Chapter 12
M y heart was still hammering in my chest as the rest of the tables finished up and Devin recorded the wins on his computer. Me, Cassidy, and Aaron watched as one last table went into overtime. At the sixty-minute mark, Devin had lightning start striking the field in random spaces, forcing the last two cowardly players out of their hiding spots. But one of them was a druid, and he was able to cast Thorn Growth to slow down his opponent, a dwarf fighter.
Now surrounded by dangerous thorns that slowed down his movement, the fighter was at the mercy of the lightning strikes. He struggled through the thorny field, painfully eating the damage with every step, until a well-placed lightning bolt dealt the finishing blow.
Another wave of cheers roared through the shop. Across the table, I saw Devin eye me as he clapped. He still had that mischievous grin on his face, and it set my reluctant heart aflutter .
I gulped, hoping to slow my racing heartbeat, telling myself it was just from the adrenaline rush of winning and not because of how Devin’s smile made my stomach flip. But as the applause slowed and the eliminated players slowly trickled out the door, I noticed that Cassidy hadn’t been clapping. Instead, her eyes were locked on her phone, and her lips were pressed in a thin line.
“Something wrong?” I asked.
Cassidy let out a heaving sigh of frustration. “It’s the newbie that’s working tonight. One of the boarding dogs got out, and she can’t find him. Joel is on vacation, so it looks like I’m gonna have to head down there and help.”
I frowned. Cassidy was the lead veterinary technician at her animal hospital. It paid well and she enjoyed her work, but it also meant that difficult situations usually fell on her shoulders. This wasn’t the first time she’d been texted late at night by an employee begging for help.
“I hope the dog is okay,” I remarked as she packed up her belongings.
Cassidy shrugged. “I doubt he went far. The hospital doesn’t border a main road, but it’s gonna suck looking for him in the dark. And there’s another problem.”
“What?”
“We drove here together. I uh, may need to borrow your car.”
My face fell. “Crap. You’re right. Depending on how long the final round lasts, I may end up being here pretty late.”
“That’s okay, I can drive back over and pick you u—”
“It’s okay,” Aaron stepped in, having overheard our conversation. “I can drive you, Cass.”
Cassidy’s eyebrows shot up. “You sure? The hospital is thirty minutes away. ”
“It’s no big deal.” Aaron shrugged, his hands shoved deep in his pockets. “I was going to head home soon anyway. I’ll drop you back off at the townhouse once we’re done.”
My heart lifted as I tried to hide the knowing smirk on my face. Nice move, Aaron . He could play hero by helping Cassidy find the missing dog and have some time alone with her to chat on the drive down there.
As they packed up their things and left, I silently wished them the best of luck. I knew Aaron had bottled up his feelings for a long time, and it was clear Cassidy liked him too.
I just didn’t understand why she was so hesitant to admit it.
“Cass and Aaron leave?” Devin appeared behind me, a clipboard in his hands and a pencil tucked behind his ear.
“Yeah. Cass had a work emergency.”
“And Aaron is driving her?” He raised a dark eyebrow. “Interesting move.”
“Oh shut up,” I sneered, though I was grinning too. “They’ll figure it out.”
“They’d better.” Devin smirked as he strode over to the Wargavel tables. He clapped his hands together, preparing to make an announcement.
“Alright everyone, we have our winners from round one! Josh, Robbie, Cameron, and Avery, please come set up at the top right table.”
Devin pointed, and the four of us settled around the table, laying out our character sheets and deciding our miniatures’ starting positions. My strategy from before wouldn’t work this time. There were only four of us, meaning that I couldn’t hide away and wait for my opponents to pick each other off. Cameron even scoffed at me choosing to start in the abandoned ruins, where there was plenty of cover.
“Coward.”
“Focus on your own character, you imp.”
Cameron huffed as he plopped his Infernal miniature into the center of the map. Everyone wore tense expressions on their faces, their eyes glued to the map as they wracked their brains for a strategy. My nostrils flared. Strategy only mattered so much. Ultimately, it was simple: kill or be killed.
“Alright, once again, you have one hour,” Devin announced. He tapped a button on his computer, and a timer appeared on the television behind us. “You may begin!”
