Chapter Twenty-One #2
Ava was watching him steadily and said quietly, “It never stopped, did it?. I’ve seen them throw themselves at you over the past two years.”
His lips twisted in a grimace. “Not as much as when I was younger. My method was supposed to discourage them. It seemed to have the opposite effect. The more dangerous I was said to be, the more they tried.” He sighed and rubbed his face with one hand.
“Charis was quite bold, and I didn’t realize how young she was at first. I thought she must have been at least twenty. ”
“Was she pretty?”
“Very.” He swallowed. “A petite, blue-eyed blonde.”
“Oh!” Ava’s calm expression cracked, and she flicked wide troubled eyes at him.
“The house party stretched over two weeks, and despite not being officially out, Charis was allowed to mix with the guests as if she were. She had ample time to—pursue me.” He grimaced.
“I confess I didn’t discourage her. It was obvious to me that her campaign had her parents’ approval, if not outright contrivance.
Her father’s and my estates run parallel.
A marriage between me and Charis would bring the two together and enhance them both.
What I didn’t know at the time was how dire his financial situation was. ”
“So they targeted you?”
“Yes, I believe so, although it is a hard thing to prove, and given what happened later—but I’m getting ahead of the tale.
” He took a breath and plowed on. “At the end of the two weeks the other guests departed, but I had been persuaded to stay on one more night. That night, I woke to find Charis in my bed, naked.”
Ava jerked. “Were you drunk?”
“Not particularly. I’d had some wine with dinner and a couple of glasses of port I think, afterward, but no, I wasn’t drunk.”
“Did you kiss her?” Ava’s voice had a hollow sound, and he tightened his grip on her hand.
“Not then, but I had earlier.” He paused again, recalling his feelings on waking to find the young woman in his bed.
“It was then that I fully realized the lengths my hosts were prepared to go to, to trap me. It was imperative I got Charis out of my bedchamber as quickly as possible, but of course the whole thing had been planned down to the last detail, and I was barely awake and aware of what was going on before her father charged into the room full of righteous indignation, demanding that I make an honest woman of his innocent daughter.” He shook his head.
“I was angry—furious, in fact—and I refused. I dressed, packed my bags, and left the house that night to stay the rest of the night at the local inn. I knew I was in trouble, for the other guests had seen ample evidence of a flirtation between myself and Charis. I’d let my anger blind me to the realities of the situation.
Dunsenay only had to reveal that I had seduced his daughter—and no one would believe I hadn’t in the circumstances—and my reputation as a gentleman would be ruined.
Realizing this, I returned the next morning to tell Dunsenay I would marry Charis, only to find the house in an uproar, for Charis had vanished in the night. ”
“Oh! What happened to her?” Ava was by now caught up in the story with him, her hand clutching his tightly.
“Dunsenay and I immediately set out to try to find her. We split up. He went north, and I went south along the coast. His property, like mine, reaches to the sea. He was convinced she would have gone to the shore. She loved the sea.”
He stopped and closed his eyes.
“I found her.” These were the memories he had fought so hard to suppress.
“She was standing on the edge of the cliff overlooking the sea. I called to her, and at first she didn’t hear me, I think, over the wind and the sound of the sea.
She was wearing a cloak over her thin gown, but she was cold, visibly shivering.
I dismounted from my horse and approached her.
She heard me then and turned to look at me.
Her face was pale, and I knew she had been crying.
“A shout behind me alerted me to the fact that her father had arrived. She took a step back then, and I made a grab for her cloak. She was standing right on the edge and—I don’t know exactly what happened—I think the earth crumbled under her feet.
Her arms flailed, and I tried to grab her, but she went over with a cry.
I—” He stopped, his voice suspended by the tight horror in his throat.
Ava made a noise and grabbed his hand tighter.
“I’ll never forget the look of terror on her face as long as I live. She fell into the sea. It was high tide, and the waves swallowed her. Her body was dashed onto the rocks. I saw it tossed around like a rag doll in the foaming water.” He gasped in memory.
