Chapter 6
M y Sunday night was a restless one, spent tossing and turning in bed as I fretted about Anthony. I’d had plenty of lackluster dates that resulted in rejection, but this was the first time I’d had someone try to stalk me.
I still had no idea how he knew I was at Critical Games. I reassured myself by saying he just happened to show up at the right time, and he hadn’t somehow managed to track my movements. And as I lay restless in bed, anxiety gripping my chest, the risks of online dating that I’d once been oblivious to now haunted me.
As a result, I started the next morning with exhaustion, a pounding headache, and blurry double vision. The words of the manuscript I’d been editing smeared together in a jumbled, inky mess, and not even two cups of coffee could shake my fatigue.
But I loved my job, constantly immersed in manuscripts, typesets, and cover designs, and I knew how to fight fatigue from years of god-awful periods. So I slogged through the day, reminding myself that I only had four left until the weekend returned and I could see Tristan again.
I grinned as I took a break and laid down on my bed. Working from home had its perks.
Over the following days, both my physical and mental state improved. I hadn’t heard a word from Anthony since the game shop incident, which reassured me that Devin had scared him off for good. I had to admit that Devin was intimidating. He wasn’t particularly muscular or tall, but his tattoos, facial piercings, and preference for all-black everything made many people balk at his appearance. I had too when I first met him, but over the years I realized that he was a kind, genuine person, if a bit obnoxious.
Friday came around as it did every week, although it seemed to take much longer than usual. I knew it was a side effect of anticipation—becoming painfully aware of every passing minute until an hour felt like an eternity. Friday was TCG Night, which was one of my favorite hobbies and something I looked forward to at the beginning of every weekend.
But this Friday was also my second date with Tristan. We had texted sporadically throughout the week and agreed to meet at a video game bar downtown. I initially assumed that I’d have to pass on TCG Night, but when we agreed on 8 p.m., I realized I would have enough time for a single round.
I exhaled sharply out of my mouth as I slid my laptop shut at 5 p.m., relieved that for the fourth weekend in a row, I didn’t have to work overtime. It had kept me from regularly attending Creatures I knew there were weirdos and creeps out there. But I knew what I was getting into the first day I downloaded the app, and if online dating allowed me to find a partner who wouldn’t judge my sexual shortcomings, it was worth the risk.
But that didn’t stop Devin’s words from knocking around my skull, making my heart thump in erratic, irrati onal ways.
I am your friend. I care about you.
And I hated every emotion it made me feel.
“Yeah yeah, you’re right,” I sighed. “I’ll be careful.”
“Thank you.” There was a hint of relief in Devin’s words as he handed me my receipt. “I hope you have fun tonight.”
“Thanks. I appreciate it.”
Cassidy and Aaron ushered me into a chair next to them as we waited for pairings to start. The three of us were placed in a pod with Chris, another regular who was good friends with Aaron. Cassidy was thrilled to play her new dinosaur-themed deck, and I had just added some new cards to my warrior deck.
But unfortunately, it wasn’t enough for either of us to win. Chris and Cassidy took an early lead, but a card that wiped the board of creatures hurt Cassidy too much for her to recover. Chris took over, knocking me and Aaron out within two turns. His smug victory grin caused Aaron’s face to twist into a scowl.
“You know, you didn’t have to throw two infinite combos in that deck,” he hissed at Chris.
“Of course I did. What’s the fun of opening a $20 card out of a pack and not playing it?”
A hot trickle of anticipation seared through my veins. The game had lasted about an hour, meaning that I needed to head out and make my way to the video game bar.
“You’re dropping again?” Devin looked confused as I gave him the news.
“Yup. Remove me from the pairings please.”
Devin stopped typing on his computer keyboard, glancing me up and down with his blue-green eyes. A chill crept up my neck as I realized he was studying my outfit—a maroon dress with a black woven belt and velvety grey ankle-length boots. I had been showing up to the shop in dresses more often lately, since they were comfortable and didn’t irritate my stomach during my bad periods. But today I looked especially dressed up.
He knew something was off.
“It’s only been one round,” he continued. “You sure?”
Irritation bubbled in my stomach again as my fingernails dug half-moons into my palms. Devin was my friend, and I appreciated his concern, but he was starting to get on my nerves.
