Chapter 7
Ilie awake, looking up at the ceiling and thinking about Joanne. Again. Having her here is unearthing far too many memories. My knuckles are sore from the number of times I laid ‘em into the men in Jessie’s basement who threatened her. I enjoyed watching their blood spill and causing their suffering. And it may have been a while since I got my hands dirty, but I was never gonna let anyone else here take that pleasure.
It’s strange that, despite all that”s happened between us, that urge to protect her is still inside me. I still want to be the one who does everything for her. I should hate her for it, but I kinda like how it makes me feel. Joanne being here is a distraction I could really do without, and yet I’m grateful for that too. I can’t think about all this being over. About losing everything I’ve worked so hard to build and letting everyone I care about down. But every man has his limits. I hold a lotta power, but not enough to get me outta this one.
I just wish I could go back to a time when things were simpler and the only worry I had was losing her.
I throw another stone at her bedroom window, feeling like the biggest fool in Manitou Springs right now, but I’m determined to get what I came here for. I should be sinking scotch and celebrating the fact we found the Bastard who shot at Jack and sent him to his grave. But instead, here I am throwing stones at a girl’s window like some love-sick fuckin’ puppy.
“Joanne!” I whisper-yell her name, and when her sash window slides up and she pokes out her head the relief I feel actually scares me.
“Will ya come down here? I wanna talk.”
I see her long hair flowing over one shoulder and the stern look on her face and decide not to give her an option. I’m going to her.
Using the railings on her porch to scale onto its roof, I climb the tiles up to her window.
“Jimmer, get down and leave, if my parents catch you they’ll go crazy.”
“I don’t give a damn about your parents.” I lift myself up on her window ledge and let myself in, dusting off my hands as I look around her room.
“All decked out for the perfect princess.” I chuckle to myself when I look around the pale pink walls and see her Miss Manitou Springs banner hanging over the full-length, Victorian-style mirror she has on the other side of the room.
“I’m serious, Jimmer, you need to leave.” She takes me by surprise when she shoves me in the chest.
“Not until you tell me what I did wrong.” I fold my arms and look at her sternly. When I realized she’d left the other morning, I debated letting her get away. I told myself it was probably what was best for her. But something that felt a lot like desperation has dragged me here tonight, and I ain’t gonna leave without answers.
“You were happy, Jo. What made ya leave? Was it what happened to Jack? Because I swear, I would never let anyone hurt ya.”
“You”re too old for me.” She turns her head away so she doesn’t have to look at me.
“Bullshit.” I won’t have none of that, this girl is old beyond her years, we’ve spent hours over the past few weeks talking. Most nights I’ve chosen her company over my brothers, and that’s never happened to me before.
“Come on, Jimmer, you”re the leader of an organized crime gang and I’m a college student. I may be young and a little naive, but I refuse to be one of your whores.”
“One of my what?” I shake my head at her in shock. “Joanne, what the fuck you talkin’ ‘bout?”
“I’m talking about your old lady and the little girl you got together. The ones you go home to after you’re done fucking me.” She’s looking right at me now, and I wish she wasn’t because I’m getting no fuckin’ pleasure from the pain in her eyes.
“You got that wrong.” I shake my head.
“Have I? So you don’t have a daughter and an old lady, whatever that is? You know, it all makes sense now. You never want me to go to the club, I had to beg you to take me there Saturday night.”
“You got that wrong too. Yeah, I got a daughter, and yeah, I let Mary-Ann call herself my old lady, but it’s just a status. I don’t feel anythin’ for her. Not like I feel for you,” I admit, holding my nerve and letting the words come out. I ain’t ever felt the way I do about a woman the way I feel for the one standing in front of me, and suddenly I realize that I ain’t ashamed to let her know it.
“Oh, I’m sorry, I’ll just get back to being your side piece and we can go on as normal.” She laughs sarcastically as she returns to her window and lifts it open. “See yourself out, Prez.”
“You”re not listenin’ to me.” I grab her bratty, little face in my hands and force her to look me in the eye.
“Mary-Ann got herself pregnant to ensure I’d never leave her because she knows what kind of a man I am.”
“And what kind of man is that, Jimmer? Because I don’t feel like I know you at all.”
“The kinda man who takes care of what”s his.” I stare into her wild, fiery eyes. “You’re mine and I wanna take care of you too.”
“You can’t have us both. I can’t have you be with me and then go home to her. I have feelings too, Jimmer.” She shakes her head and lets the sadness overtake her anger again.
“I don’t go home to her. I’ve provided a home for her and Hayley, away from the club, because that”s how she wanted it. She’s the mother of my child and despite what I may think of her, I gotta give her that respect. But I don’t wanna lose you. I won’t fuckin’ lose you,” I growl.
“Why? You can have any woman you want. You”re handsome, and despite all the crime and killing you do, you”re a real nice guy.” She smirks, despite the fact we’re going at one another.
“Which proves that you know me,” I point out.
“It doesn’t answer my question or solve the problem. I get that you have to respect the mother of your child, I admire it because it shows what kind of man you are. But if she’s your old lady, who am I?”
I wish I could make her see. I wish she could feel the pressure I feel just for a few seconds so she’d understand.
“You”re the woman…” I ignore the childish bedroom surrounding us because I know she doesn’t belong in it. “…who got the leader of a motorcycle club standin’ outside your fuckin’ window throwin’ stones to get your attention.” I put it into perspective for her.
“You”re the woman who makes me feel like I wanna go the extra mile. And you, Joanne Sanderson, are the person who’s gonna turn my life around. I’m always gonna be a criminal, I don’t know any other way, but I will be a better man for you,” I promise, hoping that it’s enough.
Her lips twitch into a smile that gives me hope and when she grabs the front of my cut and drags me onto her lips, the kiss she gives me tells me everything is gonna be okay.
“I want to be yours,” she tells me, pushing me back onto the mattress that’s behind me.
“What about your folks?” I whisper, admiring how she’s suddenly become that woman I’ve been falling in love with again.
“You’ll just have to make sure I’m quiet.” She raises her eyebrows as she slides the nightdress she’s wearing up over her body and tosses it onto the floor.
“You”re a very bad girl.”
“And you”re bad for me.” She frees me from my jeans and takes me in her hand, guiding me toward that tight hole that I’ve molded to be my perfect fit. I watch as she closes her eyes and moans as she takes all of me inside her, and I immediately slam my hand over her mouth and bunch the other in her hair when she starts to ride me.
“I’ve fuckin’ missed you, Jo,” I whisper, admiring how beautiful she looks as she takes what she needs from my cock. “I won’t let you leave me again, ya hear?”
She nods her head, letting the pleasure take over her body, and I have to tighten the hand I’ve got muffling her cries.
“There ain’t no one else. Never fuckin’ will be,” I promise her.
I feel just as pathetic as the man throwing stones at her window when I realize I’ve stuck to that fuckin’ promise. There has never been another Joanne. I never allowed there to be. I always wondered how something that was so pure and fuckin’ beautiful could have been so destroying. How such a delicate creature brought a man like me to his knees. That’s why I had to make a promise to myself too. A promise to never let it happen again.