Chapter Nineteen #2
The walk passed in a pleasant blur for him as their party circled the reservoir and returned to the entrance, where he and Ava parted company with the others, taking a hackney carriage to their house in Hanover Square.
With the carriage door shut, he drew her into his arms for a kiss. “I missed you today,” he said softly, dropping tender kisses on her mouth and then deepening one for a thorough kiss that left them both a bit breathless. He tugged her bonnet strings and discarded it along with his hat.
“I’ve never known you so careless of your clothes as you are lately,” she laughed, responding to his kisses.
“They get in the way,” he growled, tugging her into his lap.
“I think I like possessive you,” she said, stroking his jaw.
“Is that what you think this is?”
“Isn’t it? Every time you see Rey, you go all feudal. I thought you were going to snarl at him at first, but you didn’t.”
Jerome’s heart kicked at her use of Lannister’s name. “Did you know he was going to be there when you invited me?”
She pushed a lock of his hair off his forehead, meeting his eyes steadily. “Yes, I did. Because I didn’t want you to hear about it afterward and think I was hiding something from you for one thing, and—”
“Who invited him?”
“He happened to be present when Sarah proposed the walk a few days ago and was naturally included. He and Sarah are friends, too, you know.”
He eased her off his lap as the carriage slowed, turning into Hanover Square. “That is a matter for Robert to deal with,” he said tightly. “I would be obliged if you would refrain from seeking his company in the future.”
She gaped at him, snatched up her bonnet, and climbed out of the carriage before he could open the door for her.
He collected his own hat and followed her into the house.
She headed straight for the stairs and her own room.
Since they were promised to Letty for dinner prior to a visit to the theater, that wasn’t unreasonable.
They both needed to dress, but he wasn’t fooled that his request had been received well.
He reached her dressing room and entered without knocking. She had tossed her bonnet on a chair and was in the act of removing her pelisse.
“Did you hear what I said?” he asked, carefully.
“I did.” She kept her back to him as she moved to the mirror on the dresser and started removing pins from her hair.
“Well?”
She rounded on him then, fists clenched.
It was last night all over again. “Rey is my friend! I haven’t asked you to give up your female friends!
The countess, Daphne Holbrook, and whoever else you might count as a friend.
Why should I give up someone who has been nothing but kind to me since my debut?
Rey is no threat to you. You’re being ridiculous!
Worse than Robert! Even he has conceded Rey is not as black as he is painted. ”
“It is entirely different!”
“How is it different? You almost married the countess! Am I to believe you never kissed her? Thought about bedding her?” Ava panted, her face pink with fury.
“Do you think I’m not jealous of her? It was rumored she was your lover for months!
But have I said a word about that? No, I have not!
” She dashed a hand across her cheeks. “She’s dark and beautiful, elegant, sophisticated, the perfect lady! Everything I’m not!”
“My God, Ava, she doesn’t hold a candle to you!” he said appalled. “I love you, Ava, always and forever!”
“Do you?” She seemed to wilt a little then, swaying toward him.
He crossed the room, seizing her in his arms. “How could you doubt that?”
“How could you doubt me?” she asked, a tear rolling down her cheek.
“Oh, Ava!” He wiped the tear away. “I’m sorry, sweetheart!
” Tightening his arms around her, he kissed her.
Her arms tightened around his neck, and he rested his face against her hair as she buried her face in his shoulder.
“But don’t you see darling, it is different.
I haven’t seen Is—the countess since I broke things off with her before our wedding.
But the gossips will have a field day if they see you with Lannister after the rumors—”
She lifted her head. “What rumors?”
“When I came back from Ravenshaw, it was all over London that you had run off with Lannister! It was only the announcement of our wedding that silenced the gossip.”
“I still don’t see—”
“The fact is, people don’t forget things like that, and Lannister’s reputation is bad enough that people will think the worst given the slightest provocation, or even none at all! I don’t wish to have it whispered that my wife is cuckolding me with London’s most notorious rake!”
“What difference does it make if you know it’s not true?”
“Damn it, Ava, if you love me, you will stop arguing with me about this and accede to my wishes. I’m your husband! I’ve a right to ask you to behave with the propriety befitting your station!”
She pulled away from him, her face flushing.
“So you’re ashamed of me? Is that it? You care more about what people might say than the truth?”
“No, that is not what I said—”
“It sounded like it to me!” She turned away.
“Ava—!”
“Go away!” she said with impassioned rage. “You care about appearances more than you care about me!”
“That isn’t true.” He spoke quietly, but realized she wasn’t of a mind to hear him. “I hope you will think about what I have asked and come to your senses. I need to dress. I will see you in an hour.” He left her, an ache in his chest and a bitter kind of despair threatening to swamp him.
*
Ava sank down on her dressing table stool and stared at her reflection in the mirror, appalled at what had just happened.
She felt as if she had been slapped in the face by a stranger.
She suddenly saw Jerome in an entirely new light.
He had always been someone who took inordinate pains to make a good impression.
She knew that. She knew he cared about his appearance and cared about winning.
But she had always seen these things as virtues to be admired, because he was a leader of fashion and he always won everything he attempted. Other men envied him, and ladies wanted to be seen with him. Women adored him, not only because he was beautiful, but because he was accomplished, perfect!
That he would put those things ahead of her feelings made her feel as if he didn’t care for her at all.
His words of love were hollow. He would love her if she behaved like a perfect lady.
Like the countess! The old stab of jealousy rose up and bit her—hard.
And with it came those feelings of inadequacy she had tried to stifle.
Her maid appeared at that moment to dress her, and she pushed down her desire to indulge in a hearty bout of tears.
She submitted to being disrobed, washed, having her hair done, and being dressed in one of her new evening gowns.
It was made of shimmering blue silk, and she had been excited to show it to Jerome, who would appreciate it, but now that felt hollow and brittle.
How am I going to get through tonight feeling like this?