My heart soared as my die clattered across the table, displaying a triumphant number 18. But unfortunately, Cameron rolled a 21, which meant I was second in the turn order.
And he decided his first target was me. But he started with a low-level spell, dealing a mere 8 damage with a Poison Splash . I huffed. Like the rest of us, he was saving his big spells for the end, but being the first one to take damage made my stomach clench.
But on my turn, I knew better than to play into the taunt. I cast Holy Weapon , plopping a spectral sword right next to Cameron while he was still thirty feet away from me. I grinned. He was now locked in combat with the floating weapon, which meant he was unlikely to come after me. In addition, I could make an immediate attack with it, and I slashed the Infernal for 9 damage. Across the table, I saw Cameron’s teeth clench.
We continued around the board. On Cameron’s next turn, he managed to deal 10 damage to me with a ranged spell, but on my turn, he took another 7 damage from the sword. I also used my turn to re-cast Guardian Fighters . It caused my spectral weapon to dissipate as I broke concentration, but it would set up my defenses against the other two players on the board .
Josh was a fighter and Robbie was a druid, making them formidable opponents with high health and damage capacity. But Josh didn’t have many ranged attacks and couldn’t breach my defenses, and Robbie chose to go for the low-hanging fruit and attack Cameron. Now cornered by Robbie’s dire wolf, Cameron’s hit points were draining fast.
But during that time, Cameron also hit me with a Fire Sphere . I succeeded on my saving throw, but still took a whopping 14 damage. I panicked, spending the next turn shrouded in the ruins, healing myself while everyone else engaged in a bloody brawl.
Josh was knocked out at the thirty-minute mark. Cameron used his last third-level spell slot to hurl another Fire Sphere , and Josh wasn’t so lucky with his saving throw. I gulped. Cameron was still blocked by Robbie’s druid, although Robbie was now out of nature-shapes and forced to fight in his elf form.
My eyes flicked frantically between the board and my character sheet. I had to incentivize Cameron to knock Robbie out first. Robbie was more vulnerable, but he also had more hit points, while Cameron was struggling to stay alive. He’d taken a lot of damage, and since he’d already downed the one health potion we were allotted per game, I knew he was only one or two hits away from being knocked out.
It was my turn. Cameron and Robbie’s characters were about thirty feet away, still locked in combat and unable to disengage without using up an action. I had one third-level spell slot left, and I had to use it wisely.
My fingers traced over my Player’s Guide , pausing just below a spell that read Striking Bolt.
I knew how I was going to win.
“Alright,” I announced after a few moments of silence. Cameron and Robbie had their gazes locked on me, anticipation dancing in their eyes like fire. “I’m going to cast Striking Bolt as a third-level spell, targeting Robbie.”
They both gave a nervous nod, unsure where I was going with this.
“I make a ranged spell attack…” My die clattered out of my palm and onto the table.
17. Perfect.
Druids didn’t wear metal armor, so it was an easy hit. Robbie didn’t seem too concerned, until I revealed that he would be taking a whopping 22 damage. He reeled backward, a palm over his forehead, as if I’d just stuck him in the chest with a real spell and not an imaginary one.
A wicked grin crept across my face at his reaction.
“I’m dead.” Robbie huffed in defeat.
A raucous mixture of applause and jeers echoed through the crowd. Many of the players knocked out in the first round had left, but we still had a handful of onlookers eager to watch the final round. My eyes flicked up to Devin, who was on the opposite side of the table. He was silent, his arms folded across the front of his black sweatshirt, but his pierced lips held the same smug smile that mine did.
“Uh, alright.” Cameron looked visibly uncomfortable. “Well for my turn, I—”
“I’m not done.”
Everyone’s heads swiveled in my direction. I raised my eyebrows at Cameron.
Let’s end this.
“The thing is, I can cast Holy Weapon as a bonus action,” I remarked, my fingers trailing my character sheet. “So I will choose to re-cast it, and when I do, I can make an immediate attack with it.”
All emotion drained from Cameron’s face .
I rolled a d20, and an explosion of jeers echoed from the crowd as I rolled a measly 8. Cameron sneered, a nasty grin across his face.
“Hey, wait up!” I announced.
