Chapter 39
39
Selena
M y heart pounded painfully in my chest, making it hard to breathe as I stormed down the outside pathway. Every step was fueled by simmering frustration and a hurt so deep it felt like it was carving me from the inside out.
How could Zirene believe that I would betray him?
The thought of it made my throat tight, my breath short.
The cold desert night pressed in around me, the air crisp against my skin—a sharp contrast to the heat rising in my chest.
My strides were fast and purposeful, as if walking faster might somehow pull me away from the pain gnawing at me. But it didn’t. It lingered like a persistent shadow, clinging to my every thought.
A Shadow…
No matter where I went, my bond with him would still remain—forever connected in our Dreamscape. When I drift off to sleep tonight, would he be there?
I wasn’t in the right mindset to face him—but I would be forced to, one way or another. It was important for us to present ourselves as a united couple, especially when we were in public, out on display for everyone to see.
His ancestors had created the discourse among their species, and we both agreed to be the ones to end it…
That only made everything that much harder—tomorrow was the Mating Games, and I needed to push aside my anger, hurt, and pain, and play nice with him for the good of our people.
I’d encountered worse.
“Are you okay?” Z'fir pathed, concern lacing his mental voice. “We're almost done telling the cubs a bedtime story. We can come to you as soon as we’re done.”
“Or one of us can leave now if you’re in need ,” V’dim added, sending a soothing wave through our bond.
A small smile pulled on my lips at my nestmates’ thoughtfulness. “I’ll be fine… I just need some time alone.”
“Let us know if anything changes,” Z’fir replied. “We respect your need for privacy, but don’t want you to be without support if you’re in need.”
“Or comfort,” V’dim soothed. “We’ll be waiting for you in our nestbed.”
“Thank you.”
Gently, I covered their threads’ door with a thin veil, to give myself some privacy.
They would still be capable of picking up any loud thoughts, but wouldn’t worry about me as much while I reflected on what had happened.
It was something I did often when alone with one of my clanmates—or whenever I wanted to be able to think about things. The last thing I wanted was for them to misinterpret something or instinctively try to comfort me with commentary and soothing emotions.
Thankfully, my nestmates understood—it wasn’t personal—and Kaede had done the same with me whenever he wanted to focus on something.
Ahead, the pathway curved toward a resting ledge, a small alcove nestled between pillars with an awning overhead.
It overlooked the sprawling desert city, the glow of the city lights flickering against the vast, starry sky. The faint sound of laughter drifted up from the festivities still taking place in the streets.
At least our people were enjoying themselves tonight.
I wasn’t.
Gripping the cool stone with my trembling hands, I gazed at the similar-and yet foreign-night sky, missing my Favored dearly. The clan wasn’t complete when they weren’t here, and it felt wrong being here without them, even with their well wishes.
As I fiddled with my bracelets that they’d gifted me, the scene from moments ago played over and over in my mind.
Zirene’s harsh accusations, the disbelief in his eyes—it cut me deeper than I wanted to admit. After all we had been through, all we had built together, he truly thought I would run off with his brother…
How could he doubt me like that?
How had no one else questioned why Royak possessed the same strength as Zirene, despite having me as his Nova? Why was I the only one to discover their secret?
Of course Royak needed a Shadow-Nova bond; that was how he could even come close to competing with Zirene’s strength.
The resistance Royak always seemed to have toward finding a seedbearer, the lack of interest in finding a mate, to siring cubs… it all made sense now.
I had never questioned it because it wasn’t my place to—not when I had my own problems to deal with. But to find out like this? When I was having a private conversation about the exchanging of favors, only to be accused of having some affair?
It shouldn’t have surprised me that he was bonded to Vikvez, now that I thought about it, I was told by both Zirene and Kaede that the two of them were always together when they were away from the palace—and Royak even admitted that he never went on a mission without him.
Now I know why.
But if Vikvez were with my cubs this whole time, how was Royak capable of being stable? Zirene couldn’t be without me for a few months without almost completely spiraling into his own darkness.
It was something that needed addressing before the Harvest Festival ended—because the last thing I wanted was for Zirene to experience it again, especially if I needed to be away for long periods of time.
No matter how much he’d hurt me—past or present—he didn’t deserve insanity due to our connection.
