Confessions of the Scandalous Mrs. Darcy (Pride and Prejudice Variation)

Chapter 1

One

Afternoon

Charlotte and I were ensconced in an inconspicuous corner of the tearoom, each of us taking our refreshment in a manner which befitted our mood.

I swilled my tea and chomped my scones with the gusto of a person who thinks she might at any moment be hauled away and locked in some remote madhouse ever to be fed on runny porridge.

Charlotte picked at her biscuit nervously, nary a morsel crossing her lips as if anticipating a bout of frightful dyspepsia later on.

I did not think her anxiety was owed merely to the fact that she was taking tea with Longbourn's very own scarlet woman. No, it would take far more than that to discompose my dear Charlotte. Whatever it was it must be truly dreadful.

I was on the edge of saying, "Out with it—now.

I cannot bear the suspense any longer," when the cheerful little bell upon the door rang out.

The chime was superfluous. There was no way the tea shop's proprietress could have possibly missed the entry of her newest customers as they were conversing rather loudly.

"I entered the room and there she was, bodice ripped, standing there bold as anything with her bounty hanging out the front of her gown—of course Miss Elizabeth doesn't have much in the way of bounty—but imagine my shock!"

I dared not turn to glance at the speaker.

I had chosen my seat which faced away from the door so that I might spare Charlotte the disgrace of being seen with me.

I had even gone so far as to borrow Jane's bonnet so if by chance the back of my head took someone's notice they would think Charlotte was having a tete-a-tete with my virtuous, if ruined by association elder sister rather than the ever-so-scandalous me.

Thus I could not wreck all my precautions by peeking over my shoulder.

Besides, I knew exactly who the boisterous voice belonged to.

I did not have to imagine Mrs. Long's shock at her discovery.

Her stunned visage would ever be imprinted on my mind because, while she must think of the incident as the uncovering of the Absolute Best Piece of Gossip Ever to Titillate Meryton Society, for me it was the Absolute Worst Moment of My Life.

Mrs. Long paused her tale long enough to order tea then set off upon it again, speaking even more loudly than before.

"It isn't right, it really isn't right, Mrs. Goulding," she trilled.

"Here I was searching her out, doing a good turn for her poor mother who was positively frantic by this time, just to have my sensibilities so thoroughly abused. "

Mrs. Goulding made encouraging murmurs of sympathy at this juncture.

"And poor Mr. Collins was right beside me. I can only imagine what he must have felt. The man is a clergyman! And it is said he had intended to make her an offer. Well, he certainly will not make her one now! No one will."

"Surely Mr. Darcy—," began Mrs. Goulding.

"Have you not heard? He has left Netherfield. Mr. Bingley's entire party has gone to town. I fear Miss Elizabeth is completely without hope of redemption. I feel very sorry for the Bennets," finished Mrs. Long gleefully.

"Oh, yes, as do I. Very sorry indeed. Mr. Darcy is a most abominable gentleman. If the perfidious man had not made indecent designs upon her, I am sure she never would have done anything so shameful."

"Most certainly not. She always was a good girl, if a little spirited. Although I have heard. . . ." Mrs. Long trailed off, letting her words hang like enticingly ripe fruit on a very low branch.

Mrs. Goulding could not help but pluck it. "What have you heard?" she asked hungrily.

"Oh, I should not speak of it. I do not like to gossip."

Though I of course could not actually see Mrs Goulding, I can only assume at that moment she was looking at her friend entreatingly.

After a brief intermission to show proper reluctance, Mrs. Long gave in.

"Oh, I might as well tell you, someone else will anyway.

It is all over the village. Now, I have heard no proof, mind—this may all be the fancy of gossips—but it is being said that the Netherfield ball might not have been their first dalliance. "

"Not their first?"

"Well, she was at Netherfield for four days tending to Miss Bennet was she not?"

"Yes, but I can hardly believe—"

"Nor I, to be sure! It is certainly just a vicious rumor. But it is what is being said and you cannot deny there would have been plenty of opportunity for such goings on."

"Well, yes—"

"And you must admit that though she was a good sort of girl she always was a little too forward."

"Well, yes—"

"And I'm not saying she intended to be a coquette, but I can see how a man might find her manner encouraging of improper attentions."

"Well—"

"And ten thousand a year could turn any girl's head."

"Oh, yes, it certainly could."