I waited for the crowd to fall silent, and I continued.
“I have Guiding Hit, dummies,” I scoffed. “And I haven’t used it yet this round. Which meant that 8 is actually an 18, so…”
Laughter, now aimed in Cameron’s direction, roared through the crowd. I swore I could see angry steam wisping out of his pierced nostrils.
“And for damage,” I continued. “I roll…”
“Don’t bother,” Cameron grumbled. “I only have two hit points. I’m dead.”
More laughter, followed by cheers, flowed through my eardrums and left my brain buzzing as if I’d just downed a huge dose of caffeine. My heart thumped madly in my chest, and my limbs began to shake.
I had been so determined to win. But to have it actually happen was incredible.
“Congratulations, Avery!” Jordan announced as he and the few remaining spectators clapped. “Thank you to everyone for attending! Our final four players can collect their prizes at the front desk. Everyone else, have a good evening!”
The spectators shuffled out the door until only the top four players remained, all lined up at the cash register to obtain their prizes. Cameron flashed me a wicked glare as he stood behind me, his bulky frame towering over my petite one. But behind those fiery eyes, I saw a small, congratulatory smile.
Everyone at the shop was competitive. And as one of only three girls in the entire competition, it sent a small bubble of pride through my chest to have beaten the boys .
“Congratulations, Avie.”
That same familiar voice crept up behind me, just as it always did. But this time, I was overjoyed to hear it.
I turned around to see Devin’s black-clothed frame hovering over me, his arms still crossed over his chest. But on his face was a smile. Not his usual smug, teasing smirk, but a genuine smile of praise. His green eyes swirled with a warmth that I rarely saw from him, and it made me beam from ear to ear like a giddy idiot.
“Thanks, Dev.”
“What dice do you want? I can grab them for you.”
My eyes flicked over to a stand atop the counter, where all the basic resin dice sets were stored. “I want the ones with little cows in them.”
Devin snorted. “Why cows?”
I shrugged. “They’re fun. When you already have like six full dice sets, you start picking up the more… whimsical ones.”
“I see,” Devin smiled, a hint of his usual smirk returning to his face. “Cows are cute. You’ll have to play a minotaur character sometime and use them.”
Cameron finished up ahead of me, and Jordan announced that he needed to head out to pick his toddler up from daycare.
“No problem,” Devin waved Jordan away as he stepped behind the counter. “I can take care of things from here. Have a good evening. And thanks for all your help.”
“Of course, man! Bye!”
Jordan strode out the front door, with Cameron right behind him. An uneasy silence settled over me as I realized Devin and I were the only ones left in the store.
“So, Koopa did win after all,” Devin smirked. “Defeating Mario will be a piece of cake after dealing with everyone tonight. ”
I rolled my eyes. “You’re such a dweeb.”
“Am I?” Devin pressed a palm to his chest in mock offense. “Well, it’s a good thing I run a game shop then.”
I smiled. We truly were all dweebs here. But we were in good company, and Critical Games had been a lifesaver when I first moved to Orlando. I wouldn’t be who I am today without it.
“So, one cow dice set,” Devin plopped the plastic case on the counter in a dramatic fashion, resting his palm over it. “And if I remember correctly, you wanted Cremara’s Horde of Dragons , didn’t you?”
I scoffed. “Good memory. But specifically the special edition one, which… crap .”
My eyes flicked to the shelf behind the counter, where the special edition books were stored. Cremara’s Horde of Dragons was gone. I swear there were two on the shelf earlier. Someone must’ve bought them while we were playing.
“No worries.” Devin strode out from behind the counter. “I’m pretty sure I have more copies in the back room. Follow me.”
The storage room was far more cluttered than last time, with heaps of boxes, some opened with goods spilling out, stacked on top of each other. Devin rifled through them, cursing under his breath as he scoured through box after box, some of them toppling over at his feet.
“I know, I know,” he grumbled as I took a seat in the break area. “It’s a mess in here. I just got a huge shipment two days ago. I’m a one-man show most days, so keeping up with inventory can be tough.”
I peered over at the minifridge, my mind flashing back to when Devin comforted me here after the situation with Anthony. I remembered how calmly and deftly he handled the situation, and how gentle his demeanor was. I could still feel the cold water bottle being pressed into my hands .