A cool breeze blew past, sweeping my hair from my face as I pressed my forehead against the stone pillar, breathing deeply and trying to calm the whirlwind of emotions swirling inside me.
A lone tear fell, and yet, I held no will to wipe it away as I stared out at the city.
I felt betrayed. Hurt. And yet, underneath it all, I knew the truth: Zirene wasn’t trying to hurt me on purpose, but that didn’t change the fact that he had.
Footsteps behind me made me stiffen; half-expecting Zirene to follow—to apologize—to say something that would make this right.
But it wasn’t him—my Shadow’s steps were always silent and the person lacked his commanding presence.
“Selena?”
Ryzen. His voice was soft and cautious—as if he knew exactly how close to breaking I was. I didn’t turn around. I couldn’t. If I looked at him, I might shatter completely—and I refused to break down. Not here. Not now.
I tightened my hands around the railing. “I want to be alone, Ryzen.”
“I know,” he said softly, as his footsteps stopped close behind me. “But you shouldn’t be alone.”
Clenching my jaw, I closed my eyes, fighting back the urge to scream—not at him. He hadn’t done anything wrong; he was just trying to help.
“What do you mean by ‘I shouldn’t be alone’?” My voice came out sharper than I intended, but I didn’t have the energy to correct myself.
“You’re the Beacon,” he murmured, as he cautiously closed the distance between us, cautious not to touch me—and yet, his presence radiated warmth blanketing me. “Alone in a villa on a planet that’s not your own…”
A bitter laugh escaped me at the absurdity of his words. Did he really believe that? I turned slightly, pointing to my forehead. “My clanmates would know immediately if something happened to me. I’m never alone.” I gestured up toward the night sky, knowing Kaede’s omnipresent security net always surrounded me. “Kaede and B probably have over a hundred invisible drones watching me right now.”
“You’re correct. I have over a hundred around you, along with each member of our clan, and the cubs,” Kaede confirmed cockily, but with a hint of pride in his voice. “With REI’s assistance, I have a full fleet supervising the city in order to make sure this Harvest Festival is safe.”
“No matter how many drones you have, they can't protect my heart,” I shot back. “Please make sure Zirene understands how wrong he was. I know you were listening in to my conversation and everything that happened."
“I’ve already voiced my opinion,” he replied, his mental voice held an anger that was not meant for me. "I have always stated that my loyalty is with you... The male may not have had the best upbringing, and neither have we. He must learn to have more faith in those around him, or he will become like his late sire. We both know how he fared."
He was dead—and Zirene was now the Sovereign.
Sighing, I turned around and stepped back from Ryzen’s nearness, pressing my back against the railing, our eyes locking. He was only a few breaths away, his heat rolling off his emerald runed skin. “And you forget, I’m the Aldawi matriarchal leader.” I shrugged. “And we’re on Liskta, the ancestral Beacon’s home planet. Only a dimstar would even attempt something here. They wouldn’t get close.”
Ryzen cocked his head to the side, studying me with his piercing stare. “Regardless of all that, you’re upset, Selena. You’re here, alone and pregnant. Without your clanmates in sight.” He frowned, his eyes softening. “Why?”
My heart clenched as everything bubbled to the surface; I took a step back, pressing against the cool railing. “I told you—I wanted to be alone.”
He took in my words with a slow nod as he stood there watching me. “I’m not comfortable leaving you here alone.” His eyes softened as he gently brushed a tear from my cheek with the back of his finger. Soft tingles erupted in the wake of his touch, hesitant yet comforting. “I’ll stay nearby. Just close enough to ensure you're safe while you take the time you need without being unprotected.”
“You’re being foolish,” I muttered and let out an exasperated sigh, shaking my head at another ridiculous male. “Go to bed, Ryzen. The morning will be here before you know it, and if you want to participate in the Mating Games—"
“I’ll only leave if you command me to, Beacon.” A bittersweet smile graced his face, and the glow of the distant city caught his eyes—making them gleam like stars—momentarily taking my breath away. “This is a time for celebration, but you’re here... crying alone.”
My throat tightened. He was too perceptive. “You wouldn’t understand.”
“It seems like you want to talk about it, though.” He emitted a small chuckle, his eyes locking onto mine. “I’ve been told I’m a good listener. Make me understand.”