“Yes, I’m sure.” I had to force myself to not hiss my words. “I’ll be here on Sunday for C my feet unsteady beneath me. Sparrow’s Roost Park was right in the middle of downtown, with the rattle of the highway humming in the distance. Even at midnight, it was well-lit with a few pedestrians meandering around .
I smiled. It was a beautiful park, one of my favorites in Orlando. It was private without being too isolated, a perfect place to chat.
He means no harm, I assured myself as I strode towards the park. Don’t let Devin get under your skin.
Tristan was waiting on a park bench, the streetlamp directly overhead bathing him in a stark white glow. As usual, his face lit up when he saw me. Something that I could easily get used to, I thought as I took a seat next to him.
“I love Sparrow’s Roost,” I remarked as we sat under the still night sky. “This was a good choice.”
“Well…” Tristan shifted in his seat. “There’s another reason why I picked this place.”
“What’s that?”
“Every time I feel stressed about life, even though I live way over in Oviedo, I come here. It’s sentimental to me. See that apartment complex way over there?” Tristan pointed in the distance at a row of quaint buildings tucked beyond the trees. “That’s where we lived after my dad passed away.”
His dad is gone. I remembered the way Tristan talked about him at the bar, and a deep pang rattled through my heart.
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
“Honestly, don’t be,” Tristan replied. “He was diagnosed with cancer when I was a toddler. He wasn’t supposed to live past my third birthday, and yet he didn’t pass away until I was in high school. He was a fighter, living on stolen time. When he died, I mourned his loss, but I was also grateful for the time I had with him. Time that, according to the doctors, we shouldn’t have had.”
My heart hung on every word, feeling his emotions as if they were my own as he shared the more personal parts of his life with me. It made me think of my parents, alive but distant, and I decided to bare my own soul.
I told Tristan, a man I’d known for a week and seen in person twice, my life story. About how I was the daughter of two very religious parents who married at eighteen and had me at twenty. How my mother brought me to church every Sunday in beautiful dresses she sewed herself, instructing me to be on my very best behavior. How my mother worked tirelessly, day after day, to care for three children while my father remained physically and emotionally distant. How I’d never seen him wash a dish or fold a pair of pants in his life.
“I visit them once or twice a year,” I told Tristan. I wore a stony, expressionless mask as I spoke, my fingers curled into fists in my lap. I knew if I let it crack, the tears would pour out like a faucet. “But I rarely speak with them otherwise, and I avoid their calls.”
“It’s hard, isn’t it?” Tristan’s words were soft and gentle. “Trying to be your own person. I still wonder if my dad would be happy with the way I turned out.”
Tristan wrapped his arm around me, pulling me against his chest. A hint of fresh soap and evergreen lingered on his t-shirt, and I nuzzled into it, inhaling as much of the moment as I could.
The kisses came in an instant; deep, passionate, and utterly heart-melting. I didn’t care if we’d just met. I didn’t care that we were on a public park bench, at midnight, and someone could see us. At that moment, nothing else mattered. Every sense, every thought, every part of my being was wrapped up in him.
I finally broke the kiss, feeling the familiar dread of my sexual dysfunction crush me like a lead weight. This was dangerous. Not only was I falling for Tristan fast, maybe too fast, but every bit of affection was a risk. Every hug, every kiss, every touch of our bodies would always end in us wanting more.
And I was unable to provide it .
“I probably need to head home,” I noted. It was disappointing, but it was the truth. It was nearly 1 a.m., and I could feel the late hour seeping into my bones. I needed sleep, and so did Tristan.
Besides, I thought. This is a good stopping point for tonight.
One step at a time, Avery.
Don’t fall too fast.
Tristan walked me to my car, and we shared a final kiss, one that lingered on my lips and buzzed in my soul for the entire drive home. I was exhausted, but I knew the adrenalin from my newfound infatuation would make it hard to sleep.
You still have to tell him eventually.
Oh fuck off, I told the voice in my head, adjusting the rearview mirror as my nervous heart thumped in my chest.
But it was right.
It was only a matter of time before this all came crashing down.
And my heart would be crushed under it.