Chapter 5 #2
Majorly freaking out. Why did I say yes to a live interview?
It took only a few seconds for three dots to appear.
Stop freaking out. You’re going to be fine.
But what if I’m not? What if I shit myself in the middle of the interview?
It’s radio, no one will know.
I’ll know. You’ll know. The entire studio will stink because of me.
I’ll stop by Tesco and get some baby wipes, then.
Ha ha.
Seriously, you’ll be fine. They’re just going to ask you about your music. You love talking about your music.
I do love talking about my music.
Nally took a deep breath and sagged against the train window. Even with a few text messages, Jude always made him feel better.
This whole fame thing takes a lot of getting used to. I’m not sure I have the personality for it.
Sure you do. You’ve just spent your life so far wrapped in cotton-wool by your family.
Yeah, I guess.
Don’t worry, I’ll unwrap you.
Nally swallowed hard and stared at his phone.
The idea of being unwrapped by Jude made him shift the way he was sitting and look around to make sure none of the other passengers were looking at him.
His face was flushed again and his jeans had gone tight.
It shouldn’t have been happening. Not with Jude.
Take a look at your socials. People are loving the content you’ve been putting up.
Jude’s new message was a relief. He took in a breath and refocused.
The content you’ve been putting up you mean.
You, me, same thing.
Nally smiled at his phone. Just looking at Jude’s words made him feel better. They were mates. That’s all their banter meant.
I’m about half an hour from the studio. I’ll see you soon.
Nally took a deep breath. Instead of putting his phone down, he opened his Insta app and scrolled through some of the latest posts from people he followed.
There were all sorts of red dots indicating he had DMs, but he ignored them.
He didn’t open or read his DMs. Jude was doing that for him, too, and letting him know if there was anything important.
Nothing on Insta held his attention. Nothing on the other social media channels either.
He would probably have his Gen Z card revoked, but social media had always seemed like more of a chore and a distraction to him instead of something he actually wanted to spend his time doing.
Instead, he put in his earbuds and listened to the classical new release playlist on one of his favorite streaming apps as the train whisked him closer to his doom.
It was ridiculous for him to think of a BBC interview as his doom, though. By the time he’d navigated into the city and from Victoria Station to Portland Street, Nally was back to being a bundle of nerves again. Fortunately for him, Jude was already waiting for him in the lobby of Broadcast House.
“You look like you’re about to puke,” Jude greeted him with a wide smile.
“I feel like I’m about to puke,” Nally answered, walking right up to him and greeting his friend with a quick, back-thumping hug.
He wanted that hug to last so much longer, but he pulled away quickly, glancing around the historic lobby instead of meeting Jude’s eyes. It was just his nerves, that was all.
“This place is so huge,” he said. “I have no idea where to go.”
“Then it’s a good thing you have an agent to handle you and get you where you need to be,” Jude said, nudging his arm. His friend’s casual smile and confident manner were exactly what Nally needed. “Come on,” Jude went on, tugging Nally’s sleeve. “We need to check in over there.”
As nice as it was to have Jude there to take charge of things, it also frustrated Nally.
He wasn’t the fainting violet type. He’d always been proactive and independent when it came to his music and his career.
He’d been raised a Hawthorne, which was basically the same thing as saying he’d been raised to make a spectacle of himself.
It was great having someone stand with him, though.
“Right, you’re all checked in,” Jude told him, not just with authority, but like he absolutely loved being an agent. “You’re being interviewed by Hannah Peel.”
“The Hannah Peel?” Nally’s excitement instantly doubled. Hannah Peel was famous for her film and television scores. Nally had always admired her work, but in no way had he imagined he would ever be able to consider himself her peer.
“I hear she’s really nice,” Jude went on as the intern taking them through the labyrinthine hallways turned a corner.
“I’m sure she is.”
Minutes later, Nally’s excitement crashed into nerves and anxiety again. He was being interviewed by someone famous. What if she didn’t like his music? What if she’d listened to all of it and hated it? Was she going to eviscerate him live on the air?
“Mate, you need to calm down,” Jude laughed at him as they were led into an anteroom with a huge window that looked into a recording studio.
Nally stared into the room at none other than the ultra-famous Aled Jones. In no way did he belong in the same league as Aled Jones and Hannah Peel.