“I had to wait until the tide retreated to retrieve her body. Her father was distraught, and ten days later he shot himself in his study. It was then that I found out how much debt he was in.” Jerome rubbed his face tiredly.
“I was to be their means of escape from debt. Instead, they lost their daughter, and he was threatened with debtors’ prison.
Rather than face that, and I am guessing clouded with grief and perhaps guilt, he took his own life, leaving his wife alone and miserable. ”
“Oh, Jerome!” Ava wrapped her arms around him, and he sagged with relief at her reception of the tale that had haunted him for eight years, guilt pressing him down with an at times unbearable weight.
“That must have been dreadful,” said Ava, her face buried in his jacket.
“It was,” he admitted over her head. His arms tightened around her and Ava nuzzled closer. “Who told you about Charis Dunsenay?” he asked, his heartbeat slowing slightly with relief at her reaction. And the relief of telling her the truth.
“Her mother, Lady Mostyn.”
“She is in town?” he said, startled. Why the hell would she come all this way? And why now?
Ava pulled back to look up at him. “Yes, she heard about our marriage and seems to have traveled all the way to London to tell me that you murdered her daughter.” She swallowed.
“I didn’t believe her, of course, but it was an awful shock.
Mama apparently knew about it, which means Rob must, too. Why didn’t anyone tell me?”
“They were trying to protect you. Rob taxed me with the story your mother had told him, and I told him what I’ve just told you.” He recalled Robert’s reception of the tale and the relief he had felt then, too, when Rob hugged him like a brother.
“No wonder Mama was so horrified. But once Rob knew the truth, why didn’t he tell her?”
“I don’t know. Perhaps he did tell her, she didn’t believe it?”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Her voice had a note of indignation that made him wince.
“I should have.” He stroked a finger down her cheek.
“I was afraid to. I thought you would hate me for my part in it. I’m not blameless, Ava.
I didn’t kill her outright, but her death can be attributed to my actions.
” And I failed to save her when she lost her balance.
If I had been quicker to catch her . . .
They were thoughts and recriminations that had haunted him for years.
Ava shook her head. “It wasn’t your fault! It was an accident. She fell. You tried to save her.” Her hand gripped the lapel of his jacket.
“She wouldn’t have been standing on that cliff edge if it weren’t for me.” It is my fault, no matter how one tries to justify it.
“Nonsense, she pursued you!” Ava’s hot defense of him sent a burst of warmth through his chest.
“At her parents’ behest.” Which was true . . .
“Exactly! If anyone is to blame it is them for putting her in such a position. They used her for their own ends. It’s appalling!” Agreed . . .
“I suppose if you put it that way . . .” But it seemed such a horrendous thing for parents to do.
“Did you not see it that way?” Ava insisted.
“I have always been too consumed with guilt and horror to think too deeply on it.” His throat tightened.
He had simply known it was his fault. All of it.
“She was only eighteen!” His voice cracked in anguish.
Ava touched his face and kissed him. His arms clenched around her convulsively.
“Oh, Ava,” he whispered. “I love you so damned much!” He swallowed the thickness in his throat, his fear that she would reject him for his part in this tragedy receding.
She smiled up at him. “I love you. Did you really think I could credit you were a murderer? Never!” She hugged him close.
“Never!” she said against his jacket. Warmth curled into his chest and his love for this wonderful woman swelled and grew.
How can I ever be worthy of her? His arms tightened round her. Ava! Sweet Ava!
“My darling,” he murmured against her hair. “Come to bed?” he asked husky voiced.
She nodded, and they went up to her room, where they removed each other’s clothing between kisses and caresses and tumbled into bed in a tangle of limbs and heat.
Later Jerome held his sleeping wife in his arms and thanked God for the gift of her.
For the first time in eight years, some of the guilt that had oppressed his soul felt lightened.
Ava’s unequivocal acceptance of his version of events, her fierce defense of him, filled up the aching void inside him more than he deserved.
Oh Ava, I love you so much!
Perhaps now he could begin to put the past behind him and truly embrace the good fortune that marriage to this wonderful woman had brought him. Hope for their future made his heart soar with joy and trepidation. Do I dare to believe we can be happy together forever?