Chapter 31
“Idon’t like to be tested, Jimmer.” Agent Consuela has a clever smirk on her face when she opens the door of the visitor’s room and reveals that my request has been granted.
“I’m impressed,” I tell her under my breath as I step past her. Joanne is sitting at the table waiting for me, her back is straight and her eyes remain focused on the wall in front of her. The door creaks shut and when I hear the lock buzz I take immense pleasure in how outta place she looks.
“Orange really is your color.” I tilt my head sideways and admire the jumpsuit she’s wearing, and I laugh at the fact that she’s cuffed to the floor and I ain’t. When I take my seat opposite her she stretches her neck and averts her eyes to a different wall so she can avoid making any contact with mine.
“So, how are things holdin’ up for ya? Ya got a trial date yet?” I ask, knowing that there ain’t anyone out there who would have posted bail for her.
“I don’t appreciate being mocked.” She spits out her words as I slouch back in my chair, sliding my hand over my mouth and studying the real Joanne Walker. Her hair is wiry and sticking up outta place, and there”s a black line where her roots are starting to come through. Her skin looks different without makeup on it, and she sure looks as if she hasn’t slept in a while.
“Listen, Jimmer, I don’t know why you asked to see me, or what this place is but…?”
“This is where they send the important people, Joanne.” I take my cigarette pack out my pocket and tap it on the table before sliding one out with my teeth. “I get to request whatever I want.”
“Well, I’m flattered you requested me.” She throws me a sarcastic grin.
“I requested you because I want some answers,” I admit, sparking up my smoke and exhaling my first drag right into her face.
“We all want something, Jimmer, doesn’t mean we get it.” Her lips remain tight and her posture straight.
“Why, Joanne? What did I ever do to you?” I let her see that she’s hurt me, ain’t no use in hiding it. This woman sitting in front of me almost had me a second time, and for that, she deserves her reward.
“You ruined my life. I would never have had to marry Walker if it wasn’t for you.” She seems to take pleasure in telling me that. Like she thinks it will hurt me, but I’m not the man I was twenty-five years ago.
“Bullshit. You didn’t have to marry him. You never gave me a chance to give you another option.”
“What are you saying, Jimmer? That you would have married m?—”
“Yes,” I cut her off before she can even finish her question. Because that is something I’m sure of.
“Now, who’s bullshitting?” She drops her facade so she can laugh at me and I shut her up when I slam my fist at the table.
“I loved you, Jo. I wanted us to be a family. You need to get real with yourself and admit that you married that man because I didn’t have enough to offer ya.” It hurt back then and I’ll admit it still hurts now, but it’s the raw truth.
“I was pregnant and scared, I needed some stability.” She tries to justify herself.
“I would have given you stability, I’d have given you fuckin’ everythin’ you wanted.”
“I wasn’t cut out to be a biker whore, Jimmer.” She frowns at me.
“You were never a whore, at least not until you met Marty.” I throw that at her too and watch how she shudders.
“I did what I had to do.” She lets her mask slip again.
“Oh yeah, and was blackmailin’ all those kiddy fiddlers what ya had to fuckin’ do? Was working with Cliff Adams to destroy my club, part of your fuckin’ callin’?!” I lose my temper and yell
“Yes. I was trying to protect my daughter. You were bad for me then, and you”re bad for Ella, now. Same as that husband of hers. This is not the life I wanted for her.” She starts getting real honest with me.
“And Walker was good for her? Because I recall some things that he did to her that still haunt her today. You knew what kind of man he was and you made her endure it. You could have come to me, and you shoulda the first time he laid a finger on you. All that happened, and all that you’ve become, is caused by your greed. You wanted money and stature, not love. And look where it got ya. Where’s your reputation now, Joanne?”
“I don’t think you”re in the position to judge.” She glances her eyes over me like I’m a piece of shit.
“Your judge husband made money outta innocent kids’ sufferin’. And so did you. My club have done everythin’ in their power, even risked their own lives to try and protect those kids. You tell me who has the right to lay judgment.” She closes her eyes while she takes in what I’m saying and tries to compose herself.
“Are you gonna tell me why I’m here?” She opens them back up and clears her throat impatiently.
“You’re here so I can make my confession.” I notice how she stares back at me like she’s suddenly intrigued.
“I loved you, Joanne. I cared about you, and all I wanted since the day I met you was to be the man who made you happy. I wanted my club to be your home, I wanted us to raise Ella together, to give her brothers and sisters.” I watch the tears forming in her eyes and how desperately she tries to hide them.
“But, what I wanted for you wasn’t enough.”
“I was nineteen and pregnant by an outlaw.” She tries to defend herself.
“An outlaw who would have died for you. An outlaw who built a whole family of people who would have protected you with their last breath.”
