “Also, I met your mum a little earlier. Did you bring her to meet the horses?”
Sadie nods.
“I’ll go grab Scout’s lead,” Dallas says, heading for the barn.
Flynn turns to me and watches me carefully for a moment. I shift uncertainly under his gaze. “You good?” he asks eventually, the concern in his eyes making my skin itch.
“I’m fine.” I glance at Sadie, who’s wandered towards the paddock, calling out to Scout. The horses are both slowly making their way across the paddock.
“Sure, okay. Let me know if you need anything.” He smiles. “Catch you later, Sadie,” he calls out and the grin he sends her way is a thousand times brighter than the one I got.
Whatever. I don’t need some random farmhand in my business. I just need to focus on my job and on Sadie.
The panic attack makes sense. It’s the first time I’ve seen Sadie in years. She doesn’t remember me from before. Feeling anxiety over that makes sense.
What doesn’t make sense is feeling jealous of my five-year-old because Flynn gave her a better smile than me.