Chapter Ten #3
Eric fought to keep himself from rolling his eyes. When Alex left, Kyle released Eric’s hand and leaned back in his chair. He folded his arms over his chest, looking smug as hell.
“Fine,” Eric said. “You guessed his name. Congratulations.”
“I’m a genius.”
“You’re lucky.”
“I could have been,” Kyle said wistfully, gazing in the direction Alex had gone.
“Why did you tell him we were a couple?”
“Because I’m not going to abandon you tonight. I’m here to support you.”
“I could have gone home. It’s fine. I have a practice in the morning anyway.”
“Do you want to go home?”
No. Eric wanted to have this view of Kyle for as long as possible. “I can stay a bit longer.”
Kyle was having a great time.
Okay, yes, he wouldn’t have minded leaving with cute Alex, and, yes, it was weird that he had spontaneously lied about being Eric’s boyfriend, but still. He definitely wasn’t bored.
Eric had gone to the bar to get their second round, Kyle insisting that he wanted a soda and not another cocktail, which was the second lie he’d told that evening.
He really did want to help Eric. He was probably more invested in the idea of guiding Eric to his first sexual encounter with a man than he should be.
He wanted to make sure Eric’s first time would be enjoyable.
That it would be with someone patient and sweet and good.
Someone who understood how important this was.
Normally Kyle wouldn’t think of this sort of thing as important.
Hookups had been a way of life for him for so many years that he had a hard time thinking of sex as an event.
Part of him wanted to gently push Eric into the arms of the first man who caught his eye, but he knew that wasn’t what Eric wanted.
Eric was looking for more. A date. A...boyfriend, Kyle supposed. Someone to share meals and conversations with. Someone to share his life with. As much as Kyle wanted to help him, he was extremely aware that he hadn’t been able to successfully find that for himself, let alone another person.
So maybe they both needed a little practice.
“It’s busy up there,” Eric said when he returned. He set two identical glasses of soda on the table and sat down. “I think the bartender was flirting with me.”
“We do that,” Kyle said. “But sometimes we mean it. Was he cute?”
Eric shrugged. “I’ve seen cuter.”
Oh, Eric. You are not helping. “Did you flirt back?”
“I honestly have no idea. I guess I tried. I have absolutely no game when it comes to that sort of thing.”
“I think you’re selling yourself short. But”—Kyle gave an exaggerated sigh—“I suppose I am here to coach you.”
Eric’s dark eyes twinkled. “What would you be doing right now, in this bar, if you weren’t here with your boyfriend?”
“Well, I’d probably be rounding third base with our friend Alex right now.”
Eric nearly spat out his drink. “Third base? How old are you?”
“Twenty-five.” Eric had been teasing, but Kyle realized he’d never told Eric how old he was before. The laughter left Eric’s eyes as soon as he heard the number.
“Oh.”
“Is that older or younger than you were expecting?”
“I guess it’s what I’d assumed. You look like you could be younger.” Eric cringed. “I mean...we have some young guys on the team—around twenty—who look about your age.”
“Oh yeah? Are they hot?”
Eric’s cheeks flushed. “I would never look at a teammate that way. Especially not one of the kids. Jesus.”
Kids. “Right,” Kyle said stiffly. “Thirty and over. I forgot.”
They were silent a moment, and it felt oddly tense.
Kyle was annoyed and he wasn’t sure why.
He sucked it up and said, “So, if I were here to pick up, instead of celebrating my one month anniversary with my lovely boyfriend, I would probably be standing by the bar. If I saw someone I liked, I’d send them some obvious signals, and wait for them to come to me.
Once mutual interest is established, the rest is easy. ”
“Easy?”
“Yeah. Decide where you’re going to go, maybe what you’re going to do when you get there, and then...go do it.” Kyle shrugged. “Like I said, almost everyone in here is hoping to have sex tonight. There’s no guessing about that. The trick is finding the right person.”
“And if someone is looking to maybe just talk to someone? Maybe exchange numbers?”
Kyle considered it. He imagined being that man, the one who Eric approached in a bar because he thought he might be nice to talk to. Would Eric be shy when he initiated conversation, or calm and confident with that quiet amusement in his eyes that made Kyle want to kiss him?
“I think it would be a refreshing change,” Kyle said. “I haven’t been on a real first date in a long time.”
“Probably not as long as me. Twenty years, give or take.”
Twenty years ago, Kyle was five years old. But that didn’t seem like the right thing to mention.
Eric held up his wrist to check his expensive-looking watch, and that’s when Kyle noticed something.
“You took your wedding ring off.”