“Jimmer, I didn’t understand you or your club until I came to stay with you, by then it was too late. Cliff was persuasive. It started off as blackmail because he was on Vincent’s client list and then he promised me he could get me Ella back.”
“Ella’s where she belongs now, she has a husband who loves her, friends who care about her. And two beautiful children who will grow up surrounded by love and loyalty. Protected by the club that I have built. And you know what the saddest thing about it all is, darlin’?” Now it’s my turn to laugh. “All of that could have been yours too. It fuckin’ should’ve been yours. But it wasn’t enough. I wasn’t enough.”
I start to feel my own emotions taking over when I watch that sink in. There was a time in this woman’s life when she loved me. I felt it and I fuckin’ treasured it and now, I feel as if I’m looking at a stranger.
“I meant what I said before, Jimmer. There was a time when I loved you and I have my regrets. Too many of them to mention. I’m sorry. Is that what you brought me here for? To hear me say that.”
“No.” I shake my head. “I brought you here because up until now, you were my only weakness. You don’t have to say sorry to me. I already forgive ya. I forgive ya for denyin’ me, and yourself, what we could have been. I forgive ya for all the years you stole from me and Ella because you”re not my weakness anymore.” I stare at the woman I would’ve once torn my heart out for, and feel nothing but pity.
“I’m done in here.” I stand up and leave her sitting at the table so I can head for the door.
“No, Jimmer, let’s have a little more time.” She stands up and tries to come toward me but her shackles prevent her from moving.
“Jimmer, please.”
“Goodbye, Joanne.” I walk through the door when it opens and ignore her calling out to me as I head back to my cell.
* * *
“So, you refuse a visit from your daughter, but you request one from the ex who betrayed you.” Consuela surprises me when it’s her that brings me my evening meal instead of the usual guard. She closes my cell door behind her and places the tray on the desk opposite my cot.
“I’m a complicated man, Consuela, don’t try to figure me out.” I laugh to myself as I place the book, I’m reading, down and sit up from where I’m lying.
“I was just surprised you wanted to see her after what went down. She seemed upset when she left.”
“You jealous?” I lift the lid on the tray to see what I’m having tonight.
“Not in the slightest,” she assures me, shaking her head and trying not to smile. She turns like she’s about to leave and I decide it’s far too soon for that. Grabbing her hand I tug her closer and when she gasps I wonder if I’ve scared her or given her exactly what she came in here for.
“Shame, I kinda liked it.” I slam her to the wall and place my hand over her mouth so she can’t scream.
Her eyes widen and her chest beats against my arm like a rabbit in a snare. “I remember how it feels, Kathrine, I remember how you sounded when you came. It’s all I think about when we’re together.” She closes her eyes and swallows.
“Jimmer.” She shakes her head as my hard cock presses against her stomach.
“Tell me you”re not wet for me,” I dare her.
Her head shakes fiercely and when I lift the pencil skirt she’s wearing up her thighs and make sure my solid cock grinds against the cotton panties she’s got underneath, she moans. “What’s goin’ through your mind, Consuela? You thinkin’ about me fuckin’ you here, like this?” Her eyes remain tightly closed and her teeth dig into her bottom lip as she nods her head.
“You just gotta say the word, just ask. Tell me you want it and I’ll give it to ya,” I whisper as I slide my hand up her neck and stroke my thumb over her thick bottom lip. I force it between them and when she sucks it hard I know this ain’t gonna end here.
“Jimm…” She turns my name into a moan when I use my other hand to stroke her through her panties and the way she soaks through ‘em makes my cock so fuckin’ hard I have to relieve it.
“This is a bad idea,” she whispers when I tug my sweats down to my knees and raise one of her legs to grant me access.
“You’re fuckin’ a criminal now, we get off on bad ideas,” I whisper into her ear as I push inside her and when she grips at the shirt I’m wearing I feel her breath on my neck and the relief in her body.
“Why does this have to feel so fuckin’ good?” I growl at her under my breath. Knowing that this is something that can’t last. Consuela says nothing as I pound into her, she just clings to me tight and moans her pleasure in my ear. Her body is tight in all the right places. She smells like fresh flowers and early mornings back home, and having this kinda perfection before I get locked away for life feels almost cruel.
“Shit, I’m gonna come.” Her body turns rigid and her mouth covers my ear as she clamps around my cock, forcing me to finish with her. And as we both stand against each other catching our breaths I cling to her just as tight as she’s clinging to me.
“I shouldn’t be letting this happen,” she whispers, sliding her fingers through my gray hair as I close my eyes and take in more of that scent.
“Sometimes a little of what’s bad for ya, keeps you straight,” I remind her before dragging myself away from her and letting her fix herself up.
“Don’t make this hard for us, Jimmer,” she begs me before she spins on her heels and leaves me in my cell.