Chapter 21
“Darlin’, what are you doin’?” Nyx looks down at me as I wring out the wet rag then delve into the cupboard to clean the back of it.
“You can see what I’m doing.” I focus on cleaning my kitchen, and not on the shit show I’ve come home to. Me and Nyx spent the perfect week in Montana with Garrett and Maisie. And now I realize it was all part of a plan to get me away from here. I’m mad at him and my father for that.
“Babe, get up, those cupboards don’t need cleanin’, you’re just distractin’ yourself.”
“Yes, Nyx, that’s exactly what I’m doing.” I stop what I’m doing to look up at him, and when the front door opens and Dad lets himself in, he smiles at me real sheepishly.
“GRRRR!” I shake my head in frustration and get back to work.
“Nyx, why don’t ya take the kids over to Thorne and Riley’s place? Gabriel’s been lost without his best friend.” He lifts up Dylan and kisses his cheek.
“Really?” My little boy looks delighted, and despite this clearly being another plan my husband and father have come up with, I figure it’s for the best. Nyx quickly rounds up the kids, nodding at Dad before he makes his exit.
“You know, I think I preferred it when you wanted him dead.” I scowl, before getting back to scrubbing the inside of the cupboard.
Dad doesn’t say anything, he just sits at the kitchen table and watches me for a while, and when the silence becomes too much I turn around and let him see how hurt I am.
“Why?” I question him.
“Sweetheart, I know you”re hurtin’, and I wish what I had to tell you was different but?—”
“I know what she did, Nyx broke it to me last night when we got back. What I need to know is why you kept it from me and why you sent me away while all this was happening?” I feel more tears start to flow and quickly wipe them away.
“Because I didn’t want to believe it myself. I needed to be sure. And because I’m your father, darlin’. It’s my job to protect you.” He stares back at me unapologetically, and I give up stacking the cupboard and flop back against the refrigerator door.
“What was going through her head?” I stare at the floor trying to make sense of what Mom did. “I thought she’d changed. I trusted her around the kids.” I feel sick to my stomach when I think about it. Sick and heartbroken.
“Your mom would never have hurt the kids, she wasn’t a…” He can’t say the word and as he looks around all the things scattered around him that belong to his grandchildren, I can see how repulsed he is.
“Maybe not, but she condoned it. Maddy has emails that she sent to all those sick perverts threatening to expose them if they didn’t pay out. She used those innocent children’s suffering to make money for herself, and then she came here and played with mine like the doting fucking grandmother!” I kick one of the pans that’s by my feet across the room in anger.
“She lied. She used me to get close to the club. So she could feed back to Cliff what was happening.” I laugh bitterly.
“She didn’t lie about the loan sharks, she was in real trouble and I guess she did what she thought she had to do to get out of it. It was wrong and it was selfish but?—”
“Don’t you dare make excuses for her. She knew she could have come to you about the money she owed. She could have brought you that list of names and stopped more innocent children from being hurt. She was greedy. She came here and lied, and we both know what she was pulling with Cliff could have got you killed.” I look up and see how sad he looks, his eyes are sunken into his head like he’s had no sleep, he seems to have aged overnight and for the first time ever he looks vulnerable.
“I’m still here.” He gets up from the chair and joins me shoulder to shoulder on the floor. “Yeah, we’ll find Cliff and he will pay for what he did. But none of that really matters. All I care about right now is you.” He takes my hand in his.
“Yeah, well, it’s a shame she didn’t. Do you have any idea how shit it feels to know your own mother?—?”
“Ella. You gave your mom a chance to make everythin’ right and she didn’t take it. No Carson is gonna sit on the floor and waste tears over that. You get up and you focus on everythin’ you have. Your babies need ya, and because you are everythin’ Joanne Walker ain’t, you”re gonna be there for them.” He gets up on his feet and holds out his hand for me. There”s something in the smile he gives me that assures me everything’s going to be okay, and that makes it a little easier to smile back at him. I slam my palm against his and he uses it to drag me off the floor and pull me into a hug.
