Chapter One #2
At the age of fourteen, she had declared that she was going to marry this perfect ideal of a man.
At the time she hadn’t any real idea of what that meant.
But she had nursed her adolescent crush for four long years and in her first season she’d had high hopes of bringing her long-held dream to fruition.
But the season and the little season passed with no sign of her feelings being reciprocated.
Ravenshaw had persistently and consistently treated her much as he always had, as a sister or a niece.
This season she was determined to prosecute her campaign mercilessly.
She knew he liked her, that there was more than a degree of affection between them, that they shared many common interests, and had a personal accord she felt with no one else.
And surely she wasn’t the only one to feel that tingling rush of desire and longing that the touch of his hand induced in her?
Since her debut she had learned a lot more about men and their—appetites.
And she was thoroughly convinced Ravenshaw was no passionless creature.
His reputation was quite shocking. Not that she saw any hint of that side of him—much to her frustration.
But she had a plan to winkle the rake from his protective shell.
As he guided her around the floor with effortless grace, she smiled and asked after his greys, Aphrodite and Demeter.
Demeter had suffered a strained hock after Christmas when his carriage ran into a snow drift on his way back to London.
A piece of intelligence conveyed to her by Robert who received regular correspondence from his friend.
“Perfectly recovered, fortunately. I was very concerned for her, but she is moving quite freely now. Have you collected any more strays?”
“Well, Rob refused to let me house old Bill McKay’s donkey in the Castle stables, but Hastings was able to find alternative lodgings for Daisy with the Carrigans, who had need of a replacement for their donkey, Old Ned, who had passed on, so all’s well that ends well.”
“A happy tale.”
He said it with a smile that made her say accusingly, “You’re laughing at me!”
“No, I’m not, I swear,” he said spinning her elegantly. “I’m admiring your resourcefulness.”
“Well, in this case it was Hastings who was resourceful. I was at quite a stand when Rob refused my plan to put Daisy in the end stall that never gets used and is only full of rubbish and broken bits. But Rob said Daisy would upset the horses with her braying. He was probably right.” She grinned.
“I do hate it when Robert is right. But he often is. And when he’s not, Sarah is very good at getting him to see reason.
He has been much more mellow since he got married. I do adore Sarah.”
“Everyone adores Sarah,” he agreed.
“And I am very glad to see Annis again. She seems so happy every time I see her. And Emrys too. Between the four of them, they are excellent advertisements for a happy marriage.”
“Indeed they are,” he said warmly. “Our next task is to find a wife for Deo.”
“Does he want a wife?” she asked, startled.
“Oh, yes, but the poor fellow despairs of ever finding the right woman. The trouble is he becomes so tongue-tied around females. I’ve tried to give him a few tips but he’s not an apt pupil.
” Jerome’s rueful expression made her laugh as she tried to picture him giving the awkward earl romantic advice.
“And what about you?” she asked boldly.
“Oh, I don’t ever plan to marry,” he said carelessly.
Her heart sank at these words and she blurted, “What, never?”
He shook his head. “Some people are cut out for marriage and some are not. I am one of the latter.”
If she hadn’t been watching his face so closely she would have missed the flicker in his eyes as he spoke. And the conviction that he was lying took root in her heart. Emboldened, she said artlessly, “Kenrick says that, too, but I don’t believe him. He just hasn’t met the right woman yet.”
“That may well be true,” he conceded.
“For both of you?” she pushed.
He shrugged, twirling her neatly. “I’ve met a lot of women,” he said with an ironic smile that didn’t reach his eyes. The look gave her a sudden chill and not in a good way.
“But you must marry. You’ve the title to consider,” she pointed out.
“True.” The word was curtly uttered as he brought them to a standstill and the music finished.
“It’s so hot in here!” she exclaimed desperately, fanning herself. “Could we not take a stroll in the garden to cool off?”
She thought for a moment he was going to refuse and march her straight back to Mama. Her words had clearly rattled him. Good! She needed to get behind that polished facade he showed the world to the man beneath.
Then he offered her his arm and they threaded their way through the other couples to double doors that opened onto the terrace.
After the heat of the ballroom, the air was refreshingly cool.
The stars sparkled in a mostly clear sky and the crescent moon had risen.
Stepping down into the garden, they strolled along the path between the trees from which colored lanterns had been suspended to provide variegated light.
“It’s like fairyland,” she murmured, as they moved deeper into the trees and left the other couples behind.
