Chapter 35 #2
“It’s impossible for me to stop loving you. It may never be roses and rainbows, I have an ugly heart, but it’s all yours.”
A small smile lifts the corners of her lips, but it fades as quickly as it came. Then she asks, “Don’t you want something in return? Or are you just selflessly in love with me?”
“When did I ever give you the impression that I’m a saint?
I want everything you have in return—your smiles, your light, your heart, your music, your moans, every last one of your orgasms. And whether you want to give me all of yourself or not, I’ll take it anyway.
I know what I want, and I want it at any cost.” I stroke her cheek with my thumb.
“I’m too selfish to love you selflessly. ”
“I know. I was just asking to be sure.”
My jaw locks. “Because that bastard offered you a selfless love with roses and rainbows?”
She nods.
I grip her jaw. “It’s just that, an offer you’ll never get to consider. There is no other man for you, no matter how many roses and rainbows he has to offer.”
She doesn’t say anything, so I lean down further and press my lips to hers.
I hold my hunger back and try to kiss her as softly as I can—fucking roses and rainbows.
I’ll give her roses and rainbows if that’s what she wants.
Maybe the roses will be wilted and the rainbows starved of color. But I can’t lose to that bastard.
She kisses me back. My resolve to stay gentle crumbles in an instant. She slides her arms around my neck, pulling me deeper into her. Every coherent thought begins to dissolve. I slip my hand beneath her head, craving more contact. She cups my face, kissing me back with the same desperate heat.
My dick is on the verge of snapping. Watching her come a few minutes ago nearly had me spilling in my boxers, and now her responding like this, so perfectly, is making it unbearable. I fucking need to fuck her.
Damn it.
Don’t think about fucking.
She’ll drown in that stupid guilt, making herself suffer. The rational part of my brain screams at the irrational part, but it refuses to listen. My hand moves farther down her body, tracing her curves. It’s been more than a month since I last had all of her, and I’m fucking famished.
Don’t touch her more. Fucking stop.
I wrench myself upright. We both drag in deep breaths of the same thick air. Her doe eyes glisten with unmistakable lust. A beautiful flush spreads across her fair cheeks.
I stroke her warm cheek, then cup her face in my palm. “What do you feel when you’re with me?” I need to make one thing clear—to her, and to myself. She wants me. Not him.
She stares at me. I rub her lower lip with my thumb. “Tell me, baby.”
“I… I…” She stops again. I lean down and press a light kiss to her lips. Her eyes prickle with tears.
“I feel at home,” she whispers. The tears spill over. I kiss her again, just to silence the fucking tears. It’s unbearable seeing her like this.
“Leave him. After a week I’ll come back, and then we’ll stay here like before.”
She nods. “Okay.”
But then, as if possessed, she shoves me away and scrambles away from me.
“What did I just do? Did I say I’d leave Salvario?
How can I do that?” She starts crying, spiraling into panic.
“How can I do this to him? I’m just like his uncles.
” Her words come rapid and broken, tumbling over each other in a frantic, gasping rush.
“I... I betrayed him.” She clutches her head, crying harder now, as if she’s mourning. “He’ll break apart when he finds out.”
I reach for her. She flinches from my touch.
She looks straight into my eyes and presses a shaking finger to her chest. “I betrayed Salvario. I betrayed the man who made me his world.”
She grips her head in her trembling hands again. “How can I do this to him? I’m so fucking disgusting.” The words come out slurred, but I hear every one of them with sickening clarity. “How can I betray Salvario?”
The worst thing she’s ever said to me was “you’re disgusting”—and it’s nothing compared to this. Once again, I want to drop to my knees and beg her, but this time I’d be begging her not to hate herself. It’s a thousand times better if she hates me.
“You’re not disgusting,” I snap. “Stop talking nonsense.”
My voice seems to pull her out of the spiral. She stares at me, blank.
“Come here,” I command.
She moves toward me in a daze, like her body is obeying a command her mind hasn’t caught up to.
I gently wipe the tears from her face first, then her neck.
She neither flinches nor blinks. She just keeps staring, and it shakes me to my marrow because she’s not looking at me. She’s looking through me.
My brows draw together. I don’t know the name for what’s happening to her, but I can see it—clear as day—I’m losing her to her own guilt. It’s happening right in front of me, and I can’t do a fucking thing. I can’t fight a war inside her own head.
Fuck. What if she tries to kill herself again?
What if this time she succeeds?
I cradle her face in my hands.
“Baby,” I plead.
She doesn’t respond.
“Elowen.”
Still nothing.
I hate that I’m about to try it, but I do. “Princess.”
She blinks, coming back.
I clench my teeth, swallowing the venom of hatred for the name, and the man who dares to call her that.
“It’s time to sleep.”
Her lips part, her eyes welling up with tears again. Her thoughts are starting again, and I know exactly where they’ll take her. So I cut them off with a curt order.
“Don’t think about anything. You need sleep.” I open my arms. “Now come here and let me put you to sleep.”
She hesitates.
“I said come here,” I command, my voice harder now.
She moves into my lap. I enfold her in my arms. A sigh drags itself from the depths of my chest. I have to keep her here, this is the only place I can keep her safe. Even from herself.
I press a kiss to her forehead, stroking her hair. “It’s time to rest, Princess.”
She closes her eyes.