Chapter 15 #2
It was all so ordinary. He and Jude spent about five minutes dumping their damp and dirty clothes out of their suitcases and throwing a load in the washer.
Nally’s laptop still wasn’t working, and he still wasn’t as fussed about it as he should have been.
They changed out of their travel clothes and ditched their new boots in favor of clean, fresh clothes from Nally’s wardrobe and headed down the hall to Nally’s parents’ flat in sock feet.
“Did any of it really happen?” Nally murmured right before they reached the open door to the flat and the classical music that wafted out of it.
“It almost feels like it didn’t, right?” Jude said. He then grabbed Nally’s hand and squeezed it and whispered, “But it did.”
His breath tickled against Nally’s ear, and his dick had the audacity to perk up just as they turned the corner to enter the flat.
“Mum said you two were back,” Ryan greeted them from the table where he and Nally’s dad sat.
“The food is in here,” Janice called from the kitchen.
Normal. Completely and utterly normal. So much that it made the hair stand up on the back of Nally’s neck as he and Jude headed into the kitchen to grab plates.
“Oh, Nally, dear,” Janice said as she helped them serve themselves, “I need your final answer on whether you’ll be able to teach your composition class this winter.
You’ve got a list the size of the English Channel of people who’ve joined the waitlist, and I’m going to have to tell them something sooner or later. ”
“Um, I…I don’t know,” Nally said, carrying his plate back to the dining table. “I still haven’t worked out what sort of commitment Silver Productions wants from me, or if I’ll have the time.”
Just like that, normal blasted into a thousand pieces and the other shoe that Nally had been terrified of dropping dangled over him again. His anxiety before Scotland hadn’t just been about him and Jude, it had been about fame and change and the fact that his life wasn’t his own anymore.
“We need to finalize the winter schedule soon,” Robert said as Nally and Jude took seats side by side at the table. “If you can’t teach composition, I’d like to see if cousin Brentford would be willing to give piano lessons.”
A whole other wave of guilt swelled up, ready to swallow Nally. “Does Brent want to teach piano?” he asked. Was he holding back one of his cousins from doing something he loved and maybe earning some money at the same time.
“He’s been whispering in my ear about it for a while, yes,” Robert said.
“Oh.” Nally stared at his full plate, his appetite suddenly gone.
Under the table, Jude reached for his hand. As soon as their skin touched, Nally gripped Jude’s hand tightly.
“Breathe, love,” Jude told him. “No one is asking you to give up your firstborn child. It’s just a class. It’s just your career.”
“That’s easy for you to say,” Nally replied, managing a wry smile. “You’re the one who’s supposed to be managing my career.”
“So do you want me to make all the decisions for you?” Jude asked.
“Because I’d tell you to sign Silver Productions’ contract, with a clause allowing you to work on your own compositions and perform them with major orchestras, and then I’d get us a lovely beach house in Barbados so we can deal with it all while lounging under the sun, sipping pina coladas. ”
Nally laughed, immediately feeling better. He squeezed Jude’s hand, then let go and started in on his supper.
He paused when he realized the rest of the table was silent. Ryan and their dad stared at Nally and Jude with barely concealed grins. Janice leaned against the doorframe to the kitchen, arms crossed, a giddy smile lighting her face.
“What?” Nally asked, playing ignorant.
“Oh, nothing, nothing,” Robert said, waving a hand, then grabbing his plate and standing. “I’ve got more scheduling work to do.”
“I’m glad you’re finally getting on with things,” Janice said before pushing away from the doorframe and joining Robert in the kitchen.
“She wasn’t talking to Dad,” Ryan said, his grin even wider.
“Yes, I know,” Nally snapped, rolling his eyes at his brother, although the reaction in no way reflected his sudden, towering anxiety or the way his heart thumped hard against his ribs. He and Jude had been found out within seconds. That didn’t feel like a good sign.
“I should really be getting back to London,” Jude said a few minutes later, clearing his throat and standing. “Mum’s been texting, wondering where I am since Dad saw Nally’s post about us and thinks we should have made it home by now.”
“Your dad follows me on social media?” Nally asked as Jude stood with his plate.
“Of course he does,” Jude said. “He loves you.” He then kissed Nally’s cheek before striding off into the kitchen.
“He wasn’t talking about his Dad,” Ryan said, suppressing a laugh.
“Yes, I know,” Nally replied through gritted teeth.
Ryan laughed out loud, which had Nally’s face heating to epic proportions.
