14. Tatiana
Chapter fourteen
Tatiana
Istare out of the window of the SUV, feeling lost. I’ve felt so many emotions over the last twenty-four hours that I think I’m numb.
Anger and annoyance with my date, fear for Roman, guilt that he got hurt for me, relief when he came out of surgery okay, grief at the loss of normalness I’d created at school.
I was free for a glorious couple of years, minus my family’s meddling with my love life.
Now, I’m still just the Bratva princess - born to be moved around like a chess piece.
My hands are still shaking from the night, but the rest of me feels cold and numb and far away.
Lev is quiet, but he turns to look at me every couple of minutes.
Finally, the SUV makes a couple of turns, and we end up on a dirt road surrounded by woods. I have no idea where we are, and frankly, I don’t think I care. He finally puts the SUV in park and shuts off the engine.
He turns in his seat like he wants to say something, but when nothing comes out, I unlock my door and step out into the small clearing to take in the safe house.
I wasn’t really expecting anything, but the cabin before me is adorable.
It’s large, made out of thick logs, and has a deep wrap-around porch.
The lights are off, but my brain is too tired to care.
I walk up the steps, letting my hand caress the worn wooden railing.
Lev brushes past me, carrying one of my bags and Sparkle’s travel container.
He opens the front door for me before setting Sparkle down and holding his hand out against my belly.
The unexpected contact makes me suck in a breath, and the skin under his warm palm tingles.
I’m reminded of how I felt pinned against the wall by him.
We still haven’t talked about what he did or what it meant, but I remember how flustered and confused it made me - how turned on being under his control made me.
I’d liked that he’d taken my control away.
I liked how he’d manhandled my body. No one has ever done that before.
And I know I shouldn’t be thinking about my brother’s best friend that way, but I can’t help it.
It’s like that small interaction altered my brain chemistry.
He was hard.
I’ve felt Mik hard on my ass a few mornings when I’ve woken up before him, but I assume that’s just biology and morning wood.
No, Lev had been hard because of me. But I was certain he didn’t look at me like that. Maybe it’s just been too long since he’s gotten laid.
I honestly don’t know if he goes out and picks up random women when he’s off duty. He could. He’s off from eight pm to eight am. Plenty of time to go to a bar and pick up a stranger.
Unease slithers through my gut. It doesn’t matter. He is my bodyguard. My dad’s employee. Nothing is ever going to happen between us. Even if I can’t get how his hands felt on me out of my head.
I take in the large cabin as I walk inside.
It’s beautiful. The outside makes it look old and rustic, but the inside is open and modern.
A hallway leads off to the right to where I’m assuming are bedrooms, but beyond that is a chef’s kitchen.
A massive refrigerator, six-burner gas stove, and dual ovens line one wall, with a large island with a sink that separates the kitchen from the living room.
A stone fireplace is flanked by two massive windows that look out over a rolling field and a mountain lake. It’s stunning.
A deep mahogany couch faces the fireplace, and the TV mounted above it looks like a painting.
Lev sets Sparkle’s cage on the island before walking back out to the SUV for whatever else he packed me. I head down the hallway and find a laundry room and two bedrooms, and stairs that must lead to a basement.
When I hear Lev come back in, I go back to the kitchen to help him.
“When’s Mik coming?” I ask.
Lev stops moving, his back to me, and I immediately know something’s wrong. “What?”
He turns to face me but still doesn’t meet my eyes. “He... uh...”
The hair on the back of my neck stands up.
“Lev,” I say, a warning in my voice.
“He’s not coming. Orders from above.”
Fury slams through my body so hard I waver on my feet.
Somehow, I knew this might come, but on a day when I need my best friend more than ever? Fuck them!
“Okay,” I say, fury morphing into something more dangerous as an idea forms in my mind.
“Okay?” Lev asks, surprised, but finally looking at me.
“Sure. Would you mind taking my bags to the master? I’ll get Sparkles settled.”
He looks at me, conflicted. I know he doesn’t trust me. And he shouldn’t. But, technically, I’m his boss, so reluctantly he does.
The moment he’s down the hallway, I spin, grabbing the keys from the sideboard where he left them and sprinting out to the SUV.
Do I know how to drive? Nope. Is that going to stop me? Also no.
The audacity of my parents, or worse, my brother, to send Mik away when I need him. Someone just tried to kill me. I am not okay. I need to be held, to be reassured that everything is going to be okay, and Lev and Roman simply can’t.
I launch myself into the driver’s seat, slam the door behind me, and lock it just as Lev appears in the front door looking horrified.
I grin.
I can barely reach the pedals, but that has to be fixable, right?
