Chapter 43
43
Zirene
Z irene entered their nestroom, the soft glow from the ambient lights casting shadows across the lavish space fit for a Beacon. His eyes immediately found Selena, curled up peacefully between her two nestmates, their bodies draped protectively around her. There was something serene—perhaps even beautiful—about the way their appendages held her tightly, securing the lush purple comforter around her.
They were protecting not only her body, but her heart, as they slept soundlessly.
Kaede sat with his back against the cushioned headboard near Selena’s head. His arms were folded tightly across his chest, and his head tilted toward the ceiling with his eyes closed. Even in his sleep, the assassin didn’t relax—his jaw clenched and eyebrows furrowed.
It was much later than Zirene had intended—but he was too much of a coward to face his Nova so soon. Especially because he had no idea how he was going to beg her forgiveness for committing yet another dimstar mistake.
The night had stretched on far longer than he liked, burdened by the weight of his earlier mistakes. He had already apologized to his brother, Royak, and his Nova, Vikvez, for his unjustified outburst. That conversation had been difficult but necessary.
Thankfully, they’d forgiven him, knowing that he didn’t mean it and had a momentary lapse of judgment. Their wisdom about how to strengthen his bond with Selena meant the universe to him. It was comforting to know that he wasn’t alone in his experiences as Shadow, and that his brother was able to open up to him, allowing them to deepen their bond while managing their empire side by side, as Sovereign and Military Leader.
Now, though, he had to face the most important task: making amends with his Nova.
As he reached the nestbed, Kaede’s sharp, vigilant gaze locked on his. Zirene paused, their silent communication as clear as it always had been. Kaede raised an eyebrow, tilting his head toward Selena, daring Zirene to interrupt their mate’s peaceful slumber.
Zirene shook his head, then began to strip off his kilt, letting it fall to the floor in a heap. Each step toward the nestbed felt heavier, his shoulders slumping under the invisible burden pressing down on him. He hesitated, opting to sit on the edge, farthest from his Nova’s brilliance. He didn’t deserve to bask in it, not like his clanbrothers.
Instead, he mimicked Kaede’s posture, leaning his back against the headboard with his arms crossed tightly over his chest. He closed his eyes and focused on slowing down his racing thoughts, trying to find some semblance of peace amidst the chaos.
The familiar tingling sensation down his spine and the faint, melodic twinkling in his head told him that she was deep in sleep, away in their dreamscape.
She would no longer be alone there.
His guilt gnawed at him, tightening his chest. How could he have doubted her? Selena had been nothing but loyal. And yet, he had accused her of the very betrayal he feared most.
His hearts ached, the weight of his actions too heavy to ignore any longer.
He surrendered himself to sleep, letting it carry him to the one place where he could seek her out without interruption.
The dreamscape was where he would beg for forgiveness. He hoped that she would listen.
Zirene found himself standing on the familiar, white-sanded beach of Destima, the soft lavender waves lapping at the shore. The tropical flora that surrounded their private royal gazebo swayed gently in the warm breeze, their vibrant colors vivid against the bright sky. The air was thick with the scent of saltwater and blooming flowers.
It was here, on this serene beachfront, that it all started.
Their sanctuary was the place they had visited every night while he spent his days searching for her over those seven long years.
Zirene hoped to find some semblance of peace—but the peace he sought did not come from the beauty of the surroundings.
It would only come from his Nova.
He could see her already, standing under the gazebo, her back to him, watching the lavender waves glisten under the sunlight. The sight of her—radiant and strong—filled him with both longing and shame.
He had hurt her. Deeply. And now, he had to make things right.
Zirene stepped onto the sand, his feet sinking into the warmth of it as he approached her. His hearts quickened with every hesitant step.
When he reached the gazebo, he stopped a few paces away from her, the soft rush of the waves a quiet background to the silence between them.
“Selena,” he began, his voice felt thick in his throat, almost pleading. “I... I need to apologize. I was wrong.”
Her posture stiffened, the tension in her shoulders palpable. The silence was deafening, twisting the remorse inside him even more.