Jude swept back through the main room a moment later, saying his goodbyes to everyone and promising to call Nally, which would probably happen before he even reached home.
Janice and Robert followed him out of the flat, talking about scheduling and staff meetings and a dozen workaday things they needed to do for the arts center.
That left Ryan and Nally alone to clean up the last of supper.
“So, you two finally took the plunge, did you?” Ryan asked as they gathered up the last of the dishes and headed into the kitchen.
The last thing Nally wanted to do was to talk about something that still felt so raw and potentially volatile in his life. Then again, Ryan was his older brother, and presumably he had more experience with the world. He had lived in Milan, and Paris for a while, too.
“Don’t laugh at me,” he started, “but yes. The nature of my and Jude’s relationship has…intensified.”
Ryan laughed as they scraped plates and stacked the dishwasher. “Look at you, talking about sex and dating like it’s some sort of higher level of a secret society.”
“It’s weird, isn’t it?” Nally asked, insecurity taking over. “Best friends don’t actually turn into lovers in real life, only in books.”
“Nonsense,” Ryan said with a snort. “The best relationships I know are where the couple started out as friends first.”
“Lifelong friends?” Nally pressed him. “Friends who used to play knights fighting dragons out in the meadow?”
“I’d forgotten that you two used to do that,” Ryan said, his face lighting up. “You two were really into playing knights.”
“And now we’re really into each other,” Nally muttered, half to himself.
“What are you so worried about?” Ryan asked, closing the dishwasher, then leaning against it.
“Oh, I don’t know,” Nally burst with too much energy. “That the whole thing will flame out? That having sex will destroy the most important friendship of my life?”
“That it will be Timothy all over again?” Ryan spoke the third question on Nally’s lips.
Nally huffed out a breath through his nose and sagged. “I don’t want to lose him.”
Ryan made a tutting sound and pulled Nally into a brotherly hug.
“Only a neurotic mess like you could worry about losing something he’s had for over a decade before things have really gotten started.
” He leaned back, staring at Nally, then said, “I’m assuming things have only just gotten started? That’s what Scotland was all about?”
Nally hesitated, then nodded. Scotland was about escaping Quentin, too, but he hadn’t truly filled his family in on all those details. He didn’t want to worry them.
Which felt like exactly what Jude had said about not wanting Nally to worry.
“What do I do?” he asked Ryan at last.
“What do you mean?” Ryan crossed his arms and leaned against the counter again.
Nally shrugged. “This is the most important relationship of my life. I love Jude and the sex was amazing. Everything seemed so clear and easy just a few hours ago, when it was only us on the road. But now I’m freaking out again.
It isn’t just us. It’s our family and his, all the people we know, and the entire world of social media.
We feel so good together now, but what do I do to stop things from going sour, like they did with Jude and Timothy? ”
“Well, first of all,” Ryan began, “you’ve come to the wrong person if you’re asking about relationships. I have and probably always will suck at them.”
“You’ve had boyfriends before, right?”
“Not for very long,” Ryan replied. “I’ve never been as good at feelings as the rest of you lot.”
Nally grinned. Ryan had always been the most cerebral of the Hawthornes.
“But most importantly,” Ryan went on, “Jude is not Timothy and neither are you. I get the whole fear of losing something precious, but without risk there is no reward.”
“I hate that,” Nally grumbled.
“You can hate it all you want, but it’s true,” Ryan said. “And think of it this way. The reason you’re so freaked out about losing Jude is because you love him so much. That’s actually a great place to start from.”
“I suppose,” Nally said, still not feeling better.
“You need to get out of your head about this,” Ryan continued. “Both of you do. Stop putting so much pressure on yourselves. Do something normal like, I don’t know, go on an actual date.”
“A date?” Nally arched one eyebrow.
“Yeah. Go out to dinner at a fancy restaurant or go see a movie or something,” Ryan said. “Do something that normal people do when they’ve just met someone they fancy and are trying to figure out if there could be more there.”
“I suppose it might work,” Nally said, rubbing the back of his neck.
“It’s worked for a million men before the two of you,” Ryan said. “You can’t sit around, terrified of moving forward, forever. We’ve all seen this coming for years, by the way.”
“Ugh, family,” Nally said, screwing up his face.
Ryan laughed and slapped his back. “Just go out on a date. What’s the worst that could happen?”
Nally sighed and nodded. Ryan was right. He and Jude were putting way too much pressure on themselves. They were being ridiculous. All they needed to do was be together and take one step at a time, and a real date was a good place to start.