Devin was right. I did need to be more careful when it came to online dating.
But at least I won’t be doing it anymore. I’m done.
“So, how’s it going with your new guy?”
I knew Devin was just trying to make small talk, but his words still sent fire burning through my veins. The wound that had been closing all night was just ripped wide open.
“We broke up,” I replied flatly, in a tone that indicated I was not willing to explain further.
“Ah, that’s too bad. Online dating can be tough.” Devin didn’t seem too fazed by my answer. “God, I swear it was in with the other C my cheeks scorching red with embarrassment. But Devin continued laughing.
My posture softened. I knew Devin was right, because I still remembered it myself. Growing up in such a sheltered community, I’d never been around anyone other than clean-cut church types. Walking into Critical Games on a whim was the first time I’d ever seen a goth guy with piercings and tattoos. It terrified me.
And now it filled me with regret.
I judged him without even knowing him.
It was hard to believe that, five years later, we were sitting alone in the back room of that same game shop, pouring out our life stories. Showing each other who we were beyond the gaming hijinks and snarky comments. It hit me that in all the years I’d known Devin, I’d never truly known him.
I’d never known how much our stories overlapped. How similar we were.
“I love it here,” Devin continued, his voice hazy with contemplation. “I met Scott, the old owner, at one of my AA meetings. He hired me, a scrawny recovering addict with very little job history, to work at the shop. And I was so grateful for it. I started playing Creatures & Crypts , and it honestly saved my life. Tabletop gaming became my passion. I poured my heart and soul into this place, and after Scott’s health issues got too severe, I took over the shop. It was having financial issues that took years to recover from, but Scott knew how much I cared about Critical Games. He still pops in here from time to time. He’s more of a father to me than my own dad.”
The warmth in his voice suddenly chilled over. “But I still get scared. There are nights when it all comes back to haunt me, when I remember who I used to be. And these—” He pointed at his scars. “—won’t let me forget.”
“But you have all of us.” I gestured toward the front of his shop. “Everyone here loves you. You’ve built an incredible community here. They’d never judge you for your past.”
“Maybe not my immediate friends,” Devin sighed. “But others would. I’m a Crypt Master for kids for hell’s sake, imagine if their parents saw my scars and knew I used to be an addict…”
His voice broke, and I saw the anguish consume his face as he fought back tears. My heart plummeted. In the five years I’d known Devin, I’d always labeled him as a cocky, smug, yet slightly endearing pain in the ass. But now my emotions lay raw in front of me, and I couldn’t deny it anymore. I cared about him, and I couldn’t stand to see him in so much pain.
“Listen to me.” I placed a hand over his forearm, rubbing his scars with my fingers. “I know I call you a pain, and a dweeb, and a lot of other things. But the truth is that you, Devin Lancaster, are one of the most incredible people I’ve ever met. I walked in here five years ago as a terrified kid with no home, no friends, and a ton of emotional trauma. I was afraid of you, and yet you sat me down and taught me how to play C&C like we’d known each other for years. I left the shop that day with hope that maybe life in Orlando wouldn’t be that bad. Then I met Cassidy, and Aaron, and all my other friends. I built a new life here. And it’s all because of you. So don’t ever let anyone judge you because of your past. Because I sure as hell won’t let them judge me for mine.”
Devin was silent. I looked up, my fingers still rubbing his scars, and locked eyes with him. I was close enough to see all the little details, every fleck of color in his blue-green irises. But most importantly, I saw him. Not the snarky older brother figure who liked to tease me. Not the cocky game shop owner who invaded my space and made snide comments about my dating life. Instead, I saw the first friend I made when I arrived in Orlando. The geeky, tattooed goth guy who had just as much baggage as I did. I saw the kindest soul I knew, the one that for years I’d been too stubborn to admit my feelings for.
And at that moment, I wanted him more than anything else in the world.
He leaned toward me, hesitant, his subtle movements asking a question. Testing the waters to see if his feelings were reciprocated. I threw every fear, every worry, every bit of sanity out the window and pressed my lips to his.
