17. Guilt and Malice
AND JUST LIKE that, Julieanne breaks through the sadness suffocating me. “You’re the first person to call me good in a long damn time, Angel Face.”
She smiles up at me. “It’s true. You are good.” Her eyes drift to the instrument behind me. “You’re definitely good at playing.” Her eyes come back to my face. “Will you play for me again sometime?”
I start to tell her I wasn’t playing for her, but I can’t make myself do it.
Because I was.
Just like so many other things I’ve done in the past six months, I sat down at the piano for her. To give her a piece of myself even though I knew what would happen. Knew the questions it would bring.
Because Julieanne always has questions.
“Yes, Jules. I’ll play for you again sometime.” I drag the tips of my fingers over her cheek, smoothing back a wayward curl of her wild hair. “Did you sleep well?”
“I did.” She leans into my touch. “Did you work well?”
“As well as I expected.” I try to stop talking but can’t make myself shut up. “I was hoping they’d have identified the men who were in your condo, but that hasn’t happened yet.”
Julieanne’s smile holds. “They will.” Her hands slide up and down my thighs in a comforting touch. “Unless you made that extra difficult for them.”
I laugh, because apparently that’s something I do now. “They were all clean kills, Angel Face.” Again, I can’t make myself stop. “Except one.”
Her brows lower. “Ouch. I apologize I wasn’t more skilled at shooting a man. I’ve never—”
I press my thumb to her lips, sealing off the rest of her words. “I wasn’t talking about him, Jules. You did a fucking great job. I’m proud as fuck of the way you took that guy down.” The tension I’d been trying to ease at the piano creeps back into my muscles. “I shouldn’t have put you in a position where you had to do it. I shouldn’t have—”
Julieanne’s fingers come to my lips, pinching them together, leaving us both holding the other silent. Her tongue darts out to slide against the pad of my thumb and I swear I feel that slick swipe on my cock. She’s trying to make me move, and I do, but I don’t pull it away. I slide the tip between her full lips, sinking into the wet warmth of her mouth.
I don’t want to think about what she had to do because of me. I don’t want to think about all the things I’ve done because of her. And the sweet suction as she pulls my thumb deeper sends all those thoughts slipping away, just like I hoped it would.
Her hand slides from my mouth, dropping back to my thigh as her tongue teases against my invading digit.
“That’s right, Angel Face. Show me how you’re gonna suck my cock.” I slide my free hand into her hair, dragging it away from her face so I can get a better view of her expression as I drag my thumb almost all the way out before sinking it in again. “I bet you can take all of me, can’t you? I bet you can suck me so deep you won’t even taste me when I come.”
Julieanne whimpers, her fingers digging into my thighs as I continue finger fucking her mouth, torturing myself. I don’t deserve her mouth on me. Not after what I allowed to happen.
It’s going to happen anyway. I’ve got no self-control where this woman is concerned and I’m tired of pretending I do. I’m tired of acting like she’s not here because I wanted her here. Like I haven’t been planning this moment for six fucking months. Acting like there would be a different outcome when I finally went for her.
I drag my thumb free, hooking the corner of her mouth, stretching it open as I go. “Get my dick out, Jules.”
In the blink of an eye her hands are on the elastic waist of the black joggers I changed into after taking a shower. There’s no hesitation in her movements as she grips the front, gaping both my pants and the boxer briefs under them as her free hand reaches in to grab my rigid length, freeing it to her hungry gaze. The tip of her tongue traces her lower lip as her dark eyes take me in.
“Staring at it isn’t going to get me off, Angel Face.” The roughness of my voice says otherwise, as does the drop of precum sliding free. “Put it in that smart mouth of yours. Show me if it’s as good at sucking cock as it is at being a pain in my ass.”
But, like she does the rest of the fucking time, Julieanne ignores me, and instead of wrapping her lips around me the way I want her to, she leans in and licks up one side of me, tracking the path of silver balls lined up my shaft. She does the same to the other side, leaving a wet line of saliva against my skin as she goes.
