Chapter Eleven #2
He had no doubts that Kyle could teach him exactly how good sex could feel.
His imagination had been shocking him lately with detailed fantasies of Kyle teasing and slowly drawing orgasms out of him.
That morning, when he’d been making breakfast, he’d become thoroughly distracted by a daydream that was so vivid he could practically feel Kyle’s caresses.
And that was after the memories of last night’s kiss had compelled him to bring himself off in the shower.
He’d imagined filthy, coaxing words in Kyle’s light, playful voice as he’d stroked himself, then gasped Kyle’s name as Eric’s release splattered his dark shower tile.
He wanted it to be real. All of it. He wanted Kyle to remove his anxiety about being intimate with a man, and he wanted to reward Kyle for his efforts. He wanted to be good at pleasuring a man. At pleasuring Kyle.
And he wanted to stop thinking about this.
He was losing control of himself and he hated that feeling.
Maybe the only way to extinguish the thoughts was by doing something about them.
And what Kyle had offered him wasn’t a hookup, and it wasn’t a relationship.
It was instruction, and patience, and it might be exactly what Eric needed.
He wished he had someone else he could talk to about this. He rarely sought a second opinion on anything, but on this particular matter he could use some advice.
Scott, of course, was the obvious choice. He had never been one to talk about sex—in fact, Scott tended to blush and stammer at the very mention of it—but he certainly knew about finding the courage to be your true self. He knew how important this would be to Eric.
And it was well past time Eric came out to his best friend.
Four days later, Eric knocked on Scott’s hotel room door. He could hear him talking to someone, and thought about leaving, but the door opened before he could retreat. Scott smiled when he saw him, then held the door wide open with the hand that wasn’t holding his phone to his ear.
“It’s Benny,” Scott said to his phone as Eric brushed past him into the room. Then, to Eric, “Kip says hi.”
“Hi, Kip.”
At least they weren’t having phone sex. Carter had once stolen one of Scott’s room keys in an attempt to prank him. When he’d opened the door, thinking Scott was out, he’d gotten an eyeful. Whenever Carter told the story, he looked haunted.
Scott ended the call after three I love yous, then turned to Eric, his eyes bright and his cheeks touched with pink. He really was absurdly handsome.
“What’s up?” Scott asked.
Scott’s expression turned serious when Eric sat on the bed. He wheeled a desk chair over and sat facing him. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah. Fine. Just, um...there’s just something I’ve been wanting to tell you.”
Scott’s brow furrowed. “Okay. I’m listening.”
Eric took a breath. This was his moment. It shouldn’t be hard to come out as bisexual to your openly gay best friend, but. Well.
“I just wanted to tell you...” Eric huffed and shook his head. “It’s not even a big deal. I don’t know why I’m—”
“Eric.” Scott placed a hand on Eric’s wrist. He hardly ever called Eric by his first name. He didn’t say anything else, just calmly waited for Eric to be ready to speak.
Eric remembered when Scott had come out to him.
It had been in a hotel room like this one, but Carter and their former teammate, Greg Huff, had also been there.
Eric had thought about inviting Carter this time, but he decided this was less about Eric coming out to his friends, and more about getting advice from Scott, specifically. He would tell Carter soon.
How had Scott managed to say the words at the time? Eric felt like they were lodged in his throat, thick and impossible to budge. He took a slow breath, jiggled the words loose, and said, “I’m not...straight.”
Scott’s eyebrows shot up. “You’re gay?”
“No. I’m bisexual, I guess. I’ve always assumed that’s what I am, anyway.”
“Always?” Scott looked gobsmacked, and Eric didn’t blame him. If Eric had known all this time that he was bisexual, why had he waited so long to tell Scott? Why had he let Scott break down that wall alone?
“I knew,” Eric said carefully, “but I wouldn’t acknowledge it. I’ve always known.”
Scott clasped his hands together and looked at the floor. Eric felt like shit. He’d been such a coward.
Then Scott looked up. His eyes were glistening and he was smiling. It was confusing.
“Scott?”
“Jesus, Benny. Come here.” Scott stood and opened his arms. Eric, still bewildered, stood and stepped into them.