“I can’t tell ya how proud I am of you, Ella, I would give anythin’ to have had more time with ya.”
“What?” I pull back to look at him when his words make no sense. “Dad, why are you talking like that?” I laugh nervously when I sense there’s something he’s not telling me.
“I meant more time when you were younger. I missed out on too much.” He smiles sadly before dragging my head onto his chest and nursing me in his arms. “Far too much,” he whispers, kissing the top of my head.
“Well, we have all the time in the world now, and you”re right. I’m not gonna waste a second of it being mad or sad about her. Let’s have a BBQ. A big, family BBQ, where the kids can play, and us girls can hang out. You guys can pretend not to enjoy it. It’ll be fun.”
I wipe my eyes and look up at him, it’s amazing what a hug from a girl”s dad can do.
“Sounds perfect,” he nods his head and I notice a tear glisten in his eye as he winks at me.
“Now, let’s put this place back together again.” He chuckles as he looks around the mess I’ve made of my kitchen.
* * *
It’s a few hours later when I’m sitting on the hard plastic chair in the visitors’ room. The door slides open and the inmates start to filter through. My mom actually smiles when she sees me like she’s just stepped into a coffee shop.
I meant what I said to Dad about moving on, but I also know that I couldn’t do that without giving this woman my thoughts.
“Ella, I’m so glad you came.” She reaches out to hug me and when the guard shakes his head she offers him a stiff smile and sits herself down on the chair opposite me.
“Why did you go to Cliff?” I ask, staring into the eyes of the woman who gave birth to me and feeling nothing but hate.
“Darling, I get that it’s all very hard for you to understand.”
“Then make me understand. Mom, you came to the club because loan sharks were after you, Dad helped you and you betrayed him. You must have known how that was gonna work out.” I watch the way she twists her fingers and tries to think of what lie to tell me next.
“Your father has taken everything away from me, Ella. My husband, my reputation. You.” She starts to sob and yet I see no sign of tears.
“You mean your husband, the pedophile? The husband who put his fingers inside me to check I was a virgin at a time when I thought he was my real father?” I try to hold it together because I really don’t want her to see me cry.
“I didn’t know about that,” she whispers as if she still has a reputation to uphold, even here.
“But you knew he beat me. You saw him do it, and you knew how it felt because you took knock after knock from him, yourself. You knew and you still kept me there.”
“Vincent wasn’t the man I thought I married, but I’d made a commitment. Ella, look at all we had.” She tries to make the fact we had a nice house and money a valid reason for staying with him, and I can barely believe what I’m hearing.
“I had nothing, the most affection I ever got was from our housekeeper.”
“Well, we”re not all natural mothers, Ella. Just because you have chosen to become a baby machine for that waster of a biker doesn’t mean you get to judge me.” Her words spit out like venom, but they don’t hurt me. Nothing this woman says can hurt me anymore.
“Judge you, judge you…?” I stand up and when the guard clears his throat and reminds me to sit back down, I smile apologetically and gather my composure.
“You could have come to Dad or Nyx with the names of those men, you could have gone to the police. You are a despicable person, and I never want my children to see you again. I hate you.” I look her deep in her eyes when I tell her that, and wonder if she even cares.
“Ella, don’t say that. I saw Cliff’s name on the list and it felt like fate. I saw it as my chance to save you. Your dad and Nyx are two of the same, you won’t ever be happy in that marriage.”
“And what do you know about my happiness or marriage? I don’t need saving from my loving husband, and the two beautiful children who he would die to protect. I don’t need to be rescued from a father who loves me, and them, with every bit of his heart. Don’t you worry about me and my happiness. In fact, don’t think about me at all. I hope when they put you on trial you get time, but whether you do or not, stay away from me and my family.” I get up and nod to the guard to let me out as I walk away from her.
I have a family BBQ to organize.