Chapter 9
NINE
He was getting better at this, at all of it.
As Nally zipped through the streets of London with his arms around Jude’s body, holding on for dear life, he congratulated himself for getting so much better at pretending everything was normal and that his entire life, not to mention his heart, wasn’t balanced on a razor’s edge.
“Mr. Hawthorne, the orchestra is nearly ready for you,” the cheerful assistant, who seemed to be in charge of coordinating everyone in the magnificent old church, said only a short time after Nally and Jude arrived at LSO St. Luke’s.
Nally sent Jude a wide-eyed look, like being called “Mr. Hawthorne” was half joke, half honor, and completely unexpected.
“You’ll be even more famous than me before you know it,” Jude said, leaning in close to Nally and resting a hand on the small of his back as they followed the assistant into the heart of the massive recording space.
Jude’s subtle touch was like someone pressing fire against Nally’s back.
Every bit of his focus shifted to his friend and the tension swirling around them.
Everything Nally had said to Gavin the other night rang loudly in his ears.
He wanted Jude and that touch proved it, but he couldn’t risk history repeating itself and tearing him and Jude apart.
Paradoxically, having so much of his brain taken up with the bittersweet agony of catching feelings for his bestie meant that the uncertainty and fear Nally had been feeling about his skyrocketing career took a backseat as he was led up to the center of the massive recording hall, where the musicians of the London Symphony Orchestra were chatting with each other or getting in a bit of last-minute practice before the recording session began.
He caught a few bars of his own music coming from the violinists who were working through some of the trickier bits and from one of the trumpets that blasted out one of the key leitmotifs for the piece they were about to record.
“Wow,” Jude said as he stopped by Nally’s side, finally letting his hand drop. “I’ve been saying all along that you’ve finally reached the pinnacle of the music world, but I was wrong until now. This is incredible.”
Nally shifted to face him. “I am finally starting to feel as if I can handle musical fame and accomplishment,” he said in a mock serious voice. “Do not pull that rug out from under my feet by pointing out how high I’ve climbed in such a short time.”
His lips twitched as he tried not to grin. Jude’s eyes shot straight to his mouth, which did nothing to help the fluttering feeling in his gut. Nor did it help when Jude glanced up again and met his eyes with pride and mischief shining in his own.
“Alright, then,” he said. “You’re amateurish at best, and this is all punching well above your pay grade.”
Nally snorted with laughter, especially because of the way Jude assumed his social media persona to deliver the insult.
It was so close to the way things should have been between them, so close to normal.
If he shut his heart down and ignored half the things that had happened between them lately, he could almost believe that they were back on ordinary footing and that they didn’t have a Sword of Damocles hanging over them, waiting to destroy their friendship forever.
“Ah, Mr. Hawthorne, it’s an absolute pleasure to meet you at last,” the LSO’s music director, Sir Antonio Pappano, said, coming forward to greet Nally.
Again, Nally sent Jude a wide-eyed look. Sir Antonio Pappano was musical royalty, and he was pleased to meet Nally?
“The pleasure is all mine, sir,” Nally said, shaking the man’s hand, eyes wide. He glanced back to Jude yet again.
“We’re ready to begin when you are,” Sir Antonio said. He, too, looked at Jude. “Your partner is more than welcome to listen in, as long as he stays quiet.”
“Oh, he’s not—”
“Thank you, sir,” Jude cut Nally off, his eyes bright as he moved to shake Sir Antonio’s hand as well. “I’ll be as quiet as a church mouse, which is convenient, seeing as this is a church. Is it alright if I record a bit for social media?”
Nally’s throat squeezed, not because of Jude’s bold request, but because for the first time in their long history of people mistaking them for a couple, Jude hadn’t let him correct them.
Everything was changing, and Nally wasn’t certain he could keep up with it.
“There are copyright issues, of course,” Sir Antonio said with a frown. “No recording any moments where the orchestra is playing.”
“Of course, of course.” Jude nodded. He was well and truly in his persona as Jude the Obscure, which fit perfectly with their situation and surroundings. It also put the perfect barrier between all the things Nally suspected they were both feeling.