Scott wrapped him in a tight hug that Eric tried to reciprocate, but his arms were mostly pinned to his sides.
He tapped the sides of Scott’s waist with his fingertips in what he hoped was a show of affection.
When Scott pulled back, he was beaming, and his eyes were still wet. “Thank you for telling me.”
“I just...needed to say it, you know?”
“Oh, believe me, I know.” Scott scrubbed a hand over his face. “Have you told anyone else? Wait.” His eyes went wide. “Are you seeing someone?”
“No,” Eric said quickly. “I mean, yes. I’ve told one other person. But, no. Not because I’m dating him. Or anyone. I’m not dating anyone.”
Scott looked disappointed, then smiled sheepishly. “Sorry. I got a little excited there. So you have told someone else?”
Eric sat back on the bed. For some reason the idea of telling Scott that he had confided in Kyle felt more terrifying than announcing his sexuality. So instead, he asked, “When you and Kip...” He paused, unsure how to phrase this. “Was Kip the first man you’d...”
God, why was this so hard? They were both adults.
But Scott, predictably, blushed when he realized what Eric was asking. “No, um. He wasn’t my first.” He smiled shyly. “I wish he had been, but there were a few quick hookups before him. Why?”
Eric traced a fingertip over the hotel comforter. “I’ve been thinking that I’d like to try it. Being with a man, I mean.” Scott’s eyes went wide, and Eric realized suddenly how this might be misinterpreted. “Not with you! That’s not why I’m here.”
Scott let out a shaky laugh. “Oh. Good. Jesus, I was nervous there for a second.”
Eric shook his head. “With someone else, I promise.”
“The person you came out to already, maybe?”
Eric averted his gaze, realizing too late that Scott would interpret it as the yes that it was.
He had only planned to tell Scott that he was bisexual, and maybe ask some vague questions about dating men.
But now, with Scott grinning at him expectantly, Eric decided he wanted to share at least part of this with his best friend.
“It’s going to sound weird, but I actually told Kyle. ”
“Kyle? Like, Kyle who we wanted you to be friends with?”
“Yes.”
“Kyle who I said you’d get along really well with?”
“The same. Congratulations.”
Scott fist pumped, and Eric bit his lip to keep from smiling.
“Are you guys, like... I mean, did you, um...” Scott stammered.
“We are friends. He’s half my age.”
“He’s not half your age, for fuck’s sake. But, yes. He’s young.”
“Too young for me,” Eric said. If he said it enough times, maybe his brain would start to listen. “But he’s been helping me navigate this thing.”
Scott’s expression turned thoughtful and he said, “He’d be good at that. The last two years haven’t been easy on Kip, and Kyle’s been a good friend to him.”
“Haven’t been easy?” Eric asked. As far as he could tell, Kip had found Prince Charming and was going to ride into the sunset with him.
“He’s suddenly in the spotlight. I know he’s happy with me, but the rest hasn’t been easy. He’s lost friends, and had to deal with being one half of a very public couple. We get tons of support, and that’s awesome, but we also get...the other stuff.”
Eric knew this, of course. He’d seen the comments posted at the end of articles online, and he’d heard the ignorant things yelled from the crowds when the team was on the road.
Hell, he’d heard them yelled by people—he refused to call them fans—at their home games in New York.
It always infuriated him. Oddly, he realized now, he had only ever felt outrage on Scott’s behalf when he’d heard the slurs. Never for himself.
“I’m sorry,” he said, now.
Scott waved a hand. “I spent my whole life worried about what they think. I’m done.”
Eric smiled at that.
“So,” Scott said. “You’re getting yourself out there, then? Dating?”
“I mean, not yet. But I’d like to.”
“Men, huh?”
“Maybe. I’m curious I guess.” Eric scoffed. “That sounds so cliché.”
“It’s exciting is what it is! You should come out with us sometime.
There’s a fundraiser at a club next week that we’re helping out at.
It’s a drag show—a Christmas thing—and there will be dancing after, of course.
I’m going to be on stage for part of the show, so you can at least watch me being roasted by some drag queens. ”
“That is very tempting.” It actually did sound ideal. It would be low pressure, because Eric could just be there to support his friend. And he could leave before the dancing started. Maybe this could be the night out Kyle had suggested. He would like it if Kyle was there. For support.