"And she might have thought she could catch him by allowing liberties."

"No, I shan't believe it."

"But she did allow him liberties! I saw it with my own eyes."

"Yes, but surely it was just the once. Surely it was all Mr. Darcy. Surely poor Miss Elizabeth didn't know what she was about."

"Of all the words that might be used to describe Elizabeth Bennet 'unwitting' isn't one of them."

"Yes, she is a clever girl. And everyone knows how badly the Bennets need at least one of their girls to make an advantageous match."

"I did think it was an uncharacteristically foolish thing for her to do, getting caught like that. And though Mr. Darcy is certainly a horrid, haughty gentleman he did not really seem like a libertine."

"No, indeed. He struck me as rather puritanical actually."

"Perhaps. . . ." Mrs. Long trailed off and this time Mrs. Goulding did not prompt her to continue.

She did not need to, for I am sure they were both thinking the same thing.

In the course of a five minute conversation I had gone from being the victim of a wicked despoiler of innocents to a mercenary temptress.

"Is that Mrs. Phillips I see?" asked Mrs. Goulding, presumably spotting my aunt from the tearoom's front window.

"I do believe it is. Oh, I would so like to speak with her. She must know what is to be done with Miss Elizabeth now that Mr. Darcy has run off. But I suppose it would be far too ghoulish to ask her."

"It would, however, be appropriate to condole with her about the tragedy that has befallen her nieces."

The words had barely left Mrs. Goulding's lips before I heard the scraping of chairs followed by the cheerful chime of the bell. Cautiously I peeked over my shoulder. Yes, indeed, there they went, chasing my Aunt Phillips down High Street.

"I am pleased to hear my affair with Mr. Darcy was of some duration.

It would be a disappointment if all our imagined passion amounted to was a ripped bodice and a ruined reputation.

Not to mention it would make me a rather poor seductress if I had been four days in the same house as my intended victim and he had failed to succumb to my feminine wiles.

Oh, yes, I am certainly glad of all those goings on at Netherfield during Jane's illness. "

"Eliza, how can you jest?" Charlotte scolded in reply to my playful remark.

"I am not ignorant of the severity of my situation, however I must make light of it lest I fall apart completely."

Her expression softened. "What happened at the Netherfield ball?"

"Goodness, Miss Lucas, have not you heard? Miss Elizabeth was found in flagrante delicto with Mr. Darcy," I replied, doing what I thought was a quite accurate impersonation of Mrs. Long. Charlotte however did not even grant me a pity chuckle, she just stared at me with an exasperated mien.

"I did something very foolish."

"I had gathered that much," Charlotte observed dryly after it became clear I would speak no more without further persuasion.

She continued to stare at me expectantly.

I knew my reluctance must seem strange to her.

One would think I would be bursting to tell my side of the story, yet I would have rather listened to Mr. Collins read a monotonous sermon than tell my tale.

I did not like to be made to face my mistake.

I had always thought myself clever and it was a bit of a disappointment to find after twenty years that I was actually perfectly stupid.

"You know how vexed I was that evening. Mr. Collins would not let me out of his sight—if manacles could have been found the man would have had us fastened together in a trice—and Mama . . . was being Mama, no word of caution from me could check her exuberance.

"I was anxious for the night to be over lest my family expose themselves to any more ridicule than they already had which only vexed me more.

It seemed simply absurd to be wishing for the end of a ball I had so looked forward to attending and I thought if I could find a moment alone to settle myself I might be able to enjoy the rest of the evening.

So I slipped away from Mr. Collins and went to the library. Unfortunately I found Mr. Darcy there."

I had not realized the room was occupied when I entered it.

A lamp was lit, which I thought strange, but it did not prevent me from idly touring the shelves.

I did not notice Mr. Darcy until I was upon him.

He sat near the hearth, reading by the light of the fire.

He was so engrossed in his book he had apparently not heard me wandering about the room.

I released a startled gasp and he rose, wearing a look of surprise to echo my own.

He made a slight bow and then said, "I dare not think of how this shall effect your sketch of my character, Miss Elizabeth—finding me here alone when I ought to be enjoying the ball.

Though I believe you have already counted my unsociable nature among my most egregious defects so perhaps this discovery will not alter your project at all.

" He spoke pleasantly, almost teasingly in complete contrast to the stiff manner in which he usually addressed me.