Something wasn’t right. Nally kept thinking that as Sir Antonio introduced him to the orchestra and the recording technicians came forward to explain what they would be doing during that session.
A fantastic grand piano had been set up at the front of the orchestra for Nally to play the solo bit of his composition, and as he took a seat to warm up, along with the rest of the musicians, techs swirled all around him, checking mics and adjusting sound levels.
The whole thing required Nally’s intense focus, but he still glanced up to check on Jude from time to time.
Jude had his phone up and either was recording or had recorded things that he was now posting.
At one point, Nally caught his face pinching into what he could only describe as fear.
A second later, Jude glanced over at him, and when their eyes met, Jude’s fear dissolved into one hundred percent pure affection.
That scared the life out of Nally. They were already on a speeding track to a place that could destroy them, and there was nothing they could do about it now.
“Whenever you’re ready, Mr. Hawthorne,” the lead recording tech called out from the massive table of monitors and equipment at one end of the room. “Sir Antonio,” he added, nodding to the august man.
“Mr. Hawthorne?” Sir Antonio asked.
Nally nodded, moving to sit at the amazing grand piano in front of the full orchestra, still unable to believe he was the captain of this particular ship.
The piece they were recording was for an album of new material, much of which had been composed with To Serve Him in mind, but which hadn’t made it to the final cut of the film.
Silver Productions had made the arrangements ages ago and was footing the bill, and ultimately, they and the LSO would collect the lion’s share of the profits from the recording.
Nally was happy with the agreement, as it would help his star to rise even more and because he truly loved the pieces he’d composed and wanted the world to hear them.
It was surreal to hear one of the best orchestras in the world play something that had started life in his heart. It was even headier when his piano joined in with the strings and woodwinds. But wildest of all was when they reached the bit with his piano solo.
Something happened to Nally when he slipped into the zone of his music.
He wasn’t himself anymore, at least not the everyday version of himself.
He was something purer and higher. The piece that he played as the rest of the orchestra softened to a whisper had come straight from his heart.
It was tender and romantic, an expression of his soul.
He blocked everything else out and just played. His fears of success, and of failure, vanished. His worry that if things changed, they would change for the worst disappeared. The only thing that remained in his heart and mind were the strains of the song…and Jude.
He smiled and let go of all the restraints he’d imposed on himself as he played.
He never would have admitted it before, but he’d composed that heart-wrenching, powerful piece with Jude as his sole focus.
It was everything he felt for his friend, every joy Jude gave him and every bit of warmth and affection he had for him.
It wasn’t a song about two mates goofing off or being typical twenty-somethings.
It was rich and pure and so much deeper than anything else he’d ever composed.
It was love, and there was no way he could run from it or the destruction it might bring anymore.
The solo gave way to another swell of sound as the orchestra joined back in.
The musicians were amazing, and under Sir Antonio’s direction, they captured exactly the feel Nally had had in mind when he’d composed the piece.
By the time they finished, the entire church was filled with an intangible buzz of emotional excitement.
As soon as the tech gave the signal that they were no longer recording, the musicians lowered their instruments, and several burst into applause for Nally. “That was amazing,” the concert master, who sat closest to Nally, congratulated him. “You are exceptionally talented.”
Nally burst into a smile and immediately turned to look for Jude. Jude was applauding along with the rest of them, his face a canvas of emotion, his blue eyes electric with affection.
That was it. There was no getting around it anymore.
Nally and Jude weren’t just friends. They’d run as long as they could, but Nally had spilled the truth of his heart in song, and he saw the answer to his musical offering in the affection that radiated from Jude.
They were going to have to deal with the fallout, and if it ended them, it would probably kill Nally.
“Bravo! That was amazing! Bravo!”
The manic shout from the back corner of the church shocked Nally out of his maelstrom of emotions. He glanced beyond Jude to find Quentin applauding loudly and striding forward. The shock of seeing him was so sharp that Nally stood abruptly, nearly knocking the piano bench over as he did.
“Who is he?” Sir Antonio asked, offended by the interruption. “How did he get in here?”