Lev bangs on the window, shouting at me as I feel beneath the seat for a lever. I find one and scoot the seat closer to the steering wheel. I test the pedals and figure it’s good enough.
“You’re going to fucking kill yourself!”
The SUV is a push-start, so I push the button and turn the engine over, proud of myself.
“Tati! Stop! Please!”
The pleading in his voice is cute as he continues to bang on the window.
I try to shift the SUV into reverse, but it doesn’t budge.
I press the gas, but it doesn’t budge. I press down on the brake pedal and the shifter moves.
I put it in R, for reverse, I think, and look behind me.
I let off the pedal and hit the gas; the SUV surges backwards faster than I was expecting, and the corner clips a tree before I can slam both of my feet down on the brake.
I jump as something metal hits the window next to my head. I look, and it’s a cell phone.
And a text message thread with Mik. Lev has texted him an address. One, I’m assuming, to here.
Relief is instant.
“Put the truck in park and turn off the engine, Tati,” he growls, and the low timbre causes a shiver to work up my spine. I press the brake, put the SUV in park, and press the button to turn it off.
A part of me feels sheepish, but I square my shoulders back and step out of the car, like the proud princess I am.
Lev looks frustrated, but a corner of his lips tick up like he’s trying to hide a smile.
“If they find out, I’m dead. You realize that, right?”
I wave my hand dismissively as I walk back into the house, adrenaline still coursing through my veins.
“They’d actually have to care about me to find out.
” I wince at my own words. What I meant was, none of them are going to take the time to drive out here to check up on me.
What came out was closer to the truth. My mom only cares about matching me up with someone suitable.
This was just an opportunity to drive a wedge between Mik and me so that she could achieve that match.
Hurt lances through my heart. She only cares about getting rid of me as soon as possible.
I try not to let that hurt fester. I didn’t ask to be born.
And I may not be a mother, but I can’t imagine having a kid and not wanting to spend any time with them.
Like, what’s the point? I’ve been kidding myself this entire time that she wants me to find love as much as I do, but in reality, I’m not sure she believes in love.
I don’t know why my parents married, but she’s miserable enough with her life to drink it away.
I walk straight to the master bedroom to hide away and sit in my feelings, but Lev’s hot on my tail.
“Hey,” he says, wrapping his arms around me from behind and stopping my walk.
I close my eyes, not wanting him to see the hurt there. He doesn’t let it go, though; spins me in his arms and presses me against the wall again, thigh wedged between mine.
It’s the same position as before, but instead of anger, there’s just sadness.
“I care,” he whispers, and I immediately scoff.
He cares as long as he gets a paycheck.
His hand gently wrapping around my neck has my eyes opening.
Snarky Lev is gone. Teasing Lev is gone. In his place is a sincerity I’m not sure I’ve ever seen before.
“I care,” he says again, his dark eyes imploring me to believe him. I look down.
He squeezes my neck gently, bringing my eyes back up to his. “Mik can’t live without you. Roman just took a bullet for you. And you know I’d do the same.”
“You have to. It’s what you’re paid for!” I shout, even though my voice is watery. I hate that he took a bullet for me. I hate that they risk themselves for me. I hate that they’re paid to put themselves in harm’s way because the money doesn’t matter if they’re dead!
“I’d do it for free.”
That takes the wind out of my anger. But I’m not sure I believe him.
“Why?”
His eyes drop to my lips for just a second before they shutter closed and come back up to mine. He takes a deep inhale, like he’s bracing for something painful.
“Because you’re the best of us. You’re the best person I’ve ever met. And I don’t want to live in a world without you in it.”
I don’t know what to say or think, so I just blink up at him dumbly.
I’ve never seen this side of Lev before.
I don’t know what to do with this side of him.
And as my eyes drop to his lips, I wonder what they would feel like pressed against mine.
He groans and presses the rest of him flush against me.
He’s surrounding me; he’s everywhere, and my hands instinctively wrap around his shoulders, letting my fingers tangle in his hair.
I should be pushing him again. This is inappropriate.
He’s my bodyguard and brother’s best friend.
But all I can think about is how badly I want him to kiss me.
To take me. To make me his. Shit. My panties flood with arousal and my core aches.
I can imagine him pulling down my scrub pants and thrusting inside of me.
It would take nothing, and would be the single hottest moment of my life.
I’m about to beg him to take me, when he dips his head and drops a kiss just to the side of my mouth.
A tease of the thing I really want. And maybe what he wants, too.
“Don’t give up on us, Tati,” he whispers, the forefinger of the hand around my neck traces my jaw and shin until he drags it over my lower lip.
And then, suddenly, he’s gone.