15. Every Hero Needs a Fortress of Solitude
I FORCE MYSELF not to react as Julieanne stares out the windshield of the SUV I left at the airport in Fairbanks. Igor made sure it was warmed and waiting when we landed, making the process of getting on the road seamless. I’m grateful as hell because I need a little seamlessness after the past few days.
And especially after spending the past eight hours with Julieanne curled around me, sound asleep as we left Nashville behind. It was a new experience for me, both the way she snuggled against me and the way I struggled to keep my hands off her. The soft press of her body into mine and the sweet scent of her skin had me drifting off, relaxing when I should have been working.
The woman is a distraction. One I can’t seem to get away from. Even now I can’t keep my eyes off her. Can’t force my gaze away from her expression as she reacts to seeing my home. To say she looks impressed is an understatement.
Her dark eyes widen as we pull off the road and through the heavy gate. She scoots to the edge of her seat as I punch the opener clipped to the visor and one garage bay opens.
I”ve never brought anyone here before, so how impressive it may or may not be to another person has never been relevant. I”m the one who lives here and I like it, so that was all that ever mattered.
Now, as much as I hate to admit it, her opinion matters to me.
I want to keep pretending Julieanne”s only here because I have to protect her from herself, but I”m only going to be able to deny the truth for so long. And I think that time will run out very, very soon.
”Holy shit, Vincent.” Her eyes dart my way before snapping back to the building in front of us. ”This is your house?”
I don”t answer because I don”t trust myself not to say too much. To spew all my secrets like some sort of lovesick fool. That’s not what I am.
My silence doesn”t matter though. Julieanne will happily carry on a conversation with me regardless of how much I actually participate. ”This place is stunning.” She leans forward in her seat, like getting closer will offer her a better look. ”It”s seriously gorgeous.”
”Did you think I”d live in a shack?” My mouth opens all on its own, but at least it’s something abrasive that comes out. I have to keep it that way. My only hope of keeping this under control is to ensure Julieanne abandons whatever interest she has in me, because it would appear I may not be able to get past the fascination I have with her.
It”s a problem I”ve never had before, and I”m clearly ill-equipped to deal with it. That”s why, no matter how much I intend to push her away, I continue dragging her closer. So close in fact, that she’ll be sleeping in my bed for the foreseeable future.
I nearly groan at the thought. Partly out of disappointment in myself. Partly out of frustration. But mostly out of an emotion I refuse to put a name to. It already has too much power over me as it is.
Julieanne rolls her eyes. ”Of course I didn”t think you lived in a shack.” Her eyes go back to the mid-century modern structure etched into the mountainside. ”But I sure as hell didn”t expect this.” She turns my way as I navigate the driveway, her smile warm and bright. ”I guess there”s worse places to be held hostage.”
I sigh as I ease into the garage, being careful to ensure she has plenty of room to get out. ”You”re not being held hostage.”
Her brows lift. ”So I can leave?”
It seems she’s refreshed from the nap she took on the flight and ready to start giving me shit again. And Julieanne giving me shit always ends the same way—with me balls deep inside her—so I need to shut it down.
I grit my teeth even though I secretly love how unafraid of me she is. ”You know you can”t leave.”
She nods, eyes wide and filled with fake innocence. ”But I can still make phone calls and talk to people, right?”
Why do I want to smile when she acts like this? She”s purposefully being difficult. Doing exactly what she knows will annoy me. Like she doesn”t give a fuck who I am. What I’m capable of. The things I’ve done.
You”re not an asshole. You just want everyone to think you are.
I shift in my seat, unable to escape the truth of why Julieanne treats me the way she does. But admitting I’ve allowed her to see me in a way no one else has will only force me into a place I don’t want to go.
Swore never to be.
”You also know you can”t currently talk to anyone.” I turn her way, holding up one finger as she opens her mouth. ”And before you say it, you’re not being held hostage.” I desperately want to reach for her. To touch her the way I did as we drove to the airport and on the flight. But she”s calm now. Not in need of reassurance. Not asleep and unaware. So any contact would be seen for what it really is and I can”t have that. I’ve already put too much out there.