It was gentle at first. He was soft and warm, and I felt the spark within me roar into a searing flame the moment he deepened our kiss. He embraced me, wrapping his arms around my hips and pulling me towards him. I responded by running my fingers through his soft black hair, my heart melting like a burning candle.
This wasn’t like my first kiss with Tristan. Or even with Tyler. This was five long years of repressed feelings and pent-up attraction. It was glorious and soul-consuming, and it wasn’t long before our affections got out of control.
Devin leaned forward, pushing me back and forcing me to use the break room table as a seat. But he didn’t stop there. His hands trailed their way up my back, gripping me with a ferocity that nearly brought me to tears. Our kisses grew deeper and more fervent as we allowed our attraction to consume us.
“Avie…” he breathed in my ear.
I had never loved that nickname so much in my life.
A slight gasp of pleasure escaped me, and that drove him wild. He pressed his lips against my neck in a sea of kisses while his hands slid to the side of my breasts. I bit my lip until I tasted blood, determined not to let out a moan in the back room of the shop. Critical Games was closed, and we were out of sight of the windows, but I still didn’t want to risk it. This felt so wrong, and yet so horribly, wonderfully right.
I couldn’t break away. I was still propped on the table, engulfed in his embrace, and I could feel the bulge in his jeans pressed against me. I wrapped my legs around his hips and pulled him closer to me. I wanted to feel him. I wanted all of him.
He gasped in my ear, and it set my entire body on fire. But amidst our heated embrace, it also allowed me a moment of clarity.
Wait.
What the fuck am I doing?
This wouldn’t work. It would never work. Because in my stupid infatuated haze, I’d forgotten why I’d been dumped so many times in the first place.
I had no reason to believe that Devin and I would end any other way.
I practically shoved him away from me, stumbling off the table and trying to ignore the fact that all the blood flow in my body had pooled in my pelvis. My breath came in shallow, rapid gulps as my mind attempted to process what had just happened .
You idiot.
You absolute idiot.
“Avie, are you okay?” Devin asked, taking a moment to catch his breath. He looked confused.
“I… I—”
I was speechless. I couldn’t tell him the truth. Tristan’s rejection was bad enough. Devin’s rejection would break me.
That left me with only one option.
I had to reject him instead.
“I…I have to go.”
Devin’s arms fell to his sides as his whole body drained of color. I could see the shattered expression on his face, the way it made his eyes glisten with fear.
“W-what do you mean?”
“I can’t do this.”
Devin took a step forward, and I took a step back.
“Avie, wait, please.” His voice was strained with panic. “I’m sorry. I know this is going really fast, and you just broke up with the online dating guy. We can slow down. We can take all the time you need. Just please…” He extended a hand toward me. My eyes trailed up his arm, studying his tattoos and scars, the ones I’d been caressing just moments earlier.
“I can’t. I’m sorry.”
“But why not?” Devin stepped closer. His movements were slow and hesitant, as if he were trying to coax a spooked cat. As if he were afraid I’d bolt any second. “Avie, the truth is, I’ve had feelings for you for a long time. Talking to you tonight…I told you things I never tell anyone, and you said things to me that I’ve needed to hear for years. Like how I was one of the most incredible people you’ve ever met. What did you mean by that?”
“I… I…”
There was no stopping it. Silent tears fell like rain down my cheeks.
“Do you have feelings for me too?”
I couldn’t lie to him. “Yes. ”
“Then what’s wrong? Please, just tell me. I promise we’ll work through it together.”
I desperately wanted to believe him. I wanted to run back into his arms, tell him how sorry I was, and continue losing myself in his embrace. I wanted to tell him that every word I said was true, and that he was an incredible human being who I couldn’t be without. He’d confessed so many secrets, so much pain, and here I was making it all worse.
I wasn’t just broken. I was a monster.
“I can’t. I’m sorry. I have to go.”
“Avie, no, wait—”
“Don’t call me Avie,” I snapped. Saying those words felt like ripping my own heart in half, and it made Devin recoil away from me. I had never seen him—or anyone else—look so defeated. So heartbroken.
Dev, I’m so sorry.
I wish things were different.
I spun around and paced towards the door. I had to leave. The longer I stayed here, my gaze lingering on his, the more tempted I would be to tell him the truth. And the truth would only lead to him rejecting me instead.
