Julian #3
“Is that your business, Lan? Jeez, you guys really have to stop running in circles like this. Give it up, okay?” she complains, except it kind of sounds like she’s pleading, and her nervous eyes are drilling into a glaring Landon.
“Maybe it is about time I give it up,” he says, and his tone is harsh, poisonous.
I find myself flinching, taking one solid step backward. My eyes widen, my heart pausing as if it craves to miss a beat or two.
Is Landon aware that speaking those words might kill me? Does he know why they hold that power? And if he does, will he tell me? Because I can’t for the life of me sort out why I’m hurting as badly as I am in this moment.
“That’s what you want, isn’t it, Julie?” he asks. “After all of these years, you want me to set you free?”
What has shifted in him in the past handful of hours? From the moment I left him in that bathroom until now, what has happened to him to turn him into this? Angry, resentful, detached.
Or maybe he’s just doing exactly what I’ve always asked him to do. He’s moving on.
I nod. “Yes.”
Something akin to agony passes through his green eyes, the muscles of his face twitching for a brief second. Then, as if he never reacted at all, he is expressionless.
“Consider it done, Julian. Whatever you want, consider it done.”
Susie and Landon spend the rest of the day at Chastain Castle. Other than a brief encounter with Theodora (in which Susie falls instantly in love with her), we don’t run into any other staff or residents.
It’s almost as if they’ve been directed to leave us alone—to let us enjoy our time together—which I find highly unlikely yet entirely possible with how quiet the estate is.
Landon doesn’t mention Atlas again or his moving on from me romantically. Things are coated with a layer of tension, but we ignore it, soaking in as much time together as possible while the three of us still can.
And when the sun begins to set, I walk the two of them to the front door, an ache forming in my stomach as the realization that they’re really leaving begins to settle in.
It might be hard sometimes—the situation with Landon, I mean—but they’re still my childhood best friends. I love them; a part of me is left empty when they’re gone.
Susie is who I went to with all of my embarrassing puberty questions; Landon had more sleepovers in my bed throughout the years than I spent the night alone.
Without them, it feels as if a large chunk of my childhood doesn’t exist anymore. Being around them makes everything feel normal and comfortable. And knowing what I might be returning to once the moon rises, I really want some comfort right now.
“I’m gonna miss you so much, Julian,” Susie whispers, sniffling in my ear as she holds me to her. “We’ll visit again soon, okay?”
I nod, patting her hand where it rests against my shoulder. “I’m going to miss you too.”
After a moment, she lets me go, wiping under her eyes as she takes a few steps away to allow Landon some space.
When he steps up to me, he’s wearing that carefully blank expression.
“You’re going to leave mad?” I ask him, trying not to disclose any of my own emotions.
He watches me for a moment, and if I didn’t know him so well, he’d be able to continue to hide successfully. But I do know him—far too well, even—so I can see it in his eyes; he’s hurting.
“I’m not mad, Julian,” he tells me. “I’m mourning a future I’ve been chasing since I was fifteen years old and you kissed me after baseball practice.”
A small, shy smile forms on my lips. “I needed a way to express my appreciation for you, and you looked really pretty.”
Landon frowns harder, something even more pained flashing through his eyes.
Wrong thing to say, dumbass, I think.
“Sorry,” I whisper.
“There were so many times that I… where I wanted to…” he seems to cut himself off, shaking his head as he blinks a few times. “It doesn’t matter now. I understand that I’ll never have you. I saw the way you looked at him; I’ve never seen you look at a man, or anyone, that way before.”
“I don’t understand.” I give a small, nervous laugh.
I know who he’s talking about, but I’m unsure what expression he’s describing. He must have seen the hungry way in which I watch Atlas—how badly I want to devour every inch of his skin; but surely this isn’t the first time he’s seen me lust after someone other than him.
Except, as Landon speaks again, it is not lust he acknowledges.
“As if you’re terrified of him. As if he could crush you at any second, and you’re helpless to it.”
I stare into those green eyes, watching the devastation unfold as he acknowledges the full reality of his words upon seeing their truth in mine.
I… what? Do I watch Atlas that way? Has he noticed? What does it mean? Sure, I want to fuck him, and sure, I crave protecting him. But that’s it…
I mean, I’ve never even kissed the guy. We’ve hardly ever been alone together! There’s no way I… like him, right? There’s no possible way that I’ve handed him that kind of power over my heart—my soul.
“No, I…” I don’t continue.
Landon and I stare at each other; there is so much being said in this lingering look, yet I cannot seem to form words. My mind is blank. I feel numb.
Suddenly, Lan’s head snaps to his left, and his eyes lose the deep sorrow they were holding and are replaced by an anger I do not recognize.
I follow his line of sight and find Barfred leaning against the entrance of Hall E1, his arms crossed and his right ankle hooked over his left as he watches the two of us in subtle amusement.
“Do you not have a job to do?” Landon sneers.
“Lan!” Susie chastises.
But Barfred just smirks, his cat-like eyes watching my best friend carefully and with great interest. “Have a great flight home, Lanny.”
Landon rolls his eyes, essentially baring his teeth in distaste at the cook. I’m desperate to know what happened in that short span of time to make them hate each other so much, but it’s not necessarily my business.
“Let’s go, Landon,” Susie says, giving me another smile as she grabs his arm.
Landon turns his gaze back onto mine, his eyes regaining their hint of sorrow and regret as he offers me a lopsided grin.
“Well, I’ll see you, Julie. Have fun out here.” Then he’s patting my shoulder and turning on his heel, offering Barfred one last glare as he opens the large oak doors of Chastain Castle, where their rental car is parked by the fountain.
Susie follows him, waving as she slides into the passenger seat.
I watch their taillights until they’re long gone and the dirt has settled once again, but when I turn around, Barfred has already fled back to the kitchen.
I am alone.
I watch my ceiling, the darkness of my bedroom swallowing me up as I lie over the duvet. It’s too hot to cover up, too hot to wear a t-shirt.
I’m trying to quell the twisting anxiety in my chest; the fear that any second now it’ll appear again. I’ve been lying in bed for an hour now, and the rest of Chastain Castle has long since gone to sleep.
But my skin is singing with nerves, my mind racing and unable to slow long enough for me to slip into unconsciousness. How am I meant to relax when just last night I was being cornered and dominated by a force I don’t understand?
My mind can’t comprehend what exactly happened; all I know is that it was most definitely the same thing I saw in Atlas’s room. The same monster that was fucking him senseless only so many days ago.
I groan, throwing an arm over my eyes as I try to level my breathing. Between the haunting memories of its face, that horrendous shriek, and the way Atlas looked as he enjoyed being spread out under its large body, I’m so torn up.