Chapter 14 #3
Neil looking after you?
Still running a fever
And yeah—best roommate ever.
The door clicked behind me. Finn? No—couldn’t be.
I turned slightly and found that it was Tay, braced slightly against the chill in just his scrubs, a coffee mug clutched in his hand.
When our gazes caught, the corners of his mouth lifted in a slightly sheepish smile.
“Hi. Didn’t realize anyone else came up here. ”
“Same. Only ever been me.” And Finn, those two times we’d met up here. But I couldn’t exactly share that.
“I can leave?” Tay offered. “If you need some brooding time or whatever. We’ve all been there.”
“Nah, it’s fine. Just needed some fresh air.” In fact, I was glad for the company, my thoughts slightly less shrill now that I wasn’t alone anymore. “It’s how I found this place a couple of years back—the ‘no access’ sign felt like an invitation.”
I’d been wandering aimlessly after a bad day, needed to move, climb some stairs, just…
up. Somewhere, anywhere. I’d been rotating through the ER when they’d called in a car pile-up on the FDR. Blunt trauma, crush injuries, a toddler we couldn’t save.
I’d wondered if I could really do this, if I had the grit, the strength.
Stepping out here and into the brilliance of a sunset had felt like a revelation.
The world was still there, still moving.
Tay’s chuckle brought me back to the present. “Don’t think I’d have come up here if not for Dean—I’ve always been the good kid who played by the rules.”
“Dean?” I asked, then made the connection. “That’s Dr. Hollis, right? Congrats, by the way. I heard you caused a bit of a stir on Saturday.”
Tay nodded, moving to lean next to me against the railing.
“Yeah, funny what a little hand-holding in the cafeteria can do.” He took a sip of coffee, voice going wry and a shade sarcastic.
“Next thing you know, there’s a conveniently timed HR reminder about dating policies in everyone’s inbox. What a coincidence.”
“Makes you wonder if they’d have done the same if it’d been a female fellow and a male attending, huh?”
“Just a little.” He shot me a look that said he was curious but wouldn’t pry. Which—yeah, I wasn’t exactly out at work. I wasn’t in the closet either; it simply hadn’t mattered.
I lifted a shoulder. “Whatever, you did nothing wrong.” Unlike me. “So, give it a week and the rumor mill will find new gossip to grind. I mean, worth it, right?”
None of my business, I realized a second after it was out—we were colleagues, not friends. But Tay was already smiling, warm and relaxed. “So worth it, yeah.”
“Well, congrats,” I repeated, only to feel immediately lame and awkward. If he noticed, he was kind enough not to show it.
“Thank you, man. Appreciate it.” Wind lifted the edges of his hair, posture easy and shoulders sloped.
For a minute, we stood next to each other, drinking in the city’s sprawl below while a gentle chill snaked under my clothes.
The silence felt easy, no rush to fill it—rare with someone I didn’t know well.
Eventually, it was Tay who spoke again. “Heard you sent Finn home the other day.”
“Yeah,” I said before remembering that I wasn’t meant to think of him like that. “Dr. Hayes, right? He looked close to passing out Saturday night, caught him just as I was about to leave. Flu, probably. I hope I didn’t overstep?”
“God, no. Not at all.” Tay sounded genuinely surprised at the idea. “Just glad someone spotted it. Really, I should have realized it myself—he kept telling me he was fine when I asked, but we’ve all been there, right?”
“Too proud to admit we’re sick?” I snorted. “Yeah. Don’t know if there are comparative studies, but pretty sure that as doctors, we’re the absolute worst at following our own advice.”
It drew a laugh from Tay. “Amen. Funny enough…” He paused. “One of my first memories of Dean is him sending me home during my CT surgery rotation. Like… he was this super-competent senior fellow, and there I was, a lowly fourth-year resident, failing. I was thoroughly embarrassed.”
An accidental parallel? Or did Tay suspect that my relationship with Finn wasn’t entirely professional?
Don’t be paranoid.
“Funny how that works, isn’t it?” I hoped my chuckle didn’t sound awkward. “Seems to have worked out for you, though.”
“Only much later.” He said it quickly, firmly, and yeah, right, I could see how he’d be sensitive about that. HR reminders and all.
“Didn’t mean to imply anything untoward,” I told him.
He slid me a glance, then sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. “Yeah, I know. Just… people talk. We’re trying to get ahead of it.”
“Course they do.” I shot him a smile to show I got it—and Jesus, did I ever. It was why Finn had left; it was why I’d done the same two nights ago. Because people talked. And unlike Tay and Dean, Finn and I…
We’d already broken the rules. We were not innocent.
I rubbed my knuckles against a cold gust of wind and told myself to keep breathing, smiling, functioning. It seemed to get harder by the day.