What man would want a woman that couldn’t have sex?
But I dared to look back one last time, once my hand was on the front door.
Devin was leaning against the counter, his sad eyes still full of longing. Confusion. And a heavy dose of pain.
“Please don’t go.”
It was one final plea. But as I pushed my way through the front door and let it slam behind me, I saw the last bit of hope fade from his eyes.
I ran to my car under the hazy setting sun, waiting until I was safely tucked away in the driver’s seat to unleash my sobs. It took nearly fifteen minutes for me to calm down enough to turn my key in the ignition and back out of my parking spot.
Tyler, Tristan, online dating…none of it mattered anymore. Tonight had changed everything. Because now, my heart belonged to Devin, and I’d just ripped it out of my own chest.
I didn’t know how I would ever recover from this.
I made it home twenty minutes later, my face crusty and damp and my stomach still caught in my throat. I’d managed to keep it together for most of the car ride, as tear-stained vision was less than ideal for nighttime driving on busy streets. But now that I was home, I could turn off the car, crawl into my bedroom, and curl up in bed and let it all out.
It was going to be a long, long night.
And I still had to work the next day.
But as I entered the dark, eerily still house, I realized I wasn’t the only one who had a rough night.
Faint, muffled cries emanated from behind Cassidy’s bedroom door. I was surprised she was already home. Escaped pet situations usually kept her out all night. I was in no condition to console her with my own heartbreak still heavy on my mind, but Cassidy was my best friend. I couldn’t just let her cry in her room alone.
I tapped my knuckles on the door, and the crying stopped.
“Go away,” a sob-soaked voice shouted through the door.
“Cass? It’s just me.” I leaned against the doorframe. “Do you want to talk?”
“No.”
I sighed. She’s just as stubborn as I am.
“Did something happen?”
There was silence on the other end of the door, until Cassidy spat out a reluctant “yes” followed by more sobs.
I took a deep breath, knowing I was about to ask a loaded question.
“Did it involve Aaron?”
She continued sobbing, but I could hear whisps of anger lacing her cries.
“I don’t understand,” I continued. “I thought you liked him. What went so wrong?”
“I do not like him.”
“C’mon, Cass. We all know that’s not true.”
To my surprise, the door whizzed open, nearly toppling me over since I was leaning against the doorframe. Cassidy’s face was just as blotchy and tear-stained as my own, but her eyes were full of fire and rage.
“You’re one to talk,” she hissed.
“What?”
“Don’t pretend like you don’t know. We’ve all seen you two flirting at the shop every weekend for years . And I’m the cowardly one?”
My stomach dropped. No. Please don’t bring him up.
“I’m not interested in him,” I replied flatly.
“Bullshit.”
“What do you mean bullshit? We’re always bickering!”
“Yeah, like an old married couple. I’ve seen the way you two stare at each other when you think no one is looking. He spent almost the entire PvP event at your table, watching you . He’s completely in love with you.”
“He is not !” I scream, hot tears threatening to burn my cheeks once again. “Besides, even if he was interested in me, I’m not interested in him. He’s a smug, cocky asshole and way too old for me. ”
Cassidy glowered at me, clearly not believing a word out of my mouth. I could feel the blood pounding in my temples as my hands balled up into fists. I couldn’t do this right now. Not after the night I’d had.
“Forget it,” I scowled, marching toward my front door. “We’re not discussing my love life if you refuse to discuss yours.”
“Fine.”
“Fine.”
I slammed my door so loud the hinges rattled and flopped face-first onto my bed. Once I was certain Cassidy couldn’t hear me, I wrapped my arms around a pillow and buried my face in it to keep from sobbing.
Thirty minutes ago, Devin and I were nearly tearing each other’s clothes off in the storage room. And now I’d just called him an asshole, pretending that none of it ever happened.
I truly was a monster, and Devin deserved better. He’d poured his heart out to me, and I stomped all over it without so much as an explanation. I needed to figure out my sexual issues before I could ever be with someone, and that meant unpacking decades of trauma. It could take years for me to figure all this out and be ready for a relationship.
No more online dating.
No more dating, period.
I was done.