“Seriously,” Scott said gently as he sat back in the chair in front of Eric, “it would be great to have you there. And I’m glad Kyle is advising you on the actual, um, dating side of things. Honestly, I am terrible with that stuff.”
“He’s very enthusiastic,” Eric said. He bit his cheek to suppress a smile he was sure would give away the fact that Kyle had offered to have sex with him.
Scott beamed. “I can’t believe I’ve had a queer teammate this whole time!”
The words were said cheerfully, but Eric couldn’t stop the guilt from creeping in again. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, and that I wasn’t brave enough to come out when you did. I should have been standing beside you.”
“You were,” Scott said simply. “You’ve been supporting me since the moment I came out to you. And after I went public, you’ve always been right there with me: going to LGBTQ events, going to the Kingfisher with me. You think I don’t know how much you hate going to bars?”
That made Eric smile. “I like the Kingfisher.”
“Me too. And it’s always nice having teammates join me there. Hell, it was nice having Rozanov there.”
“Why was Rozanov there, anyway? I never really figured it out.”
“Oh, he wanted to talk to me about his charity. You know, the one he started with Shane Hollander?”
“I still can’t believe that’s a real thing, but yes.”
“They have these summer hockey camps and he asked if I might like to be a coach at one.” Scott laughed. “I could tell it killed him to ask me.”
“Why you? I mean, I know why someone would want you to be a coach at a hockey camp, but why would Rozanov want you there?”
“I’m not sure, exactly. But he mentioned that the camps are inclusive. He actually used the words safe space, which almost knocked me off my chair. How many hockey players do you know who use that term?”
“You mean in a non-mocking way? Very few.”
“Right. So they want the staff to be diverse. I wouldn’t even be the only gay guy, because they have Ryan Price helping out.”
“I keep forgetting he’s gay.”
“I heard he has a great boyfriend. A musician. I’m happy for him.”
“That’s good to hear.”
Anyway, I told Rozanov I’d like to help, but this summer will be busy with the wedding and the honeymoon, and the other obligations I already have.”
“Maybe next year.”
“That’s what I said. I’m sure Kip would enjoy a week or two in Montreal. That’s where one of the camps is.”
“It seems like a good charity,” Eric said. “I was reading that they already provided the funds for a huge renovation of a youth home in Montreal.”
“It’s impressive,” Scott agreed. “I’ve been thinking about starting my own charity, but maybe I should talk to Rozanov and Hollander about joining forces with them.”
Rozanov and Hollander. The two rivals’ names still sounded weird next to each other. “Who knew Rozanov had such a big heart?” Eric said.
Scott smiled. “I had a hunch. I think he might secretly be a big softy.”
“He does a damn good job of hiding it.”
“He sure does. Anyway, why are we talking about Ilya Rozanov? I’d rather talk about you.”
Eric held up a hand. “No thanks. I said everything I need to.”
Scott glanced at the clock on his nightstand. “I guess it’s getting late. And I’ll be damned if I’m not in top form against Toronto tomorrow night.”
“Yeah. But thanks, for listening to me.” Eric huffed. “Sorry if it was a shock.”
“Are you kidding? I’m thrilled.” Scott pulled him into one of his signature hugs. “Your secret is safe with me. I promise.”
Eric sighed against his shoulder. He’d miss these hugs after he retired. “I know. But I don’t know if it needs to be a secret. If people find out, they find out. But I’m not going to make a big public announcement.”
“That’s fair.”
They broke apart, and Eric ran a hand through his own hair, needing to make one more request of Scott and not sure of how to say it. “Hey, um, could you maybe not tell Kip? About Kyle, I mean. Not that there’s anything to tell, really, but still.”
Scott mimed pulling a zipper across his lips. “I won’t say a word. But Benny?”
“Yeah?”
“For what it’s worth, I think he’d be good for you. Even if it’s just for...” Scott palmed the back of his own neck nervously. “Instruction. Or whatever.”
Eric felt his own cheeks heat up. “Got it.”
Scott squeezed Eric’s shoulder and said, “I’m proud of you, Benny.”
“Thanks.”
Eric left Scott’s room feeling a million pounds lighter.