Devonshire House had vast gardens. The scent of spring flowers mingled with the oil from the lamps and the damp of the earth, and Ava wondered if a more romantic setting was possible. Surely . . .
They reached a cul-de-sac where a stone bench, thoughtfully provided with a cushioned seat cover, was set beneath the lamplit branches of a large tree.
“How pretty!” she said, sitting down, and when he remained standing, looking up at the tree, she tugged at his arm. “Sit with me a moment.”
He brought his attention back to her and said gently, “This is not a good idea, Ava.”
“I think it is a splendid idea,” she said with a wide, coaxing smile. “Come on, just sit. Where is the harm in that?”
He sat and she reached for his hand. “We are friends, aren’t we, Jerome?” she said softly.
His expression had lost its playfulness, he looked slightly troubled. “Ava, you can’t behave like you used to. I thought you had realized that?”
“What do you mean?”
“You’re not a child anymore, Ava.”
“I know that, but you persist in treating me like one!” She blinked at him, her sight suddenly wavy with unshed tears. Five years of longing for this moment threatened to overset her.
He swallowed visibly and squeezed her fingers gently.
His voice was low and slightly roughened.
“I know this isn’t what you want to hear Ava, but that is because to me you will always be the little girl I rescued from a tree.
” Her heart squeezed at those words, and when she would have blurted out a protest, he raised his eyes, and even in the dark, his gaze burned her.
“So you see it is futile to look at me with your heart in your eyes. I will always be your friend, Ava, but nothing more.”
“Oh!” The anguish in her heart at these words burst forth in that one cry of pain, and then embarrassment and shame crashed over her in a wave that knocked the breath from her body. She ripped her hands from his grip so hard she left her gloves behind, and rising, she fled into the darkness.
“Ava!” His voice followed her, but she ran heedlessly through the trees, her only instinct to get away from the source of pain. Tears blinded her, and as she ran she left the lanterns behind and penetrated further into the darkness of the vast gardens.
*
Jerome rose slowly from the seat, his heart racing and a pain in his chest. He hated himself for hurting her so, but it was for the best. She needed to understand that he wasn’t the right man for her.
Someone with his dark history didn’t deserve the golden delight that was Ava.
He had resolved last year, as soon as he fully comprehended his own feelings, that he needed to keep her at arm’s length.
For her own sake. But he hadn’t expected it to hurt so damned much!
Realizing belatedly that she hadn’t headed back toward the house, he stuffed her gloves in his pocket and moved to follow her.
She might fall and hurt herself in the dark or, worse yet, encounter someone.
Some unscrupulous male. The thought quickened his steps until he was running through the trees in her wake.
“Ava!” he called softly, not wanting to draw the attention of any of the other guests. If they were caught out here alone together, she was ruined.
After stumbling about in the dark for a bit he finally found her standing huddled against a tree and sobbing. He put a gentle hand on her back.
“I’m sorry, Ava.” She hiccoughed on a sob, and it was so like when she cried after a fall or over a wounded animal that it was natural to draw her into his arms to comfort her.
But she had curves now that she didn’t have back then, and her scent and her hair were distracting and enticing.
He stifled the ache of longing and sternly told his body to behave while he stroked her back gently until her sobs subsided.
She drew away then and fumbled in her reticule for a handkerchief and blew her nose and wiped her face.
He didn’t know what to say except that he was sorry, and that wouldn’t make her feel any better.
He supposed, looking back over the last year, this was inevitable, and it was better to get it over with now.
She would recover from her infatuation and they could perhaps be friends again, if he could only control his own reactions.
She leaned back against the tree and sniffed. “I’ll be all right. You don’t need to stay.”
“I’m not leaving you alone in the dark,” he said firmly. “Let me walk you back to the house. There’s an anteroom we can access from the garden where you can sit and let your face recover.”
She hesitated and then nodded. They walked back to the house in silence and he guided her to the room he had spoken of.
It was mercifully empty. He found a jug of water on the drinks tray and soaked a handkerchief for her to bathe her face.
She took it with a murmur of thanks, wiped her face, and pressed the cool cloth to her eyes.
After a few moments she moved to the mirror over the fireplace to inspect her appearance and with a couple of pats and repositioning of a few pins she straightened her shoulders and said, “Thank you. I’ll return to the ballroom, now. Alone. Good night.”
He handed over her gloves and watched her leave, her back straight and her head up. He swallowed the lump in his throat and thought he had never loved her more than he did in that moment.