Chapter Eighteen
Eric did manage to sleep, but he’d kept drifting in and out. As far as he could tell, Kyle had fallen asleep immediately and hadn’t woken all night. He was still asleep when Eric blinked awake for the final time, sunlight peeking around the edges of his window blinds.
He’d loved holding Kyle against him all night. Loved listening to him breathe as he slept. Most oddly, he’d loved the soft press of the sole of Kyle’s foot against Eric’s shin.
Kyle was still turned away from him, but Eric enjoyed the view of his bare, creamy shoulders, his smooth back, and the knobs of his spine.
Every inch of Kyle was more interesting to Eric than it should be.
He was dangerously infatuated with this man and knew it wasn’t going to do him any good.
When Kyle had been dancing with the young man with the blue hair, that should have made Eric see the difference between them.
Kyle was young, and beautiful, and fun. Eric was not the horse that Kyle should hitch his wagon to.
He resisted the urge to wake Kyle with soft kisses along his shoulders and carefully left the bed, because he was sure that if he woke him, Kyle would leave.
He took a shower, washing away any lingering traces of the fun they’d had the night before, and considered what he should say to Kyle when he did wake up. What did Eric want?
He liked Kyle far too much, he knew that much. And he’d never been this interested in sex in his life. He tried to remember what it had been like when he’d started dating Holly. He’d been attracted to her for sure, and they’d definitely had some hot, hormone-fueled sex in Eric’s college dorm room.
And somewhere along the line, he’d fallen in love with her. It had been like sinking into a warm bath—comfortable, but not exciting.
What he felt for Kyle was different. There was an urgency to it, a gravitational pull that was getting harder to resist. And maybe he didn’t need to resist it. Not yet, anyway.
When he returned to the bedroom, towel wrapped snugly around his waist, he found Kyle propped up on one elbow, blinking at the windows that were still covered by the blinds.
“Good morning,” Eric said.
“Morning.” Kyle’s gaze raked over Eric’s mostly naked body. “Damn. I like that outfit.”
“You’d love the Admiral’s locker room then.”
“I’m sure I would.”
Eric sat on the edge of the bed, facing him. “Sleep okay?”
“Yeah. You have great taste in beds.”
“I have great taste in everything.”
Kyle’s lips curled up, and he touched his fingers to the bottom of Eric’s towel. “You do. I wish you’d told me you were showering. I could have joined you.”
“Another time.”
“Or maybe,” Kyle said silkily as he slipped his hand under the towel. “I can get you all dirty again right now.”
Eric shuddered, but he trapped Kyle’s hand with his own, stilling it. “I have a practice to get to soon. I’ll go downstairs and make breakfast, and you can take your own shower, if you like.” He stood up, adjusting his towel over his burgeoning erection.
Kyle fell back on the pillow, defeated. “Fine,” he sighed. He grinned lazily up at him, and for a moment Eric could only stare, completely transfixed by this gorgeous creature in his bed.
“Breakfast,” he said firmly, shaking off the desire to fall back into bed and let Kyle do whatever he wanted to him. He walked swiftly to his closet, eager to cover his body and clear his mind.
Eric had two omelets with sides of tomato slices and toast made by the time Kyle came downstairs, showered and wearing his clothes from last night.
“Hi,” Eric said stiffly. “There’s coffee made.”
“Great. Thanks.” Kyle figured this was the part when Eric told him that they couldn’t do this anymore. Again.
His arm brushed against Eric as he reached for the coffee pot, and he didn’t miss the way Eric jerked away from the contact. Jesus, this was going to be awful.
“Something wrong?” Kyle asked as he poured his coffee, wanting to get this over with.
Eric gripped the counter with both hands, and Kyle waited in miserable anticipation of the rejection to come.
But what Eric said was, “Can I tell you something? I’d need you to keep it a secret, but I need to tell someone.”
What the hell? “Of course.”
Eric hesitated, seeming to brace himself, then said, “I’m retiring. At the end of this season.”
“Oh.” So maybe Eric’s mood had nothing to do with Kyle. And also, “Wow.”
Eric’s chin fell to his chest. “Yeah. It’s, um, it’s going to be hard.”
“Are you unsure about it?”
“No. I know it’s time. I just don’t want to pull the trigger, y’know? Everyone is going to make a big thing about it.”
Kyle placed a hand on Eric’s forearm. His muscles were tense from gripping the counter.
“They’ll miss you,” Kyle said gently.
Eric sighed and rubbed his other hand over his face.
“I’ll miss them too. I’ll miss everything.
I don’t know what I’m going to do after this season.
” He turned his head to look at Kyle, and found sadness in his eyes.
“My whole life has been hockey. I’m not sure how I’m going to cope when that’s taken away. ”
“Hey. Come here.” Kyle pulled him into his arms. Eric pressed his face into the side of Kyle’s neck, and they both just breathed for a minute.