Eric glanced at his fingers as if he had no idea what Kyle was talking about. “Yeah. I thought it might be time.” He said it like it wasn’t a big deal, but Kyle guessed it hadn’t been an easy thing to do.
“My first tip for getting lucky was going to be: always remove your wedding ring before trying to pick up.”
Eric laughed. “I probably should have figured that one out sooner. I said I was wearing it for superstitious reasons, but maybe I was wearing it like a shield.”
“You weren’t ready before,” Kyle said gently.
“No,” Eric agreed. “And as weird as it feels to not be wearing it now, I think I’m ready to get back out there.”
“Shields down.”
Eric nodded. “Shields down.” He flexed his fingers, then rested the hand on the table. “This is going to sound silly to you, but I’m nervous about playing without it.”
“Without the ring?” That didn’t make any sense to Kyle.
“Yeah. We head out on a road trip the day after tomorrow, and it will be the first time I’ve played a game without wearing the ring since my second season.”
Kyle thought he understood now. “You’re superstitious.”
“Very. I know the ring doesn’t actually make me a better goalie, but still. It’ll be weird.”
“You’ll have to find a new good luck charm.” Kyle’s imagination went off on another adventure, thinking up a scenario where Eric would be wearing something Kyle had given him under his hockey gear. Maybe a thin leather bracelet...
“I have plenty of superstitions. I don’t need a new one.”
“Oh yeah? Like what?”
Eric crossed his arms. “No way. You’ll make fun of me.”
“I won’t. I can’t picture you doing anything too wacky. So what is it? Lucky socks?”
“I put my gear on, and take it off, in exactly the same order. Every time.”
“Okay. And what happens if you don’t?”
“I don’t know. It’s never happened.”
“But you’ve done it and played a bad game.”
“Of course.”
“So...”
Eric huffed. “I know. It doesn’t make sense. Just forget it.”
“No! I’m not making fun of you, I promise. I’m just...interested.”
“Interested in how nuts I am.” Eric smiled. “It gets worse. Would you believe that I talk to my goalposts?”
Kyle’s eyes went wide with delight. “Seriously?”
“Dead serious.”
“That seems so...out of character? What do you tell your goalposts?”
“I thank them when they stop a puck that got by me. I complain about other players to them.” Eric shrugged. “It’s a lonely job sometimes, being a goalie.”
“That is extremely adorable. I love it.”
Eric smiled, and then he covered his mouth with one hand as his face stretched into a yawn.
“Do you need to get to bed?” Kyle asked.
“I do. I try to be in bed before eleven most nights. This is two late nights in a row.”
“I’m a terrible influence.”
“Maybe I need one.”
That hung in the air for a charged moment. Then Eric stood and grabbed his coat, throwing it on as he turned toward the door. He certainly seemed to be in a hurry.
Kyle surreptitiously adjusted himself under the table, then grabbed his much-too-short jacket and slid it on as he followed Eric out of the bar.
“I’ll walk you home,” Eric said when they were both on the sidewalk.
He didn’t have to, but Kyle wasn’t going to turn him down. They walked half a block and Eric said, “Thank you, for tonight.”
“Do you think it helped?”
“I do. I know it didn’t seem like much, but this was all new for me. I think it’s a little less scary now. So thanks.”
“I’m glad.”
They walked another minute in silence, then Eric huffed out a laugh.
“What?” Kyle asked.
“Nothing. I mean, nothing funny. Is it awful if I admit that a big part of me wants to stick to dating women because at least I have some familiarity with what to do there?”
“It’s not awful. That actually makes a lot of sense. But sex with a man isn’t that different.”
Eric scoffed, and Kyle admitted, “Okay. It is different. I assume. I’ve only been with men. But it doesn’t have to be scary.”
Eric seemed to consider this. “I want to see what it’s like, being with a man. I know it’s probably ridiculous to say, but I feel like something will click into place when I do it.”
Kyle understood what Eric was trying to say, but he wanted to make something clear. “You know you’re not any less bisexual if you never hook up with a man, right? Your sexuality is still completely valid and real, whether you have sex with one gender, multiple genders, or no one at all.”
Eric was silent a long time before answering, “I know. But it still feels...theoretical.”
“It’s not. You know who you are and who you’re attracted to. You don’t have to act on it to make it real.” He glanced over to see Eric’s furrowed brow, and decided to add, “But wanting to act on it is valid too. If doing this is important to you, then you should do it.”
“Thank you,” Eric said quietly. “That was nice to hear. All of it.”
“It’s all true.”
They reached Kyle’s building. He rocked up on his toes, then back on his heels, his hands stuffed firmly in his jacket pockets to keep from reaching out for Eric.