”You have made some highly questionable decisions, Jules. What you”re suffering now are the consequences of your actions.” The explanation makes me feel a little better. Makes it feel less like it”s my decision to have her here and more like she”s the one at fault.
Julieanne’s dark gaze moves over me. ”So being locked in your house is my own fault?”
I offer a single nod. ”Exactly. You”re here because it”s the only place I am positive I”ll be able to keep you safe, and I don”t want your death on my shoulders.”
My entire body reacts to the possibility, stomach lurching that I even put it out into the universe. It”s visceral and shakes me to my core, cracking open the scars of an old wound. A wound I”ve built a life around. A life Julieanne has invaded despite my best efforts.
After parking the SUV, I close the garage and climb out. Julieanne does the same, waiting as I collect my bags from the back seat. Then she follows me inside.
The only other person who’s seen a glimpse of my private life stands in my kitchen, wiping down the counters. Vera’s eyes don”t come to us as she shifts the giant vase of fresh flowers at the center of the island and continues wiping. ”You”re home early.”
”I am. Something came up.” I glance to where Julieanne is standing just inside the door, her eyes tracking the movement of my housekeeper as she continues scrubbing.
I”m not entirely sure how to navigate the situation. Vera is absolutely going to blow this out of proportion and it makes me regret not calling her before we arrived. Before I can decide what to say, a soft jingle drags my attention to the open living room. I drop my bags and crouch down as the only companion I”ve ever had runs straight for me, rubbing his furry body against my legs, the sound of his purr seeming overly loud.
“Oh my gosh.” Julieanne’s voice startles both my cat and my housekeeper, stopping both in their tracks. She’s oblivious to the shocked stares coming her way as she matches my crouch. “Aren’t you beautiful.”
The cat ditches me instantly in favor of the new person who’s entered his admittedly small world. She strokes his long grey fur and I have to push to my feet and look away, because I’m fucking jealous.
Of a goddamned cat. My goddamned cat.
Vera widens her eyes at me, showing a circle of white all around her dark irises, before going to Julieanne and then back to me again. She wants to know what’s going on, but it’s not her business. Her business is cleaning my house, occasionally cooking dinner, and cat sitting when I travel.
”Come on. Let”s get you set up. I”m sure you”re tired.” I want to get Julieanne away from Vera before my longtime housekeeper decides to open her mouth. And I know I don”t have long.
Thankfully, Julieanne gets to her feet without argument, only startling a little when she notices Vera staring at her. Her eyes bounce between us before she lifts a hand, offering Vera a wave. ”Hi.”
Vera”s opening her mouth just as I press my palm to Julieanne”s back, pushing her a little harder than I probably should toward the hall. I lead her to the room at the end, dropping my hand from her body when we get inside before going straight to the closet. I take my time putting everything in its place. I need a second. A minute to get my head on straight before I face the sight of Julieanne in my room.
When I finally emerge from the closet, she’s standing at the wall of windows overlooking Fairbanks. ”Your view is better than mine.” She turns to peek at me over one shoulder. ”But it looks like I”m not the only one who leaves my windows uncovered.”
I grab the remote from the nightstand and press a button. Thick curtains peel out from each side of the room-length windows, quickly skating across the rails, forcing Julieanne to jump back with a yelp as they slide together.
She cocks a brow at me. ”Worried someone might see you naked?”
It’s hard as hell not to smile, but I manage. ”It”s not me I”m worried about, Angel Face.”
Julieanne turns to fully face me, putting her back to the curtains. ”So I can”t leave, I can”t talk to anyone, I can”t have the Internet, and I can”t walk around naked in front of the windows.” She slowly begins walking my way. ”Is there anything I can do?”
Gritting my teeth, I brace as she comes closer. Julieanne is proving to be more than a handful, she”s a problem I can”t seem to find a solution to. And the more I”m around her, the less I”m inclined to try. Which is a problem of its own.
I clench both fists at my sides, fighting myself. ”This is for your own good, Jules. I”m not doing this just to be an ass.”
