Chapter Twelve #2
“As you are no doubt aware, I sent a letter to Haldane and Silverly, informing them that I was unable to persuade you to accept Haldane’s suit.
Fortunately, few people were aware of the potential for the match, and when nothing comes of it, it will be forgotten.
Not so easily dismissed are the whispers about you eloping with Lannister, however.
But the notice of your impending nuptials to Ravenshaw will, I hope, silence most of those rumors. ”
She nodded, her shoulders relaxing.
“Naturally, it has caused quite a stir. Particularly as strong bets were being placed on his marrying the countess. However, it would seem that we have avoided the worst of the possible scandal. So, your escapade has had fewer consequences than I feared.”
He paused and paced away from the fireplace to his desk.
Tapping the surface with his fingers, he paused and turned.
“Just because you have been lucky, I don’t wish you to underestimate the damage your reckless behavior could have caused.
You are fortunate that Ravenshaw is, despite everything, a gentleman.
The alternative would have been Lannister, and I am not confident I could have forced him to do the right thing by you. ”
She opened her mouth and then shut it again. What can I say to any of that?
“But,” he went on, “you should understand that I am deeply disappointed in you, Ava. Your selfish disregard for others is appalling. I am ashamed of you. Mama is quite devastated.”
She nodded, her throat working. She wished she understood better why Mama was so set against Jerome. But being treated as a pariah by her family cut Ava deeply. It was unbearable. This is awful. They all hate me!
“Ravenshaw will arrive the night before the wedding, and I swear, if you attempt to go near him, I will lock you up!”
Her mouth fell open at this, and she gaped at him. Robert’s words upset and angered her. It was so out of proportion to the situation. Why would he say such a thing? His color and risen, and she saw the anger he’d been keeping at bay. Why is he so angry?
“You have set a terrible example for your sisters, Ava, and potentially ruined Heather’s chances before she is even presented.
To say nothing of Ingrid’s, although that is a few years off, thank goodness.
If the details should ever leak out, the girls would be tarred with the same brush and considered as fast as you.
Which is the most complete injustice, in particular for Heather, who is the sweetest, most biddable, and unselfish girl alive! ” He stopped, his throat working.
Comprehension dawned. His partiality for Heather was showing and stabbed Ava with a jab of jealousy and guilt. Because it was true, Heather was the sweetest soul and Robert’s undoubted favorite. Of course he would arch up in her defense.
“And you have all but broken Mama’s heart. She did not wish this for you.” He stopped again, an expression of pain crossing his features. “If I had known—but it is too late now. The notice was already in The Gazette when Mama—” He stopped, appearing to gather himself.
Mama knew something to Jerome’s discredit.
There was no other explanation. Why will they not tell me what it is?
Well, whatever it is, I am sure it is not true!
I refuse to believe ill of him. She contemplated asking what it was, but something in her shied away from knowing.
She would ask Jerome himself when she had the opportunity.
Robert finally continued. “I shall speak with Ravenshaw when he arrives, and we will see what happens from there. I can only pray that it will work out well in the end, although I am not certain that any path will lead to your happiness, for if you do not marry him, you will be ruined forever, and no man will have you. And if you do marry him . . .” His face twisted with pain as his voice trailed away.
Ava’s heart skipped a beat, and a shiver passed over her skin.
What do they think Jerome is guilty of? It must be something bad.
Or are my family just overreacting? What is going on?
He stopped and turned away as if looking at her gave him pain. “Dinner will be served in half an hour. I suggest you go and wash your face.”
Suddenly, she wanted desperately to ask him for the truth, but his expression was so forbidding she didn’t dare. She took refuge in dignity and rose slowly, saying stiffly, “Yes, Your Grace.”
*
Robert turned as she exited the room regretting immediately his callousness, “Ava—” but she either didn’t hear him or chose to ignore him.
He couldn’t blame her. He had let his worry and temper get the better of him.
He felt wrung out and exhausted. He leaned his arms on the mantelpiece and stared into the flames.
The information Mama had imparted to him about Ravenshaw had shaken him.
He had considered posting back to London to confront Jerome and ask him for his side of the story.
He had drafted multiple letters demanding the truth and thrown them all in the fire.
Though he didn’t quite believe it, he still couldn’t completely shake off the fear that there was something to it.
And what that something was ate at the love he bore the man who was like a brother to him.
That canker of doubt was now eating at him and made him fear that he had done the wrong thing in pushing Ravenshaw to marry his dear sister.
For all she might exasperate him, he loved Ava very much.
If he could have withdrawn the notice, he would have.
But it was too late. There were too many rumors swirling around Ava now.
He had to get her married off and quickly, or her sisters’ chances would truly be ruined before they were even presented.
Lannister was not to be thought of. The only acceptable candidate was Ravenshaw, who had sworn to him that he loved her.
And that Robert did believe, because he’d seen the look in his eyes when he said it.
Which meant that whatever the truth of the Charis Dunsenay affair, it couldn’t be as bad as Mama thought it was. It just couldn’t.
A few minutes later, the door opened quietly, and he turned his head. Sarah stood there. “How did it go, love?” she asked, moving toward him. He put out his arms, and she walked straight into them. He hugged her close.
“Awful. I was a monster. I lost my temper and just dumped the biggest load of guilt on her. And I threatened to lock her up if she went near Ravenshaw before the wedding.”
“That was a bit medieval of you, wasn’t it?”
“Very,” he said ruefully.
“Well, you might have been a bit heavy-handed, but I’m inclined to think you did the right thing, my love.
Ava has needed a lesson for some time, and you might have just administered it.
She doesn’t mean to be selfish, but she does tend not to understand the ramifications of her actions on others.
Ravenshaw may thank you for that one day.