“Julieanne.” I lean forward, tightening the hand in her hair until her eyes leave my dick and come to my face. “I said, put. It. In. Your. Mouth.”
She’s driven me to the edge for six months now. Made me into someone I don’t even recognize when she’s around. Made me turn my well-crafted life inside out.
Turned me inside out.
And I want to punish her a little for it. Make her suffer the way I have.
“If you aren’t choking on my cock in ten seconds you won’t like the consequences.” The sharp intake of her breath drags my face closer to hers. “Don’t get all excited thinking I’m going to spank or fuck that sweet ass of yours.” Her lids droop in a way that would tell me both options are on the table if I didn’t already know. “If I’m not in your throat in eight seconds you won’t be coming on any part of me for the next week.”
Her eyes widen and I’m not sure if it’s from the threat or the realization that I’m already counting down. Whatever it is, it’s enough to have my cock sliding against her tongue before I make it to six.
I hum in approval as she pulls me between her lips. “Maybe you do know how to listen after—” The words strangle off when I bump the back of her throat.
And then slide deeper.
My groan is as ragged as my breathing when she eases back, her watering eyes coming to mine, cheeks hollow, sucking as she slides free. My balls are already pulling tight when she swallows me down again, the flex of her throat making me curse as I watch her take every fucking inch of me.
“That’s my good girl.” I trace a path where her lips stretch around me with the same thumb that was in her mouth. “Take it all.” I can’t look away as she bobs over me, getting every bit of my dick wet with each pass. “You’re just as perfect as I knew you’d be.”
It’s a confession. An admission of guilt. Of malice.
A glimpse of the truth I tried to deny.
And I’m not sorry about any of it, because I fucking need her. Like I need air. Now that I have her I won’t be letting her go.
Julieanne might think she’s only here until I know she’s safe. What she doesn’t know is she’ll never be safe enough for me. She’s never leaving my home. My bed. My life.
A fierce possessiveness sweeps through me, tightening my balls and loosening my lips. “You’re mine now, Jules. Only mine.” I pull her onto me, dragging her faster. “No one comes down this throat but me, understand?”
She manages a small nod as I bury myself in her mouth, leaning forward to thrust against her lips.
“No one touches you but me. No one sees you but me. No one smells you but me.” I know it’s an impossible ask, but it’s what I want. What I need.
She fucking belongs to me.
And knowing I have her is what sends me careening toward the edge, gripping my balls as I sink into the well of her mouth. “It’s time, Angel Face. Time to show me you can take everything I give you.”
I come so hard I stop breathing as I shoot down her throat, the hand in her hair pinning her in place as long as I dare. When I let her go she coughs a little, sucking in a deep breath the same time I do. Her skin is flushed, lips swollen, eyes still watering. The skin around her mouth is wet and glistening with saliva, her hair tangled from my hands.
It’s the most beautiful fucking thing I’ve seen in my life.
I drag her up from the floor, hauling her onto my lap, her knees resting against the bench on either side of my thighs.
Holding her in place with one arm, I use my free hand to dry her face. It”s fucking cold here, and even though she won”t be outside, I know the air is slightly drier than she”s used to. I don”t want her skin to get irritated because of me. ”Better?”
Julieanne nods. ”Thank you.”
I laugh, because why the fuck not at this point. ”Pretty sure you”re not the one who should be thanking me.”
She smiles, and I”m not sure if it’s because I laughed, or because of what I said. And I don”t care. Whatever it takes to get another hit of her happiness. Her warmth.
Julieanne”s hands grip my shoulders as her eyes move over my face, lower lip pinching between her teeth. I know what”s coming.
”Can I ask you a question?”
I chuckle. ”I wouldn”t expect anything else.”
”Why all the piercings?”
That is not the question I was expecting. I”m a little relieved, because this one is much easier to answer than most of the ones she throws at me.
”To be an ass.” It”s a truthful answer, but I”m sure it”s not the one she”s looking for.
