Chapter 21
Twenty-One
Morning
"I will remind you, once again, you said you didn't care. On more than one occasion, actually."
"I recall what I said, but I never thought—"
"You never imagined how evil I could be?"
Darcy cast his eyes away sullenly, I could see he was undergoing a great struggle to appear impassive and he was failing miserably. It was most gratifying. I knew he would be annoyed, but I never imagined he would be this put out. He is rather adorable when he pouts.
After several moments of internal conflict, he finally burst out, "The god of the bloody underworld!"
You may think it surprising that Darcy should be just now discovering what his costume is to be the very day of the ball at which he is to wear it, however you must understand he as been avoiding all discussion of it by finding something he must attend to the moment costumes are mentioned.
Apparently he was not exaggerating at all when he said he loathed fancy dress balls.
"Hades is rich and sinister. The perfect costume for you, really. And my dear Mr. Darcy, I do believe you just cursed. I see I am having a good influence upon you."
"I suppose you will be Persephone, then."
"Oh, no. My mother shall be Persephone."
He was so flustered he was well past hearing sarcasm. His face was the picture of terror.
"Of course I am Persephone." I was enjoying this far too much. I should be ashamed. I wasn't.
I took a sip of tea to hide my smile. We were having breakfast in bed again.
It has become a habit despite it being messy and a bit of nuisance for the servants.
However, the only place we could conduct a private discussion lately has been our bedchambers and even that was uncertain if Mama was particularly determined.
"I thought you would like your costume," I said ruefully. I really wasn't at all sorry. I had given him plenty of opportunity to choose for himself, but I knew my tone would make him remorseful.
"Do not upset yourself. I was never going to like anything."
I grinned at his honesty. He might be a curmudgeon, but at least he was a self-aware curmudgeon.
"I think if you would try to get into the spirit of the thing you could enjoy it like everyone else."
"Everyone else likes masquerades because the pretense of anonymity gives them an excuse to misbehave.
Fancy dress balls people only pretend to like, though indeed at first they truly are enamored of the idea of selecting a costume.
However, doubt sets in and they find they are too afraid to choose anything that might be considered outrageous, yet they desperately wish to be noticed.
So they will spend weeks fretting, ultimately deciding to copy whatever their friends are doing.
You meant well, I know, but all you have done is cause our poor guests unnecessary anxiety. "
"Mr. Darcy, you are a rather cynical person, but it is because you are so very wise, I am sure."
"You tease now, but you will see. At least half of the ladies will arrive dressed as scantily clad shepherdesses and the gentlemen, barring the few that go in for this sort of thing, will don a plain mask and declare at the door, 'I am myself, but in disguise,' and think themselves damnably clever. "
"I suppose that is what you say when attending costume balls?"
"No, I would always put on the mask Bingley forced upon me at the door and say, 'Let's get this blasted evening over with.'"
"Has Mr. Bingley told you who he will come as?"
"I have forbidden all discussion of costumes in my presence, if you will remember."
I remembered. This past week he had enforced that prohibition at the dinner table like a true tyrant. I am afraid it has made him unpopular with my younger sisters.
"He is going to be Lancelot and Jane is going to be Guinevere.
" Their coordinating costumes were the only thing keeping Mama from driving me completely mad.
After I pointed out that being the Lancelot to Jane's Guinevere was as good as Mr. Bingley declaring his love, Mama eased up on hounding me about the lack of proposal and what a terrible chaperon I had been. A little.
"Your angelic sister is to be the adulterous wife of King Arthur?"
"It is fancy dress ball, it is meant to be diverting and jolly. Do try not to take everything so seriously."
"All right. What of the rest of your family?"
"Mama is going to be the Queen of Hearts."
Darcy barely concealed a snort. "And your father is to be the King of Hearts?"
"My father believes he will be spending a peaceful evening in the library."
"Have you not told him the library is going to be used as a card room?"
"No. I also haven't told him I have instructed the housekeeper to lock the door to his bedchamber and not let him back in until the ball is over.
He will attend. I doubt I can compel him to dress up, but he will at the very least wear a mask and pretend to be happy.
Having let Mama drag the whole family here without even writing first, it is the very least punishment he deserves. "
"Remind me never to anger you."
Reluctant to prove his point, I hesitated before continuing with my recitation, "Lydia is going to be a shepherdess.
" Darcy smirked infuriatingly. "Kitty was going to be one as well, but she and Lydia are at odds and she didn't want to be the same thing anymore so we altered her costume a little and she is now a dairy maid. "
I was slightly concerned with the sudden enmity between Lydia and Kitty.