He is the one who will have to deal with it from now on. I do hope he knows what he’s in for.”
“He says he loves her. I hope it’s true.”
“Did you tell her that?”
“No. That’s for him to say. They will have to work it out between them.
One thing I know: Once he’s given his word, he’ll stick by it.
I trust him to do the right thing by her, despite—” He left it unsaid.
He couldn’t bring himself to dwell on what Mama had told him or sully Sarah’s ears with his doubts.
He must speak to Ravenshaw as soon as he arrived and learn the truth.
Only then would he know peace of mind again.
*
Robert’s harsh words weighed heavily on Ava, and her only comfort in all this misery and frustration was Ingrid.
Her little sister was fourteen going on fifteen, and Ava, recalling herself at a similar age, was plunged into a morass of nostalgia and pain.
For it was at exactly that age that she first formed a tendre for Ravenshaw.
Unlike her, however, Ingrid was showing no signs of developing an infatuation for any male. She was still the unruly tomboy she had always been, and her forthright observations on the unfairness of older brothers who punished their sisters was somewhat of a balm to Ava’s sore heart.
“I think you did the right thing!” said Ingrid.
“Rob was trying to force you into marrying Haldane. You had to do something! You wanted Ravenshaw, and by all accounts he was going to marry this countess if you hadn’t stopped him.
I applaud you for taking control of your own destiny.
Robert thinks he can control everything because he is a man and he’s older.
I don’t plan to be controlled by a man—ever!
” she said fiercely, stabbing at her cake with a fork.
She and Ava were sitting in the schoolroom sharing afternoon tea.
Ingrid’s governess, Miss Dunne, was having a lie down. She had one of her headaches.
“Rob wasn’t exactly forcing me to marry Haldane,” said Ava.
“That’s not what I heard,” said Ingrid, licking icing off her fork. “I think you should have run off to Gretna with him. You were close enough at Ravenshaw. It’s what, half a day’s ride to the border? Now that would have been romantic!”
“Perhaps,” said Ava wistfully. “Rob and Sarah turned up too quickly for that. Jerome was terribly drunk when I arrived. And I was soaked to the skin and freezing. It really was a dreadful storm.”
“You were very brave!” said Ingrid loyally. “How ever did you find the house in the dark?”
“I got directions from the stable boy at the inn, and he gave me a hurricane lamp. I think without the lamp I would have got lost. I could barely see, what with the rain and the dark.”
“Well, you have him now. You must love him a lot to go through all that.”
“I do.”
“And he must love you, too, for going through all that for him.”
“Perhaps. I used to think he loved me, but—I’m not so sure now.” Ava swallowed, her throat tight.
“I don’t understand why you want him, anyway. He is so old!”
Ava flushed. “No, he’s not! He’s—just the right age!”
Ingrid looked at her. “You’ll just have to make him love you—”
“It doesn’t work like that, Ingrid!” Ava wiped tears off her cheeks. “You can’t make someone love you if they don’t. And I’m very much afraid I’ve pushed him into doing something he doesn’t want to do.”
“He’s a man. Men don’t do things they don’t want to do. No one makes them do anything!”
“Robert forced his hand,” Ava said, remembering Robert demanding that Jerome marry her.
“Gosh, he must be weak if Robert can push him around!”
“He is not weak! He’s honorable!”
Ingrid snorted. “Honor or not, he wouldn’t have agreed if he didn’t want to marry you.”
“I wish I knew that was true,” said Ava, sniffing.
“You’re so tiresome since you fell in love!” said Ingrid, disgustedly. “Write to him then and find out!”
“I can’t do that. Mama has told the servants to show her any letters I want to send first.”
“Really? Well, I’ve never known Mama to be so draconian. You really are in trouble, aren’t you? What did you do, exactly?”
Ava flushed. “It wouldn’t be proper for me to tell you.”
Ingrid’s eyes went round. “Ava! You didn’t have intercourse with him, did you?”
“How do you even know what that means, you abominable child!” exclaimed Ava, not knowing whether to be shocked or laugh.
“Well, did you?”
“No! Of course not.”
“But you wanted to,” said Ingrid slyly.
Ava blushed scarlet, recalling her own behavior.
“Was he hard? Did he want you?”
“Ingrid!”
“Oh, I know I’m not supposed to know about such things. But I’ve got ears and eyes. James, the footman, and Elsie, the upstairs maid, have been having an affair for some time. I overhead some gossip between the maids.”
Ava sank her head in her hands with a muffled moan.
“Well, how else am I supposed to find out? No one will tell me anything. You all think I’m still a child.”
“You are, thank God!”
Ingrid ignored that and went on. “It’s been most enlightening, actually. Very interesting.”
“Don’t, for the Lord’s sake, let Mama or Robert get an inkling you know anything about it. You’ll be locked up forever, and James and Elsie will lose their positions.”
“Well, I’m not such a flat as that!”
“And don’t use cant expressions! Where did you pick that up from? Kenrick, I suppose?”
“Of course. Rick is the only one of you who is any fun!”
Ava shook her head. “He’s usually the one in disgrace. But if you keep going like this, you’ll eclipse both of us!”
Ingrid grinned at this prospect, and Ava groaned. “You little wretch, come here.” Ingrid suffered herself to be hugged by her big sister and looked at her, puzzled.
“I confess I don’t understand, Ava. You were always so bold and—and happy. What went wrong?”
“I was stupid. Childish and selfish. I made a mistake, and I’m paying for it now.” She wiped her eyes and sniffed. “Nobody loves me anymore,” she said forlornly.
“I still love you,” said Ingrid loyally.
“Thank you, love,” said Ava, hugging her again and kissing her blonde ringlets.