“I... I let my fears cloud my judgment, and doubted you when I had no reason to,” Zirene murmured. “I accused you of something terrible... with Royak of all people. And after everything we’ve been through, after all we’ve built... I—” He choked on his words, his throat tightening. “I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I’m begging for it.” His knees buckled, hitting the sand with a thud, as if the ground itself pulled him down under the weight of all the things he couldn't say. “Please forgive me.”
Selena turned then, slowly, her eyes meeting his, her lips pressed into a thin line. Her eyes—those deep blue-green eyes that had always seen right through him—held a hurt that cut deeper than any psydagger.
“How can I be your equal—your Beacon—if you can’t trust me?” she asked softly, but the edge in her voice was unmistakable. “You really thought I would jeopardize everything we’ve built together?”
Zirene flinched at the truth in her words. His heart shattered at the pain in her voice, the weight of his guilt too heavy to bear. He bowed his head, his hands trembling slightly as he reached for her, but stopped short of touching her.
“I don’t know,” he admitted. “I... Ever since you were kidnapped, it’s like my mind can’t stop spinning. I’ve become suspicious, paranoid. I’m terrified of losing you again, and it’s tearing me apart. And it’s poisoned my mind, Selena. But that’s no excuse for how I treated you. I don’t know how to stop it. I—” His voice broke, and he pressed his hands into the sand, fingers curling into the grains. “You are my Nova, my mate. You are everything to me. And I—” He bowed his head and exposed his neck, his shoulders shaking. “I’ve been avoiding the dreamscape—keeping myself busy—for reasons unknown. And it’s weakened us.”
“I’ve been wondering why you haven’t been joining me in the dreamscape… when we both agreed it helped you keep sane. I thought it might be something I’ve done…”
“No. It wasn’t you… I thought I was better,” he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper now. “But I was wrong. By avoiding our connection, I’ve made it worse. I let fear of losing you again get the better of me, and now I can see that I’ve been tearing us apart.”
Zirene looked up at her, ears flicked back, tail motionless. “Royak told me that the reason why he’s been able to match my strength is because he and Vikvez never stopped joining each other in the dreamscape. Every night, they’ve been together. That’s why he’s strong... and that’s why I’ve felt weaker. I’ve been cutting myself off from you, from us, and I’ve been too blind to see it.
“I’m sorry, Selena. I’m so sorry. Please…” He pressed his forehead to the sand once more. “I need you. Please...I beg you. Don’t turn away from me.”
Selena stood there for a long moment, watching him as if weighing his words. She stepped closer, her bare feet making barely a sound on the sand. Slowly, she knelt in front of him, her fingers brushing lightly against his cheek as she cupped his chin, lifting his face to meet her gaze.
“You’ve hurt me, Zirene.” Her hardened glare was one of a mother scolding a cub, disappointed in their behavior. “I’m not going anywhere, but you can’t keep doubting me. We’ve known each other for almost eight years now. You need to trust that I won’t betray you—or our family. Ever. I’m here because I love you. But you can’t keep lashing out like this. It hurts—and I don’t know why you take it out on me, the very person who’s forever tied to you.”
“I know. And I swear, I’ll do better. Please believe me.” He leaned into her touch, closing his eyes, savoring the comfort of her presence. “I’ll never make this mistake again.”
Selena let out a soft sigh, her thumb stroking his cheek as she leaned her forehead against his. “I need you, Zirene. I need you to believe in us. Because if we’re going to do this—if we’re going to lead together—you can’t keep pushing me away. You can’t do this again.”
“I won’t,” he promised, his voice shaking with the weight of his vow. “I’ll make it up to you.”
They stayed like that for a long moment, allowing the sound of the waves washing over them—as if they could wipe away the hurt and damage he’d caused.
Zirene’s heart still ached, but he knew that they could heal from this. That they could be stronger for it.
But it would take time.
And he would make sure, every day from now on, that he showed her just how much she meant to him.
They weren’t just Sovereign and Beacon. Or Shadow and Nova.
They weren’t just mates.
They were partners—and members of the same constellation.
And he would fight the Stars themselves to stop himself from hurting her again.