Julieanne”s brows lift. ”You’re gonna have to give me more than that. To be an ass to who?”
I slide the hand that wiped her face around to palm her ass, using it to keep her close to me on the slippery surface of the piano bench. ”It was right before I left the military. One of the guys on my team got his pierced once and acted like it was the worst fucking thing that ever happened to him.” I remember him showing everyone, and the rest of the guys acting like they couldn”t believe he had the balls to do it. “It was at a time in my life where I still felt like I had something to prove to myself, so I went and did it to show myself I wasn’t as big of a pussy as he was.”
Julieanne’s dark brows lift even higher. ”You poked holes in your dick just because someone else did and you wanted to prove you were tougher than he was?”
The ridiculousness of it isn”t lost on me at this point in my life, but back then it fucking mattered. Everything mattered. Because I was still lost. Still trying to replace something I knew I would never have again.
”Don”t look at me like that. It fucking worked.” I didn”t say shit to anyone, so no one even knew it was there. Not until— ”One day after training I decided to hit the showers, and...” I shrug, letting her figure the rest out.
Julieanne smirks at me. ”And single-stud’s dick shriveled up in humiliation when he saw what you had done?”
I”m still fucking smiling, the expression no longer feeling as foreign as it first did. ”Pretty much.”
Julieanne wiggles around. ”It is pretty impressive.” She licks her lips. ”And mutually beneficial.”
I squeeze the fullness of her ass, working her cheeks in my palms. ”You can feel them?”
She scoffs. ”Yeah. They’re metal studs going up and down your dick.” Her brows pinch together. ”Hasn”t anyone else told you that?”
I shrug. ”Never asked.” Never cared, honestly.
Up until now sex was just about mutual release. If I got off, and they got off, the job was done. It was all about efficiency and necessity. Nothing more. Nothing less.
Then Julieanne’s face flashed across my computer screen, and it”s been downhill ever since. I couldn”t stomach the thought of touching someone else. It was ridiculous and fucking maddening. And probably explains why I fucked her against the wall the first time I laid eyes on her.
It also probably explains why my dick is considering getting hard again at the memory. I shove up from the piano bench, supporting Julieanne”s weight where I grip her ass as I straighten.
She yelps, her legs locking around my waist and arms tightening against my shoulders. ”What are you doing?”
”I”m going to take you to my bed and fuck the hell out of you.”
”I can walk.” She grabs me tighter, like she thinks I might let her fall. ”I”m too heavy for you to—”
Julieanne yelps again when I smack her ass, swatting it hard enough to get her attention, but not hard enough to make my palm sting. ”I hope you weren”t about to insult me by suggesting I can”t carry you to my bedroom.”
”I...” Her lips clamp shut, like she doesn”t know what to say.
That”s a fucking first.
I”m halfway down the hall and well past halfway hard when my phone starts to ring. Every inch of me wants to ignore it, especially the ones now pressed against Julieanne’s hot, willing cunt, but I have to keep a little of my shit together. I can”t completely go off the rails, even though everyone might think I already have.
I turn and stride back into my office, but this time I drop into the chair behind my desk, depositing Julieanne on the surface in front of me before answering Amos’s call. ”Make it quick.”
”We got those IDs you wanted.”
I lift my eyes to Julieanne, only hesitating a second before switching the phone to speaker and setting it on the desk beside her. ”Go ahead.”
She”s quiet as Amos rattles off four names. I watch her expression, trying to see if any of them sound familiar to her, but there”s not a trace of recognition in her features.
”Did you find out who they work for?”
”Not yet, but it looks like all four had connections to Nashville.”
That surprises me. ”Nashville? Who”s in Nashville?”
I rest my hands on Julieanne’s thighs, needing to touch her. Needing to remind myself she”s fine. That, in spite of my own failure, she made it out of her condo alive and unharmed.
”That’s the strange part.” Amos pauses. ”We didn”t know there was anyone operating in Nashville.”