Her lips slowly lift, dragging my attention to her mouth, reminding me of the threat I made involving it not so long ago. ”I know that. Because I know you”re not an ass.” She stops right in front of me, head tipped back so her eyes stay on mine. ”Is this where I”ll be staying?”
I tuck my chin, barely offering a nod because I should be saying no. I should find someone else to keep her. Somewhere she’ll be even safer than she is here.
Because Julieanne is only half safe with me.
Her eyes move away from me to skate around the space. ”You”re letting me sleep in your room?”
I tuck my chin again, helpless to stop myself from continuing to make these wrong choices. Because no matter what I do, I can”t seem to keep my head when it comes to her. The second I stepped on that plane to Nashville it was over. I was never going to be able to go back to who I was. I wanted to think I could, but I can”t.
She’s fucking ruined me.
Julieanne”s lips press together. ”How many bedrooms does this house have?”
”One.” I built it knowing I would never need more. That I would never have guests. That no one would ever inhabit this place but me. There was no need for a second bedroom, so I used the space in other ways. Ways I”m not sure Julieanne will understand.
”Okay.” She drags the word out, eyes going back to the king-sized bed facing the line of windows. ”So we’ll be sharing a bed.”
If I were a good man, I would say no. I”d volunteer to sleep on the sofa in my office. Crash in the spare bedroom of the guesthouse where Vera lives.
But, regardless of what Julieanne believes, I”m not a good man, and right now I don”t want to pretend to be. ”That”s right.”
I keep trying to pretend I don”t know what I”m doing, but now that she”s here, wearing my clothes, standing in my home, the peace that settles around me proves what a fucking liar I am.
Deep down, this was always the goal. I wanted Julieanne the second her sweet face flashed onto my computer screen. While I was able to fight it for a while, I”m a big enough asshole that it was only a matter of time before I hunted her down and took what I wanted.
And thank fuck I did, because if I hadn”t been there when—
Julieanne”s brows pinch together as she continues meeting my gaze, concern etched into her beautiful face. ”What”s wrong?” Her palms flatten against my chest before sliding down to my waist and wrapping around my back.
”Nothing. I”m fine.” I haven’t been comforted by another person in so long, I don”t know how to handle it. How to accept something I decided I would never have or need.
Julieanne snorts out a little laugh, eyes rolling to the planked ceiling of my bedroom. ”Whatever.” Her arms grip tighter and her head comes to rest against my chest, the smooth skin of her cheek pressing against my heart. ”Whatever it is, I”m sure it will be fine. I may not know everything about you, but I do know you’re capable of handling just about anything.”
I didn”t know I needed to hear that. That I needed someone to believe in me again. I”ve always believed in myself enough that everyone else”s opinion didn”t fucking matter.
But the past six months have made me question everything about myself.
Julieanne’s head tips back, her chin resting against my sternum as she gazes up at me. ”You know what else I have complete faith in your ability to do?”
”What”s that?”
”Feed me.” She smiles. “I”m freaking starving.”
I laugh, surprised yet again by the woman I’m accidentally holding tight.
Julieanne”s eyes widen. ”You just laughed.”
I share her shock and force my lips to flatten out. ”Did not.”
She gives me another of those smiles that dragged me across the country. ”Yes, you did. You laughed. I heard it.”
I force my expression into a frown. ”I don”t laugh.”
An oddly hopeful expression crosses her face. ”Really?”
I shake my head.
”So you don”t laugh, and you don”t smile.”
I”m not sure what she”s getting at, but I’m confident it”s going to be a problem for me. ”That”s right.”
She chews her lower lip for a second, tempting me to take a bite of it myself. ”What else don”t you do?”
I try circling back to her request, hoping to change the subject. ”Cook.”
Her eyes move over my face, seeming to say something I wish she wouldn”t. ”But you”re going to cook for me, aren”t you?”
I sigh again, because Julieanne isn”t being difficult or obstinate, yet she’s still somehow managing to be a complete pain in my ass. ”Yes, Jules.” I curve one hand around the back of her skull, urging it against my chest so she’ll stop looking at me like that. ”I”m gonna cook for you.”