Kyle was surprised to hear that Eric didn’t know what he was going to do after hockey because Eric always seemed so capable and in control. He figured if Eric was retiring, it was because he had a solid plan for what comes next.
“You haven’t told anyone yet?” he asked. “No hockey people?”
“No. No one.”
Kyle tried to ignore the way his heart swelled with knowing Eric had confided in him with something this huge. Again.
Eric lifted his head, and Kyle released him.
“I’m going to make an announcement soon,” Eric said.
“After Christmas, I think. Or maybe after the All-Star break. I don’t want to do a press conference or anything.
Just a written statement. But I’ll have to tell my teammates first, and that won’t be easy. ”
“You guys seem like a close bunch.”
“We are. It’s like walking away from your family, y’know?” Eric grimaced. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have said that to you. I didn’t mean—”
Kyle waved a hand. “Don’t worry about it.” He really didn’t want the conversation to turn toward his issues with his parents. “And you’ll still see those guys, right? You’re staying in New York?”
“I plan to. But it won’t be the same. And last night, at the club with Scott and Carter and Matti...it just got me thinking about it. I love those guys, especially Scott.”
“Scott isn’t going anywhere. And you know he’s still going to hang out with you all the time.”
“I know.” Eric straightened his shoulders. “We should eat. It’s probably cold now.”
They sat at the kitchen island next to each other. As they ate, their legs kept brushing together, and Kyle kept stealing glances at Eric. Even when he was melancholy he was still so sexy.
“If you need someone to talk to, I’m here, okay? Anytime.” Kyle grinned. “I mean it. I keep late hours.”
Eric caught his gaze, and for a fleeting moment Kyle thought he saw the same longing he was trying to hide from his own expression. But then it faded, and Eric simply said, “Thank you.”
“And if you need any...distractions, I’ll be happy to help.”
Eric laughed at that. “I’ll let you know.”
Kyle decided to take that as a good sign, and happily ate his omelet, already daydreaming about how he’d like to distract Eric.
“I’m going to be busy for a while,” Eric said after a minute of quiet eating. “We hit the road tomorrow morning for a week, then I’m in Hamilton for a couple of days for Christmas, then gone again on the twenty-eighth for four more days.”
Kyle wasn’t sure if Eric was telling him this for a reason, or if he was just making conversation, but it almost sounded apologetic.
“Sounds hectic,” Kyle said mildly. Truthfully, he did feel a pang of disappointment that Eric wouldn’t be around.
He had even been considering inviting him over to watch movies on Christmas Day.
But of course Eric was spending Christmas with his family.
Because that’s what people whose parents weren’t grossed out by them did on Christmas.
“It will be,” Eric agreed. “But we have a week off at the end of January. I’ve been looking forward to it more than usual this year.”
“Why’s that?” Kyle didn’t want to hope that he had anything to do with it.
Eric huffed. “Because I’m old. I’ve been feeling this season more than others. It’s why I’ve decided it’s definitely time to retire.”
“Are you going anywhere for the break?”
“No, I’m just going to relax at home. I can’t wait.”
Kyle bit the inside of his cheek. Relaxing at home could include a whole lot of things. Things that he wouldn’t mind participating in. If Eric asked.
There was also the very real possibility that two weeks or so on the road would be enough time for Eric to lose interest in whatever he and Kyle were doing.
Maybe Eric would become reacquainted with an old high school crush back in his Canadian hometown.
At Christmastime. Like a fucking Hallmark movie.
It was annoying how much Kyle wanted some assurance that Eric would want to continue to.
..spend time with him. Even if it wasn’t sex, Kyle would love to go for another walk.
Another meal. Visit another gallery. It was rare for Kyle to want to spend this much time with someone, but if he had his way, he’d stay for the rest of the day, and all night.
Eric had taken their dirty plates to the sink and started washing them by the time Kyle managed to stop his runaway thought train. He stood and awkwardly walked to sink, hovering next to Eric uselessly. “Can I help?”
“It’s okay. I have to leave in a minute.”
“Right. I’ll get going then.” He took a step toward the stairs, then hesitated.
“I’ll walk you down,” Eric said, drying his hands.
At the door, the two men stood facing each other for a tense, silent moment. Finally, Kyle gave Eric a quick hug. “Have a good road trip. Or two, I guess. And a merry Christmas.”
“Thanks.”
When Kyle pulled back, he found Eric gazing longingly at his mouth. It was an opportunity he couldn’t ignore. He leaned in and murmured, “How about a farewell kiss?”
Eric answered by bringing their lips together. The kiss was soft and sweet, and Kyle regretted asking for it. It was too tender. Too heartbreaking.
“Thank you again,” Eric said quietly. “Last night was incredible.”
Kyle switched on his flirty, carefree shield. “Of course it was.”
Eric’s warm laughter was the last thing Kyle heard as he opened the door and made his escape from the man he was in danger of falling for.