I rolled my eyes at him and gave him a look of disbelief, my lips curved into a faint smirk. “I bet you are.”
He took my half-smile as a victory. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”
To my surprise, I found myself smiling and laughing softly despite myself.
Oh Stars. What’s wrong with me?
Ryzen—usually so quiet and observant—was proving to be more like Kaede than I realized. Always watching, always knowing more than he let on.
He smirked, clearly pleased with himself, and he flicked his eyes to the night sky. “I’ll also take that as permission to stand guard.”
I groaned inwardly, not in the mood for his stubbornness—he was as stubborn as my lethal assassin too. “You know you staying here ruins your chances at winning the Mating Games, right?”
His eyes bored into mine, and the mischievous glint faded as he took a step toward me. His stare was intense, studying me. “I wasn’t going to enter.”
The words stunned me, and I sobered quickly. “What? Why? I thought you were looking forward to it.”
He was so close now that I could feel his breath, warm against the cool night air. “Do you want me to fight for a chance to spend the day with you?”
My heart skipped a beat. The question was simple, but it carried weight I wasn’t prepared for. “It doesn’t matter what I want,” I replied, avoiding his half-lidded, probing gaze. “The event has to happen.”
“But you didn’t answer my question,” he pressed gently, his eyes searching mine.
My heart tightened as I wrestled with my feelings. Why did his decision bother me so much? Why was I disappointed? I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts. “I don’t want to force you to do anything you don’t want to do.”
He nodded slowly, his gaze never leaving mine, a hint of sadness flickering across his face. “Even though I’d love the chance to go head-to-head with Kaede in the arena, I know how much the event means to Zyxel. He’s been working so hard, desperate to prove himself to you—to earn the chance to spend time alone with you. If I entered, I could take that chance from him.”
I frowned, surprised by his reasoning. “Why?”
His face darkened. Pain flickered across his features as his runes dimmed slightly. “Relationships are... dangerous among my people. I don’t know what I want or what’s happening between us.” He swallowed, his voice thick with emotion. “I don’t want to take something so precious from Zyxel or anyone in your clan when I’m trying to figure out what I feel…” He gestured his hand between us. “Not when I’m still confused about how you saved me. My brother and the others are still fighting for their lives in another galaxy… and I’m here, with you, trying to enjoy myself at this Harvest Festival.”
My chest tightened. His reasoning was noble and honorable, but that didn’t stop the slight sting of disappointment in my heart. It left me feeling… unsettled. “Why are relationships dangerous for the Verya?”
His jaw clenched, his eyes reflecting the sorrow he felt. “They go against our traditions. My parents were... an example of what happens to bonded couples.”
Without thinking, I reached out; my hand rested on his vest, careful not to touch his bare skin. “You’re safe with the Aldawi.”
His runes flared briefly as he glanced down at my hand. “I hope so,” he whispered, his voice heavy with sadness. “But the future is unclear.”
Silence stretched between us, the weight of his words settling over me. I knew I should walk away, let him have his space, but instead, I sighed and finally found the courage to voice what had been clawing at me. “I’m upset with Zirene.” My voice was thick with frustration and hurt. “He misjudged my private conversation with Royak and thought there was something going on when all I wanted was to ask him a favor....” I shook my head, still unable to believe what had happened. “I was only asking Royak to lead the rescue mission to save your brother and the rest of the refugees.”
“I understand why you’re upset. Those are bold accusations when neither of you did anything wrong.” Ryzen’s frown deepened, his emerald eyes locking onto mine. “What did he want in return?”
“He wanted his doctor back under his command,” I muttered, the frustration bubbling up again. “Vikvez has been overseeing my cubs, making sure they were healthy and growing well under Aldawi standards… but Royak needed him more. It was a fair trade.”
Ryzen’s eyes widened. “I didn’t realize things were moving so quickly.”
“Yes.” I nodded again firmly. “The goal is to send the fleet at the same time I leave for the CEG Space Station. By the time I announce it to the assembly, they’ll already be halfway there. Mwe said I don’t need to ask for permission. Not when he already gave me his blessing.”
Ryzen dropped to one knee. His large arm rune shimmered, and one of his spirit weapons appeared in his hand. He laid it at my feet, bowing deeply. “I owe you not one life debt, but two. I will never be able to repay you.”