“I’m so rubbish,” he said, every cell in his body screaming at him to leave.
“Nally.” Jude grabbed his arms, causing Nally to jolt. “What’s wrong with you? This isn’t like you at all.”
“I don’t know!” Nally gasped. “A month ago, I was teaching music and composition classes at Hawthorne House, minding my own business. Yes, I wrote the score for To Serve Him, but it was all in the background. Now I’m being interviewed by the BBC, people are messaging me faster than I’ll ever be able to read the messages on social media, and…
and I just don’t know who I am anymore.”
There. That was it. Change. That was the problem.
His life had been run through the wringer in the last month.
That was why he was struggling with new emotions and fears.
Jude was the anchor keeping him tethered to himself.
That’s why he suddenly valued his friend more than he ever had before.
Not because he was in love with him or anything.
Goddess, no, he did not just think that. He was back to wanting to puke.
“Hey,” Jude said, staring straight into his eyes like a good anchor did. “You’re fine. Everything is fine. Yes, everything happening to you right now is big and life-changing. But life changes. We’re not kids anymore. Someone has to be famous, so why not us?”
Nally let out a breathy laugh and dropped his shoulders. It helped that Jude was still holding his arms, holding him up. He glanced up at Jude with a sheepish look and said, “If this is all just me transitioning into adulthood and me freaking out because of it, I’m going to be so embarrassed.”
Jude laughed. “Yeah, it is pretty embarrassing,” he said, letting go at last and shoving Nally playfully. “Grow up already!”
“I am!” Nally insisted. “I am bloody grown up, and I can handle this.”
“There you go. That’s more like it.”
Nally smiled at Jude’s words, then promptly turned to jelly when Aled Jones finished whatever he’d been recording in the studio and entered the anteroom at the same time as Hannah Peel came in from the hallway.
Nally was caught in a celebrity sandwich, but the weirdest part of it was the way both Aled and Hannah complimented and gushed over him, saying how much they loved his work.
“You’re one to look out for,” Aled said as he headed for the door. “And if you ever compose any vocal work, give my agent a call.”
Nally was left stunned as one of his idols left the room. Jude chased after him to give him a business card of some sort.
“What was that?” Nally asked once he came back, as Hannah moved into the studio, where the producer was already setting things up for the interview.
“Your card,” Jude answered, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “In case he’s serious about working with you in the future.”
“I don’t—” Nally had no idea how to finish his sentence. He was convinced he didn’t know what he was doing, he didn’t deserve the accolades, and at any moment, someone would figure out he was just a weird kid who was overly obsessed with classical music and completely unlike most guys his age.
“Nally, we’re ready for you in here,” the producer said, sticking her head back into the anteroom.
“What am I going to do?” Nally asked Jude in a panic. “I’m not ready for this. My whole life is going to change. I can’t do it. I can’t be famous.”
“You can do this and you will do it,” Jude said, grasping Nally’s head in his hands as if he were keeping him from floating up into the stratosphere.
“No, I can’t,” Nally insisted, eyes wide. “I’m nobody. I can’t go in there and—”
Without warning, Jude surged against him, slamming his mouth over Nally’s with crushing force.
Nally’s brain stopped. Every panicked thought he had was blasted away as Jude kissed him. All Nally was aware of was Jude’s scent and heat, the softness of his lips and the quick swipe of his tongue against the seam of Nally’s own lips.
He wanted this. He wanted everything Jude was giving him.
Despite the past, despite the near catastrophe of Timothy, despite everything.
It unfurled something within Nally and made his body go slack with a strange sort of peace that made no sense to him.
All there was in the world was him and Jude. Nothing else mattered.
Then Jude pulled away. His eyes were bright and his pupils dilated as he stared right at Nally. “There,” he said breathlessly, letting go of Nally’s face. “If that didn’t shock you back to your senses, I don’t know what will.”
“I…um…yeah.” Nally still couldn’t string two thoughts together.
“Now go in there and ace that interview,” Jude said, grabbing Nally and turning him to face the doorway, where the producer was beckoning. “You’re going to be amazing.”
Jude shoved Nally’s back, causing him to stumble forward toward the smiling producer. He had no idea what had just happened or what was going on. All he knew was that his heart had never beat harder in his life.