They had argued before of course, but never had they been in conflict for so long.
More concerning still, was how secretive Lydia had become.
She was forever disappearing to walk Sir Sebastian.
Once she was gone for four whole hours. Four hours!
She took a servant, but a servant can be distracted.
Or bribed. Papa, as usual, refused to make any attempt to dissuade Lydia from her wanderings despite my repeated warnings on the subject.
"Always shepherdesses. Why does no one ever wish to be a costermonger or a sweep? Though I have seen someone come to a ball as a ratcatcher before. He was perhaps too accurate in his portrayal, but we must give him credit for originality," Darcy mused.
"Mary, like you, was too superior to get excited about something as trivial as a costume so she let me choose hers as well. She will be Athena."
"I rather think you would make for a better Athena. Or Artemis. If you were going to be a goddess. Persephone seems too docile."
"Yes, but one is suppose to take the opportunity to become someone completely different for an evening.
I am already too bellicose and Mary is too timid.
Also there was left over fabric from my costume so it was simplest just to make something similar for Mary, and if I am anything it is efficient. "
Darcy smirked at this remark as well.
"Dora is going to be some manner of beetle, isn't she?"
"No, no, I talked her out of that. She is to be a moth."
"Well, that is certainly an improvement," he said dryly.
"It is, really. A moth is almost a butterfly. Which would be almost normal for a lady's costume."
"Have you seen the costume?"
"No, she is being rather private about it."
"It will not be normal. It will not even be almost normal."
"Yes, I know. She may be stunningly beautiful, but we will never fool anyone for any length of time into thinking that she is normal, and I have no wish to try.
I know I am her chaperon and thus I am supposed to be trying to find her a husband, but it is going to take a very particular sort of gentleman—"
"She has already turned down one such particular sort of gentleman," Darcy interrupted.
I sighed. This topic had already caused an argument between us just two days prior when the incident occurred.
Mr. Farthingham had made Dora an offer of marriage.
I thought it rather precipitous given the brevity of their acquaintance, however at the end of February he would be leaving England on a scientific expedition and had wanted Dora to accompany him as his wife.
"I cannot believe you would wish her to marry Mr. Farthingham after his most insulting proposal."
"I do not see that it was insulting. He is a man of good connections and a respectable enough income—Dora has only herself and her lineage to recommend her.
He was simply informing her that he had considered the disadvantages of her situation prior to making a proposal of marriage.
One would think a sensible woman would appreciate such circumspection. "
Sometimes—because, I must admit, most of the time he goes around doing and saying only intelligent things—I forget that Darcy is a complete and total idiot.
I broke off a large piece of muffin and stuffed it in my mouth, chewing very deliberately to keep myself from saying something incendiary such as, "Darcy, you are a complete and total idiot.
" I had no wish to argue with him about this.
We had already argued about it once and he had lost. Conquering him so resoundingly again would just be cruel.
When I felt I had gained enough control to speak reasonably I said, "From the way she tells it Mr. Farthingham laid out all her deficiencies then elucidated the few ways that she might be of use to him. Hardly romantic."
"He was complimenting her artistic talent by explaining how she might assist him by illustrating his research."
"It was a compliment to her talent yes, but not to her own ambitions.
Birds and beetles may not seem so different to us, but the distinction is apparently very important to her and she has made it very clear she would rather spend her time pursuing her own interest than assisting him with his.
" Dora had explained her refusal most adamantly.
I never knew her to speak so many words at once.
"It matters little anyway," said Darcy, "She has refused him, and I think it unlikely for a man once refused to display such weakness as to make a second proposal to the same woman."
"I fear you are right."
As foolish as Mr. Farthingham's proposal had been, I do think Dora likes him thus I cannot help but feel disappointed for them both.
"She could always stay here. It is not so essential that she get married, is it?" I asked.
"No, but you must see that her life will be very limited if she does not marry."
I thought it might sound ungrateful to point out that her life would be very limited in different ways if she were to marry, so I held my tongue (a rare occurrence, I know).
While I do not necessarily feel limited by my own marriage I cannot deny that the limits are there.
But I do think our marriage is worth it. Darcy is worth it.
After a long silence as we both tended to our breakfast I ventured a question, "Is that the sort of proposal you would have made to me? Offensively matter-of-fact?"
Darcy laughed. "I never would have proposed to you at all," he said, then he returned to his breakfast as if he had not said anything heartrendingly vicious.